‘Swiss cheese pervert’ holed up after arrest

America’s greatest menace to imported dairy products and domestic women has been captured.

Christopher Pagano, accused of being Philadelphia’s “Swiss Cheese Pervert,” was arrested at his home Thursday on stalking, indecent exposure and harassment charges.

Several victims reported on social media that they were approached by a man in a car who offered them money to hold a slice of Swiss cheese on his privates.

Members of the media combed court records and learned Pagano was arrested in 2009 for offering a woman $20 to get friendly with him and some Berner Alpkäse.

One reporter quizzed Pagano at his home, but Pagano said people often mistake him for someone very strange.

A 20-year-old woman on the dating site OkCupid told the reporter a man using a picture of Pagano sent her a message saying he enjoyed “sitophilia,” or a food fetish.

“I found that women tend to like dairy products, and settled on cheese to represent the girl. Thus I started having sex with cheese,” the OkCupid message said.

Police, in interviews, initially said they couldn’t make an arrest because no victims had filed complaints. A veritable cheese wheel of women immediately called police, including several who provided photos of the suspect.

Despite requests from the Cheese Importers Association of America, Pagano was allowed to post $30,000 bond Friday morning and he’s now back at home trying to avoid reporters.

Due to the abundance of photos taken by victims, there’s likely no holes in this case, I wish someone had said so I could quote them.

More news cheese:

12 comments Add your comment

Bernie31

January 17th, 2014
9:14 am

Can You say FREAK? This is PERV seems to be and LQQK a Lot like Phil Robertson without a Beard.

Would you like some Ham and Bread to go along with that CHEESE?

[...] “Swiss cheese pervert” holed up after arrest [...]

HotBitesIndeed

January 17th, 2014
9:59 am

An éclair I can see, but greasy cheese?!? I bet he doesn’t even kiss the rind goodnight.

Wendy

January 17th, 2014
10:56 am

Bernie31 you are an idiot.

Bonannie

January 17th, 2014
11:10 am

Thanks for the laugh George! Great toungue in cheese reporting! ;-)

Well...

January 17th, 2014
12:15 pm

How much was he offering?

Lela

January 17th, 2014
12:54 pm

Damn George, you’re punny!

Bernie31

January 17th, 2014
1:30 pm

Wendy @ 10:56 am – So is Phil Robertson. For it is Phil and NOT ME. who would like to have your 15yr &16yr old Daughters and granddaughters to DO THINGS For HIM and his BOYS.

So why not get your Daughters and or granddaughters ready for a LQQK see. You and Your Husband just may be able to make a Guest appearance on the Duck Dynasty SHOW with a VERY PREGNANT and barefooted Young Lady standing beside YOU.

I think such Picture would make a LOVELY FAMILY Portrait for Yor Living room so that all who comes to visit to see what a STAR she really is..

Praise Jaysus…..

Uh..huh

Bernie31

January 17th, 2014
1:31 pm

correction:

Wendy @ 10:56 am – So is Phil Robertson. For it is Phil and NOT ME. who would like to have your 15yr &16yr old Daughters and granddaughters to DO THINGS For HIM and his BOYS.

So why not get your Daughters and or granddaughters ready for a LQQK see. You and Your Husband just may be able to make a Guest appearance on the Duck Dynasty SHOW with a VERY PREGNANT and barefooted Young Lady standing beside YOU.

I think such a Picture would make a LOVELY FAMILY Portrait for Yor Living room, so that all who comes to visit, they will see what a STAR she really is..

Praise Jaysus…..

Uh..huh

Bumper

January 17th, 2014
2:00 pm

“…accused of being Philadelphia’s “Swiss Cheese Pervert,”

He’ll undoubtedly argue that the cops’ case is full of holes, that they’re trying to portray him as some kind of muenster but that he’s really a gouda guy.

Dolly

January 17th, 2014
2:17 pm

Oh, Bumper!!! Thanks for the laugh!!!!

Mard Rifter

January 17th, 2014
2:50 pm

if this was about a hispanic teen. This would have need a different story