Even future Darwin Award candidates survived this July 4th

Just a short message:

We have once again survived another 4th of July celebration and I hope that the damage was minimal. If you’re reading this with the same 10 toes and fingers that you had on July 3rd, then you are to be commended.

July 4th is the day we celebrate Independence Day from the British and their oppressive dental hygiene policies.

Independence Day has taken on a more personal meaning to most of us after September 11, 2001. One old but well-established tradition on July 4this the annual celebration of future Darwin Award candidates who choose to combine alcohol, fireworks and a need to shoot them from such unusual places as one’s crotch and in some cases, between the, ummm, lower cheeks.

Believe me, there are apparently plenty of those guys around. Fortunately, as I read over the reports from the holiday period, I did not see any “blown up finger” reports or other reports of missing body parts due to holiday activity.

Of course, there were plenty of reports of drunks running down the road shooting bottle rockets from their hands. But as a group, they apparently said “no” to fireworks tucked in places that should not be associated with words like “explosion” or “well-involved, out-of-control fire.”

Well done!

2 comments Add your comment

El Grunge

July 7th, 2009
5:09 pm

Back when you could drive on beaches… It was the fourth of July and I was hiding behind sand dunes with my friends and shooting bottle rockets at cars. I lit one and the car turned out to be a cop car so I held onto the bottle rocket and burned my hand.
Luckily there were these college girls that had a beach house rental and they took care of me. I was only twelve at the time but it is a fond memory. I guess those chicks would be in their sixties by now. Ho-hum….

Chris Broe

July 8th, 2009
1:38 pm

The chinese invented fireworks at the time of Christ. They soon realized the potential of fireworks to thin herds. So they invented a holiday like ours in which the entire race of rocket scientists could experiment without any safety equipment whatsoever. Demographic studies estimate that without the firecracker holiday, the population of China would now number in the quint-quadrillions. We have to promote firecracker sales all over the world all year long.

If not we’re finished.