New underwear filters flatulence

Unbeknownst to the young man in this image, her underpants are trapping more gas than some small fracking companies. (Photo courtesy of Shreddies)

Unbeknownst to the young man in this image, her underpants are trapping more gas than some small fracking companies. (Photo courtesy of Shreddies)

Nothing spoils romance quite like flatulence.

Fortunately, military technology, the same stuff behind the Slinky, Silly Putty and nuclear warheads, has helped create fart-proof underpants.

An article by The New York Daily News that was likely written by someone in marketing says the “award-winning healthcare product is particularly useful for sufferers of digestive disorders such as IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), Crohn’s disease, Colitis and food intolerances.”

But a photo of a beautiful woman shoving her scentless derriere into a happy man’s face illustrates the true purpose of the nigh-magical undergarments — it’s finally safe for humans to socialize like dogs.

As might be expected, the military-industrial complex has created a product as potent as any bomb dropped by a chili dog-eating husband who has given up on anything more emotionally complex than fantasy football. The aforementioned press release … I mean article … says Shreddies (that’s the name of these things) can effectively blunt the assault of a gas “200 times the strength of the average flatus emission.”

Like heroin syringes, Shreddies are reusable, according to the cut-and-paste Daily News prose. “The thin and flexible cloth, which contains Zorflex — the same activated carbon material used in chemical warfare suits — is reactivated simply by washing the pants,” someone ctrl-c and ctrl-v’d just hours before I did.

Let ‘er rip America!

More news I sniffed out this A.M.:

43 comments Add your comment

David H

October 22nd, 2013
8:39 am

FINALLY, after living in Atlanta for 30 years, a well written article coming out of the AJC!

Buh Tuggly

October 22nd, 2013
8:43 am

This ought to win the Nobel Prize.

Sniffer

October 22nd, 2013
8:51 am

While this addresses the symptoms, sadly, there still is no cure for TF…

joe

October 22nd, 2013
9:00 am

Just in time for Christmas!!

Bumper

October 22nd, 2013
9:06 am

A clothes-pin applied to the nose is just as effective at a fraction of the price.

Bernie31

October 22nd, 2013
9:23 am

Just Think of the Number of Marriages that will be SAVED!

Baby……… What is that Smell?

xxx

October 22nd, 2013
9:25 am

MARTA buses should be made out of this.

Bernie31

October 22nd, 2013
9:34 am

Most Women will tell you such activity Does Not Occur With Them………EVER!

Maude

October 22nd, 2013
9:41 am

Okay our tax dollars well spent!

Don't Tread

October 22nd, 2013
9:41 am

Now if they could add a muffler…it would be a perfect product.

Grasshopper

October 22nd, 2013
9:57 am

But what happens when they are removed during precoital shenanigans? Are we talking Nagasaki type trapped fume delays?

Full britches

October 22nd, 2013
10:01 am

Toot, toot grasshopper. Confusious say do not light matches around subtle butts.

President Oblama

October 22nd, 2013
10:09 am

The flatulence filtering underwear is not going to be covered as a medical device under my unaffordable healthcare. Now before you get your stinky undies in a wad over this, this decision just like everything else bad that happens under my leadership is the fault of someone else. I inherited my pre-existing flatulence from Bush. The rest of my rancid hot air is the fault of the Tea Party and/or Republicans.

I am President Oblama and I approve my message.

Bernie31

October 22nd, 2013
10:21 am

For …We ALL know George was Full of it……Just LQQK at the mess George W. BUSH created and WALKED AWAY from as Usual.

Barbara & George have been cleaning up W.’s Messes for years! One after another!

This is ONE they cannot repair…..THE USA!

Our First Substance Abusing President

Jack ®

October 22nd, 2013
10:35 am

Too funny, Grasshopper…

Buh Tuggly

October 22nd, 2013
10:45 am

If you’re in a crowd, “dealt one” and no one smelled it, did you “deal it?”

Grasshopper

October 22nd, 2013
10:45 am

“Our First Substance Abusing President”

Ahem…what am I? Chopped liver? — JFK

Buh Tuggly

October 22nd, 2013
10:47 am

I think our GA Governor has been “Dealing It” for years.

President Oblama

October 22nd, 2013
10:49 am

Thank you Bernie31 for your undying devotion to me. Your votes and my promise of unlimited entitlements in exchange for those votes are what makes me so great and histronic. My promise to you Bernie31 is that I will exceed any small messes that Bush created, as I have already reached my goal into this first year of my second reign.

Bernie31, your flatulence problems will still not be covered under my unaffordable healthcare program. I must draw a line in the sand somewhere to elevate myself above that of my voters and apologists. I am too good to sign up for my signature unafforable healthcare trainwreck, but it is perfect for all my worshippers.

My koolaid does cause flatuence, but Bernie31 will continue to drink it. Blaming is what we do bestest.

I am President Oblama and I approve my messages.

Bernie31

October 22nd, 2013
10:52 am

One Thing for sure I would never get caught in a Crowd of Republicans……its like being downwind from a Large Chicken Farm.

President Slick Willy Clinton

October 22nd, 2013
10:55 am

I did not inhale, nor did I have sexual relations with women while in the oral office.

My flatulence keeps Hillary away, so I have NO need for this new underwear!

Thor

October 22nd, 2013
11:24 am

Now if we could only put them on cows and save the ozone layer. Nonetheless, an invention on the level of the discovery of fire, electricity, and Viagra!

Bubba

October 22nd, 2013
11:47 am

We can sure use them in Tuscaloosa. Do they come in XXXL?

That flatulence can sure spread through a trailer park on Bama game days.

Heywood Jablome

October 22nd, 2013
12:03 pm

Dogs the world over can now look forward to no longer being falsely accused.

Hidden agenda

October 22nd, 2013
12:07 pm

Can I get a BS filter for all TV, etc. coverage of politicians? Likely it will work exactly the same as the MUTE button.

FarTrain

October 22nd, 2013
12:07 pm

Well, if they ever get them to where they go one step farther, I just might buy a pair. That would save a lot of “wasted” time during one’s busy day. In other words, a pair of underwear with a “built-in waste disposal”. OK, some of you inventors get to work on that, wilya?

FarTrain

October 22nd, 2013
12:09 pm

BTW, my avatar name just happens to be coincidental. I had it long before this info came out.

Jimmy B

October 22nd, 2013
12:47 pm

but not shart proof

Tom

October 22nd, 2013
1:28 pm

Sure coulda used a pair of these about……


…….2 seconds ago.

ZAZ

October 22nd, 2013
2:11 pm

Very funny, but I had a difficult time believing that it was serious. I really don’t have anything to add.

joe

October 22nd, 2013
3:57 pm

What happened to the original pic with the guy’s nose up her behind?

Bernie31

October 22nd, 2013
4:22 pm

“What happened to the original pic with the guy’s nose up her behind?”

It wasn’t flattering of me so I demanded that it be taken down. Obama doesn’t mind when I do it to him, but when he sees pics of me doing it do others he gets sooooo angry.

Torba

October 22nd, 2013
4:40 pm

Where can I buy these??!!

Bernie31

October 22nd, 2013
7:28 pm

Bernie31@ 4:22 pm – The Goobers are up to their old tricks….Ghosting..:)
Republican poster….this one is

lvg

October 22nd, 2013
8:41 pm

Doesn’t work for people like ole Newt Gingrich who has verbal flatulence

Bernie31

October 22nd, 2013
9:11 pm

Ted Cruz surely could have used some during his (21) Twenty-One Hour, DR.SEUS Fantasy session on the Floor of the Senate a couple of weeks ago.

Ted was Full of HOT AIR……and it showed!

mark the shark

October 23rd, 2013
5:53 am

Finally, no longer having to leave the room away from your company every time you ‘break wind’.

A. Teesman

October 23rd, 2013
6:48 am

The model in the photo looks like Cote de Pablo.

@ Bernie31

October 23rd, 2013
7:07 am

Why don’t you go over to Bookman’s blog where the liberals lie? Oh, I’m sorry, they ignore you over there too, don’t they. Even your own kind doesn’t think you are funny. This story fits you perfectly.

Thanks for your posts though. The “ghosts” that mock you trump anything you have to contribute. Keep posting!

[...] are you ready for this? It is another link from AJC…New underwear filters flatulence | News To Me with George Mathis Nothing spoils romance quite like [...]

AzCat

October 23rd, 2013
12:04 pm

I, too, am curious about the photo change. We assume you were forced to do it, George. ;-)

Chris

October 24th, 2013
8:34 pm

These are some pretty cool underwear. Check out these too! They have Nasa Developed Technology that works with your body temperature to cool you down when your body is warm and warm you up when your body is cold. Live on Kickstarter and already raised 10k!

http://bit.ly/1a1CaFe

Trisha Doherty

October 28th, 2013
4:38 pm

This is as cool as poo pourri (yes, it is real)