The South is the butt of a lot of jokes, but it starts making sense when you see what we search for on Google.
Estately, a real estate firm with a lot of spare time on its hands, tried to determine what residents of each state searched for most on the Internet.
Their findings — “What each state Googles more than any other” — are both humorous and shameful.
While Alabamians seek God, your Georgia neighbors are searching for info on butt implants, Spanx, cooking crack (have you spotted the butt theme yet?), divorce, athletes foot, weaves and tofu.
Having found and tasted tofu, I have no idea why people still search for it.
Right next door, Alabamans, when they aren’t searching for God, also search for Jesus, Fox News, impeach Obama, Obama is the Antichrist, Jessica Simpson, Satan and polka.
Like any family reunion, it’s difficult to say who is crazier, but polka probably gives Alabama the win.
Texas, which really should have been allowed to leave the U.S., is curious if dinosaurs are real, if zombies are real, if Chupacabra is real and does the burning sensation felt while urinating mean herpes is real? Like most voters, they also want to know more about government mind control, stewing up meth and purple drank and how to sell one’s soul to the devil.
The people of Tennessee, who should be searching for a competent dentist, were only interested in Elvis.
Florida, like many readers of this blog, want to know the definition of sarcasm and more about alligator wrestling (that should be wrassling), Botox, eyebrow piercing, MDMA (aka ecstasy), Viagra, swingers and lice.
The South hasn’t cornered the market on weird, however.
Idaho, a magical place I must now visit, wants to know more about potatoes, Bigfoot and unicorns.
Alaska, being cold and perhaps a bit lonely, is looking for mail order brides, bestiality and Sarah Palin.
The most boring place in America? Maybe Delaware, where residents frequently ask “What is Delaware?”
Hmmmm… this study is as questionable as a timeshare condo in Lithonia, but it sounds like Delaware needs a swift kick to the butt implant.
More news gathered from the Interwebs after 10 days of rest: