Off-duty: Why this cop and that cop are husband and wife

I know I should be concentrating on writing about crime and all the fun that surrounds it, but I wanted to send this one in because today is my anniversary with Detective Sandy.

I’m out of town at a PIO conference. In lieu of being there, I thought I would repeat our vows so that (in case she reads it) she’ll know I remembered.

You romantics should go ahead and get your tissues now.

I vow the following to my beautiful wife and best buddy:

1. I will always be there for you—except today, of course, as I am at this conference and you’re at work. Sorry about that — but other than that, I’m there!
2. I will clean your gun — not just after qualifying (except if you shoot better than me) — but always, as we should.
3. I will not sulk if you do shoot better. Not that you will, but you have and so I guess that can happen again. I hope not but, well, you are younger than me and, well, I’ll be graceful.
4. I promise to check for the noises that go bump in the night — although it is you who is SWAT-certified and honestly should check it out once in a while. But I will check.
5. I’ll clean up the dog poop — wait, no, I can’t do that.
6. I will take the dogs out in the mornings on the nights you’re called out while on call — except when I get called out, too.
7. I promise not to scream like a young girl and run, but stay to combat-reload the Glocks in case of a sudden shootout.
8. I won’t complain every six months when you decide our furniture, which looks just fine, needs to be replaced with other furniture that will be again be replaced six months later.
9. I promise to make sure the soaps are recorded and not ask questions about the plots as you watch them.
10. I will watch “Flip This House.”
11. I’ll keep the grass short so the dogs won’t be uncomfortable when they poop.
12. I will agree that garage sales are the meaning of life.
13. I will rub your head while we watch TV.
14. I’ll try and curb my language — again.
15. In short, I’ll do everything I can to make you happy — but I really don’t want to clean up the dog poop. Seriously, I gag when I have to. It’s so gross.

Happy 13th anniversary!

ILY