Gym. Tan. Leave.
That’s it for “The Jersey Shore” with its finale Thursday. MTV managed to stretch six seasons out of this show, including a side trip to Italy. It brought us plenty of catchphrases (I can’t tell you what “DTF” means but you can figure it out), drunken arrests, protests from Italian-Americans, fistfights and catfights, six pack abs and Snooki. Isn’t that great? Okay, maybe not for everybody but at one point, this show was drawing 9 million viewers a week.
Nowadays, it’s more like two or three million (including my wife). But it gave MTV a shot of steroids and now the channel is going to do a “Jersey Shore”-type show in West Virginia called “Buckwild” next month. Can lightning strike twice at the same network?
And over at the CW (remember that network?), “Gossip Girl” ends its six-year run tonight and we finally find out who the “Gossip Girl” is. Now will CBS ever tell us who the mother is on “How I Met Your Mother”?
“Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” 8 p.m. ABC — A couple with 30 foster children need a bigger home.
“Gossip Girl” 8 p.m. the CW (series finale) — The lives of the rich and spoiled youth of New York City is com
ing to an end. And who was the secret blogger. XOXOX
“How I Met Your Mother” 8 p.m. CBS — Robin takes steps to get Patrice fired. And Seth Green (Alyson Hannigan’s old “Buffy” buddy) pops up as Lily and Marshall’s creepy college acquaintance.
“The Voice” 8 p.m. NBC — The final three perform. Cassadee Pope is the favorite to win.
“Happiness is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown” 9 p.m. Fox — Can Linus give up his security blanket?
“2 Broke Girls” 9 p.m. CBS — Max and Caroline can’t pay their rent and work wtih some sketchy people to cover it.
“American Chopper” 9 p.m. Discovery (series finale) — Ten years and 233 episodes later, this early template for the family business reality show is ending.
“T.I. & Tiny” 9 p.m. VH1 (second season finale) — The kids anticipate a big Christmas
“1600 Penn” 9:31 m. NBC (new series) — Bill Pullman plays a president far goofier than the one he did on “Independence Day.”
“Hawaii Five-O” 10 p.m. CBS — McGarrett and Catherine help a boy whose father disappeared. George Takei guests.
“Charlie Brown Christmas” 8 p.m. ABC — Angst and a happy ending. Thanks, Charlie Brown!
“Little People Big World: Wedding Farm” 9 p.m. TLC (first season finale) — Matt and Amy celebrate their 25th anniversary.
“NCIS: Los Angeles” 9 p.m. CBS — Several team members spend Christmas on an aircraft carrier investigating a death of a special agent.
“Mankind: The Story of All Of Us” 9 p.m. History (first season finale) — Mankind enters the Atomic Age.
“The Voice” 9 p.m. NBC (third season finale) — Will Cassadee Pope be the first female winner?
“Rizzoli & Isles” 9 p.m. TNT — Jane and Maura tackle the case of a former college football player stabbed to death during a fundraiser.
“Storage Wars” 9 p.m. A&E (third season finale) — This could be the last new episode featuring Dave Hester, who is suing the show for fraud.
“Leverage” 10 p.m. TNT — The do-gooders target an unethical CEO planning to sell a dangerous toy to the public.
“Vegas” 10 p.m. CBS — Sheriff Lamb assigns Dixon an undercover job at the Savoy.
“Private Practice” 10 p.m. ABC — Charlotte attempts to run the hospital while on bed rest.
“Miss Universe Pageant” 8 p.m. NBC — Andy Cohen and Giuliana Rancic host.
“A Home For the Holidays” 8 p.m. CBS — Rascal Flatts host. Phillip Phillips, ‘Idol’ winner, appears on TV again, this time with Matchbox Twenty and Melissa Etheridge.
“Full Throttle Saloon” 9 p.m. TruTV — Michael won’t allow Flaunt to perform this year, angering Angie and the girls.
“WWE Tribute to the Troops” 9 p.m. USA —Kid Rock, Flo Rida and the Muppets join pro wrestlers.
“40 Greatest Hip Hop Songs of the 90s” 9 p.m. VH1 — Hip hop hooray? Expect Snoop Dogg, Eminem and Sir Mix A Lot in the mix.
“The Year With Katie Couric” 9:31 p.m. ABC — A look at the Patraeus scandal, Hurricane Sandy and other big stories.
“Chicago Fire” 10 p.m. NBC — Firefighters are accused of stealing an expensive diamond necklace.
“Cheer Perfection” 10 p.m. TLC (new series) — Young cheerleaderstrain for elite competition.
“A White House Christmas” 8 p.m. NBC — Lady Michelle Obama and former first ladies Laura Bush, Hillary Clinton, Barbara Bush and Rosalynn Carter talk about White House Christmas memories.
“CMA Country Christmas” 9 p.m. CBS — Local Sugarland singer Jennifer Nettles emcees with performances by Lady Antebellum, Little Big Town and Keith Urban.
“Project Nim” 9 p.m. HBO — Nim, a chimp who learned sign language and was raised like a human.
“2012 The End is Now” 9 p.m. History — Examining doomsday prophecies.
“Project Runway All Stars” 9 p.m. Lifetime — The clothiers are inspired by 1920s events.
“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” 10 p.m. FX (eighth season finale) — Frank and Dennis hold court at Paddy’s Pub.
“Jersey Shore” 10 p.m. MTV (series finale) — The grenade has finally gone off on these fine men and women after three long years on the boardwalk.
“The League” 11 p.m. FX (fourth season finale) — Ruxin receives a gift from his dad (Jeff Goldblum).
“Christmas in Washington 2012 ” 8 p.m. TNT — Neil Patrick Harris, Psy and Phillip Phillips are among the performers.
“Back to the Beginning With Christiane Amanpour” 9 p.m. ABC — Amanpour explores biblical stories to investigate origins of many of the world’s religions.
“Ghost Adventures” 9 p.m. Travel — The team visits bars and nightclubs that might be haunted.
“Fringe” 9 p.m. Fox — The team call on Nina Sharp to help devise a plan to defeat the Observers.
“Say Yes to the Dress; Bridesmaids” 9:30 p.m. TLC (third season finale) — This spinoff does as well as the original. Presumably, a season four is forthcoming.
“Brides of Beverly Hills” 10 p.m. TLC (second season finale) — Celebrity plastic surgeon Dr. Robert Rey helps his wife find a sexy gown for a vow renewal.
“Monday Night Football” 8:30 tonight ESPN — The usual Monday Night Football game is moved to Saturday because of Christmas Eve. The Atlanta Falcons try to go to 13 and 2 against the Detroit Lions.
“The Sound of Music” 7 p.m. Sunday ABC — Forty seven years later, the hills are still alive with Julie Andrews’ soaring voice.
“Ax Men” 9 p.m. Sunday History — Shelby asks for help from his niece.
“The Next Iron Chef” 9 p.m. Sunday Food (fifth season finale) — Three final chefs battle for victory.
“The Real Housewives of Atlanta” 9 p.m. Sunday Bravo — Will Walter pop the question? Don’t count on it.
“Finding Bigfoot” 9 p.m. Sunday Animal Planet — An alleged Bigfoot is found on camera in New Mexico.