CONTEST: We want your family vacation stories!

I went on a cruise to Alaska with my 4 siblings and their significant others and my parents. After a long flight with spirited trivia games and adult beverages, we spent 2 days exploring Vancouver. The cruise goes up the inward passage so it is always smooth sailing. The sun is up about 20 hours a day, and when it is down it’s just barely over the horizon so its never really that dark. Some of the best photos I took were at 3 in the morning where the mist is red from the rising sun. We did the adventure junkets off of the ship…we rode zip lines through the trees in Ketchican – riding along 150 feet off the ground. Took a seaplane ride over the glaciers and landed on a lake in northern BC. Rode a small dinghy up a fjord to the base of a glacier while dodging icebergs, sealions, whales and seals to watch the ice calve into the sea. In Juneau we took a helicoper ride up onto the Mendenhall Glacier and drank the pure run off rivers that run across it. In Skagway a train ride up the very canyons the gold rush had run up 150 years earlier dropped us off at the Chilkoot Trail in the Yukon where we hiked a few miles along a prisine glacier lake. One morning was spent sea kayaking in a little bay that was shared by hundreds of otters and a few bears and bald eagles. The afternoon was spent whale watching, where we also saw eagle nests and the salmon spawning. The final day was spent driving up the Kenai peninsula (near the site of the notorious bridge to nowhere) and exploring Anchorage. We were fortunate that our flight home was delayed by 4 hours, so we took the bonus time to make a small plane excursion off to explore McKinley and were able to see not only a group of hikers scaling the mountain, but witnessed an avalanche on the other slope. Back in Anchorage we enjoyed some of the many microbreweries…then boarded the plane and headed home. A remarkable vacation!

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Family Vacation each year is always special as we spend a week on the beach with our two children and three grandchildren. This year was ever more special as my wife during her 30 years as supervisor for the Department of Family and Children Services dreamed of spending a month on the beach after she retired. She was able to get away from the abused Children situation three years ago and this year we were able to fullfill her dream. We spent a month on the beach with our children and grandchildren able to be there for a week and the last week her sister and brother in law was able to come down for for 5 days. This was great as she and her sister are very close and to us everything is about family. As of this July 4th, we have had 39 vacations together. P.S. the reason we were married on Independance Day is it was the only week of vacation I had in my old job, (I WOULD GIVE UP MY INDEPENDANCE ALL OVER AGAIN)

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My story happened when I was about 13.. My mom, stepdad, sister, brother and myself decided to go camping. We bought a tent, supplies, etc.. We had absolutly no experience with tents, camping, etc whatsoever.. We brought out dog camping with us, in a tent, to Lake Lanier campgrounds.. It was absolutly awful.. It rained the WHOLE time, the dog had diarrhea and we spend the whole time fighting since we were all so stressed out… I think we got rid of that tent as soon as we got back! LOL And I have not been anywhere near a tent since!

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I love my family and last year I decided to make my normal family of 6 (two adults four kids) an extended family vacation. I invited my aunts and cousins to go along. They all agreed and thought it was a great idea and I was excited! We were all headed to the beach. The trip started out smooth enough a little complaining here and there about the 6 hour drive but I just ignored it and kept moving since were were in three cars I really didn’t have to hear that crap anyway. We got to the beach and to our designated rooms and just relaxed the first day. On the second day it was one of my cousins birthday so we had a little gathering in one of the rooms with all 15 of us. We left my neice in charge of the children and all the adults took a stroll on the beach. We all needed to get out anyway because we were all feeling rather grand from the party beverages. After strolling for about an hour hoping to come down a little we headed back into the hotel but not before I took a cool dip in the pool – fully dressed shoes and all. The problem with that was I can’t swim. I guess that told me that the walk did me no justice. I did have a designated driver that goodness. We left the hotel and headed back to our hotel. As soon as I walked in the door one of my other cousins was calling me telling me I was not going to believe what she had just seen. It seems that my aunt and cousin decided to have their own WWF show in the room that they were sharing. It must have started with some words but I know it ended in a cage match. The kids were horrified my cousin was horrified and my husband and I were tickled. He said only your family. He was in awe. The rest of the trip was pretty much ruined because there were too many attitudes from that point on. Later on I heard that the match was over a twinkie. My cousin was made someone ate the last twinkie. LOL. I said never again…well I lied we are headed out in two weeks. I can’t wait but I did send out a memo – NO WRESTLING, FIGHTING, OR BOXING MATCHES ALLOWED.

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The best family vacation me and my kids ever had was when they were 11 and 13 years old. My parents live in Tampa, Florida, but they were here in Atlanta that weekend so we stayed in their apartment while they were up here. It was the first time that I was able to provide a vacation that money within reason was not option. My dad had got us discounted tickets to Busch Garden. Saturday we got to the park a little early because we had to wait for the parking lot to open. We enjoyed the park so much. My youngest son didn’t like to ride roller coasters so he had to hold all our things. While me and oldest so rode every rollercoaster at Busch Garden that summer. You know how high the food is in the park, but we were able to eat and drink what and when we wanted without having to think about the cost. After we left the park they wanted to go back to the apartment and get in the pool where they spent another two hours in the water. We later went to CiCi’s where they ate until their stomachs were full and slept that night like babies. The next day we started out on our journey early again. We beached hopped that day. We went to every beach from Clearwater/St. Pete to De Soto Park. I am not a big fan of bridges over a lot of water and my kid knew this. So on the way back home I miss my turn to get on the Gandy bridge which I could handle and I look up I was headed for the interstate 275 bridge. I pull over to the side of the rode and started to panic slightly. There was nowhere for me to turn around so I had to hold my breath, grip the stirring wheel, and ride the middle of the road. My oldest son was sitting up front he turned off the radio, told my youngest son to be quiet and we crossed that bridge in silence. When I got off the bridge my heart was racing but we made it and of course you know they turn the radio back on. When we got back to the apartment they head back to the pool again for another two hours. THIS WAS OUR BEST VACATION EVER.

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My husband works for a commercial airline and we have enjoyed and cursed the benefit of travel by way of Non Reservation throughout his career. Back in the “old days” this meant, that you dressed your self in your Sunday best, (suits, ties, dresses, stockings and heels) you checked your bags and you waited at a prescribed terminal gate to see if someone had failed to wake up and get to the plane on time, so you might have the chance of sitting in their seat. I use the word “chance” loosely as you always ran into other “Non Revs” at the same gate hoping to get in that same seat before you did. While you waited to see if you would even get to start your vacation, it gave you the opportunity to size up other non revs lurking about and try to guess if they had more seniority with the Company than we did. Were the other non revs graying in the temples, were their children teenagers or ankle biters? After being “bumped” from two or three flights that we had watched load and depart, we finally got on a plane headed for Calgary, Canada. Given the nature of this kind of travel and the dicey way the trips tend to start out, we often would not make a reservation for a car or hotel, since we were never sure if we would reach our destination. Well we make it as far as the Airport at Calgary; our goal is Banff National Park. Unbeknownst to us, it was the same weekend as several other non publicized events that managed to scarf up almost every available rental car, save one lone compact which we stuffed our luggage and two kids into. Ahhh! By now it is starting to get dark and we hope to put a few miles between us and the airport. We didn’t get very far before we pass several motels with neon “No Vacancy” signs, we keep traveling…more “No Vacancy” signs. Finally, we stop and inquire at one motel and the guy looks at us and says “there’s nothing available for miles.” I think the owner of that motel saw how beat down we were looking, the desperation in my voice, the whiny kids, and he starts to make a couple calls in an effort to keep us from wandering around aimlessly or forced to spend the night in our car. After a few calls he reports good news, there is a vacancy in the town of Canmore. We head for Canmore; we arrive at what appeared to be a Saloon/Brothel, not the first choice for a vacationing family, rather the last resort. We signed in and was handed a couple of dingy towels and a small bar of soap. That should have been our first clue. We found our room on the second floor. Two twin size, dirty looking beds, light bulb hanging from the ceiling and bath sink stuck on the side of the wall. No toilet, no shower, both were down the hall on the right. Needless to say, we were disappointed, but exhausted as we prepared for a long night, opting to sleep on top of the spread and not in the sheets, and a long night it was. Right outside our window was an alley, about 2:30 in the morning a brawl breaks out with several guys cursing and motorcycles gunning up and down the alley. At that point, I sat perched in a chair for the rest of the night waiting for the crack of dawn. The rest of the trip was enjoyable, but that was certainly a memorable night to forget.

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About 20 years ago, my family and I planned a vacation to Epcot Center in Orlando. A couple days before leaving for vacation, our pet cat had caught a baby squirrel. We were able to rescue the hairless squirrel, whose eyes had not opened yet, and care for it. The day we drove to Orlando, my father mentioned we could not leave the squirrel in the hotel as there was a chance the hotel staff could find the pet and kick us out. So, we checked into the hotel, freshened up, grabbed the squirrel, which was residing in a Girl Scout Cookie Box, and went to Epcot. Worried about the family budget at the time and the price of admission to the park, an executive decision was made to save the $5 pet boarding fee at Epcot and leave the squirrel in the car. Yes, Precious, the squirrel, was left in the car, in Florida, in the middle of the summer. My family enjoyed the park and, feeling we had just had the best vacation ever, headed back to the car. Getting into the car my mom looked at my father and said, “we have a problem.” Precious was not moving. My mother, who thought Precious had a heart attack, started CPR. As we drove back to the hotel, my sister and I watched in horror as my mother performed mouth to snout. After a few minutes of the life saving technique, my mother told us the squirrel was gone. She put the squirrel back in the Girl Scout Cookie Box and let my sister and me say good bye. When I looked at Precious, she had the look of a hot dog whose eyes had popped open like two fried eggs. Our vacation ended with my mother performing a burial service in the parking lot of the hotel. My father was not in attendance as he was in the dog house. 20 years later my family still reminds my father of the incident with Precious.

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I’ve always wanted to see Patagonia in the southern tip of South America, so last fall my dad, his sister Alice, and I made our way down to the Chilean part of the region. The three of us had vacationed together before, and from that, I knew that Alice would keep things lively. After four flights, a taxi, and a bus over the course of four days, we arrived just outside the Torres del Paine National Park in Patagonia. We quickly settled into our hotel and made arrangements to go to the park the next day.

That morning, a bus picked us up and took us to the park, stopping by a convenience store so that we could pick up last-minute necessities. I realized just how differently Alice and I reasoned when I compared our purchases. For our hiking trip, I chose graham crackers and water while she bought chocolate and beer. (My dad, the smartest of the three, didn’t buy anything. He knew that Alice and I would tote our own goods, and then share with him when it was time.)

After a few days of intense trekking through landscapes chock full of snow capped mountains and dotted with guanaco (a relative of the llama), we headed back to civilization. Once we arrived, we sought out a masseuse to work the kinks out of our shoulders and backs that we had acquired from toting around all that water and beer. We promptly spotted a sign in the window of one of the better hotels in town. We went in and made individual appointments for that afternoon. Because I speak Spanish, I was chosen as to go first. I was supposed to scope the place out and report back to the others before they went in.

I entered the tiny room and was greeted by a professional looking middle aged woman. “So far, so good,” I thought. After the usual small talk, she told me to get on the table.

“Should I take my boots off?” I asked in the tone of voice that clearly meant, “Huh? I haven’t even taken my shoes off yet!”

She shrugged her shoulders as if to say, “Whatever.”

I quickly pulled my boots off and hopped on the table, wondering why I hadn’t been told to remove anything else.

“What areas do you want me to focus on?” the lady asked.

“My shoulders and back,” I replied.

For the next hour, she focused almost exclusively on my scalp and face. I was hesitant to say anything because every time that I looked at her, she had her eyes closed and was silently chanting to herself. So I just kept my mouth shut and hoped that she would move to my shoulders and back. Eventually she did, but only for about five minutes. When the hour was up, she informed me that her tip was not included in the price. I nodded, left some money on the table, and went downstairs to pay the rest. Once downstairs, I closed out my bill and looked for Alice, who was supposed to go next. She was nowhere in sight, so I proceeded to the hotel where the three of us were staying and found my dad.

“Where’s Alice?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I guess she’s on her way to get a massage.” He answered.

At that point, I told tell him about my experience. I summed it up with, “Just be ready because it’s not what you’re used to.”

“Okay,” he replied.

Shortly after my dad left for his turn, Alice returned to the room with a bewildered look on her face.

“What did you think of the massage?” she asked.

“It was the lousiest one I’ve ever gotten,” I answered. “What about you?”

She didn’t answer. Instead she asked, “Did you take your clothes off?”

“No,” I responded. “I don’t know how on earth that lady thought she could give me a good rub down when I’m all bundled up in these winter clothes.”

“WHAT?!?!?!” Alice nearly screamed. “YOU DIDN’T TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF?!?!?!?”

“No.” I gave her a funny look. “Did you?”

“Yes! She told me to! She told me to take everything off. EVERYTHING!!!! I removed my shirt and pants, and she just looked at me and told me to take the rest off!” Alice exclaimed.

“Are you sure?” I laughed. “I mean, are you sure that’s what she meant?” I asked.

“YES!!! She told me IN ENGLISH,” Alice said.

“She didn’t speak in English to me at all,” I responded, a little skeptical.

“I swear! She told me in English to take everything off!” Alice protested. “So I did, and got on the table and tried to cover myself with a towel, and she just pulled away. I kept telling myself, ‘Amber did this, Amber did this.’ It was the only thing that got me through.”

By that time I tears were rolling down my face I was laughing so hard.

Alice, however, did not find it funny. “She gave me a nipple massage!”

I nearly wet my pants.

“I just kept repeating to myself, ‘Amber did this. Amber did this.’ I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t take your clothes off! Whatever you do, don’t tell Joe,” Alice pleaded. I howled with laughter, knowing that there was no way on earth I was going to keep this story from my dad.

“How much did you pay?” Alice asked me.

“Thirty dollars, plus a five dollar tip,” I told her. “And you?”

“She charged me FORTY dollars, and that didn’t include a tip!” Alice exclaimed.

“I bet you had to pay extra for the nipple massage,” I gasped hysterically.

When my dad returned, we immediately quizzed him about his experience. “It was okay, but I’ve had better,” he told us. “She talked a lot and didn’t use enough pressure on my back and shoulders.”

I was still reeling from Alice’s story, and could not contain my laughter.

“Well, I guess I’ll tell you before Amber does,” Alice began. And she proceeded to repeat her story again, with more embellishments than before.

My dad and I spent the rest of the trip teasing Alice, asking her if she was ready for another “Patagonian style” massage. To this day, we still double over with laughter when we talk about it.

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I guess you can consider this a family vacation. My father had recently married a bimbo and he wanted me to meet my new “grandparents”. (My dad got along with them because they were the same age.)
On one hot July day, Dad, the bimbo, my boyfriend and I started up the interstate in Dad’s brand new motor home. The bimbo had picked it out so of course, it had all of the bells and whistles. After many miles, my boyfriend told me that he was not feeling well and went into the bathroom. That is when we discovered that there was something horribly wrong with the plumbing.
The smell that filled vehicle was deadly. The bimbo and I kept looking at each other, and finally broke into hysterical laughter. We started opening every window as quickly as possible which resulted in everything not tied down to start blowing around like we were stuck in the middle of a tornado. Soon thereafter, we discovered that opening the windows and letting in hot air only exacerbated the smell.
My father reacted to the smell and the flying debris by trying to outrun it. The worse the smell got, the faster he drove. Pretty soon, we were flying. He passed everyone and everything. You know how they tell you to vary your speed when breaking in a new vehicle, well that went out the window (while the smell did not). He had the pedal to the metal and was not letting up.
My boyfriend finally came out of the bathroom, looking sort of green. When he realized what he had caused, he played the “I am sick” card (which was really the “I am embarrassed” card) and went to the back to lie down.
Shortly afterward, he called me to the back. There, he took my hand and asked me to marry him. That was almost 15 years ago and we have been happily married for over 14 years now. Dad and the bimbo did not fare as well. She has gone back to bimbo-land which made everyone happy.
So, while most women can paint a pretty picture of the story of how they got engaged, the one I can relate has mini-tornados, noxious odors and my dad driving up the interstate like a bat out of hell.

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This is a heads-up to those who want to have a happy, successful family vacation. I just returned from an extended family week with 4 sibs, their spouses and children, and a pair of grandparents, total 16. It was successful in the sense that we are still talking to each other, but it was a costly, excruciating week of stressful togetherness. Take heed: 1) everyone who needs their own room gets a bedroom. Don’t assume that grandpa and grandma, sleeping in separate bedrooms for 20 years, will somehow be able to share a bed for the duration. There are good reasons that they sleep apart. 2) Stay in a hotel and let someone else do the cooking and cleaning. We rented a house, entailing HOURS every DAY in shopping, cooking, dishwashing, laundry, and a big clean-up at the end. NOT a vacation in my book! 3) Make the stay equal to the attractions. We lingered a week in an area that had 3 days worth of attractions. It would have cost less for an enjoyable shorter stay in that nice hotel with room service and maids. 4) Make sure there is a beach or pool close by to occupy the kids. They popped the kiddy pool we brought on the first day and had to be driven to a distant lake. 5) Don’t assume self-catering is cheaper — after stocking the fridge, freezer, and coolers daily, we had to dump food and supplies that no one had space to truck home. It would have the same for free continental breakfast, modest lunch, and lavish dinners for all at restaurants. 6) If you are bringing elderly/disabled, give them every consideration. Both seniors spent days in discomfort, sleep deprivation, and unnecessary pain due to poor planning and thoughtlessness on the part of the larger group. Gramma, Grandpa, take an active role in the vacation planning and don’t assume your needs will be met. You have a say as participants! 7) Don’t assume the kids are safe because they are in the bosom of family. Parents drop their guard around family, as a result no one is really paying attention to the kids. The worst that happened to ours is that they got away with eating junk food for a week. But kids wander off, get lost, drown, climb live antenna masts, you’ve heard it happen to ‘other people’ don’t let it be you — always designate someone to be on point while the rest of the family is preoccupied with partying. Every rose has its thorns. Our ‘perfect getaway’ was convenient to both landfill and cow pastures, thus the fly problem was nightmarish. The beautiful pine house with no rugs or wall hangings echoed every laugh, catcall, kid-screech, TV show, MP3 program, footfall and door slam in its three stories, ensuring that all slept only when the last man went down, and all arose with the earliest riser. It was a courageous first whole-family vacation for us, and I’m relieved that I’ve been there, done that; and learned how to ensure that next time is more enjoyable!

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