Do kiddie beauty pageants border on child abuse?

Barbie just celebrated her 50th birthday and still the debate rages on among concerned moms: harmless doll or body image bruiser? Barbie’s one thing, but I can’t imagine why there’s any debate over glitzy kiddie beauty pageants. They’re just plain bad for girls.

Many of us were first exposed to this subculture when images of pageant princess JonBenet Ramsey inundated television following her 1996 slaying, images that Dan Rather referred to as “kiddie porn.” That’s a fair assessment. None of the parents involved in this world intend to make their pretty babies fodder for the photo and video collections of pedophiles, of course. Yet that’s the result when they take fresh-faced children and publicly make them up into Hollywood starlets. Seven-year-old legs are shaved for more even, fake tans, preschoolers are fitted for hair extensions and false eyelashes, even fake teeth are put in to mask missing baby teeth. Got nausea?

Sure, there’s “natural” pageants too, filled with plain-faced kids sporting off-the-rack togs. Yet that’s not what inspired the documentary “Toddlers and Tiaras,” so successful that it morphed into a reality show on TLC. With over 100,000 competing annually in what some estimate to be a $5 billion industry, this twisted subculture is going mainstream faster than you can say “Little Miss Sunshine.”

I’m sick of excuses for this exploitative trend — that it builds self-esteem, that little girls want to partake in these excessive and arduous productions. What builds self-esteem is true competence, what little girls want is to feel special and receive a lot of attention from their parents. Surely, there’s healthier ways to achieve those aims.

The economy is a disaster, but at least it may help kill off this exorbitantly expensive “hobby.” Then maybe all the fabulous costumes and shoes and accessories owned by these families can stay where they belong — in the dress-up drawer at home.

Like many moms, I’ve got a drawer full of Barbies and a chest full of costumes, along with the belief that little girls have the right to play at starlet or princess to their hearts’ desire. Yet it should be their heart, their desire, that calls the shots. Grownups? Keep out of it, if you know what’s good for your kids.

Do kiddie beauty pageants border on child abuse?

No offense to my column counterpart, but give me a break! Last summer, wasn’t Andy the one in favor of decriminalizing prostitution, the ultimate in exploitation? Kiddie pageants are a competition, not a cruelty.

Yes, beauty pageants for children can go to excessive, damaging lengths — but so can any competitive endeavor! At a recent speaking engagement I watched two little girls run up and beg their mom (my event organizer) to be allowed to start their daily cheerleading practice. Turns out, they are on an intensively competitive “mini-cheerleading” team that has made it to the state and national levels. They practice multiple hours a day, have little time for any other endeavor — and love it. I’m sure “cheerleading parents” can be accused of excess, too — but does that mean it is child abuse?

What about competitive league youth baseball? Soccer? I know one family whose talented young boys played two hours of tennis a day. Abuse? Knowing these boys, it would have been closer to abuse if their parents had reacted out of fear of excess and had denied them the competition they craved.

Now, obviously, just because a child craves something doesn’t mean it is good for them! But it doesn’t mean it is necessarily bad for them either. Each parent must know their own child, watch for the ramifications of any endeavor, and be willing to make the decisions that are best for the child and family.

For example, one concern with any pageant is an overemphasis on appearance – and cheerleading has a similar issue. So the mom I mentioned kept a lookout, but didn’t see that issue with her particular girls. Instead, she said, they were mostly learning lessons she valued: about grace under pressure, having fun even in a competition, and how to win and lose well.

If a child isn’t learning the right lessons and isn’t handling it well, then the parent would make a different decision. But make it based on fact, not fear.

I personally don’t understand the appeal of kiddie pageants, but a good parent will use whatever their child is interested in to bring out the good lessons. And if that is what a “pageant parent” is doing, they shouldn’t be criticized for it.

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