News to Me: A weird year in review

The truth will not set you free, but it will send you from a nice job in Hawaii to a winter in Moscow. (Getty Images)

The truth will not set you free, but it did send Edward Snowden from a nice job in Hawaii to a winter in Moscow. (Getty Images)

As 2013 wanes, journalists everywhere are doing their best to appear busy.

The Associated Press has rolled out its annual “Story of the Year” list, and in my opinion, they get it wrong when they say “the glitch-plagued rollout of President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul was the top news story of 2013.”

Sure, that’s a big story, but did anyone think that was going to go smoothly? If you did, you must not be paying attention to how government operates.

What should have been No. 1? How about the federal government apparently violating the Constitution and spying on millions of Americans?

The Edward Snowden bombshell ranks No. 4 on AP’s list.

The website will eventually be fixed, but the myth of “privacy” has been exposed. Thankfully, a former CIA chief tasked with fixing the NSA has the solution — more spying on Americans is needed.

Coming in at No. 5 on AP’s list is gay marriage.

Supreme Court decisions in 2013 pretty much make state and federal bans on gay marriage unconstitutional. You don’t have to be an old man who makes a fine living off duck calls to know that is huge news.

That story, and the NSA spying saga, tell us more about what America is and where it is headed and should have been ranked higher. If you don’t agree, you can probably get an Obamacare psychiatrist to put you on meds you don’t really need sometime next year.

More shockingly, some pivotal stories in America’s development as a nation were completely left off AP’s tote board.

I concocted my own list to fix that. After collating data from millions of page views, I hereby present …

News To Me’s Top 10 Stories of 2013:

  1. Wal-Mart stores cleaned out by EBT glitch
  2. Military jet flyover startles Atlantans
  3. Teacher accidentally sends nude pics to students
  4. Python kills 2 boys atop pet store
  5. Miss American win spawns racist Tweets
  6. Kids getting “You’re Fat” letters for Halloween
  7. Teacher who lost job for bikini pics poses for Hustler
  8. Decades later, 6 missing people found in cars in lake
  9. Mumford & Sons booted from Clermont
  10. Woman loses everything as bank repos wrong house

Now that’s a list we can all be proud of! I would like to extend my thanks to everyone who read the blog this year. If you managed to post a comment I didn’t have to delete, I thank you for that as well.

More news from Ye Olde Interwebs:

5 comments Add your comment

Don't Tread

December 23rd, 2013
2:03 pm

It’s sad and ironic that Edward Snowden had to be exiled to a defacto Communist country (which I’m sure will officially return to its Soviet roots) to escape the wrath of a government that is supposed to be protecting individual freedom instead of destroying it. (But what else did we expect from Comrade 0bama?)


December 23rd, 2013
2:09 pm

LOVE, LOVE LOVE the “Alabama city mistakenly hires drag queens for Christmas parade” article and video!!

The group of dancers has infinitely more class than the redneck “Christian” haters in the town.

Love it!!!


December 23rd, 2013
4:49 pm

You mean classy like calling people differetn than you redneck, Patrick?


December 23rd, 2013
10:07 pm

Satan/Santa…same letters. Coincidence? I don’t think so.


December 24th, 2013
12:31 pm

George I agree that the Edward Snowden NSA spying revelation was easily the most important news story of 2013.

Snowden is a genuine hero. If he hadn’t blown the whistle on a rogue government agency the American people might never have known what they were doing.