Study: Georgians really fast at sex

If Georgia had a sex coach, she would be making this face. (Nick Dolding/Getty Images)

If Georgia had a sex coach, she would be making this face. (Nick Dolding/Getty Images)

Is sex a marathon or a sprint?

Georgians seem to be short track specialists according to a new compilation of copulation chronology, which suggests the average roll in the hay here takes a mere 2 minutes and 7 seconds.

Yes, Billy Bragg, it is still possible to make a baby in less time than it takes to make a cup of tea.

How did researchers get their numbers?

According to Nerve.com, a website that may not be safe for work according to the content filter I just bypassed, the info came from “early adopters” of a mobile app that uses your phones accelerometer, microphone and hopefully not camera to monitor “duration, thrusts, and decibel peak.”

Is it just me, or does everything seem way more complicated and less private than it used to be?

Anyway, 10,000 people apparently wanted to share that sort of info with the public and we now know New Mexico, with an average time of 7 minutes and 1 second, is home of coital ironmen and women.

How long should sex (not including foreplay, whatever that is) last?

Therapists suggest “adequate” intercourse lasts from 3 to 7 minutes, so Georgians have some work to do. “Desirable” sex last from 7 to 13 minutes, but anything longer than 10 minutes may be considered “too long.”

[Insert "too long" joke here.]

Georgia is ranked 47th out of 50 states and Washington, D.C.

If you exclude states where temperatures often punish the naked, we are dead last.

I have some theories on why we fared so poorly:

  • Sex is like ice skating and Georgia men don’t care about such things.
  • We have a lot of prostitutes and we ain’t paying by the hour.
  • Georgia banned Viagra and no one told me.
  • The mobile app used to track sex times is designed by someone from South Carolina (4:48) or Alabama (3:38) and they want to make us look bad.
  • People in other states are strapping their phones to paint shaking machines.

OK, maybe I don’t have any valid theories, but it seems strange New Mexico residents have sex 420 percent longer than people in Alaska. There’s no way the numbers should be that different.

Or maybe Georgians all have SADD — Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder. Is there a pill for that?

Slowest 5 sex times:

  1. New Mexico – (7:01)
  2. West Virginia – (5:38)
  3. Idaho – (5:11)
  4. South Carolina – (4:48)
  5. Missouri – (4:22)

Quickest 5 sex times:

  1. Alaska – (1:21)
  2. South Dakota – (1:30)
  3. Vermont – (1:48)
  4. Montana – (2:03)
  5. Georgia – (2:07)

More quick news:

60 comments Add your comment

Carl

February 20th, 2014
8:39 am

This makes me feel better about my performance.

Bernie31

February 20th, 2014
8:42 am

Minute Men and Fast on the Trigger. uh…huh

Leslie

February 20th, 2014
8:50 am

Me too, Carl!

Leslie

February 20th, 2014
8:51 am

In fact. This article has made my day. I’ll be walking taller around the water cooler this a.m.

HypoRICHT

February 20th, 2014
8:54 am

you people don’t know what you are missing.

bulls_3y3

February 20th, 2014
8:55 am

Georgia girls are just too HOT!!!

Awful, Awful, Awful

February 20th, 2014
8:58 am

I guess you people have never heard of a “quickie”. Lunch breaks don’t last forever, know what I’m saying.

MANGLER

February 20th, 2014
8:59 am

Or maybe having a phone attached to you at all times, literally, affects performance.

rum

February 20th, 2014
9:01 am

Got to make their TEE TIME.

Steve

February 20th, 2014
9:02 am

You’d think Alaskans would take their time,given that sex is an excellent alternative heat source.

Scubbaa

February 20th, 2014
9:03 am

“We have a lot of prostitutes and we ain’t paying by the hour.” BWHAHAHA. Hey, moderation is part of our state motto!

Sniffer

February 20th, 2014
9:04 am

I think all my 0 times skewed the results.

Voice of Insanity

February 20th, 2014
9:07 am

But with the smaller percentage of desirable women in Alaska, the men have to find other willing or unaware partners and 1 minute and 21 seconds sounds about right for pulling surprise sex on a grizzly bear or moose.

Dave

February 20th, 2014
9:15 am

This has made my day! I always keep a clock next to the bed to time myself, and I always come in at 2 minutes 19-20 seconds. Like clockwork, you might say. Great to know I’m probably better in the sack than my neighbor George, who always walks around with the long face. THANK YOU AJC for sharing this info!

RT

February 20th, 2014
9:19 am

Quick and to the point. Nothing wrong with that.

J

February 20th, 2014
9:26 am

I’m not sure how those people in SC get the sheep to sit still for so long…

Really?

February 20th, 2014
9:26 am

You have to wonder if end results of this survey has anything to do with the fact that the survey information comes from a pool of people willing to download an app to their smartphone that records their bedroom activities? I mean, seriously?

Woody

February 20th, 2014
9:43 am

People who bought this app are obviously all Yankees. No Southern gent could figure out how to run it….

Dallas

February 20th, 2014
9:53 am

Your “theories” made me laugh aloud, George. Good job.

LatinoLover

February 20th, 2014
9:53 am

Anyone who bothers to track their sex time with a phone, probably isn’t all that good at sex to begin with….

Alex

February 20th, 2014
9:55 am

At least us Georgians aren’t the quickest!! —- and another theory…MAYBE GA GUYS ARE JUST THAT GOOD……we get it there quick for the Gals!!! lol
NEW PICKUP LINE – “Hey Baby, why ski in Vermont when you can get down in the dirty south!”

r u serious

February 20th, 2014
10:02 am

This is Pulitzer Prize winning material, AJC….thanks for this hard hitting report. I’m sure the NY Times and Washington Post are green with envy over this type of journalism. I don’t regret letting my subsricption run out at all…

Businessman

February 20th, 2014
10:04 am

Have to finish before Jerry Springer comes back on.

Hidden Agenda

February 20th, 2014
10:15 am

I can guarantee that the NSA has NOT scrapped plans to scan every license plate. What they have done is publicly said that they have scrapped plans. The police state never gets smaller or ever stops growing is power base. Their goal is to ultimately track every human being on the planet for purposes that they will never disclose and unless we and our congressional “representatives” do something to stop it, 1984 will seem like a wonderful utopia someday.

Glenn

February 20th, 2014
10:19 am

Well its nice knowing that if you live in Augusta on one side of the river you can make gentle love and on the other side you can pound some thighs . And in between do a little fishing ! Whooooo !

liars expose

February 20th, 2014
10:38 am

Enter your comments here

Wilbert

February 20th, 2014
10:46 am

I’m real busy right now. I promise to report my time when I finish late today or tomorrow.

The Geezer

February 20th, 2014
10:48 am

Got to finish the sex up and get a snack before the commercial is over and the game is back on?

Actually sex can be a quickie thing, Making love should take much longer.

SlimDem

February 20th, 2014
11:11 am

On average it take a woman 11 minutes to orgasm; men average about 3 minutes. No wonder the divorce rate is so high here in Georgia.

I average 15 -17 minutes, and my wife always has a smile on her face.

Hillbilly Nation

February 20th, 2014
12:41 pm

Expected from a Red State

LadyGAGADawg

February 20th, 2014
12:45 pm

“Strapping their phones to paint-shaking machines”. Hey, now there’s a new idea ! Will have to spring that one on the wife when she gets home. HURRY HOME, HONEY !!!!!!!!!!!

LadyGAGADawg

February 20th, 2014
12:54 pm

Still scratching my head trying to figure out how GA fits in there with 4 of the coldest states in the US, Alaska, SD, Vermont, and Montana. Was this research done during the ice storm? Anyway, SC, I’m proud of ya !

Chad

February 20th, 2014
1:26 pm

It’s because our women are so much hotter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Slime Watcher

February 20th, 2014
1:29 pm

Its amazing how far so called “family newspapers” have sunk. Anything goes now to get a click on the website. Guess live orgies will be next for the slimer news outlets.

JT

February 20th, 2014
1:43 pm

Really? This has to be one of THE dumbest things i’ve ever read….

partlycloudy

February 20th, 2014
2:06 pm

yeah like GA women don’t already know this? And like we don’t insist that a minimum of an hour is to be allotted or we don’t shave our legs!!!

plagwate

February 20th, 2014
2:22 pm

Georgians have already learned that adding a partner only slows you down.

Litt

February 20th, 2014
4:19 pm

roughrider

February 20th, 2014
4:32 pm

I want to see a follow up story to the 2 min. 7 sec sex. What % of Georgia wives cheat because their husbands can’t last long enough?

THEBuckeye

February 20th, 2014
5:28 pm

Typical dogs

Mick Dee

February 20th, 2014
5:35 pm

It’s cuz there’s so many out of shape people in Georgia. Blame lack of stamina and blame unattractive mates.

The average Georgian just wants to get it over with.

TMan

February 20th, 2014
6:02 pm

So how many tax dollars were spent on this absurd stupidity?

LadyGAGADawg

February 20th, 2014
6:09 pm

roughrider, the wife is in total control of how “long” the husband lasts. Don’t go blaming it on the man! Problem is a lot of wives don’t put the effort into it. Heard one say one time, “it’s a total waste and cuts into my shoe-shopping time”.

Timus

February 20th, 2014
6:22 pm

Too many uptight people in Georgia!!!

bob jones

February 20th, 2014
6:27 pm

Enter your comments here

bob jones

February 20th, 2014
6:28 pm

Stuck in traffic.

Bumper

February 20th, 2014
6:42 pm

“…the info came from “early adopters” of a mobile app that uses your phones accelerometer, microphone…”

That means the NSA knows who they are, they’re probably on a government watch list now.

SlimDem

February 20th, 2014
7:03 pm

Let’s face it – you redneck guys are all about satisfying yourselves and to hell with what your woman needs. You should just stay home and “spank the monkey” and let your woman find someone man enough to satisfy her. There are plenty of us out here.

Glenn

February 20th, 2014
8:56 pm

Dang; I knew I should have put my phone on do not disturb.

double

February 20th, 2014
10:02 pm

Only thing I can thik of Ga being first”Bank Failures”.