Messages on my phone (or, While my voicemail gently beeps)

Since Monday was a holiday for me (Yom Kippur) — the annual day of skipping out to play golf — I resumed working on Tuesday with all of the little fun things that I’m normally greeted with on Monday.

Phone messages:

(Beep)

“Hello, I wanted to report that my neighbor’s yard man is taking a dump at the end of the property, which is right under my window. Would you do something about it? He needs to use another part of the yard. He goes the same time every day, about 1 p.m.”

(Beep)

“Hello, my neighbor is having large parties at her house. I think it’s a business and if she’s having a party with people who she’s doing business with, then, uh, it’s a business party and I think she has to have a permit. It’s very inconvenient for me — plus, she didn’t invite me.”

(Beep)

“I need a police report. Someone stole my iPod. I think it was in 2007. I need the report for insurance.”

(Beep)

“Can you get in trouble for running over a chicken? I didn’t mean to. It ran out in front of my car. Chickens are stupid.”

(Beep)

“I saw you on TV last night. I didn’t realize you were that old.”

(Beep)

“I haven’t seen a Sandy Springs Police car since you guys started! Why am I paying taxes?” (He lived in Dunwoody.)

(Beep)

“Hi, Steve, we played baseball together a few years ago. We had some good times huh? Uh, can you call me? The pay-phone number at the jail is….”

(Beep)

“Hi, I’d like to have an officer come by and help me kick my husband out of the house. I’m divorcing him and my lawyer said you guys would come over and kick him out.”

(Beep)

“Hey, uh, Steve….still waiting at the pay phone.”

(Beep)

“I have a neighbor that runs the stop sign every morning! I’m not standing for this anymore. Someone has to do something about this idiot and I guess I’m the guy since none of my other neighbors will do anything about it. I’ll e-mail you his address but please don’t tell him it was me who called.”

(Beep)

“Hey, I’d like one of those Neighborhood Watch signs. Don’t really want to get into the program and all, just the sign is good.”

(Beep)

“Traffic sucks, man! Can’t you do something?”

(Beep)

“…..Yeah, uh, try that pay phone number again, Steve….need to talk man….”

5 comments Add your comment

Chuck

October 1st, 2009
1:25 pm

the pay phone thing was a hoot…

Chuck

October 1st, 2009
1:28 pm

where ya’ll at today? I can’t believe all this ‘real estate’ I have…Hello!

I was going to say ‘FIRST’ but felt it was a bit overrated.

mustang100

October 1st, 2009
9:52 pm

“I saw Detective Rose on TV talking bout the murders,
And his comb over was perfect!
AAAARRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO! werwolf of Sandy Springs …”.

:-)

catlady

October 11th, 2009
12:22 pm

Was he drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s?

s

October 13th, 2009
8:18 pm

Hey, Officer Steve, I’m up in Canton and these crazy kids with golf carts are either going too fast or too slow depending on my speed. Can you do something?