Oprah dishes to Monica about Stedman
Leave it to Atlanta’s own Monica Pearson to get the queen of talk to open up about her personal life with long-time beau, businessman Stedman Graham.
On Tuesday night’s “Monica’s Close-Ups” on WSB-TV, Oprah Winfrey reflected on her closely guarded relationship, telling Monica Pearson: “Had we made the official marriage commitment, we wouldn’t still be together. The reason the relationship works is that we get to define it on our terms. It would be very different if we were in a ‘traditional’ relationship where I was expected to be a wife and every now and then cook a meal!”
Personally, we admired Pearson’s tenacity. After all, she was required to interview Winfrey while perched atop a double-decker bus outside in Chicago last week as fans screamed salutations up to Winfrey throughout the conversation.
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© 2009 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
72 comments Add your comment
JGM
September 16th, 2009
4:31 pm
Sounds like an excuse to me……But whatever floats her boat.
“Had we made the official marriage commitment, we wouldn’t still be together. The reason the relationship works is that we get to define it on our terms. It would be very different if we were in a ‘traditional’ relationship where I was expected to be a wife and every now and then cook a meal!”
MsLady
September 16th, 2009
4:38 pm
I can’t believe she is still with that Gay man – LOL!!
GreatGal
September 16th, 2009
4:39 pm
When you have Oprah money….you can define whatever you want. Go Oprah! Marriage is NOT for everyone.
Bushwacker
September 16th, 2009
4:39 pm
Oprah, you don’t have to stay home and cook Stedman dinner, just stay home and make sure the chef cooks it.
Ms Michelle
September 16th, 2009
4:42 pm
Do you Oprah because that’s what counts…DO YOU GIRL
Amoz
September 16th, 2009
4:44 pm
They broke up? NO! My! Is it the butler…….huh?
Roswell
September 16th, 2009
4:45 pm
I think she is a poor example of morality.
Audrey in Georgia
September 16th, 2009
4:45 pm
When a man wants to marry you he will. When he does not want to marry you, he won’t.
Oprah simply settled for his B.S. because she still feels she is not worthy of a long, enduring
and great marriage. It is sad that all of the money in the world can not change her mind.
OneFreeMan
September 16th, 2009
4:49 pm
I don’t blame her. What’s hers is hers…
That's no dish
September 16th, 2009
4:50 pm
where’s the dish. this is no different from anything she’s ever said about stedman.
Lynn
September 16th, 2009
4:53 pm
I agree with her because she’s saying she couldn’t be a traditional wife and Stedman has accepted that to be with her. Of course, I think being together that long they should be married and still could have a non-traditional marriage (as in their roles), but I think she wanted “the ring” for so long from a man prior to her fame as she’s talked about over the years long before meeting Stedman, but as her career grew, so did her self-esteem and she came to the conclusion for herself that she didn’t NEED to have it, so if it happened or didn’t, it was ok. I believe SHE is the one who refused to get married as I remember years ago when Stedman moved away to California I believe & she said they didn’t break up. Ultimately, it works for them. I’m a Christian & the only issue I’d have is that Stedman was on TBN talking about the Lord knowing they live together & aren’t married (but they might be, think of Janet Jackson all those years), yet Oprah said marriage was ok years ago, but she thinks times have changed. God doesn’t change. It reminds me of Halle on Oprah saying she’d never get married again & I’m sure her beau has asked her, but she’s afraid because of two disastrous marriages.
Malinda Jackson
September 16th, 2009
4:58 pm
I think that Oprah is a wonderful person and she has a right to her opinion just as well as every one else.
Animal187
September 16th, 2009
4:59 pm
It is hard to beileve that so many women live their life by this woman. Even though there is nothing wrong with being single but is she sending the right message to young women? You do not have to get married but just find someone you can put up with for the rest of your life. If he messes up, kick him him to the crub besides I am not giving up my half to him but I will take his !!!
SEC4Life
September 16th, 2009
5:02 pm
“The reason the relationship works is that we get to define it on our terms.”
Translation: I do what I want to do. He does what I want to do.
Sounds to me like Harpo has a slighty distorted view of what real marriage is.
AMHILL3
September 16th, 2009
5:12 pm
Long Term Companion – This is what society has sank to. Young women grow up and prepare themselves to find a Long Term Companion! What kind of foolishness is this? The correct term for this type of woman is an Old Maid!!! How glamorous does that sound?
CELEBRITY QUOTE OF THE DAY - Faded Youth Blog
September 16th, 2009
5:18 pm
[...] Oprah explains how conventional marriage just wouldn’t work for her and longtime beau Stedman Graham Tags [...]
Debbie
September 16th, 2009
5:19 pm
I don’t think she’ll ever let him marry her and I think it’s very smart. They’re secure enough in their relationship that they don’t need a legal document to force them together. This is a woman who beats to her own drum and I amdire her enormously for that.
LMaddy
September 16th, 2009
5:23 pm
I don’t understand people who stay together for umpteen years and claim that they don’t need to make it official. If a piece of paper can break you up, then you must not be that stable to begin with.
malika
September 16th, 2009
5:24 pm
Why do some women think that unless you make things legal, its not a true relationship? As long as she’s happy, what business is it of yours? Unless you spend every waking moment with them as a couple, who are you to judge? I’m glad that she realized that the relationship is where she feels it should be. Rather than having a long, painful, expensive divorce, she’s kept her relationship to where it fits her. All of these women that think you aren’t a real woman if a man doesn’t marry are going to end up with your hearts broken.
malika
September 16th, 2009
5:27 pm
I was with a man for many years, and I really wanted him to marry me. He ended up being with another woman and he made her absolutely miserable where she begged him to come back to me and she begged me to take him back! I thank God every day that he chose that skank. Despite what many of yall think, marriage isn’t the end all, be all of relationships.
Dixie Darling
September 16th, 2009
5:31 pm
If you have enough money, and O does have it, then you can break almost all the traditional rules you want to — but sin is sin — and they are living in sin. You can’t buy your way out of sin.
Debdoes
September 16th, 2009
5:59 pm
Marriage isn’t the end all. Oprah doesn’t need the financial security of a marriage and she has chosen to remain single. Plus, let’s face it….they live apart, alot. I live with someone and after 5 years, I am glad we didn’t get married….it would have never worked.
Who cares
September 16th, 2009
6:16 pm
Who cares again…
“Had We Made The Traditional Marriage Commitment, We Still Wouldn’t Be Together…” Oprah On Studman
September 16th, 2009
6:35 pm
[...] relationship where I was expected to be a wife and every now and then cook a meal!” Oprah on her widely speculated about relationship with Stedman Graham which she raaaarely speaks about, so we [...]
marie
September 16th, 2009
6:44 pm
Who cares?
PV
September 16th, 2009
6:51 pm
We all have to answer to our maker. If Oprah feels this is okay for her then more powers to her. Why then do we even waste time to ponder whether it is right or wrong. No one answers to the Master for Oprah but Oprah. When my name is called I know how my judgement is gonna be. Much love peace joy and happiness to all…
Andrea
September 16th, 2009
7:01 pm
It’s easy (or necessary) for a woman to make excuses to herself and the world when she (inside) thinks or feels that maybe she isn’t worthy of receiving that level of commitment. I’m not saying that this is Oprah’s situation, but I think the reason she gave is really just an excuse for some hidden level of low physical self-esteem. Just because a person is filthy rich does NOT mean they have attained true inner peace with themselves…
NavyMom
September 16th, 2009
7:06 pm
Lord Jesus here we go again. All this highfalutin self righteous opinions. Thank God Jesus doesn’t look to us for His examples. Living with someone is a sin but you can marry someone and be sinful and it’s okay.
No one knows but her and Stedman the real down and dirty. It’s no one’s business. If she doesn’t want to be married so be it. If she’s comfortable with what they have so be it – it’s her life. Young woman (people in general) should stop looking to others as EXAMPLES. Get it for yourself.
Fast Eddie
September 16th, 2009
7:23 pm
Anybody seen Oprah without make up? Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww!
Miss A
September 16th, 2009
7:27 pm
@Roswell….if Oprah is a “poor example of morality”, what about Angelina and Brad (3 out of welock kids)….Matthew McConaoughy and his Brazilian gf (2 OOW kids)…..Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell (1 or 2 OOW kids)….Nicole Ritchie and her greasy rocker bf (2 OOW kids)….I could go on…
At least Oprah did not have any OOW kids….so, what’s the big deal? Sounds like some racial hate going on here….
IMHO
September 16th, 2009
7:41 pm
Too MANY celebritites are living together, not getting married. Also having kids out of wedlock. Bad examples for young people. This is tearing down the fabric of our society.
K
September 16th, 2009
7:53 pm
I agree with Audrey below. Maybe most of you don’t recall but many yrs ago, back in the early 90’s Oprah blabbed how she wanted to have a baby, how she wanted to get married, and how much in love she was with Stedman. Then as quickly as she said it, she made excuses for why she didn’t want to get married and by that time age became a factor in bearing a child. What other men have we ever seen Oprah with? It wasn’t until she “met” this light skinned, talk, handsome man, that she lost her mind and probably felt like she was the “luckiest woman in the world” because he some how validated her. If they are not “secretly married,” they will NEVER GET MARRIED. It ain’t about the money either. Oprah “proved” that she wasn’t a lonely woman by “strutting around with Stedman” what does she need him for now? She digs deep into everyone else’s business – she needs to come clean about her own – THE TRUTH OPRAH THE TRUTH!
Attorneymom@www.charactercorner.blogspot.com
September 16th, 2009
7:57 pm
Blank stare. That was such a dumb statement. Perhaps it would have been better if she would have remained silent on the status of her relationship.
Tracher
September 16th, 2009
8:01 pm
you people are so negative. marriage schmarriage. it’s not for everyone. good for them, and anyone, who is able to have a long-term, committed relationship with or without marriage. and if you decide you don’t even want a relationship or kids, or kids w/o a relationship. it’s all good, as long as YOU ARE HAPPY.
ant banks
September 16th, 2009
8:09 pm
why y’all keep editin’ my comments out!!! jus’ because i say somethin’ about queen monica and oprah!! geeesshhh!!!
ant banks
September 16th, 2009
8:11 pm
what does it mean when it say: “your comment is awaiting moderation?” i did’nt curse or anything
Russell
September 16th, 2009
8:39 pm
Ah, so Monica Kaufman is Pearson now. Been away from Atlanta for a while now.
Karina
September 16th, 2009
8:57 pm
Marriage ain’t the end-all-be-all that traditionalists want it to be. Fortunately, they are NOT the boss of me–or Oprah.
They’re just jealous because she doesn’t let other people tell her how to live her life.
MarIa L M
September 16th, 2009
9:01 pm
Why are people so interested in peoples personal lives why can’t we just fucus on positive things in people what they are doing to talk about her show but leave peronal stuff alone like MichaelJackson said when she ask him if he was a virgin and he said he would not say because that is private. Come on people let’s grow stop being noisy about stuff that is not your business
DJ
September 16th, 2009
9:02 pm
Personally, i think they are married…They probably did it secretly. Just remember…no one knew Janet Jackson was married to that guy Rene’ ( i think that was his name) til all of a sudden she got a divorce.
T-bone
September 16th, 2009
9:13 pm
Dixie Darling nailed it correctly…….living in sin is what it is…..what evreybody CALLS it is up to their cloudy morality lense…..
malika
September 16th, 2009
10:02 pm
it appears to me that many of the women on this board feel that marriage is the only thing that validates us. people are in oprah’s business as it is, but imagine how bad it would be if she got married. if her living the way she is makes her happy, so be it. people are programmed to think that no matter how bad it makes a woman feel, she’s not complete unless there’s a man by her side. i saw my mom be with a dude for 11 years before they got married and 3 years later they were divorced. just because there’s a man by your side, doesn’t mean you should tie the not. those of us that are comfortable in our own skin don’t need a wedding ring to make us feel whole.
Diehard ATL Fan
September 16th, 2009
10:21 pm
With $$$ being no object it’s apparent that something else (other relationships, problems, etc…) are more pressing than marriage for them.
Who are we to judge their decision?
George
September 16th, 2009
11:50 pm
I can’t believe so many people care about other people’s business. For you Christians, Those without sin cast the first stone…
Marilyn
September 17th, 2009
12:47 am
Marriage is not for everyone. When you’re committed to each other a piece of paper really does not matter. If it’s going to work or not as we have seen with all the divorces in the world a piece of paper does not matter. If they’e comfortable in their relatonship to heck with everyone else
malika
September 17th, 2009
1:21 am
amen marilyn!! if marriage was so simple, the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high.
Alice
September 17th, 2009
7:55 am
I’ve been happily married for 23 years in a non traditional marriage! He cooks,I cook and we have a cleaning service come in once a month. That can’t be her reason for not getting married!
Carolyn
September 17th, 2009
8:11 am
Maybe Oprah can do a closeup on Monica and discuss why she(Monica) has been married 4 times :>)
Ms.Simon
September 17th, 2009
8:18 am
Stedman knows what Oprah looks like without makeup, the spanx, and the hair. That’s why he won’t marry her. LOL!!!!!!
Joyce
September 17th, 2009
8:23 am
This is so stilted it makes me want to throw up. She claims to be so morally correct, but she does just exactly what she pleases and it is so immoral how people fall all over themselves to please her. Stedman is the smart one here. He doesn’t have to pay for room and board, food and free sex whenever he wants it. She on the other hand is just keeping him around for her own amusement because she could have any man she wants (with her money, everything is possible). I don’t begrudge a person who worked very hard to get to the top, but what I do disrespect is how that person then uses their wealth. Oprah builds monuments to herself. She thinks she’s responsible for putting Obama in the White House and even looked into buying a house in Washington! What a ego trip!
Question
September 17th, 2009
8:28 am
If Stedman had all the money and Oprah didn’t would your comments be the same?
mightypower
September 17th, 2009
9:04 am
Well… God ordain MARRIAGE for a MAN and WOMAN. I too am a Christian. America is in soooooo much trouble because of SIN and wrong doing. And except America REPENT and turn BACK to their LOVE wow be unto us. People do NOT marry any more all they do now is just “SHACK”. We as a people better get it together. No jobs, people is losing their homes, their is just soooo much going on. These ARE the LAST days. It is like SODOM and GOMORRAH.
Byron J. Smith
September 17th, 2009
9:11 am
Lets just let Oprah be Oprah. She knows what is important to her in life. If she ever decides that Stedman would complete her I’m sure she would have no problem in taking the plunge. I really feel sorry for people of stardom,that they are unable to live life in peace. Personally that is alot to give up,when we have such a short time to enjoy the life Jesus has given us.
phyllis
September 17th, 2009
9:11 am
Oprah will have to answer to a higher power( GOD) one day, but we all know that she doesn’t believe in GOD. Yes, Monica has been MARRIED four times,the key word is MARRIED. Monica is also a very successful woman.
lovelyliz
September 17th, 2009
9:16 am
My ex-cousin-in-law, the holy roller, would tell Oprah ans Steadman what sinful people they are and how God meant us to marry AND then he would go home to his 4th wife.
P.S. none of his ex-wives are dead
Me
September 17th, 2009
9:24 am
Marriage is not defined as a piece of paper. It is a commitment between two people. For those Biblical people-the Bible defines it as when to people “know each other” meaning intimately. Oprah and Stedman are more “married” than most people!
makecents
September 17th, 2009
9:38 am
Is it me or has the whole world lost its freakin mind. The last time I checked wealthy people still
made long term commitments. (Bill Gates) duh! Its really sad because so many women look up to this woman as an icon. I think that people need to put their daughters in this situation and examine if they would want for their children. Let’s not forget people all the money in the world can’t save your soul or promise you happiness.
Greg
September 17th, 2009
9:38 am
“I think she is a poor example of morality.”
Please! I guess you hold that compass huh??
Karen Jackson
September 17th, 2009
9:43 am
To K…Stedman is not Oprah’s first “light skinned, tall man.”
Voice of Reason #1
September 17th, 2009
9:48 am
What Oprah told Monica about not marrying Stedman..she’s said that before. No scoop there. And I don’t think Oprah will ever marry a man. She has secrets. Ask Gayle.
ken
September 17th, 2009
9:52 am
In a society where there is no longer any absolute truth, people get to define everything, including marriage, on their own terms and by their own definitions. In a society where everyone has the right to choose their own God or have no God at all,make up their own rules or have no rules at all, is it any wonder that we are witnessing so rapid a decline of values and morals in America.We have returned to the days of the biblical judges, where everyone does what is right in their own eyes!
DH
September 17th, 2009
9:57 am
Whose is really benefiting from arrangement? Sounds like Stedman is having his cake and eating it too whenever he wants to.
Reign
September 17th, 2009
10:01 am
You go girl. It’s your relationship, your business, handle it the way you see fit. I’ve never had dreams of marriage, but I’ve been in long term healthy relationships. Not everyone wants marriage. And I’ve been asked many times! We’re in the 21st century, everything has changed and so has the institution of marriage. Til death do us part needs to change a bit. I think marriage is definitely still important, but people don’t necessarily marry and stay together until death. For one thing, marriage was necessary back in the day because women couldn’t work and depended on men to take care of them financially and women took care of the household. And another thing, how can you say a marriage didn’t work when the person stayed together for 15 years, 10 years, 20 years? It worked for as long as it was suppose to work for those 2 people. If we’d get to know ourselves better and become the masters of our own happiness and stop looking for someone else to engineer our being, we’d choose wiser and wouldn’t be so quick to judge and criticize others.
Jay
September 17th, 2009
10:02 am
Far be it from Oprah to be committed to values. I think she agrees with Charles Barkley….”I am not a role model.”
lovelyliz
September 17th, 2009
10:43 am
Did i mention that this same cousin met all 4 of his wives in church, married 2 of them at this church and had the preacher come to the house to marry him to wife #4 whom he had been shacking up with waiting for his divorce #3 and her divorce #2 to become final?
MsLady
September 17th, 2009
11:03 am
Too funny @ lovelyliz! And most times them so-called preachers are ’suspect’ as well.
Denise
September 17th, 2009
12:09 pm
I agree with Oprah. If I had the fortune that she has, I wouldn’t give up half to Stedman either. Stedman is the lucky one. The relationship is managed and defined on Oprah terms. I want to be like Oprah when I grow up. You go girl!!
lovelyliz
September 17th, 2009
12:12 pm
Thanks MsLady. Another one of those amusing, but unfortunatly true, stories.
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September 18th, 2009
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[...] on the Oprah post in AJC It is hard to believe that so many women live their life by this woman. Even though there is [...]
John Garner
November 5th, 2009
5:13 pm
We are in serious danger when everyone does what is right in his/her own eyes. When it comes to morality, opinions and views are as diverse and numerous as the sands of the sea. But think for a moment, when you know the posted speed limit, violate it and get apprehended by the authorities what do you say then? Whatever faith we profess, we must be true to that faith, not the other way around — we can live how we wish but we can’t use religion or morality to justify our way of life. We are justified by a faith if we hold true to all of its principles and not the ones that suit our manner of thinking or life style — 99.5% will not do — hopefully we all will be honest with ourselves and each other as we live our lives, there in we will find the truth. Let us live and not judge one another, be who you are, live how you wish, and let us not be decieved by our own preferences.
I have my own beliefes — Jesus Christ, the one who was, is, and is to come. The IS aspect of him is what I am focused on, he said he will lead and guide people into all truth — but we must chose to listen to him. People (in any profession, including the religious) will mislead us, but the Spirit of Christ will teach us all things, because he is truth, the norm, the light of the world.
But life how you wish and be true to yourself. Be honest enought to say to yourself, I am living this way because I chose to and have no need to explain myself to human being.
Misty
November 9th, 2009
11:29 am
I think that people need to lighten up on O! Come on…. You all have to much time on your hands. She has done alot of wonderful things for alot of people. She may not be the Picture of Mortality but last I checked that was Jesus’s job. Her sins are hers. Why dont U spend your time repenting for your own.
Angel
November 14th, 2009
11:10 am
I just had a similar conversation with friends. Marriage is a tough subject and I honestly have nothing against marriage but it is not for everyone and it should not define us so. much. I hear so many people who’ve gotten married thinking it will change their husband or wife into the person they want them to be and they end up miserable. I hear of people who only really get married because they’re pregnant or they’ve gotten someone pregnant or even because this is as good as it’s going to get. I’ve actually heard more people say that then you would think. Marriage shouldn’t be a way to get your man to stop cheating on you or your girl to stop going out and partying all night or about settling. Marriage should not be a way to prove to other people in this nation that your relationship is better or more important than those who are not married. Both non religious and religious people seem to think that marriage is the end all be all, the only way to prove to God that you’re a good couple or the only way to prove to our nation that your relationship is real.
People do change but rarely does it have anything to do with a ring being put on your finger, vows that you say, or the marriage license that you sign. People simply change in their on time and not always in ways that your significant other will like. I may be a romantic but marriage shouldn’t be about changing people or proving to God and state that your relationship is legit, or about the legal perks of being married but that seems to be why the majority of people get married these days and perhaps it’s why so many get divorced. Now there are those who have married because of the love they have for the other person just as they are and come whatever changes may occur. That’s called unconditional love and unfortunately not many of the couples I’ve interviewed have fallen into that category. Not many of us are capable of that despite what we tell ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just the human condition. I personally don’t know if I could get married. I’m a very independent person and need a lot of space and time to myself and I’m not willing to give that up for a legal document that says my relationship has meaning . Nor do I believe god will look down his nose on my relationship as sinful because I didn’t get married. By the way all you religious people, I do believe in God but the Bible was written by man not God or Jesus. Maybe you should read it again and you might realize those are mans decrees not Gods. We have no way of really knowing what God wants from us until death. The only thing we can do is live our lives in the best way we know how. Marry or don’t marry it is not the end of the world. As for Oprah, not being a traditional wife has nothing to do with marrying someone but I don’t knock her for choosing not to. By the way I’m a female and I’m not settling for a mans BS. I simply don’t know if marriage is right for everyone but that doesn’t mean I have to be alone because I don’t marry. You just can’t win in this world.