The Regular Guys roast at the Funny Farm Friday night was scheduled for 90 minutes. It ended up going for more than two and a half hours.
That wasn’t a bad thing. The insults flew around like a swarm mosquitoes in a swamp and bit their targets with regularity. But these mosquitoes contained no malaria. By the end of the show, there were no hard feelings. Because the point of roasts is to mock out of love.
The roasters of the Rock 100.5 quartet featured a heavy dose of stand-up comedians, led by Atlanta native Costaki Economopoulous.
The other roasters included show regulars such as Big Kenny, Herman from Dunwoody, Vinny Bucci, Steve Haigh and arguably the biggest name: former Braves pitcher and friend of the Regular Guys John Rocker. Sebas, who regularly does bits for the show, became a primary target. Marshall Chiles, who runs the Funny Farm, played toastmaster, surprised Sebas by throwing out dozens of gay jokes even though Sebas is not gay. (Most of those jokes are not even close to clean enough for me to print here.) Adam Carolla sent in an incredibly unfunny tape.
The owner of rival comedy club and a wannabe comic himself Jamie Bendall even showed up on foreign territory (and admittedly had a bad set.)
The event sold out weeks earlier and could have easily been placed in a larger venue. And since it was not taped for air, the naughty words came fast and furious.
In a quick summary, here are the basic insults:
Larry Wachs, the show ringmaster, is short, bald and Jewish but he says that every day anyway. Oh, and he’s a bit of an autocratic jerk. Eric Von Haessler is riding on Larry’s coattails, dresses like a homeless man, seldom shows up to public events and has been working on a documentary about Drivin’ ‘n’ Cryin’ seemingly forever. “Southside” Steve Rickman runs a bar in the middle of nowhere and sleeps with a gazillion women, even in his creepily advanced middle age. Tim Andrews is addicted to on-line porn and, well, got off pretty lightly, especially since he’s now skinny and not chubby and has a hot girlfriend.
Here’s a sampling of some of the roast jokes that I could print:
“No women on the dais. I wonder why. Maybe because they have something called Tuna Tuesday where only women can call in. It’s like a sketch of what a bunch of misogynistic high school a****** would do. It’s a very narrow demo. They have two groups rooting for them: white guys and slightly older white guys.” – Costaki Economopoulous.
“I can see why George Stein [the DUI lawyer] and the Regular Guys get along. They both make money when you make a terrible decision in your car.” – Costaki.
“Eric Von Haessler. .. you’re the ugliest groupie for Drivin’ n ‘Cryin.’ But at this point, they could use any groupies they can get.” – “Southside” Steve (getting boos from Drivin’ n’ Cryin’ fans before he had to say, “It’s a joke! I love Drivin’ n’ Cryin’!”)
“Every time I talk to you, I get where Hitler is coming from. And I have to say, Schindler would have crossed you off his list.” – “Southside” Steve, about Larry.
“Larry Wachs.. he claims to be a die-hard conservative yet he’s been carrying Eric for 15 years.” – toastmaster Marshall Chiles
“John Rocker.. the arm of an all star and the mind of a Grand Wizard.” – Chiles.
“Rocker embarrassed Atlanta more than Wayne Williams, ” – Costaki, making an impressively old reference that actually got some laughs.
“Rocker was once a reliever. He still is but now it’s at QuikTrip. He does the midnight shift. Go see him! He’s the closer!” – Costaki, piling on Rocker.
“The last time a black man was smiling in front of so many white people, he was marrying a Kardashian.” – Big Kenny, the token black dude on the dais.
“Eric… the original golden-voiced homeless man.” – Big Kenny.
“Eric is producing a documentary on Drivin’ n’ Crying. What’s the matter? Georgia Satellites wouldn’t return your call?” – intern Steve Haigh
“Southside Steve. He has standards. Oh, wait. I mean STDs. Misread my notes.” – Haigh
“Larry is newly on the single scene – if you like a short bald guy with crippling alimony payments.” – Haigh
“Eric is like all the pretentious pompous know it alls I went to school with minus the school part.” – Tim Andrews.
“Larry’s been on the air talking about keeping Mubarak in charge in Egypt. He fears the domino effect. First, Egypt, then Iran, before you know it, democracy might show up on the Regular Guys show.” – Eric Von Haessler, about his long-time on-air partner.
“Larry would say if I could be more like him, the show would be better. I remember the time, he said, ‘You have to play porn backward on the air!’ Then there’s the day, he came in and said, ‘I got it! I got them on tape talking to each other in the bathroom. That’d be great!” – Eric, referencing two skits that got the Regular Guys in trouble on 96rock.
“I’m locked into this show. I can’t run. My house is upside down. My kid is in college sucking up dollars… I’m here under protest!” – Larry on the dais, minus the cursing.
“The other day, Steve heard on the news there was going to be a cold spell. Steve didn’t come in because he didn’t feel he could spell cold.” – Larry, on Steve.
By Rodney Ho, email@example.com, AJCRadioTV blog