‘Facebook’ named in a third of divorce filings

Let your fingers do the talking. (Image from Facebook)

Let your fingers do the talking. (Image from Facebook)

Facebook, as you may know, is great for finding old friends and maybe trying to have sex with some of them.

Or at least that’s what a third of all divorce filings in the U.S. suggest.

An ABC News story says in 2011, 33 percent of all divorce filings mentioned Facebook, up from 20 percent in 2008.

The most common complaints include “inappropriate messages to ‘friends’ of the opposite sex, and cruel posts or comments between separated spouses. Sometimes, Facebook friends would tattle to one partner in a relationship about bad behavior by the other,” writes ABC.

Curiously, “saucy selfies” is not mentioned, despite the fact there are apps built around just that single marriage-busting idea.

Experts say Facebook postings by parents and their children are increasingly used during custody battles.

This April Fool’s Day will mark only my fourth year of marriage, so I’m no pro at relationships, but a marriage’s emotional foundation can only be as strong as your social media password.

I suggest using something like “ILoveMyWifeAndHopeSheCanForgiveHumanWeakness” instead of “BootyCall66.” At least it will give the judge something to think about when he’s signing your kids over to child protective services.

Fortunately for me, none of my Facebook friends are pretty or interesting, or even pretty interesting. I really need to pare my friends list down, now that I think about it.

Now, I will leave the Faceook  ”poke” jokes to you, dear reader.

More news that does not involve snow or ice:

54 comments Add your comment

The Geezer

February 11th, 2014
12:02 pm

Marriage is a trap.

Bumper

February 11th, 2014
12:07 pm

Two of the worst self inflicted injury things anyone can do are posting on Facebook and using a debit card.

Alice

February 11th, 2014
12:43 pm

First of all, wife and husband should have full access to all of your social media, cell phone and emails. Once you’re married, it is no longer “I”, it is “us”. I go into my husband’s phone, facebook and emails anytime I want, and he goes into mine anytime he wants to also. I made a vow to love and be faithful to him forever and that’s what I intend to do. Yes there are better looking and more interesting men out there than my husband, but I made a choice and a promise and the only thing that can separate us is death!

Fred ™

February 11th, 2014
12:52 pm

Wow Alice, aren’t you a happy TRUSTING couple. I NEVER go into my wife’s phone or email. Or purse for that matter. If I have to spy on her to keep her from cheating we don’t really have much do we?

dc

February 11th, 2014
12:53 pm

So is it just me, or does it appear that the article trying to say that FB causes 30% of marriages? And yet one of the main references cited is “cruel posts or comments between separated spouses.”

So somehow FB posts between angry, separated spouses, has turned into “FB causes divorce”

Sad how misleading media stories try to be.

tim

February 11th, 2014
1:00 pm

Marriage is like a prison. You’re just doing time.

Boxtradamus

February 11th, 2014
1:03 pm

Bernie31 doesn’t have this problem, no one in their right mind would marry the skank.

The Mrs.

February 11th, 2014
1:05 pm

What’s the point of having full access to all of your spouse’s social media, cell phone and emails if it can all be deleted prior to you reading / seeing anything? Why would you go into the others phone, FB and emails if you love and trust them? Checking on all that show’s a sign of distrust to me.

I’m just saying.

The Mrs.

February 11th, 2014
1:06 pm

I totally agree with Fred!

Fred ™

February 11th, 2014
1:06 pm

Wow dc, brush up on your reading comprehension skills.

KJ

February 11th, 2014
1:25 pm

So what’s the likelihood Alice’s husband has a “secret” phone? Pretty high, imo.

Anyway, this is a good thing, FB is just speeding up the inevitable, if it gets you away from the wrong person before you get trapped with kids, I’m all for it.

Manman

February 11th, 2014
1:28 pm

Alice sounds like a crazy person

Alice's Husband

February 11th, 2014
1:31 pm

OK, folks, here’s the deal.
My wife is emotionally unstable and extremely paranoid.
She is generally disagreeable and about 75 pounds overweight.
Rather than getting in the gym or laying off the cheeseburgers or trying to make some friends of her own, she spends her time obsessing over what I might be doing other than paying attention to her.
As you may have guessed she is a bit of a masochist. She is always trying to find a new and better way to be victimized. She fantasizes about catching me being unfaithful and then leveraging that into an opportunity to really go bananas while making me feel guilty.
The truth is I don’t have a lot of relationships outside of my marriage because she tends to sabotage them. We used to be friends with other couples, but they all think we are impossible to be around, and I can’t hang out with those buddies anymore because Alice will get her feelings hurt if I hang out with the husband-half of the couple since we are no longer couple friends with them (my buddy’s wife thinks my wife is a pathetic loser and 10 different kinds of gross).
The only reason I have a FB account is because my mom asked me to start one so I could post pictures of her grandkids on it. I have less than 20 friends on FB and I don’t use Twitter, Instagram or anything else.
I basically go to work, come home, go to bed and do it all over again. Weekends typically involve trying to hide from Alice and inventing things to work on around the house that don’t involve her. I’ve been pretending to have erectile dysfunction for the last four and a half years.
But, like Alice said, marriage is a lifetime commitment, and rest assured if I ever tried to leave her one or both of us would end up dead.
Anyway, love your column, George. Keep up the good work.

Don't Tread

February 11th, 2014
1:52 pm

I’ll have to agree with Bumper on this one.

PS: the NSA really loves you guys posting every detail of your lives on Facebook…it makes their jobs much easier.

LydiasDad

February 11th, 2014
1:53 pm

Alice sounds like a pain in the a ss wife.

LydiasDad

February 11th, 2014
1:55 pm

I think “Alice’s Husband” nailed it, even if he no longer nails her.

Thor

February 11th, 2014
2:01 pm

Well, well, Alice, let’s just all give you a nice, big gold star, you hopeless romantic you! You chose a Ford over a Mercedes and by God you are going to keep that choice! Misery is pleasure to some people, I guess. Plus you have Mr. Alice’s niblets gripped tightly in your hand so that power trip is pretty intoxicating too! ;)

Great stuff, Alice’s Husband!

Donut Thread

February 11th, 2014
2:01 pm

As between me and the buffoon posting comments under the moniker “Don’t Tread” I’m gonna go out on a limb and say the NSA is more interested in the paranoid gun nut.

joe

February 11th, 2014
2:25 pm

Alice= 80% of women. As for the other 20%…if you show me a hot girl, I’ll show you a guy who is tired of her Sh*t.

Businessman

February 11th, 2014
2:28 pm

Alice, you sound like a real joy.

Charlotte

February 11th, 2014
2:28 pm

I love how everyone basically called Alice out for her BS story. Truth be told, I can’t with someone that insecure where they feel they need my login even though chances are high that my phone/fb/ig isn’t even locked to begin with (blank stare)

Jack ®

February 11th, 2014
2:36 pm

Everyone should work out their marital differences just like Hillary and Bill.

Lucinda

February 11th, 2014
2:43 pm

People have been cheating long before FB and cell phones. Sharing passwords just means a cheater has to be a little more sneaky. Not that hard to do, if that’s what you want to do.

TheBetterHalf

February 11th, 2014
3:30 pm

I barely ever use FB, I can’t remember my own password most of the time – let alone try to keep up with that of my spouse. I agree with Lucinda, if a person’s going to stray then FB and cellphone is only one way to do it.

Fred ™

February 11th, 2014
3:44 pm

@ Alice’s husband: That was the funniest damn post I’ve read in a while lol. Great job.

@ Alice's Husband

February 11th, 2014
4:13 pm

You sound like a loser of a husband. No wonder Alice is leaving you. Anything she finds on Facebook has got to be better than listening to you whine. The problems you describe are your own.

Move back into mummy’s house where you belong.

Just me

February 11th, 2014
4:18 pm

I generally don’t need to go checking behind my spouse but I want full access and can offer that in return. If you’re feeling a little unsure with what I’m doing, I’d rather you be able to log into whatever I’m using, see that there’s nothing there, get bored and then move on.

Nikki

February 11th, 2014
4:21 pm

I love the response by the “Alice’s husband”
seriously if I have to go through your phone email etc. than obviously I am insecure. If a marriage is based on trust than there would be no reason to even lurk around and spy in your spouses email. you should already trust that they would be doing the right thing… Plus if a person wants to cheat they will find a way around if they are smart enough. and now a days people keep cheaters and man share. SMH

Alice

February 11th, 2014
4:22 pm

The World is leaving most men behind. Men have tiny brains and fragile egos. Sorry y’all can’t handle the truth. The good news is your life expectancy is dropping like a rock so you won’t be around to see the wonderful life your ex-wife is living. Your mommy is up in heaven waiting on you!

The Geezer

February 11th, 2014
4:28 pm

“Your mommy is up in heaven waiting on you!” And the good news, Alice, is that you won’t make it there with that attitude to cause any more problems.

Urall Shepelle

February 11th, 2014
4:32 pm

“Social Network” is such bunk. It promotes (bogus) self-importance, narcissism and vanity. “Wastebook” is the worst of such offenders.

Fred ™

February 11th, 2014
4:47 pm

Ah, I think we hurted Alice’s wittle fee fee’s.

Alice reminds me of the story of Lady Astor and Winston Churchill:

Lady Nancy Astor:
“Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee.”
Winston Churchill:
“Nancy, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

Stark72

February 11th, 2014
4:58 pm

“Oh, you’re a riot, Alice, a regular riot–BANG, ZOOM!!”

Jeff

February 11th, 2014
4:59 pm

I have told my children by now at least a thousand times, when I was their age and did something stupid, I didn’t leave a paper trail, photos or other incriminating evidence littering the scene. This is not a Facebook problem, this is a human problem.
And, by the way, some of you people need to get back on your meds. Going to be iced in for a while so I am sure your caretakers would appreciate the medicated version of you.

Chris Salzmann

February 11th, 2014
5:40 pm

I’m friends with my wife on her Facebook account. Not because we don’t trust each other but as a matter of courtesy. If it comes down to cheating or being unfaithful, people will find a way, with or without Facebook. You don’t need Facebook to cheat and it never amazes me that cheaters always trip themselves up. Case in point that teacher at the school in Michigan who was tweeted a nude selfie to someone. Nude selfies??? Really? Never doubt the complete stupidity of people to entertain us.

I'm also friends with your wife on FB, Chris

February 11th, 2014
5:44 pm

And she’s friends with my wife. Your wife sent my wife some HOT pics on snapchat!!
Call me, you lil’ devil.

Grace

February 11th, 2014
6:09 pm

Alice is batty. She sound like that crazy woman on Kate plus 8. Kate the crazy controling woman who is now alone with 8

@ Grace

February 11th, 2014
6:43 pm

Your husband just left YOU for Kate’s pathetic ex husband Jon Gosslin. Grace’s soon to be ex-husband and Jon met on Facebook. Grace is a butter face. She is just jel that Kate is hot.

romeo

February 11th, 2014
6:58 pm

A third wow I am shocked really I had no idea. I can see where it could be a huge problem if both were on it. I thought FB was like you said in the beginning but after a while I got it and I am single . I have my friends women hitting me up and old girl friends . I have in boxed a couple of women I am interested in one just told me no way great for my ego. My advice is if you are a couple or married close you account.

godless heathen

February 11th, 2014
8:49 pm

You are my husband/wife but I’m going to deny your Facebook friend request. LOL!!

Beezer

February 11th, 2014
9:16 pm

Alice,

Most men would rather stick it in a wood chipper than you.

White Rabbit

February 11th, 2014
9:58 pm

I don’t think Alice is in Wonderland anymore…

MrLiberty

February 11th, 2014
10:45 pm

And named in 100% of NSA unconstitutional activities against Americans.

MrLiberty

February 11th, 2014
10:48 pm

Obamacare is the dream story for the Onion. Only a president this hell-bent on destroying our economy and our health care system could have come up with this big of a joke. But then Romney had a similar version as did the Heritage Foundation. I guess the real joke is in believing there is any real difference between the motives or policies of the republican and democratic parties.

Hidden

February 11th, 2014
10:53 pm

The reason the government didn’t want anyone to see the binLaden death photos is because the real bin Laden died in 2002. His death was in all the papers in the middle east and even mentioned by then Pakistani Prime Minister Bhutto. Now she just happened to be assassinated only weeks after making a big deal about this on Pakistani television, but I’m sure the two events are not related. Plenty of doubles were trotted out for the gullible American sheep to continue to justify our pointless wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and to try desperately to prop up the falling image of our current emperor wannabee. Not really sure why everyone continues to believe these lies from the government. We haven’t had much in the way of truth from them for many decades now.

ohboyohboy

February 12th, 2014
12:45 am

Now we know George uses SnapChat to send dirty pictures.

Chris Rose

February 12th, 2014
1:17 am

Dear Alice, Perhaps it’s because your husband is neither interesting nor good looking, that you don’t have to worry about him straying. Oh, yeah and what Fred said!

StillBill

February 12th, 2014
4:49 am

A reasonable level of intelligence is an essential element to a lasting marriage. It seems to be so lacking in many of the divorces I am aware of.

ByteMe

February 12th, 2014
7:41 am

And here I thought the article would be about who got custody of the family facebook page….