Roll the dice and have fun in Vegas

Many people say that when life gets you down, go to your happy place.

OK, life doesn’t have me down other than the little things like my fear of astronauts in diapers and using the wrong fonts on my e-mails. By the way, March’s Font of the Month is Verdana. Did you know that Verdana was designed for Mircrosoft and is based on a mix of verdant? The last part “ana” was based on the designer guy’s daughter. How insignificant! I need to go to my happy place.

And who can’t find happiness in Vega?
Some people like to sit by a quiet stream or listen to the soothing sounds of the Chacoan Peccary while they meditate. Me? I like to go to where a man can stand in a crowd and scream incoherently for a few minutes and nobody raise an eyebrow—wait, that’s New York.
I like to go to where the winos have casino vouchers piled up in their hat as they sit along the walkways holding a sign that reads” I’ll be honest, I need the money for beer.”
Detective Sandy and I occasionally retreat to the bright lights of Las Vegas for a three-day stress release holiday. Its fun and for some reason she has good luck there. She is a slot player. She never passes one up. When you deplane in Vegas, the slots are right there at the gates. We donated twenty bucks to the cause by the time I managed to drag her to baggage claim. By the way, if you fly to Vegas, if you can, arrive at night so you can see the place lit up. We stayed at the Luxor, which was just okay. I kept getting lost. I didn’t like the beds and my shower handle broke off one morning. Also, it’s too far towards the end of the strip. I spent most of the time up a bit towards the Paris and New York, New York.

The reason we wanted to fly out was in support of Detective Sandy’s brother, who was in a big bowling tournament. We gambled our way to the convention center and settled in to watch the bowling tournament. Have you ever watched a bowling tournament? To get the feel of it, paint your door frame and then sit and watch it dry. Detective Sandy was having withdrawal symptoms from being away from the slot machines so she was starting to bet on the bowling games which irked the ushers. Shortly after that, she bet on which usher would catch her as she ran from them.
After watching the paint dry for a while, we hit the old part of Vegas, Freemont Street. It has a big light show and good people watching if you like the weird-people thing but I like the strip better. We played our way back, watching Detective Sandy, who was now on a hot streak. She was having a good night which offset my not-so-good night so I cut my losses and headed off to the bar.
The food in Vegas is good. We met at the Paris for breakfast. Sandy’s mom and dad joined us. The waiter, a nice guy, was trying to act and speak French although he was from Mexico. We ordered a pitcher of Mimosas and somewhere in the language barrier he concluded we wanted a photo of a Mimosa. It was very funny to everyone but him so I explained to him that we were laughing with him and not at him because we didn’t want any surprises in our eggs benedict. (Never anger a waiter until you have the food on the table.)
My formula for Vegas is simple: Go for no more than three days unless you’re going to Hoover Dam or other non-gambling sightseeing trip. I can manage three days but then it’s time to go. We spent one day walking at least 4-5 miles of shops and other places, all of which are fun. We met five Elvis Presley’s, a couple who probably should look at impersonating someone else. There was big Elvis, Hindu Elvis, Elvis the Dwarf, and Elvis who looked something like a cross between Grizzly Adams and Liberace.
Soon however, it’s time to leave. This was when the shower handle broke so by the time I got to checkout, I was not showered and not happy but the staff was nice and knocked off about fifty bucks in charges that probably were not supposed to be there anyway. Detective Sandy literally and reluctantly left the last slot machine as the gate was closing for the flight home.
All in all we came back a couple of hundred bucks down, not bad considering the entertainment and fun—if you take away the two hours we spent watching bowling. That was brutal. I’m sorry, I know bowling guys get mad at editorials like this but this is a sport where the participants get the joy of victory but watching it? Well……any excuse to go to Vegas is okay with me. Next year? We’re thinking of attending the National Canasta Tournament, oddly enough, in Vegas!

7 comments Add your comment


February 27th, 2009
4:30 pm

I honeymooned in Vegas for 4 nights…just one day too long, but well worth it. I have to say you must have gotten a bad room at Luxor though. Ours was freshly remodeled and very nice.

Chris Broe

March 2nd, 2009
6:26 pm

dectective steve for three weeks after his R and R: “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”. Rush Limbaugh now: What plays in Peoria, and prays in Iraq, brays from Limbaugh: “I hope Obama fails”. This is the twitter equivalent of a war on civics. Give peace a chance. Enough war.

The Truth about cops

March 3rd, 2009
4:18 pm

This was such a cute article. Maybe next week we can get a cute article about why police decided to forgo enforcing the law in favor of becoming glamorized cashiers for the city.

Forget “protect and serve”. It’s now “find and solicit”.


March 4th, 2009
1:12 pm

Have you noticed Truth About Cops’s therapy hasn’t done much good? Thankfully he can hide behind his fake name and probably pitiful life to vent his bitterness. He’s on a geeee-haaaad for losers who finally figured out the world didn’t cater to them as they sit on thier lazy asses. Thank you though, you make the rest of us feel better about ourselves!

Chris Broe

March 4th, 2009
5:44 pm

Through my biological father, I felt the pride of the Greatest Generation when they read “Nuts!” during the Battle of The Bulge. America went full jingo then, (but I’ll bet Rush would have called even those terms a surrender monkey octuplet nanny state thing). NUTS! Man! doesn’t that say, “please charge these positions”. Pardon our Bazooka. The Carrier beat Japan. The Bazooka beat the Germans.

The best story out of WW2 was the way the Germans used carriers to give their one battleship air cover…….no, the best story was Japanese Radar. Now we know why they blamed the Germans about Pearl Harbor. America was fighting the sins of the German and Japanese fathers. Our country works because our military missions, our religious missions, and our political missions are led by a civilian commander in chief. Theo-cultural warfare always ends in a disaster. A natural war would be one that involved pushing the Kurds out of the next valley. Thankfully, as man evolved, natural war became illogical. But man does seem to enjoy all the Shock and Awe of the Last Resort. My fellow twitterers, W freed Iraq in response to 911. That is amazing. A free Iraq! Warning:
Forget the asteroids, we’ve got our troops massing on the Pakistan border. The Taliban Troops have been in those confounded mountains long enough to give them the squatter’s rights implied in the Magna Carta, doesn’t it?

What is the mission of US troops in Afghanistan? It’s possible that Obama was forced to keep our war chief, Gates, because of some ongoing end-game that Cheney dreamed up. It’s my civic duty to vote that Obama should stop the troop buildup, pull way way back, and let Fort Stinking Desert cool off.


March 5th, 2009
2:41 pm

he ruins evey site he responds to – bet the rest of his life is the same

Tom T

March 6th, 2009
12:46 pm

What the HELL do Chris Broe’s posts have to do with a Vegas vacation?!?