Archive for October, 2013

Poll: Voters prefer zombies to Congress

Zombie for president! (AJC photo)

Zombie for president! (AJC photo)

Wouldn’t it be terrible if a swarm of zombies overran Congress and ate the brains of every politician elected by people who aren’t from around here?

If such a thing were to happen, who would we send part of our paycheck to every week and who would take care of us?

A zombie IT department would likely have a better chance of patching up HealthCare.gov.

Recently, a politician elected by people who are from around here made the claim that the “majority of voters actually prefer the blood-hungry creatures of The Walking Dead … to the current Congress.”

My colleagues at Politifact Georgia checked out the claim by state Rep. Ed Lindsey (R-Atlanta) and it turns out ole Ed ain’t lying about this one.

When 502 registered voters were asked “What do you have a higher opinion of: Congress or zombies?”, a frightening 43 percent said zombies. As Mitt Romney would say, it was a close race — 37 percent preferred the Walking Braindead that can’t pass a …

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Survey: Only 11 percent of drivers have sex behind wheel

harris_survey_scout_gps_sex_drivingA paltry 11 percent of U.S. drivers have had sex behind the wheel, according to a new online survey of potentially repressed humans.

As one might expect, more than three times as many men (17 percent) said they had sex while driving than women (5 percent) in the Harris Interactive survey of 1,800 drivers.

A quick survey of bleary office colleagues and my own brain resulted in various explanations of how this math might add up:

  • Men drive more often, so of course they have more sex while driving.
  • It is more difficult for women to drive and have sex than men.
  • Men lie three times more often than women.
  • Only men think solo acts can be construed as sex.
  • There’s only a small group of paid professionals that would consider having sex while driving and they are usually walking on Ponce before getting in a vehicle driven by someone else.
  • The driving numbers are low because most naked people take public transportation.

Good answers. I am going to choose “all of the above.”

I did find …

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Kids getting ‘you’re fat’ letters this Halloween

Unhappy Halloween! (image from valleynewslive.com)

Unhappy Halloween! (image from valleynewslive.com)

The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but he put everything back before the heavy sleepers of Whoville bothered to crawl out of bed.

Residents of Fargo, North Dakota, who are used to cruel winters more than cruel neighbors, aren’t that lucky.

A woman there tells a local radio station she plans to trick obese children by giving them warning letters instead of treats Thursday night.

There’s no word on whether she plans to give slim kids double candy.

The letter written by a woman identified only as Cheryl is making the rounds on social media. It features a smiling jack-o-lantern and a note to parents that says “you [sic] child is, in my opinion, moderately obese and should not be consuming sweets and treats to the extent of other children this Halloween season.”

This is one of the rare times I am hoping children can’t read.

Cheryl, in a radio interview, said, “I just want to send a message to the parents of kids that are really …

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Delta Connection pilot accused of groping girl

Delta Connection pilot Michael James Pascal. (Image from fox13now.com)

Delta Connection pilot Michael James Pascal. (Image from fox13now.com)

An off-duty Delta Connection pilot is accused of groping a sleeping 14-year-old girl.

Fox News in Salt Lake City reports Michael James Pascal, 45, was charged with abusive sexual contact Saturday.

The girl, who was flying unaccompanied from Detroit to Salt Lake City on a Delta flight, told the flight crew she lowered the arm rest of her seat and went to sleep but woke up to find Pascal’s hand under her left buttock.

“What the hell are you doing?” she reportedly told Pascal while elbowing him.

Police met Pascal when the plane landed in Salt Lake, where the pilot is based. He was held at the Salt Lake County Jail and was taken into custody by the U.S. Marshal’s Office Tuesday.

The pilot said he fell asleep with his hands in his lap and it’s possible his hand may have fallen in the victim’s seat while he was asleep, the criminal complaint stated.

Delta Connection is a regional airline brand name for …

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Study suggests people lie about sex, exercise

The "Observer-Expectancy Effect" can alter the behavior of research subjects. (Getty Images)

The "Observer-Expectancy Effect" can alter the behavior of research subjects. (Getty Images)

Various media outlets are reporting on a new study that suggests sex is a better form of exercise than walking.

The New York Post headline says “Sex can be good, but not great, exercise.”

But let’s take a closer gander at the study by researchers at Montreal’s University of Quebec and reveal its myriad flaws.

  • The study strapped sensors to 21 heterosexual couples ages 18 to 35. Why is this a flaw? People in that age range probably burn the most calories during sex, which skews the average.
  • Most sex session lasted 25 minutes, the study alleges. Hmmmm … that seems a bit on the long side. Are the people of Canada missing entire sitcoms to have sex? This seems unlikely.
  • Some sessions lasted almost an hour. Were people in this study snorting Viagra? Normal people don’t routinely have sex for an hour. Heck, I’ve never seen it go more than a few minutes in a movie and those people are in …

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Report: Blackface ‘Trayvon’ costume-wearer a felon

From the 'Bad Idea Jeans' archives. (Photo from Facebook via The Smoking Gun)

From the 'Bad Idea Jeans' archives. (Photo from Facebook via The Smoking Gun)

Racism isn’t funny, but idiots keep trying.

The latest proof comes from Florida, where a convicted felon smeared black paint on his face in an attempt to resemble someone without a criminal record, Trayvon Martin.

As most of you know, Martin was killed in a fight with serial-speeder George Zimmerman, who was found not guilty in July. Many who disagree with that verdict would agree that going to a Halloween party in blackface to look like someone who was shot to death is a bad idea.

The photo of the insensitive partygoers has been making the rounds on social media, and some have provided “youth” as an excuse for dumb.

I have no problem with young people doing stupid things. I did a few dumb things myself, but people called me on it.

The Smoking Gun website is calling out these people and says the man dressed as Trayvon is not that young, but he is a felon.

“William Filene, 25, dressed up as Martin, …

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Xbox One visits Atlanta before launch

Ryse: Son of Rome, a fighting game, puts players in the sandals of a gladiator in a Roman arena. The graphics were spectacular, though you can't tell it due to my poor photography skills. A co-op mode and online play are promised. (Photo by me)

Ryse: Son of Rome, a fighting game, puts players in the sandals of a gladiator in a Roman arena. The graphics were spectacular, though you can't tell it due to my poor photography skills. A co-op mode and online play are promised. (Photo by me)

[Photos of the Xbox One Tour event in Atlanta]

Last November, it was a battle of political heavyweights. Next month, capitalist titans Microsoft and Sony will be going toe-to-toe as they release new, highly-anticipated video game consoles.

Unlike politics and most video games, there’s expected to be two winners in the console wars.

First out of the gate will be Sony’s PlayStation 4 ($400) on Nov. 15. About 725,000 U.S. customers have already signed up for a PS4.

On Nov. 22, Microsoft’s competing Xbox One ($500) will hit store shelves. More than 525,000 units have been pre-ordered, according to Forbes.

Due to demand, it may be difficult to find either console in November.

Friday, Microsoft was in Atlanta pimping the successor to the Xbox …

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Lawsuit: Cop wins more than students he pepper sprayed

Lt. John Pike said he was able to look so casual while pepper spraying seated students because he's a professional. (AP Photo)

Lt. John Pike said he was able to look casual while pepper spraying seated students because he's a professional. (AP Photo)

It’s an unfortunate thing for humanity that karma does not exist.

If it did, the population of jerks walking the Earth would crash faster than healthcare.gov and people that do awful things wouldn’t be allowed to file lawsuits.

But a former University of California Davis police officer made infamous by pictures and videos of him pepper spraying seemingly harmless Occupy protesters sued and won more than the people he casually hosed down with chemicals.

Lt. John Pike, 40, was recently awarded $38,000 in worker’s compensation because he suffered from depression and anxiety due to public outcry after the November 2011 incident.

The students successfully sued the university for $1 million, or about $30,000 per affected demonstrator.

Millions of people that watched the YouTube video thought Pike’s actions were criminal, but fellow police officers (aka …

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Teacher accidentally sends nude pics to students

"And then they told me the photos I sent to Joachim somehow ended up at the White House." (AP Photo on unrelated story)

"And then they told me the photos I sent to Joachim somehow ended up at the White House." (AP Photo to unrelated story)

UPDATE: The teaching assistant has been “reassigned” and no longer has classroom duties.

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Technology has made it a lot easier to embarrass yourself.

The Snapchat app, for instance, makes it possible to take a “temporary” photo with your phone and send it to someone. The photo is supposed to disappear from your friend’s phone after a few seconds, but what’s to stop him or her from capturing a screenshot?

So, call me a crusty, old-fashioned curmudgeon if you will, but I think taking nude photos of yourself and sending them hither and yon across the Internets is a bad idea.

A teaching assistant at the University of Iowa would likely agree. Reports are that the young lady accidentally attached a zip file of nude photos to a homework assignment email she sent to about 80 students.

It didn’t take long for people for figure out the problem. The teacher seems to …

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Study: Online dating has lots of liars

"Wow! He donates he medical expertise to Doctor's Without Borders and looks like Brad Pitt? I think I'll send his a friendly message!" (AP photo)

"Wow! He works with Doctors Without Borders and looks like Brad Pitt? I think I'll tell him I have a 'sexually liberated' twin sister to get his attention." (AP photo)

Even losers need love, which may explain the popularity of online dating.

Just kidding, I know many people who have met their second or third husband or wife through Match.com, OKCupid.com or the Taxidermy.net forum.

It seems liars need love too. According to a new Pew Research Center study, the interwebs are chock full of ‘em.

To save you the trouble of having to read the entire 57-page PDF I will list some highlights:

  • More than half (54 percent) of online daters think people “seriously” misrepresented themselves online.
  • 42 percent on females using online dating websites feel they have been harassed by men. Only 17 percent of men felt that way.
  • 32 percent of internet users agree with the statement that “online dating keeps people from settling down because they always have options for people to …

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