‘Nightline’ coming to Atlanta April 9 for live debate about why successful black women can’t get a man
ABC’s “Nightline’ is taping an episode April 9 in Decatur about how tough it is for college-educated black women to find good black men.
Radio host and best-selling relationships author Steve Harvey will moderate with Vicki Mabrey, a “Nightline” correspondent. Mabrey said Atlanta was picked specifically because of the high number of professional black women in the city.
“A lot of women have satisfying, fulfilling jobs,” Mabrey said. “They have family, church and close friends. Women are not held down in the kitchen anymore. But they still want a man. As Billy Dee Williams said, ‘Success is nothing without anyone to share it with.’ That’s been the mantra to deal with.”
The network is seeking 600 people to populate the crowd from 7 to 9 p.m. It’s free, first come first serve. Mabrey said in an interview earlier this week that she expects the audience to be heavily packed with women. She’s hoping enough guys can come in to present their viewpoints.
The panel includes two single men: actor and perpetual bachelor Hill Harper (”CSI: NY, right) and Jimi Izrael, NPR contributor and author of “The Denzel Principle” who has been married twice and divorced twice and seems to be a bit peeved at black women. They are joined by Sherri Shepherd from “The View,” a divorcee who has discussed this subject many times on the show, and Clark Atlanta grad and journalist Jacque Reid, last seen on VH1’s “Let’s Talk about Pep.”
The show is scheduled to air at 11:35 p.m. on Wednesday, April 21, presuming breaking news does not postpone it. The full two-hour forum will be available online here the same day it airs.
“Nightline” will pose questions such: Are black women’s expectations too high? Who’s to blame: black women or black men? Is it just bad demographics, with twice as many college-educated black women than black men? Should black women date outside their race?
Mabrey said the forum came about after such a strong reaction from a piece “Nightline” aired last December (focused on Atlanta.) Check that story out here:
The event is at Porter Sanford Performing Arts Center in Decatur, Georgia. The “Face-Off” is an occasional “Nightline” series launched two years ago in which hot topics are debated among prominent voices in their field. The first “Face-Off” topic was “Are we programmed to cheat?”
Where: Porter Sanford Performing Arts Center
3181 Rainbow Drive
Decatur, GA
On TV
“Nightline,” 11:35 p.m. on weekdays on ABC
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173 comments Add your comment
Uncle Tom
April 9th, 2010
11:39 am
Isn’t today the 9th? This wasn’t kept on the “hush-hush” was it?
Purpleone
April 9th, 2010
11:40 am
@ Chocolate Doll, I’m a Spelman graduate and I finished 25 yrs ago this year and I think it is simply a sign of the times because there is a concentration of black men in one spot, you are bound to see what you describe as wanting what we want, LOL, but that is a sample of what is represented in Atlanta or many metro cities throughout the country. So that is another story all together…
Orlando
April 9th, 2010
11:44 am
@Purpleone, great point, it is a two sided coin. Yes, some men are not able to get pass the fact that his woman makes more, but that is with a races, not just black men. But single women need to realize that there is no perfect man, stop looking, he does not exsist. If he is treating you right, and not cheating, get over some of the little things that you dream your man should be, because doing this, you probably have let a few good ones slip through your fingers, and that is why there is no ring on it.
Kitty
April 9th, 2010
11:47 am
Chocolate Doll, did you just suggest that black men at Morehouse are also ‘looking for a good man’? Really?! Is Morehouse labeled as a D-L territory, or is the assumption that if a black man is educated he is somehow ‘less of a man’? Are educated black men regarded as ‘less-tough-thug’ If they are educated? Are we discouraging our young black boys from staying in school because we don’t consider this type of man as ‘good enough’?
Kiso72
April 9th, 2010
11:52 am
I am 38 years old newly divorced, educated(working on MBA) black man, have fancy things. But most importantly I serve God who is not just the head of my life, but is my life. My status is not determined but what I have but by whom I am in God. I am saying all this to say that there are lots of God men out there like me. I have no problems meeting black females. There are lots of good black females out there to. But the problem is that it seems today’s black women and men are more focused on money, success, and career. After these three things then they want a man or a woman. Some of the things we want in life sometimes need to be sacrificed.
My mother is a shining example of sacrificing for God and family. High morals, high values, caring and loving. And to mention she graduated Magna Cum Laude from Columbia University with a degree in social work in 1968! But not only that she put my dad through medical school(paid his tuition)! The point is my mother was self-less. That quality today seems to be lacking. Marriage should never be treated as a business. This is what I am bringing to the table…what are you bringing to the table? A marriage should be about love and about money.
Sunnyday I loved your response. God sometimes allows us to see ourselves…..and we have to go through so that God can humble us. God can’t talk to a proud spirit. Best of luck to you…and I wish you greatness in your marriage!
Marie, not all divorced men carry luggage from their previous marriage. I asked God to heal my heart when I got divorced.…and God knows my heart. I have no children. But God knows when the day comes when I have children I will be dancing. While divorce is not always good….I would rather have peace than be in misery. And no not every divorced man is unsettled…this is one is not. Don’t judge a divorced man because he is divorced….he could be the one God is giving you…and you don’t even know. We all have past mistakes…no one is perfect.
My former pastor used to say that if we all submitted one to another(yes that means men have to submit to women to) marriages would last. Yes I submitted to my ex-wife when we were married. And I have no problems doing that again. What makes a black man strong is humility, willing to submit, showing emotion, high values, high morals, family-oriented, loving, caring and above all else God-Fearing. Yes these men like me…do exist.
Reign
April 9th, 2010
11:54 am
@itamazesme…Thanks for the back up…I’m so not racist and that’s not where I was going with my post at all. I’ve dated African, White, Jamaican, Trinidadian, Black, I date men, but I prefer American Black men because there’s a connection there that’s so powerful and loving when nurtured. I mentioned slavery because there is definitely a residual affect and it might deserve some looking into because we’re having such a problem connecting. There are a multitude of things going on, but it might have a root cause..the Elephant in the room. We need to deprogram some thoughts, some pains, some frustrations and reprogram for love and togetherness, for power and effectiveness, for family and community.
There’s a conditioning, a conspiracy, a programming that took place and that machine is still in place and we need to acknowledge it and deal with it. We just need to understand the psychological affects of what we deal with every single day in every aspect of our lives and then grow from it. We need to understand we come from the mightiest of the mighty. We need to understand the importance of leaving a legacy and partnering to do it. It’s not just a romantic notion, relationships are serious BUSINESS. Women need to build their self esteem and confidence and stop having babies by every man they meet (another subject), men need to understand the power in relationships (especially they power they gain) and stop chasing tail, that’s some leftover craziness to keep them from achieving the real deal.
There’s just so much…I think I appreciate what Steve Harvey is trying to do, I’m not of fan of his, but I appreciate anyone that’s truly and sincerely trying to build Black relationships. And NO, that has nothing to do with racism. And YES other groups have these issues for other reasons, but they don’t had the same struggles as we do. Every darn group in the world is against us, we gotta fight everybody…not literally, but some of you know what I mean. That mess gets tiring…can I come home to my Black man and love on him and he love on me, really? Is that too much to ask for? How was your day baby ((muah)) You know what I’m sayin’ (smile)
Peaches
April 9th, 2010
12:00 pm
@ KIA you said it girl… I like to call myself a new age old fashioned LADY.. Yes a lady with manners that is strong enough to take care of herself, but woman enough not only want but allow her man to be a man, My mother taught me well I can cook and clean, but if he can cook that is great too.
What do real men want from a real woman????
Kiso72
April 9th, 2010
12:04 pm
Peaches….real men…would like a real woman like you!
GC
April 9th, 2010
12:06 pm
Kitty, Chocolate Doll was stating that Moorehouse men are known to also be looking for a good man.
Kitty
April 9th, 2010
12:13 pm
Reign- You are so right about so much! Truey inspiring to read what you have written. I think you are not being ‘racist’ when calling a spade, a spade. Are you are right the generations passed have ‘formed’ our culture now. Agree that if mothers were doing a ‘better’ job than we wouldn’t have so many problems lingering for years longer than nec. Remember back in the 60’s there was a great infuse on money being put into the ‘education of the colored race’; free schooling, room and board, books, etc. It was reported that there was two results. One was just like Kiso72’s mother… she added education to what was probably already a great mind; and we now get Kiso72 who seems husband material to the max to me. Then there was the other result, which unfortunately was most of the student that were considered under-priv, and got everything free, stayed in school on average only 3 semesters. Many did poorly the first semester, on probation second sem. and kicked out of grant programs by the third semester. The ‘whiteman-govm’t’ was burnt Bigtime on that program, and is not so likely to waste that kind of cash again in this market again. But, as I always say, “the library is Free, and my Mother took me there!”
T.Evette
April 9th, 2010
12:15 pm
I won’t be attending the forum because these forums usually become a lot of blaming and generalizing. I can’t speak on what EVERY black man does or what EVERY black woman does. I can only speak to my experience.
My experience is that I was raised to get the best I can out of life. Most of us are raised to want the best, right? I was raised in the hood- South Memphis baby. Neither of my parents went to college, but I learned early on that it would be in best interest to attend college- so that I could get out of the hood if nothing else. And we ALL have that opportunity, no matter where you are from. We all have the opportunity to make certain choices in our lives. Some seize those opportunities and make better choices, others do not.
So I went to college, got a degree and now have a decent career. At 35, I travel the world. I dress nice. I drive a nice car. I have a nice home. And I’ve met some very nice men over the years. I truly have.
What I find is that when some (not all, but some) black men learn the ‘external’ aspects of a woman’s life- where she works, where she lives, etc. they immediately assume this woman doesn’t NEED them. I have never in my 35 years of living uttered those words- to anyone. I don’t carry myself that way and don’t espouse to that thought process. I may not NEED a man to survive, but believe me there are lots of things I NEED a man for.
But because I have been able to take care of myself without a mate, that makes some men automatically assume they can’t do anything for me. For some it becomes insecurity- and it shouldn’t be that way. For others, it becomes a competition, and there is no need for that either.
Now are there arrogant women out there? Sure. But we have got to stop generalizing. Some men deal with one arrogant black woman, one mean black woman, one ‘gold digger’ black woman and suddenly we all are those things. And women do it, too. You have to take each person you meet as an individual and get pass the superficial about a person so that you can see if you can fit into this person’s life and feel respected and needed.
What gets me is the term ’successful’. That’s such a relative adjective. What is successful to me may not be successful to the next person, or vice versa. So are we saying that ‘unsuccessful’ black women can have their pick of any black men? If we are saying that, then we need to discuss why that is so. Are we saying that ‘unsuccessful’ black women don’t have goals, don’t have a brain, don’t have savings, don’t have a nice home, don’t have a nice car, don’t have a nice career….so they are more of a catch for black men? Are we saying that they are easier for black men to get along with? Or are we saying that they are less of a threat to an insecure man’s ego? I mean, what are REALLY saying? If we are tackling this topic as if there is something wrong and unattractive about being a so-called successful woman, to the point where many of them have never been married, then there is something deeper going on here. Seriously people there is something wrong when the term ’successful’ and how we define the word becomes a barrier to black men and black women doing what they can to save the black family.
Black women have always had to be strong. But I guess it was okay for them to be strong single mothers, as long as they weren’t seeking advanced education. But these days, with more black women in college than black men (again, not because of anything other than people’s choices in life), now not only are we still strong (because we are innately that way) but we are securing higher paying jobs. What is soooo wrong with that? And if there is something wrong with more black women succeeding, we need to find a way for more black men to see that they should make better choices and seize educational opportunities so that they are less turned off/threatened by any woman they define as successful. I say to people all the time: if there is something about what someone is doing or has that makes me feel insecure about what I have or am doing, then I have to check myself. I can’t fault that person for my feelings of lack or inadequacy.
And that leads me to the terms “insecure” and “issues”. Men think only women can have issues or be insecure. I beg to differ. If some men deal with their insecurities (about their choices in life particularly), they wouldn’t be around here acting is if ‘successful’ women are the ones with the problem. Let’s be real. Some women are single because; as someone said earlier, they just aren’t good mates. But many successful black women are single because many black men are approaching them with a bunch of drama, poor life choices, game playing and generalizing. And when these women don’t want to play those games, it’s easier for the man to say there is something wrong with the woman, call her all sorts of names (mean, bitter, bossy) or blame it on the successful woman syndrome….instead of checking themselves.
I have dated all sorts of men at all education and income levels. Believe me, I don’t discriminate. A lot of my professional friends have put aside immature reasons not to date a man. We are all of the age where we know what’s really important in a mate But that still doesn’t mean men shouldn’t have to step up to the plate with SOMETHING. Why would anyone lower their standards? Would you raise your child to have lowered standards/expectations? No, you would not. Many single black women have revised their standards and removed shallow requirements, but that still doesn’t mean we should accept anything, or denounce any success we migh have in life, in order to get a man.
Lastly, I asked one of my sorority sister’s husband once what he loved most about his wife. He said many things, but the thing that stood out most for me is when he said “I love her strength. I know if that if anything happens to me, then she will be able to take care of herself and our boys.” If more men understood that a woman’s success, strength or independence doesn’t hinder you as a man or your role as a man then we may be able to do something more productive to erase the epidemic of ’successful’ black women not marrying or having kids because some really want to be with a black man. Me, I’ve decided that race is not a factor anymore to who I date. I want to be loved, and if a black man can’t give me that, then I’ll love whoever loves me.
Purpleone
April 9th, 2010
12:20 pm
@T.Evette, AMEN to your last paragraph…and your last sentence!
Pam
April 9th, 2010
12:22 pm
Does anyone ever want to discuss successful black women who DO have a successful man? Why are there no forums devoted to us? Maybe I should start one because I’m tired of the damn topic!
SassyT
April 9th, 2010
12:25 pm
“from MiltonMan: SassyT, I know plenty of white women who marry “down” but I agree it is probably more difficult for Black women. Love & trust should be what is important – not the color of skin, money, car, etc. I have dated women of all races and I can truthfully say that most American women (black, white, asian, etc.) are more spoiled than women of other countries and their expectations are often too high.
MiltonMan, you have missed several points. Of course love and trust are important. These things are a given and don’t need to be said here. As an American, I have the right to have preferences and express them. Because I prefer a Black man, does not mean I hate white men. It simply means I like who and what I like (period). I did not inject money, car, etc. I talked about building a strong community. I think if you are of a certian age, and African-American, you most likely see yourself as part of a community in ways that other people of other racial groups may not, because they have not been forced to see themselves as or been defined by others as one (1) community. So, again, as an American, it is perfectly O.K. for me to prefer Black men just like white people who prefer other white people for dating and marriage. Not only is it O.K., it is normal. In the animal kingdom, you don’t see lions mating with elephants. For humans, if you want to marry someone of another race, again, that is your preference for that mate, hopefully not to the exclusion of someone who looks like you. That sould signal a different issue (perhaps self hatred)..
The problem with race and racism is not the preference, it is the preconceived, baseless notions about someones character, educational level, upbringing, based solely on their race. I often here people say, “oh. I don’t see race,” or, “I want to live in a color-blind society.” Well, that means you don’t see the whole person if you don’t see race. We were not all raised the same, or with the same cultural experiences. One person’s experiences are not better than anothers, just different (period). If we could all get past our suble and overt racism and prejudice (there is a difference between the two), then we would be free to “prefer” whomever want to prefer, without being wronglfully labelled as racist. When I see a white kid whose head is completely shaven, and with tatoos all over his visible body or with swastikas, I shouldn’t assume that he’s a skinhead and probably hates me and wants to harm me? I should just see him as some white kid with a clean shaven head and a bunch of tatoos. The Black kid walking around with his pants down just under his butt shouldn’t be seen as a thug/drug dealer with 12 babies from 12 different girls. He should just be seen as some Black kid with his pants down just under his butt. This is a little simplistic, but hopefully you get the point. Again, it is not the preference that is the problem with race in this country/world, but the preconceived notions we all have about eachother, based purely on a person’s race and nothing else.
Kiso72
April 9th, 2010
12:26 pm
Kitty I learned how to be a man from my great mother. Want I mean by that is my mother gave wisdom. Women by nature generally tend to be more nurturing. But there are lots of brothers out there like me. I can tell you is be patient.
T.Evette, if a man is intimidated but what you have…that shows immaturity, and more importantly low self-esteem. That fact you are humble….it will happen for you.
SassyT
April 9th, 2010
12:30 pm
Thank you Reio and Amen T.Everette
Peaches
April 9th, 2010
12:30 pm
@ Kiso thanks.. And good luck on your MBA.
There are so many mixed messages sent by both sexes. I seek a genuine person. College is not for everyone and going to college doesn’t mean you are intelligent. I think sometimes women worry too much about what others will think and how something is going to look. If he works and can hold a conversation, respectful that is a great potential for me. I know what I want and I pray a man that knows what he wants finds me soon. I was told I was too independent. What in the world. I would love to have a mate/partner but I do what have to do in order to survive.. But oh well my time will come.
Chocolate Doll
April 9th, 2010
12:35 pm
@ Kitty..
You took my comment waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy to the left. I said, “A LOT of them”, not all. Just damn…..
Think what you want to. I don’t know and don’t care to. I have nothing to prove to you. It’s your day, have at it…..
hotlanta
April 9th, 2010
1:04 pm
Is Steve Harvey wife coming to give her speech on how lucky she is to be wife#3?
itamazesme
April 9th, 2010
1:21 pm
@Chocolate Doll your point was understood with the Men of Morehouse comment at Kitty – If one is to take Kitty’s advice – the Men of Morehouse that would be intersted in women would still be almost obsolete unless you are a young woman still getting yours together in school. As the topic refers to successful black women – for them it would be robbing the cradle as the Morehouse men would be too young- so if you want to pull a cougar move – then go for it.
Lwilliams
April 9th, 2010
1:26 pm
This is very interesting. Black married woman here! Maybe my age has something to do with my point of view. I am over 45 and got married at 29. Did the dating thing. Felt that I was a successful, educated black woman that wanted a college educated black man. Searched for him for years. One year, I said, no more! I am going to love me! Don’t need to date! My husband found me within a few weeks. Dated for 3 months. Got engaged and married before a year was out. Still married to my best friend! Three beautiful children, house, land and good credit!
Black women! Nothing wrong with an education….nothing wrong with nice things……nothing wrong with exotic travel! But there is a time and a place. If you want a man, act like it. The women in Atlanta are snobby, and just mean (no not all of them, but there is quite a few)! No, I don’t wear designer clothes, shoes, or carry a designer handbag. Those things do the same thing that my less expensive items do. A lot of the women appear to be un-approachable and have a “don’t speak to me” air about themselves. Nothing wrong with looking good, but “humble” should be a part of your vocabulary. HUMBLE! Look it up in the bible (not the dictionary)!
I too am an educated black woman. I went to college, got a degree, worked and became Vice President of a large coorporation. I married a black man, with no degree (been married almost 20 years). He decided to leave a manual labor job and take a test as a programmer. He passed the test and within two years was making more than me(with my degree). I quit my job to be at home with our children. He now has his own successful business and I support him completely.
We are teaching our sons how to be a good husband, first, and then a good father. My husband is his role model….not Tiger, Tikki or any other popular person out there. Definitely not Steve Harvey or any of the other radio personalities.
We are teaching our daughter how to me a good wife and mother and yes, I am her role model.
What have you been taught? Let’s play spin the bed partner! Let’s offer up how much money I make and what I have….but your are sleeping alone, with your money and what you have and you might have a partner. Money does not provide friendship, compassion, or long conversations. Your designer purse most certainly can’t be there when you have had a bad day. Your designer shoes (that hurt your toes), can’t hold you at night.
Successful black women, open up your hearts. Remove the Pharoah spirit! Keep it real. Is it a man or things that you want? Yes, you can have both…..there is nothing wrong with a black man that does not have a degree! A college education doesn’t even make YOU smart! I know you aren’t too smart if you are seeking Steve Harvey for help!
Wisdom is available to everyone….seek it. Start with the KJV of the Good Book! It provides specific instruction on being single (not playing spin the bed partner), being married, the role of a husband, the role of a wife and the best parenting information around.
The Bible…..don’t leave home without it!
A Good Black Man Is Hard To Find Part 752 | That Black Girl Site
April 9th, 2010
1:33 pm
[...] We talked about it for what seems like months but the discussion just won’t go away. Tonight “Nightline” is taping a special panel discussion on the subject featuring a veritable who’s [...]
open
April 9th, 2010
1:38 pm
what about the black women who are open to other races, but simply aren’t meeting those guys? i’ve had few encounters with white men who outwardly expressed their interest. where/how do you meet the white men who are open to dating black women?
powven
April 9th, 2010
1:40 pm
To Milton Man.
How am I racist? Society portray black males as the scum of the earth, meanwhile white guys are always the “law abiding citizens, who do no wrong”, especially in the news. You can lie and say it is not true if you want, but you know it is the truth! You can also say that black males can’t do the same as white males, because it will be viewed differently. Case in point, Tiger Woods. I know that he is not the only golfer that committed infidelity. If any of the other golfers had been in this same predicament, do you think that it would be this blown out of proportion?
With this said, I am just saying that black women should not crossover, just because they think that a white male will not treat them wrong.
powven
April 9th, 2010
1:48 pm
Thank you Sassy T for understanding my P.S. Statement. It was definitely not intended to be racial.
Kiso72
April 9th, 2010
1:51 pm
@Lwilliams…..Amen!
Kitty
April 9th, 2010
1:55 pm
L.Williams, when your boys are grown can we please introduce them to my girls! PLEASE! They sound like ‘one in a hundred-thousand boys’, and that maybe our problem….
MiltonMan
April 9th, 2010
1:56 pm
pow, white men are always… Please tell me that you are not this ignorant. Do you not remember our last president – Bush. In the media, this guy could do nothing right. On the other hand, Obama is treated like royalty. Also, Tiger is bi-racial. The last time I checked he is 50% Asian; 50% black. Tiger is also married to a white woman & all of his affairs were with white women. Why are you not mad with him? Also, he was/is the number #1 golfer. Do you even know who John Daly is? Tell me that the press did not rip this guy apart.
Beautifully Fulfilled Black Woman
April 9th, 2010
2:02 pm
If I may interject here and refute the post of “Conservative” from 10:00 this morning, the whole of what you speak is not that white women are much more anything over a black woman. The whole of which is speak has more to do with it being a better fit for the black men in which you reference, not the race or sect as a whole. For those black men that wish to marry and philander at a will, no interruptions no accountability, yes marrying a white woman is ALWAYS a much better fit! A better fit for them, for their wealth, and certainly their health. See, what you fail to realize and can never fully know or understand is that any black man marrying a well versed, well educated, well put together black woman knows to ONLY do so under honor and respect. A black man marrying a black woman won’t get the opportunity for repeated affairs all unbeknownst because a black man knows a black woman is much to intuitive too overlook, much too classy to tolerate and too much of a whiz to not get what she deserves in the end. Please do, use Elin as your guage and I guess yourself too as the model woman in which they seek but only the Elins and the yous would ever not have a clue enough to realize your man is screwing a million women behind your back, not have enough umph to emotionally and spiritually deliver the message to him to know even try it and if he’s not smart enough to know not to try it, she’s always on her game enough for him to realize he forever regret the blatant disrespect! All of America and the world knows this, except the Elins and the yous.
Go Atlanta
April 9th, 2010
2:07 pm
The problem with the black community is the church and religion. Instead of learning to be nice to each other and compassionate, which has nothing to do with religion or God, you allow a church to define what make a good mate. God fearing, doesn’t drink, etc… what’s that all about? The church divides people into two categories, good and bad. Any mature adult should know that “humans” don’t fall into either. Sometimes we do things that are bad and sometimes we do things that are bad, accept the whole person and learn to love both. When you learn to accept someone for what they are, learn to control you own emotions, quit trying to control another person, then you really do find God, and a mate.
Regina
April 9th, 2010
2:15 pm
Most men want a woman who is a woman. Most men want a woman who can cook, with good manners, has a pleasant personality, who loves being a woman and committed to him.
I was blessed with wonderful strong male role models; father, grandfathers, a great-grandfather, uncles, great-uncles, great-great uncles who showed me how a woman should be respected and cherished. I was blessed with wonderful strong female role models; mother, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, a great-great grandmother, aunts, great-aunts, great-great aunts who showed me how a man should be respected and cherished.
I thank them all for those gifts of knowledge. I thank them for showing me true love isn’t about the bells and whistles. It is about providing love, shelter, healthy food, education, spirituality and support. It is about washing my car when it is dirty so I won’t have to drive a dirty car to work. It is about making that special dessert just because. It is about polishing the family shoes in preparation for Church service. It is about planting a tree so we as well as future generations of the family can enjoy its fruit.
My advice to other women…truly know who you are, don’t let the world define you. Your mate should compliment you. Your mate should not be someone who you think will impress the world, but one who right for you.
My mate and children come before my career. That is my choice. There was a time before I had children when my career was the focus. Even when you find your mate, there is work to do for the relationship. However, if the two of you are compatible, of the same mind and spirit, it is much easier. I am blessed.
MiltonMan
April 9th, 2010
2:17 pm
Beautiful – are you kidding us about your post on how a black woman would not put up with affairs while a white woman would??? Please explain in detail the following:
Mike Tyson & his marrigae to Robin Givens
Michael Jordan & his marriage to Juanita Vanoy
Evander Holyfield & his multiple marriages
Jesse Jackson & his marriage
All of these men had multiple affairs on the wives.
Sistahhere!
April 9th, 2010
2:21 pm
Hey sista! Another black, married sista here! Been there done that. I wanted to rule the world. I got my BBA, worked hard, earned good money. Lived in a nice place with nice furniture. Travelled. Got my hair and nails did…..weekly! All ALONE! All of my girlfriends (sorority sisters), got married and had children. My comments, “I don’t need a man. I can do bad by myself.” And I did. I had so much attitude that my family did not want to be around me. I din’t want to be around me. Who was at fault….not the black man, but me. When I got down off my High Horse, I found a wonderful black stallion! He told me the truth about myself and I took the time to listen and made a change. I decided to be honest and realistic with myself. You can’t make it in this world alone (I know that I can’t). Your success did not come without someone or something working to get you there. The coorporation doesn’t run with just you. It takes a team to run a business….it takes a team to run a marriage relationship.
Sista’s if you want to conquer the world and climb the corporate ladder, go for it! I applaude you. I, myself, like having my husband by my side. We have learned to balance our marriage and career. Even while dating, spending time together was more important than the job. Learn to live….because when you die…..corporation gone still be running and you died Alone (but with lots of things and a career). You decide what you want!
kimmie
April 9th, 2010
2:32 pm
t.Evette – Best thing I’ve read on THIS TIRED SUBJECT in a long time!
Sistah – Glad everything worked out for you. You took the time to examine yourself & made changes, but every single black woman is not like you were, with the attitude(for example, your soros that married seem like they didn’t have the same issues). I just have a problem with all of us sisters being stereotyped. But like I said, glad it all has worked out for you.
Tenacious T
April 9th, 2010
2:45 pm
Once again Steve Harvey wants women to think like a man. We are not designed to think like a man. And define the word “successful!” There are two meanings for this word…..the world’s and God’s. Take you pick. I tell you the truth…being a black woman gets on my nerve sometimes. Let’s stop playing the victim role and rise up and be what we were destined to be before the foundation of the world. GET A LIFE!@!!!!!!!!!!
listen2meppl
April 9th, 2010
2:47 pm
As I read this blog, I am quite surprised by some of the comments, yet, I agree with many–especially those of “Lwilliams”, Dre, and paragraphs 3-5 of “reign’s” comments. I am a black woman who is very happily married to a black man, and we’ve had an awesome relationship for many years. My opinion is, and I usually always have one, that there are issues from both sides–the black man AND, the black woman. However, I don’t usually hear too many men complain about not being able to find a good black woman–a few–but not many. On the other hand, (and sisters don’t get mad), I hear too many women with issues complain about not being able to find a good black man. I was trying to provide some advice to a young woman the other day who told me that “she knows she has “mental” problems, but that she’s looking for someone who’s willing to HELP her through those problems–and she KNOWS that it CAN happen! Well, indeed, it CAN happen, but I know that it would be a helluva lot easier if she got HERSELF together first and not bring this drama into someone else’s life. If I were a man, I would not be interested in ANY woman who brings a lot of drama, materialistic ideals, debt and other issues into a relationship. WOMEN: Get yourselves together first–and that means spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally, and the likes…Then wait for God to send you the man. I have had family members and friends to tell me that “she’s cute, but she’s got too much drama”. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being available, but, along with that–please be READY! I spoke with another woman who told me that “she is looking for someone to take care of her because she is tired of struggling”. But, as we continued talking, I learned that she was severely in debt, unemployed, not only was she unemployed, (because many ppl are these days–even those who are educated, etc. so don’t email me back about that…) but the skills she had were minimal. There was also LOTS and LOTS of baby daddy drama, and she eluded that she “likes nice things”. Now, I am not coming down hard on all women, but I am addressing this because I hear women complain about 3-5 times per week about not being able to find a good black man. My advice to you, again, is get yourself together first! Stop whining and looking for someone to carry you and your burdens and look to bring something to the table besides your knife and fork. Then, when your mate DOES find you, you will be whole or as close to it as possible. I hear too many women complain about men with issues, when our issues as women are similar. My husband and I work TOGETHER and the challenges that life sometimes brings us are shared between the two of us. We have a son, and I hope he will NEVER marry a woman who puts a strain on him to provide an assortment of material things so she can “feel” fulfilled and happy. Ladies, stop talking about your man to other women and putting them down in the beauty salon, etc. I realize that we all need to vent sometimes, but some of the comments I hear from women are from those who will admit that they do indeed have GOOD men. Stop taking advantage of a good man’s kindness and learn to do your part as well. And men–you don’t get by scott-free either. MAN UP, Darned it and stop making excuses for why you are behind in life–those of you that are! My motto is “As long as you’re still 6 feet UP, you still have another chance! Take advantage of the advice some of these good women are imparting and stop trying to be too macho to take advice from someone who’s trying to encourage you to become a better person. Everyone should note that it’s not about Money all the time….It’s about happiness, peace, joy, contentment, family and a stable life style. Learn to pray together and communicate often. Talk about those things that are a problem before they escalate into wounds that are difficult to heal. It works! My husband and I do it all the time. And lastly, for both sexes….LET GODDDD DO THE MATCH-MAKING! He sent me mine and I can tell you how I know it was God! If you have a close relationship with Him, you will be able to recognize His voice when He is speaking to you. But, some of us don’t stay quiet long enough to even hear. I know…I’ve been guilty of same, and I learned from my mistakes too. Scripture says “My sheep shall know my voice” PLEASE let God do the picking…We USUALLY make mistakes when WE do….
Take care, you-all, and I wish everyone a happy, healthy and wholesome life! If you want to chat with me more, please post to this blog and leave me your email address. And in the words of the famed “Jerry Springer”….Take care of yourselves….
ayasha
April 9th, 2010
2:51 pm
Regina, I believe you meant to say that your mate should complement you. Although compliments from a mate are important as well.
Beautifully Fulfilled Black Woman
April 9th, 2010
2:58 pm
MiltonMan you missed my point. I stated my post the way I did because the initial post by “Consevative” wreaked of insinuations. Tiger and a couple of other loose cannons married white women because she’s under the misguided notion that white is better.
For the four you named, I believe those men caught hell for doing so, either physically, financially, mentally or emotionally in which I referenced. Not some babysitter incapable of even feeling a breeze on her face let alone her soulmate plays moving target
dewstarpath
April 9th, 2010
3:07 pm
Milton Man –
– Do you know of any black men who aren’t sports figures
or reverends?
An Angry Black Man
April 9th, 2010
3:20 pm
Is it me or maybe the 6’5” good-looking, executive, well paid, brothers who are the desire of these women…don’t want ANY these woman as a mate, girlfriend or wife!
Sounds to me like these picky women have been picky for a long time and now are turning to nation TV as old news to get a date. It almost seems like they feel they are owed something because of their education and economic status. Please.
We all have seen these types of women a thousand times. They are the stuck up chicks at parties, grocery stores and the club waiting for some chump to wow them with materialistic toys. God I’m glad I’m married to someone who I love and loves me back-not for what we have or look like but for who we are. One of these women was a Falcons cheerleader, what man wants his wife shaking her tail feather for money! First thing Steve Harvey told those hens was how fine they were…are the beautiful people on the inside?
There are plenty of Postal Workers, mechanics and UPS drivers (some who make upwards of $70,000 per year) that these women would NEVER give a shot. The guys should be thankful.
Any woman who shows up for this event is a lonely desperate one. Fellas and ladies, there are good matches out there don’t let the media, talk show hosts and dumb women run game on you. Maybe they should have Tyler Perry dress up like Madea, hold a purse and sell “Medea Gets Married Too” for $5.99. They could get 5,000 to show up for that easily.
Steve Harvey and Michael Baisden are Jokes and get paid by perpetuating this foolishness. Quite easy to see why women follow these guys…they wear shinny suits (that are too big), exploit women by mesmerizing them with their gift of gab, and act like they have all the answers to all female problems (for money of course).
You know who else does that…a pimp.
MiltonMan
April 9th, 2010
3:23 pm
Dew, I know more black men/women than you know white men/women. I was a big brother in college to a couple of pre-teen boys in the middle 80s – both have gone on to have good careers in the military. My best friend happens to be a man of color who is now married to a wonderful woman. We have been friends since high school. I played multiple sports in school to include basketball. I was the only white kid on the team & that did not brother me at all. I had the nickname “White Shadow”. My small church group has 2 black couples, 2 Asian couples, 3 white couples, 1 Mexican American couple & 1 mixed couple.
So please keep your ignorance to yourself.
dewstarpath
April 9th, 2010
3:33 pm
MiltonMan
April 9th, 2010
3:23 pm
Dew, I know more black men/women than you know white men/women.
No, you don’t.
I lived in predominantly white neighborhoods – like the other
95% or more of the black people in this country.
Before I was 18, I lived in three states in opposite ends of
this country, including Georgia.
Think before you write, please.
How was the question I asked “ignorant” ? Speaking of which, did
you ever watch a single episode of “The White Shadow” in the 80s?
Ken Howard (the “white shadow”) was the coach. Sheesh.
dewstarpath
April 9th, 2010
3:41 pm
Angry Black Man –
You hit the proverbial curveball out of the park with
your 3:20 pm post.
Once again … Great Job!
dewstarpath
April 9th, 2010
3:44 pm
ABM – one thing, though.
- If your and your wife love each other, there’s nothing wrong with
“shaking her tail feather for money”. There are a lot of married
people in that field.
Regina
April 9th, 2010
4:09 pm
Yes, Ayasha, I meant complement. I think you meant to make the following sentence a complete sentence, not a fragmented one. “Although compliments from a mate are important as well.”
Rod
April 9th, 2010
4:19 pm
I’m married and my wife does not know how to cook I’ve voiced it plenty times to my wife her cooking still sucks till this day but I can live with it it’s not a deal breaker it’s things I’m sure she wishes I do better but at the end of the day it’s a compromise and neither sex wants to do that,if you want a woman watch his mother if u can’t even be half of her he’s not even thinking bout marrying you!
Regina
April 9th, 2010
4:26 pm
Women must also take care of their bodies through healthy eating and exercise. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, African American women have the highest rates of being overweight or obese compared to other groups in the U.S. About four out of five African American women are overweight or obese.
Many women wear nice clothes, go to the salon for nail service and hair appointments but are not in shape. More often than not, I am often the only woman of color participating in outdoor activities in my area.
Exercise and outdoor activities are a part of our family life. We make outdoor activities a priority for our children so it will be a natural part of their lives.
Native ATLien
April 9th, 2010
4:27 pm
Am I the only one who feels this is a tired topic? This is not an issue specific to black women. Women of all races go thru issues with dating/relationships. Men of all races go thru issues with dating/relationships…
Here’s my take: Love and respect yourself. Live your life to the fullest. And most important be open to a “good man”, not just a good “black” man. Race does not determine whether this is the best man/person for you.
So over this topic. And definitely not interested in the forum.
Marie
April 9th, 2010
4:46 pm
MyTooCents you wrote:
Anyway, take a good look in ANY office today and you will see a PLETHORA of black women. Since employers would much rather hire a black women over a black man, this then translates into higher salaries and greater success for black women.
Has it ever occurred to you or any of these other brothers that opine this foolishness that it is GOD who is blessing us with these positions? This idea that white America is more willing to deal with us than white men is complete BS. I have moved up in my company for one reason and one reason only – the FAVOR OF GOD. I was promoted into the IT department because the God caused the Exec VP of HR in my company to move on my behalf. I had no significant contact with this woman and did not even realize she knew my name. If I were to run into her this day she probably would not even recognize me.
You know where else you will find a PLETHORA of black women? In the church pews on Sunday morning. Sorry but that is just a FACT — go to any black church on Sunday (large or small) and the number of women far outnumber the men. You will even have situations in every church where a married woman attends with her children while the husband stays at home. In every church young boys who grew up in church have a tendency to leave and stop going when they become young men; while the young women tend to stay connected.
Ever think that there might not be a correlation between the two? More black women with higher paying jobs — more black women attending church.
dewstarpath
April 9th, 2010
4:57 pm
Marie – Are you kidding me?
Has it ever occurred to you or any of these other brothers that opine this foolishness that it is GOD who is blessing us with these positions? This idea that white America is more willing to deal with us than white men is complete BS. I have moved up in my company for one reason and one reason only – the FAVOR OF GOD. I was promoted into the IT department because the God caused the Exec VP of HR in my company to move on my behalf. I had no significant contact with this woman and did not even realize she knew my name. If I were to run into her this day she probably would not even recognize me.
Ever think there might be a correlation between this kind of foolishness
and the “digital divide”?