Georgians use Google to learn to make crack

lvspanx0405The South is the butt of a lot of jokes, but it starts making sense when you see what we search for on Google.

Estately, a real estate firm with a lot of spare time on its hands, tried to determine what residents of each state searched for most on the Internet.

Their findings — “What each state Googles more than any other” — are both humorous and shameful.

While Alabamians seek God, your Georgia neighbors are searching for info on butt implants, Spanx, cooking crack (have you spotted the butt theme yet?), divorce, athletes foot, weaves and tofu.

Having found and tasted tofu, I have no idea why people still search for it.

Right next door, Alabamans, when they aren’t searching for God, also search for Jesus, Fox News, impeach Obama, Obama is the Antichrist, Jessica Simpson, Satan and polka.

Like any family reunion, it’s difficult to say who is crazier, but polka probably gives Alabama the win.

Texas, which really should have been allowed to leave the U.S., is curious if dinosaurs are real, if zombies are real, if Chupacabra is real and does the burning sensation felt while urinating mean herpes is real? Like most voters, they also want to know more about government mind control, stewing up meth and purple drank and how to sell one’s soul to the devil.

The people of Tennessee, who should be searching for a competent dentist, were only interested in Elvis.

Florida, like many readers of this blog, want to know the definition of sarcasm and more about alligator wrestling (that should be wrassling), Botox, eyebrow piercing, MDMA (aka ecstasy), Viagra, swingers and lice.

The South hasn’t cornered the market on weird, however.

Idaho, a magical place I must now visit, wants to know more about potatoes, Bigfoot and unicorns.

Alaska, being cold and perhaps a bit lonely, is looking for mail order brides, bestiality and Sarah Palin.

The most boring place in America? Maybe Delaware, where residents frequently ask “What is Delaware?”

Hmmmm… this study is as questionable as a timeshare condo in Lithonia, but it sounds like Delaware needs a swift kick to the butt implant.

More news gathered from the Interwebs after 10 days of rest:

47 comments Add your comment

Bernie31

May 21st, 2014
11:09 pm

So what are you saying George, you like wearing womans panty hose?

Banal Bob

May 22nd, 2014
7:11 am

Banal, boring and boorish. You really get paid to come up with this drivel?

earnhardt

May 22nd, 2014
7:16 am

Almost makes me proud to be from Illinois… but not quite.

Swan

May 22nd, 2014
7:18 am

Where do you attend High School George Mathis, professional journalism this piece is not.

TBT

May 22nd, 2014
7:23 am

Proof that most people that use the internet ad nauseam are not very intelligent and are anti social nut cases.

The first poster on this very blog is the perfect example!

Uh…Huh!!

Stoopid

May 22nd, 2014
7:34 am

George, I enjoy your view on life. Not sure what that says about me. For the haters, get a grip and understand this column. (Florida, like many readers of this blog, want to know the definition of sarcasm)

stop lumping us together

May 22nd, 2014
7:53 am

Based on the list they made, it looks like those google searches were from one particular demographic.

motocross survivor

May 22nd, 2014
8:00 am

Yeah, I agree B. Bob. This is lame, but tries. Me thinks the writer is gay, btw.

Billy

May 22nd, 2014
8:08 am

LOL, most of these meth searchers are probably unemployed, in prison, or how to make a living with it. It seems people will almost always try to be lazy and opt for vocations that land you in jail instead of living an honest life and trying to be a blessing to others. Narrow is the way and few are they who find it…

coj

May 22nd, 2014
8:12 am

Some folks continue to log on to this site and still don’t understand it’s supposed to be about humorous news. I find it humorous that there are those who take offense or just don’t get it but still manage to make a comment and contribute to it. I guess the joke is on them.

I find it interesting that porn wasn’t the number one topic of Google search.

So, have Alabamans found God yet?

@ stop lumping us together

May 22nd, 2014
8:16 am

Sadly, yes they are all from the liberal / Democrat demographic.

@ coj

May 22nd, 2014
8:20 am

LMAO … The hidden humorist this story is that all these google searches are done by Liberals!

And they are allowed to Vote, more than once in many instances!

Merica!

Harvey P.

May 22nd, 2014
8:22 am

Not that it matters, but I do not “google” (too made it has become like “make a ‘xerox’ of that” — not all copies are Xeroxed, you know). I use Bing, Netscape, and Dogpile. Yes, folks, Dogpile is an actual search engine.

Glenn

May 22nd, 2014
8:23 am

This sounds like the type of research that would be funded by a government grant.

WhirledPeas

May 22nd, 2014
8:28 am

And George Mathis is searching for cute sheep while he should be searching for how to write a column.

Jekylldo

May 22nd, 2014
8:29 am

This list seems handpicked at best or just plain fake.

George Mathis

May 22nd, 2014
8:30 am

Thanks for the warm welcome back from vacation! I really appreciate the kindness and support.

Lindsay

May 22nd, 2014
8:36 am

If you guys are looking for groundbreaking news and investigative reporting, why in the WORLD did you even click on the column? Just from reading the headline you know it’s going to be a humorous piece. Go find your funny bone, people! It doesn’t always have to be about DeKalb County shootings, drug mules in Atlanta and Cobb’s attempt to take the Braves stadium northwest. Jeez…

coj

May 22nd, 2014
8:50 am

It’s always the liberals who are to blame, right? Yes, right wing fanatics and the extreme conservative mob of “blame everyone but themselves” when they are the real guilty party, continues their rants on liberals while exposing an acute case of intellectual vacuum.

ObamaSucks

May 22nd, 2014
9:06 am

Why are liberals such douche bags?

morn1960

May 22nd, 2014
9:07 am

conservatives are determined to force their beliefs on the rest of us, whether religion or crack pot ideas straight from bachman. never mind the fact they do not want to be exposed to truth and facts, they would force all of us to live in the 18th century wallowing in hate and ignorance

Okay...

May 22nd, 2014
9:12 am

I didn’t see anything on Alabama’s list that gives them the ‘win’ for crazy. Clearly, you don’t know much about what goes on in this mixed up world we live in today.

POTUS

May 22nd, 2014
9:35 am

@ coj … Seriously?

I invented and trademarked the hallmark socialist phrase … Blame Bush.

Do not mock me, your leader, for this is the one and only accomplishment of my Presidency!

Forward,
Barrack Hussein Obama

coj

May 22nd, 2014
9:37 am

Intellectual vacuum=extreme conservatism

NSA

May 22nd, 2014
9:38 am

@ morn1960

We have evidence you are one of the top Google searchers of all time. Al Gore invented the internet just for socialist like you! Enjoy surfing!

Newt Nugent

May 22nd, 2014
9:45 am

A recent study also showed that red states are the largest and most consistent consumers of Black porn. I guess that’s kinda like progress.

coj

May 22nd, 2014
9:47 am

Survey: Low IQ leads to racism and extreme conservatism.

Psychology Today featured psychologists Gordon Hodson and Michael A. Busseri’s findings in its April 22 issue which correlate low IQ with rabid racist and right-wing views.

Jeez

May 22nd, 2014
10:09 am

coj = ‘I know you are but what am I?’

coj

May 22nd, 2014
10:10 am

Psychiatrist Confirms: Liberalism Is a Mental Disorder
——————————————————————————
As a clinical and forensic psychiatrist, Lyle Rossiter has treated over 1,500 patients and examined over 2,700 civil and criminal cases. Rossiter has diagnosed an alarming percentage of the population as suffering from the grotesque form of mental derangement known by some as moonbattery.

Based on strikingly irrational beliefs and emotions, modern liberals relentlessly undermine the most important principles on which our freedoms were founded. Like spoiled, angry children, they rebel against the normal responsibilities of adulthood and demand that a parental government meet their needs from cradle to grave.

A social scientist who understands human nature will not dismiss the vital roles of free choice, voluntary cooperation and moral integrity — as liberals do. A political leader who understands human nature will not ignore individual differences in talent, drive, personal appeal and work ethic, and then try to impose economic and social equality on the population — as liberals do. And a legislator who understands human nature will not create an environment of rules which over-regulates and over-taxes the nation’s citizens, corrupts their character and reduces them to wards of the state — as liberals do.

The roots of liberalism — and its associated madness — can be clearly identified by understanding how children develop from infancy to adulthood and how distorted development produces the irrational beliefs of the liberal mind. When the modern liberal mind whines about imaginary victims, rages against imaginary villains and seeks above all else to run the lives of persons competent to run their own lives, the neurosis of the liberal mind becomes painfully obvious.

Basically liberalism is a willful failure to mature beyond adolescence that can have catastrophic consequences for society. With luck, the official diagnosis of this disease by a mental health professional will facilitate the search for a cure.

coj

May 22nd, 2014
10:23 am

Hijacking a username and citing false research is also a sign of low intelligence and severe conservatism tinged with rabid insanity.

coj

May 22nd, 2014
10:24 am

Extreme conservatives are really testy, aren’t they? And stupid enough to defend themselves.

George Mathis

May 22nd, 2014
10:28 am

It’s good to be back. I really missed reading the intelligent back-and-forth debate we witness here.

coj

May 22nd, 2014
10:31 am

I keep posting but no one is listening or responding. Please help me with my liberal mental disorder!

coj

May 22nd, 2014
10:31 am

I am listening to you … Or myself?

coj

May 22nd, 2014
10:32 am

Welcome back Mathis … Please talk to me! :(

Don't Tread

May 22nd, 2014
10:45 am

“Restaurant with ‘No guns allowed’ sign robbed by people with guns” Really? You don’t say!!

I can think of some Google searches for people in NC…

ObamaSucks

May 22nd, 2014
11:00 am

Survey: Low IQ leads to racism and extreme Hypocrite liberalism

Liberals…the racist hypocrite idiot douche bags we always knew they were.

Kat

May 22nd, 2014
11:30 am

This is actually my favorite blog on ajc.com. All the messed-up folks are either spotlighted in the article or posting in the comments.

Al Gore

May 22nd, 2014
11:37 am

I invented the Internet (and Global Warming). It warms my heart to see scientific evidence that our liberal worshippers and followers are using the internet as a valuable education tool.

Kat

May 22nd, 2014
11:39 am

All the messed-up folks (me) are either spotlighted (me) in the article or posting (me) in the comments.

It’s all about me, me, me

white

May 22nd, 2014
11:58 am

Pointless article. AJC has been awful for over ten years. Probably more. Soon Atlanta won’t even have a newspaper site. All they report are murders and tyler perry. Weak.

coj

May 22nd, 2014
12:50 pm

“Liberals…the racist hypocrite idiot douche bags we always knew they were.”

Is that why so many racist identify themselves as extremely conservative republicans?

Waheema

May 22nd, 2014
1:10 pm

George just seems to be a mean, arrogant little man with little to be arrogant about. Not much to see here.

josey

May 22nd, 2014
1:32 pm

Hilarious – ROFL

Obviously, Alabamians ingest a LOT of Faux & Frightwing radio lies and propaganda.

ObamaSucks

May 22nd, 2014
4:42 pm

No Cojo not nearly as many fake ass Hypocrite Liberals who say they aren’t…but really are… dont be just another douche bag

coj

May 22nd, 2014
4:47 pm

Ok, I am a Racist Liberal and I love my Crack. What is wrong with dat?

ObamaSucks

May 22nd, 2014
5:10 pm

nothing douche bag you are who you are….dumb and racist nothing you can do about it.. Buh Bye Now…