7800 block of Roswell Road: The manager of a store said that someone smashed the front glass doors and took twenty hookah smoking pipes.

A suspect was arrested this week by Sandy Springs detectives. Seems the burglar, just before he broke into the hookah store, also pressed his face up to the glass of the next-door liquor store — which had a video camera working at the time. He was identified and then arrested on burglary charges.

Other recent reports filed with Sandy Springs Police:

Robberies, burglaries

5500 block of New Northside Drive: At around 1:30 a.m., the victim withdrew $100 from the ATM. While he was sitting in his car counting the money, a man came up to him and pulled a gun. The man took his money, cell phone and car keys.

TIP: This is something that we have talked about for a long while. Unless you absolutely have to, don’t make the ATM run after dark, much less in the middle of the night.

Northside Hospital: …

Robbery, thefts

6900 Roswell Road: A man said he was walking in his apartment complex when he was approached by two me. They robbed him of his wallet that contained $500 cash. He described one of the suspects as having the name “Hambone.” Unfortunately for the victim, his girlfriend had a different story: They were at a restaurant and had several drinks. They left and went to “Hambone’s” apartment to buy the drug Ecstasy. That is when he was robbed.

300 block of Mt. Vernon Hwy.: A woman reported that while she was at the library, she received a call on her cell phone. She stepped outside to take the call. When she returned, her laptop was gone.

TIP: Unplug it and tuck it under your arm if you have to leave the area. Otherwise, call back but don’t leave a laptop anywhere. That includes the upscale coffee locations that require a master’s degree to order the …

Here’s what I came away with:

A lot of people smoke pot. Yep, as if this is a surprise, it’s in fact true. Here’s a list of facts:

A lot of people smoke pot. We established that.

A lot of people smoke pot when other stuff happens.

Examples of “other stuff happens”:

• Domestic violence or other arguments where someone calls the police.
• Loud parties.
• Loud parties where the upstairs neighbors call the cops about the smell.

A lot of people smoke pot in their cars. (None of them get speeding tickets.) They do get tickets for the following:

• Driving too slow
• Driving with improper lane usage—later contributed to the driver trying to open the Twinkies wrapper.
• Driving with improper lane usage—later contributed to intense head-banging to the CD.
• Getting lost.
• Getting lost …

First of all, I don’t know how the calling happens. I’ve heard others say they had a calling to do something — something significant — but the callings apparently escaped me in my youth. (Callings are rare after 50.) If I had a calling then, I missed it — something totally possible.

You can take people and compare them to others who did great things before them. In this business we’re frequently compared to TV cops. I didn’t even make that cut!

The last comparison I heard about myself was when someone compared my career to Bob Uecker and his baseball career. I thought about that and have to admit that it’s just about right on the mark. I didn’t plan on it, but it just turned out that way. So be it! Could be worse. Besides, I like Bob Uecker. He came and spoke to my Little League Opening Day ceremony back around 1964 or so over at Flowers Park in …

7800 block of Roswell Road: The manager of a store said that someone smashed the front glass doors and took twenty Hookah Smoking Pipes.

700 block of Hammond Drive: Someone stole some company mail and then cashed some company checks.

7700 block of Spalding Drive: The manager of a grocery store caught a woman stealing meat and Kool-Aid. He refused to prosecute her.

2200 block of Summit Springs Dr.: A man reported that two female friends were in his apartment with him. They left and after they departed, he discovered his wallet missing. He called them and told them that if they didn’t return the wallet, he could call the cops. They didn’t return it.

6100 block of Roswell Road: A man reported that his $350 BlackBerry cell phone was stolen when he got up and re-ordered his complicated-to-pronounce caffeine beverage.

Tip: Don’t assume that because your stuff is in close proximity, someone …

Tip: If you own a business, especially a small business, do invest in a camera and DVD or computer hard-drive recorder. Video images are great for identifying and prosecuting burglars and thieves. Remember that the DVD recorder is something you want to hide someplace where it would take a LOT of time to find. Business burglars, when they get in, look for the recorder so they can disable it.

6100 block of Roswell Road: A store manager reported that some DVD’s and some Hookah-Hookah Tobacco was missing from the inventory. On checking the video, it appears an employee was tapping the till in the form of not ringing up the complete customer sale and pocketing the money instead.

4500 block of Roswell Road: Two men came into the office area of the Rite Aid store and robbed the employees of an undisclosed …

I spent about 11 years in patrol before going to detectives, so I figured I averaged at least 125 miles each shift. So that, multiplied by — let’s say — 247 working days in the year, uh, minus about another 14 days of training — so let’s say 233 working days. Uh, okay, let’s subtract another five for sick — otherwise known as screw-off — days, so 228 working days times about 125 miles each. So that would be, uh, about 28,500 miles — or roughly the distance to the moon, uh, minus the 210,357 left over. Okay, never mind the moon (as if we actually went there anyway.)

What is with people at the stop light? We have successfully proved that you can take four rocket scientists and put them at a four-way stop and they become drooling twits. This has been proven over and over every time I reached a four-way at the same time the other three drivers did. I admit I have been the mayor of Twit-Land …

Phone messages:

(Beep)

“Hello, I wanted to report that my neighbor’s yard man is taking a dump at the end of the property, which is right under my window. Would you do something about it? He needs to use another part of the yard. He goes the same time every day, about 1 p.m.”

(Beep)

“Hello, my neighbor is having large parties at her house. I think it’s a business and if she’s having a party with people who she’s doing business with, then, uh, it’s a business party and I think she has to have a permit. It’s very inconvenient for me — plus, she didn’t invite me.”

(Beep)

“I need a police report. Someone stole my iPod. I think it was in 2007. I need the report for insurance.”

(Beep)

“Can you get in trouble for running over a chicken? I didn’t mean …

Robbery, burglary and theft

5400 block of Meridian Mark Dr.: A woman reported that she was outside her work building smoking a cigarette. A male came up to her and grabbed her arm and then told her “Give me all your money or you’ll die.” She told the man she didn’t have any money and he then fled. She was not injured. The man was last seen headed to the nearby Marta station.

5800 block of Roswell Road: PD got an alarm call at a retail store at around 2:30 a.m. The officers found that someone threw a concrete brick through the window and then took two televisions. They used a cutting tool to dislodge the TV’s. A cutting tool was left behind and later processed for prints.

8000 block of Roswell Road: A woman reported that someone took $900 in shoes from her apartment.

Summit Springs Drive: Someone stole an outside table and chair set valued at $200.

Assaults

Northridge Crossing: A woman on reported that she …

“Boy, we need the rain.”

Well, we needed it and we got it. We were begging for rain two years ago and now we’re waking up each day to the dreary, foggy morning that adds to the already-gloomy mood that’s usually reserved for Monday mornings.

It’s like living in Seattle. It puts everyone in a bad mood. I hate it when the folks here at work are in a bad mood. They have guns. I don’t like it.

What the water can do is scary and impressive. Overflowing creeks and rivers can devastate low-lying areas. It’s unimaginable, but people are swept away.

I live on a hill, on the top of a subdivision that is on a hill. Flooding is not going to happen. We’re more likely to have consecutive days of non-stop thermal convection or frontal-lifting clouds. (As if I need to tell you that.)

What I found instead was a magical world of mushrooms in my yard. These monster mushrooms wasted no time in taking advantage of the …