Archive for October, 2013

White House official fired for ‘parody’ tweets

"Tell Kathleen Sebelius and Jofi Joseph I need to see them in the Oval Office." (AP Photo for unrelated story)

"Tell Jofi Joseph I need to see him in the Oval Office immediately. Then set up a little chat with Kathleen Sebelius." (AP Photo)

Fake Twitter accounts can be hilarious and, if you work in the White House, get you fired.

Jofi Joseph, a senior National Security Council staffer, was sent packing after the Obama administration figured out they were employing one of their harshest and best-informed critics.

Joseph was in the major leagues of politics, working on negotiations with Iran over their nuclear program and “a range of multilateral arms control treaties.

He had served in the Obama administration since 2009, but it was his @NatSecWonk Twitter account that made people talk.

Joseph started texting hand grenades in 2011 and soon became a darling of the media.

The demise of his Twitter account was reason enough for Foreign Policy magazine to pen something of a love letter.

“Like a sniper in his hide, NatSecWonk delivered blows from his or her darkened perch. Anyone in the …

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New underwear filters flatulence

Unbeknownst to the young man in this image, her underpants are trapping more gas than some small fracking companies. (Photo courtesy of Shreddies)

Unbeknownst to the young man in this image, her underpants are trapping more gas than some small fracking companies. (Photo courtesy of Shreddies)

Nothing spoils romance quite like flatulence.

Fortunately, military technology, the same stuff behind the Slinky, Silly Putty and nuclear warheads, has helped create fart-proof underpants.

An article by The New York Daily News that was likely written by someone in marketing says the “award-winning healthcare product is particularly useful for sufferers of digestive disorders such as IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), Crohn’s disease, Colitis and food intolerances.”

But a photo of a beautiful woman shoving her scentless derriere into a happy man’s face illustrates the true purpose of the nigh-magical undergarments — it’s finally safe for humans to socialize like dogs.

As might be expected, the military-industrial complex has created a product as potent as any bomb dropped by a chili dog-eating husband who has given up on anything more …

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Study: Most public school students in Georgia are poor

school-povertyThe South may rise again, but it likely won’t be because of increasing levels of income or educational quality.

A new study concludes the South is the home of poor public school students.

The Washington Post lead pretty much sums it up: “A majority of students in public schools throughout the American South and West are low-income for the first time in at least four decades, according to a new study that details a demographic shift with broad implications for the country.”

To be considered poor, a student must be eligible for free or reduced lunches. Eligibility varies according to household size, but a family of four would have to have an annual household income below $43,000 for a child to be eligible for a reduced lunch, $30,000 for a free lunch.

Mississippi has the greatest percentage of poor students (71 percent), according to the study by the Southern Education Foundation. Georgia is ranked 6th (57 percent). Thirteen of the 17 states that have majority poor students are …

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Porn viewing spikes during federal shutdown

Kittens are on the run in Nevada.

Please, think of the kittens. (original image/meme from FARK.com)

When times are tough many Americans turn to their faith, family or friends to get them through.

Some may also turn to pornography.

The world’s most popular porn site says web traffic spiked during the partial government shutdown.

The pornhub.com press release, which is safe for work, says “it’s as if Bill Clinton was back in office.”

Here’s how the excited porn purveyor put it: “Country wide there has been an increase of 4.5%, while the states with the highest spikes have been Nevada (up 42%), Oklahama (up 21%), and Florida (up 14%). Only Missouri (nicknamed the ’show me state’) is down 4.5%. … Maybe they’re providing all the new content instead of viewing it!”

Well isn’t that lovely.

Nevada, where you can pay to have sex with real human beings, had a 42% increase. Why? Either pornhub analysts don’t know how to run a calculator or we’ve found the NSA’s headquarters.

Georgians, who excel at everything except …

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Shutdown’s cost may include woman’s sanity

"God will not be mocked," said the House stenographer, seen here between "Yea" and "Nay", as Congressmen mocked U.S. taxpayers. (AP Photo)

God "will not be mocked," said the House stenographer, seen here between "Yea" and "Nay", as Congressmen mocked U.S. taxpayers. (AP Photo)

As you’ve probably heard, the federal shutdown is over.

What did the political impasse cost? According to Standard & Poor’s, the company being sued by the U.S. for lying repeatedly during the financial crisis, $24 billion was sucked out of the economy.

There were other costs. Vacations were ruined, businesses suffered and government workers endured a lot of stress.

Some of the stress was from not working or knowing when the next paycheck would arrive. For one woman, the stress may have been from overwork.

As the vote was being taken to end the shutdown, a stenographer working in the House of Representatives began shouting about God, Founding Fathers and the Constitution. [Listen to the audio]

Initially, many House members thought she had gotten ahold of a campaign speech.

It’s a shame they dragged the stenographer away. She may have been …

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Hillary Clinton ticketed in $5 parking lot

Clinton, while accepting a reward in London Saturday, seems to remember she didn't pay for parking. (AP Photo)

"I have to pay to park in this country? You may want to reconsider this policy before 2016." (AP Photo)

In 2016, Hillary Clinton may become the most powerful person on Earth, but on Saturday her 10-person security detail couldn’t stop a cop writing a parking ticket.

This injustice would never have happened in America, of course, where the former first lady, U.S. secretary of state and presidential candidate could probably leave her car in the Lincoln Memorial and not run afoul of the law.

No, the ticket was issued by a London “traffic warden,” according to The Daily Mail, which has pictures of incredulous Secret Service agents waving their arms in protest.

Clinton, 65, who was in Atlanta Tuesday, gets around pretty good for someone retired. She was in central London Saturday to accept an award on diplomacy. At about the same time the officer was writing the ticket, Clinton was saying the world needed “sensible adult conversation” about the boundaries of state surveillance.

The …

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American roaches making Chinese farmers rich

The tasty American cockroach in the preferred position. (Getty Images)

The tasty American cockroach in the preferred position. (Getty Images)

The world is a strange place.

How strange? Farmers in China are selling cockroaches for $20 a pound. That’s not a typo.

You can get a whole lotta Chick-fil-A for that kinda money.

Chinese farmers are cultivating American cockroaches, the big ones that fly and are usually outdoors, not the nastier little ones that infest the homes of gross people.

The Los Angeles Times article says roaches are used as food and as ingredients in traditional (read ‘quack’) medicine and some cosmetics.

The farmer interviewed in the article says the price of roaches has skyrocketed from $2 a pound in 2010 to $20 a pound today because manufacturers of traditional medicine  are “stockpiling pulverized cockroach powder.”

The assumed largest producer of cockroaches in the world, farmer Wang Fuming, said he got into the business after realizing he was “accidentally raising” the pests.

Unlike pigs, his new livestock don’t require much …

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Federal shutdown destroying White House garden

Due to the federal shutdown, all hell is breaking loose in the White House's 'Kitchen Garden.' (Image from http://obamafoodorama.blogspot.com)

Due to the federal shutdown, all hell is breaking loose in the White House's 'Kitchen Garden.' (Image from http://obamafoodorama.blogspot.com)

The only winners during a shutdown of federal government are the squirrels raiding the unattended White House garden.

Fortunately for America there’s a blog — Obama Foodorama — dedicated to covering this ongoing tragedy.

Eddie Gehman Kohan, the founding editor of the blog, unveils the horrors unfolding in the Obama’s “Kitchen Garden”:

  • White House gardeners are not allowed to harvest crops and “pounds” of produce are going to waste.
  • Weeds are springing up everywhere.
  • White House squirrels seem to have gotten even more aggressive due to the “low level of human intervention” and “they’re now kids in a candy store, gorging themselves” on presidential papaya.
  • Groundskeepers have given up on their efforts to capture an elusive fox (who may be the solution to the squirrel problem?)

As one may surmise, the once-photogenic garden now looks a …

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USPS places fitness stamps on hold

Having fun is unsafe, according to federal officials. (United States Postal Service)

Having fun is unsafe, according to federal officials. (United States Postal Service)

Update: A USPS spokesperson says no decision has been made to destroy the stamps. Such a decision would occur later this year.

It’s tough being a kid. It’s even tougher learning to be tough with namby pamby adults running things.

The United States Postal Service, which is only $4 billion in the red this year, will destroy a series of stamps that depict youngsters doing ‘unsafe’ things, according to multiple reports.

The “Just Move” collection of stamps were intended to promote the government’s “Let’s Move” campaign advocating physical fitness, a cause championed by first lady Michelle Obama.

But three of the 15 colorful stamps allegedly show behavior the White House deems unacceptable — skateboarding without knee pads, doing a ‘cannonball’ into a pool, and performing a handstand without a helmet.

You know what’s really unsafe? Hitting a baseball without eyeballs or swimming without a nose like …

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Wal-Mart stores cleaned out during EBT glitch

Shoppers abandoned their carts once their EBT cards began working correctly. (Image from ksla.com)

Shoppers abandoned their carts once their EBT cards began working correctly. (Image from ksla.com)

Government programs are the fuel that keeps the economic engine of America humming.

This became evident Saturday when two Wal-Mart stores in Louisiana were cleaned out by shoppers using Electronic Benefit Transfer cards.

Local news channel KSLA reports the stores allowed purchases on EBT cards that showed no spending limits.

During the two-hour glitch, shoppers seemed to get hungrier and began hoarding groceries at stores in Springhill and Mansfield.

Police were called because so many people were clearing off shelves. “It was worse than any black Friday,” said Springhill Police Chief Will Lynd.

At 9 p.m. the EBT card glitch was fixed and customers began abandoning carts full of food. One woman who had spent several minutes selecting $700 in groceries was upset to learn her card had only 49 cents on it.

“It looked like a tornado had come through,” said one man who took video of …

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