Regardless of what you do, each of you should have your “Happy Place.” Mine and Detective Sandy’s is Vegas.
Ah, yes, it’s like Six Flags — only with a smoking section.
Vegas is one of those places that everyone should experience — at least a dozen times. If you’re opposed to gambling, smoking cigars in fancy bars and beautiful architecture, then you didn’t stay long enough. Vegas is fun. If you don’t think it’s fun then, well, go again until you “get it.”
I’m sure your job has stress. Mine does. I mean, this part doesn’t -unless you can’t think of anything to write about. But my other job has stress — lots of it. Crime, and especially crime prevention, isn’t pretty.
They say “What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas.” Sounds really serious, doesn’t it? Vegas is as much about sight-seeing as anything else. You can bet on that. (Get it?)
Here is what I suggest: Find a time. February is good. Not too hot and not too cold. I say this as I am going in August, but I like the pools, too. By the way, guys, the big hotels staff the pools — yes, they have them on payroll — with beautiful women and girls. They also staff them with hunky guys — much like myself, but not carrying handcuffs in their swim trunks. Well, some do but, well, just mix it up how you want.
If you like the “Old Vegas,” stay near Freemont Street. To save yourself a bunch of cab fare, though, stay on the other end of the strip where the MGM and other premier hotels are. You’ll end up there anyway.
Go to New York New York. Ride the roller coaster on the roof, but spend time walking around the casino, bars and restaurants. They are set up like the old streets of New York.
They have a piano bar there — dueling pianos — that is a ton of fun. The guy next to me won 10 grand on a slot machine. He sat there in his NASCAR hat wondering why the machine was going nutzo and why a big burley guy put something in the slot to cancel the machine while it was making all sorts of noise. I leaned over and said: “This is a really good day for you, sir. I’ll watch over you here until you get paid. This, of course, will cost you 50 bucks.”
He looked at me like I had three heads and immediately hired someone to beat me up. I hate people with a lot of money.
They have buffets there that will serve you prime rib, steaks and seafood, including the famous desert lobster for only 10 bucks. It’s not a rip-off. Vegas believes in keeping folks happy. Happy equals money.
Look, I’m outta here and I’m going to “Chill City” for a few days just to relax and have fun. Detective Sandy will play every (&#^$&@@)-ing slot machine they have, starting with the one just outside the airport gate. But, as I compute our finances, she wins more than she loses, so at the very least we’ll get one or two meals paid for.
Now, if you’re in Vegas this weekend, we’ll be in Margaritaville, probably between two to a hundred times, so come on by and, uh, we’ll talk about, uh, whatever. It doesn’t matter.
I’m out. Nothing serious until Tuesday. Don’t call!!