Many people say that when life gets you down, go to your happy place.
OK, life doesn’t have me down other than the little things like my fear of astronauts in diapers and using the wrong fonts on my e-mails. By the way, March’s Font of the Month is Verdana. Did you know that Verdana was designed for Mircrosoft and is based on a mix of verdant? The last part “ana” was based on the designer guy’s daughter. How insignificant! I need to go to my happy place.
And who can’t find happiness in Vega?
Some people like to sit by a quiet stream or listen to the soothing sounds of the Chacoan Peccary while they meditate. Me? I like to go to where a man can stand in a crowd and scream incoherently for a few minutes and nobody raise an eyebrow—wait, that’s New York.
I like to go to where the winos have casino vouchers piled up in their hat as they sit along the walkways holding a sign that reads” I’ll be honest, I need the money for beer.”
Detective Sandy and I occasionally retreat to the bright lights of Las Vegas for a three-day stress release holiday. Its fun and for some reason she has good luck there. She is a slot player. She never passes one up. When you deplane in Vegas, the slots are right there at the gates. We donated twenty bucks to the cause by the time I managed to drag her to baggage claim. By the way, if you fly to Vegas, if you can, arrive at night so you can see the place lit up. We stayed at the Luxor, which was just okay. I kept getting lost. I didn’t like the beds and my shower handle broke off one morning. Also, it’s too far towards the end of the strip. I spent most of the time up a bit towards the Paris and New York, New York.
The reason we wanted to fly out was in support of Detective Sandy’s brother, who was in a big bowling tournament. We gambled our way to the convention center and settled in to watch the bowling tournament. Have you ever watched a bowling tournament? To get the feel of it, paint your door frame and then sit and watch it dry. Detective Sandy was having withdrawal symptoms from being away from the slot machines so she was starting to bet on the bowling games which irked the ushers. Shortly after that, she bet on which usher would catch her as she ran from them.
After watching the paint dry for a while, we hit the old part of Vegas, Freemont Street. It has a big light show and good people watching if you like the weird-people thing but I like the strip better. We played our way back, watching Detective Sandy, who was now on a hot streak. She was having a good night which offset my not-so-good night so I cut my losses and headed off to the bar.
The food in Vegas is good. We met at the Paris for breakfast. Sandy’s mom and dad joined us. The waiter, a nice guy, was trying to act and speak French although he was from Mexico. We ordered a pitcher of Mimosas and somewhere in the language barrier he concluded we wanted a photo of a Mimosa. It was very funny to everyone but him so I explained to him that we were laughing with him and not at him because we didn’t want any surprises in our eggs benedict. (Never anger a waiter until you have the food on the table.)
My formula for Vegas is simple: Go for no more than three days unless you’re going to Hoover Dam or other non-gambling sightseeing trip. I can manage three days but then it’s time to go. We spent one day walking at least 4-5 miles of shops and other places, all of which are fun. We met five Elvis Presley’s, a couple who probably should look at impersonating someone else. There was big Elvis, Hindu Elvis, Elvis the Dwarf, and Elvis who looked something like a cross between Grizzly Adams and Liberace.
Soon however, it’s time to leave. This was when the shower handle broke so by the time I got to checkout, I was not showered and not happy but the staff was nice and knocked off about fifty bucks in charges that probably were not supposed to be there anyway. Detective Sandy literally and reluctantly left the last slot machine as the gate was closing for the flight home.
All in all we came back a couple of hundred bucks down, not bad considering the entertainment and fun—if you take away the two hours we spent watching bowling. That was brutal. I’m sorry, I know bowling guys get mad at editorials like this but this is a sport where the participants get the joy of victory but watching it? Well……any excuse to go to Vegas is okay with me. Next year? We’re thinking of attending the National Canasta Tournament, oddly enough, in Vegas!