When times are tough many Americans turn to their faith, family or friends to get them through.
Some may also turn to pornography.
The world’s most popular porn site says web traffic spiked during the partial government shutdown.
The pornhub.com press release, which is safe for work, says “it’s as if Bill Clinton was back in office.”
Here’s how the excited porn purveyor put it: “Country wide there has been an increase of 4.5%, while the states with the highest spikes have been Nevada (up 42%), Oklahama (up 21%), and Florida (up 14%). Only Missouri (nicknamed the ’show me state’) is down 4.5%. … Maybe they’re providing all the new content instead of viewing it!”
Well isn’t that lovely.
Nevada, where you can pay to have sex with real human beings, had a 42% increase. Why? Either pornhub analysts don’t know how to run a calculator or we’ve found the NSA’s headquarters.
Georgians, who excel at everything except
As you’ve probably heard, the federal shutdown is over.
There were other costs. Vacations were ruined, businesses suffered and government workers endured a lot of stress.
Some of the stress was from not working or knowing when the next paycheck would arrive. For one woman, the stress may have been from overwork.
Initially, many House members thought she had gotten ahold of a campaign speech.
It’s a shame they dragged the stenographer away. She may have been
In 2016, Hillary Clinton may become the most powerful person on Earth, but on Saturday her 10-person security detail couldn’t stop a cop writing a parking ticket.
This injustice would never have happened in America, of course, where the former first lady, U.S. secretary of state and presidential candidate could probably leave her car in the Lincoln Memorial and not run afoul of the law.
No, the ticket was issued by a London “traffic warden,” according to The Daily Mail, which has pictures of incredulous Secret Service agents waving their arms in protest.
Clinton, 65, who was in Atlanta Tuesday, gets around pretty good for someone retired. She was in central London Saturday to accept an award on diplomacy. At about the same time the officer was writing the ticket, Clinton was saying the world needed “sensible adult conversation” about the boundaries of state surveillance.
The world is a strange place.
How strange? Farmers in China are selling cockroaches for $20 a pound. That’s not a typo.
You can get a whole lotta Chick-fil-A for that kinda money.
Chinese farmers are cultivating American cockroaches, the big ones that fly and are usually outdoors, not the nastier little ones that infest the homes of gross people.
The Los Angeles Times article says roaches are used as food and as ingredients in traditional (read ‘quack’) medicine and some cosmetics.
The farmer interviewed in the article says the price of roaches has skyrocketed from $2 a pound in 2010 to $20 a pound today because manufacturers of traditional medicine are “stockpiling pulverized cockroach powder.”
The assumed largest producer of cockroaches in the world, farmer Wang Fuming, said he got into the business after realizing he was “accidentally raising” the pests.
Unlike pigs, his new livestock don’t require
The only winners during a shutdown of federal government are the squirrels raiding the unattended White House garden.
Fortunately for America there’s a blog — Obama Foodorama — dedicated to covering this ongoing tragedy.
Eddie Gehman Kohan, the founding editor of the blog, unveils the horrors unfolding in the Obama’s “Kitchen Garden”:
As one may surmise, the once-photogenic garden now looks a
Update: A USPS spokesperson says no decision has been made to destroy the stamps. Such a decision would occur later this year.
It’s tough being a kid. It’s even tougher learning to be tough with namby pamby adults running things.
The United States Postal Service, which is only $4 billion in the red this year, will destroy a series of stamps that depict youngsters doing ‘unsafe’ things, according to multiple reports.
The “Just Move” collection of stamps were intended to promote the government’s “Let’s Move” campaign advocating physical fitness, a cause championed by first lady Michelle Obama.
But three of the 15 colorful stamps allegedly show behavior the White House deems unacceptable — skateboarding without knee pads, doing a ‘cannonball’ into a pool, and performing a handstand without a helmet.
You know what’s really unsafe? Hitting a baseball without eyeballs or swimming without
Government programs are the fuel that keeps the economic engine of America humming.
This became evident Saturday when two Wal-Mart stores in Louisiana were cleaned out by shoppers using Electronic Benefit Transfer cards.
Local news channel KSLA reports the stores allowed purchases on EBT cards that showed no spending limits.
During the two-hour glitch, shoppers seemed to get hungrier and began hoarding groceries at stores in Springhill and Mansfield.
Police were called because so many people were clearing off shelves. “It was worse than any black Friday,” said Springhill Police Chief Will Lynd.
At 9 p.m. the EBT card glitch was fixed and customers began abandoning carts full of food. One woman who had spent several minutes selecting $700 in groceries was upset to learn her card had only 49 cents on it.
“It looked like a tornado had come through,” said one man who took video of
The stabbing death of a soldier from South Carolina may be prosecuted as a hate crime, officials say.
KIRO TV in Washington reports 20-year-old Spc. Tevin A. Geike, from Summerville, S.C., died Saturday after a racial insult was shouted at three white soldiers by one of five black men in a passing car.
Geike, who graduated from high school in North Charleston, S.C., in 2010, had served in the military for three years and had no combat experience, said an Army spokesman at Joint Base Lewis-McChord.
Lakewood, Wash., police said Geike and two fellow members of the 7th Infantry Division were walking alongside Pacific Highway when a vehicle approached and someone yelled at the soldiers. The pedestrians allegedly yelled back that soldiers should be treated with respect.
The soldiers told police the car stopped, turned around and five men got out of the car and surrounded them. A verbal confrontation ensued.
After learning the pedestrians
War creates a lot of heroes, including plenty of fake ones.
A former Lake Tahoe bartender was so good at telling tall tales of military exploits he was able to score a $300 million security contract with the nation of Burundi.
ABC News reporter Dan Noyes in San Francisco brings us the exciting tales of 56-year-old A.J. Dicken, a former Lake Tahoe bartender who made a fortune off lies.
According to the article, Dicken was paid $50,000 by a documentary film maker for his fake life story.
To seal the deal, Dicken provided falsified documents (DD Form 214 discharge papers) saying he served 35 years as a Navy SEAL, participated in 291 classified CIA operations, and was awarded the Bronze Star, Silver Star, Navy Cross, two Purple Hearts, six counter-terrorist service medals, and nine presidential citations.
The documentary was to be called “A Soldier’s Story: The most
Those paying $60,000 a year to get an education might think it’s safe to leave their laundry unattended.
These people would be wrong. Smelly wrong.
Police at Yale University are currently trying to flush out a “poopetrator” who is depositing human feces in campus washers and dryers, reports the Yale Daily News.
Many at the Ivy League school “fear for the safety of their clothes.”
“I simultaneously wanted to throw up, cry and punch someone,” said Lucy Fleming, who has found human urine, excrement and other surprises lurking in campus dryers.
A school official confirmed “weird, creepy, and disgusting things in the laundry room.”
Students want round-the-clock security at the washers and dryers, which have allegedly been “thoroughly disinfected.”
An anonymous student told Rumpus, the campus tabloid, that someone went No. 1 in her first load, No. 2 in her second.
“The entire reason my laundry was in this