Off-duty: Celebrate July 4th, but do be careful

We’ve rounded the corner of spring and now headed into the seventh month of the year, meaning it’s hot as hell, the humidity is over 100% and public indecency cases are at a steady climb.

Summer also means July Fourth, which now is upon us. This means we celebrate Independence Day. July Fourth also means good food, plenty of beer and other adult beverages and fireworks.

For many years, Uncle Dewey hosted his annual July Fourth BBQ and bluegrass concert. Over the years the annual event created many memories, including the sacred bonfire dance incident of 1987 when an intoxicated Uncle Dewey threw a basketball into the roaring bonfire to celebrate the Super Bowl Champion New York Giants’ win over Denver. (We never really knew why he waited until July to celebrate it.)

The resulting explosion accidentally set Uncle Dewey’s dog, Mr. Belvedere, on fire, which resulted in the loss of Officer Bassett’s squad car. Officer Bassett had just arrived to respond to the noise complaint, credited to the North Georgia Rockettes and Bluegrass Band’s second set that somehow managed to sound louder and worse than the first.

Fireworks and a hot dog

Officer Bassett had just parked the car and was addressing the noise complaint, along with his suspicion that his patrol car had a slight gas leak to Eddie Mohaus, who was one of the event’s organizers and who owned the Union 76 station in downtown Jefferson. With a loud “swoosh,” the patrol car burst into flames, throwing a flaming Mr. Belvedere into the retention pond some 15 feet away.

Fortunately, the dog survived with only a slight burn to his back. Later, some of the residents said the burn mark on the dog looked much like Jesus and thereafter celebrated each July Fourth by gathering around the dog and singing various hymns.

Uncle Dewey finally nixed the annual event after the 2003 bottle rocket incident when J.W. Whitlock, sauced on the finest cherry-saturated moonshine Dawson County can offer, locked horns with Uncle Dewey in a “Butt-Cheek Bottle-Rocket Launching Contest.” Unfortunately — and I don’t really know how– but J.W. accidentally got things a bit mixed up, if you know what I mean.

Keep in mind the immortal words of Sgt. Phil Esterhaus from “Hill Street Blues”: “Be careful out there.” Whether you’re on the lake, cooking out, or just hanging out, take some time to remember what Independence Day means to us. And think about those kids in the military who are working on this July Fourth.

And remember: Booze, heat and using body parts to launch bottle rockets is serious business. Take the time to know which end is up.

Happy Fourth!

12 comments Add your comment

Linda

July 2nd, 2010
3:32 pm

Steve, I needed to laugh so badly!!! Thanks for the rescue from reality if only for a moment.

Doooooh!!

July 2nd, 2010
6:27 pm

So that’s where the Alabama vasectomy was envisioned. Thanks J.W.

Atlantan

July 2nd, 2010
8:29 pm

Happy 4th! Be safe. Watch where you celebrate. Everyone has guns nowadays!

Marcus Graham

July 2nd, 2010
11:13 pm

Going to head to Chuck E. Cheese’s with the kids and the wife and get plastered!

Lee

July 3rd, 2010
10:41 am

“…some of the residents said the burn mark on the dog looked much like Jesus and thereafter celebrated each July Fourth by gathering around the dog and singing various hymns.”

ROFLMAO.

I’m starting to worry about you Lt Steve. I really am.

Dudly Do Right

July 3rd, 2010
4:32 pm

Steve, Where are the Crazy Criminal Reports? That’s all we want to read from you?

Retired Alive

July 4th, 2010
6:52 am

The detonation of the patrol car made me think of a video I saw recently of dogs eating a patrol car! Funny stuff! Another really good piece of writing, Steve.

chuck

July 4th, 2010
1:03 pm

i can confirm that some of the finest alcoholic concoctions come from dawson county, especially my uncle’s “apple brandy”, brewed right by a creek that springs out of the ground on his 270 some odd acres…freshest stuff you can sip or burn in an engine while running from revenuers in his 1969 ford galaxie…yee haw

Cop Supporter

July 5th, 2010
8:12 am

lol….loved it

PinkoNeoConLibertarian

July 6th, 2010
8:39 am

Ah man…the memories. Reminds me of my college days in South Louisiana.

jezzie1

July 6th, 2010
1:31 pm

This reminds me of my boyfriend at the Chattahoochee raft race and was drunk and fell into the river the night before the race. Decided to take off everything but his thermal bottoms and decided to stand next to the fire.Somone threw a firecracker and startled the boyfriend who jumped and then caught his thermals on fire and burned his behind and other incidentals had to go home that night.No more boyfriend

kar

July 6th, 2010
4:35 pm

I’m sort of confused why he threw a BASKETBALL on the fire to celebrate the SUPERBOWL.