Detective Sandy and I made the annual trek to the county fair. We do this every year so I can count all the new rides that make me sick. So far, the only thing I can ride without nausea is the 82-year-old tortoise at the animal barn.
Actually, I like the Pirate Ship ride and I love roller coasters, but I’m not a person who tolerates the “spinning” class of rides very well. I can go forward as fast as you want — but then backwards? Puke-O-Rama.
One of the rides I like at the fair is the chair lift that (slowly) takes you from one end of the fairgrounds to the other. There’s no better place to mullet-watch. Why they don’t have a mullet contest at the Forsyth County Fair I’ll never know! It’s the perfect storm for mullets.
I actually found the winner just after we got there. It was spiked on top with bleached-blond hair about a foot and a half long. I took a photo with my phone but I think he had powers because the photo would not take! His mullet was so powerful he had a copyright on it.
Carneys. They’re the varsity of creepy guys. “Carney” in Latin means: Guys you swear you’ve seen on “America’s Most Wanted.”
Now don’t get all “Leave the carneys alone” on me because they creep you out, too. Picture this:
You’re going to meet your daughter’s date. The doorbell rings. You say hello and ask him to sit on the chair next to Spike the Rottweiler, with instructions not to move too quickly.
Dad: Honey, your date’s here. Are you going to a costume party?
Dad: Why then is he wearing the funny fake teeth?
Honey: He’s not.
Those of you with teenage daughters, do you have the mental picture of it yet? Disturbed yet?
OK, I’m exaggerating a bit. Most carneys will not kill you, but next time you get on the Ferris wheel, look at the dude real close. I’m just saying they have that mystique of creepy — like clowns.
Don’t get me started on clowns.
And don’t take this seriously. The fair is fun. And where else can you get a big ‘ol slice of greasy pizza and top it off with a funnel cake? Nowhere but the fair!
Pizza, funnel cake and then a three-minute ride in the “Hurricane.” Puke-O-Rama.