I’ve never quite seen a reality show where the story lines are this inchoate but maybe that’s the point of Georgia’s “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.”
Who needs story lines? Bring on the snot!
Here are the five things I learned from episode No. 9:
- Vision is overrated. June “Mama” Shannon has a hard time seeing at the tender age of 32. I doubt it’s because she spent too much time reading. Or doing makeup. Her efforts to redneckorate her daughter’s face were poor, to say the least. “I have to squint a lot,” she says.
- Bingo is a sport. Mama says so! And we believe everything Mama says, right? Can Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson actually win a game for $1,000? Nope. But at least she knows how to spell it.
- Miss Georgia knows etiquette. Honey Boo Boo? Not so much. Miss Georgia 2011 Michaela Lackey of Marietta swings by to give Honey Boo Boo advice. “Are you that tall in real life?” Honey Boo Boo asks Michaela. “It is real life,” Michaela responds in that “bless her heart” tone of voice. When Honey Boo Boo lets pieces of chocolate cake mass around her lips, Michaela tells her gently, “That’s not cute.” Then she tells TLC in the most polite way possible: “Alana’s manners, they could be worked on.”
Honey Boo Boo’s rationale for one of her bad habits: “If I don’t talk with my mouth full, when am I going to talk?” True that. Honey Boo Boo does spend a lot of her time eating so that is a challenge. Honey Boo Boo also farts in front of Miss Georgia, who just grins and bears it. “She is very pretty and I don’t think she farts,” Honey Boo Boo concludes.
- Mama and a slip and slide are not friends. During Alana’s 7th birthday party, Mama attempts to climb the slip and slide — while the editors throw in the “Jaws” theme. Mama is more whale like, than shark like. But hey, whatever works, TLC editors.
- TLC’s tissue budget is apparently zero. When Honey Boo Boo sneezes and snot pours out of her nose like the “Attack of the Blobs,” the crew just sits there for about 60 seconds while the little girl tries to snort it all back in, her hands over her mouth. Finally, Honey just walks away. The editors helpfully include a hashtag #booboosneeze. That’s how the episode ends. Seriously.
The 10th episode first-season finale is next week.
In Honey Boo Boo news:
- The family is asking for a raise from an estimated $4,000 per episode to $10,000 per episode, according to the Hollywood Reporter. I presume that’s a bargain if it’s for the entire family. The show is averaging more than 2 million viewers per episode and a 1.1 rating 18-49.
- And Children’s Healthcare is questioning the dietary habits of Mama & Co. What??? Cheese balls are on the redneck food triangle!
By Rodney Ho, Radio & TV Talk