Nature’s tastiest creature is everywhere — even in downtown Dallas — where the plague of pigs is accused of rooting 3-foot deep ditches throughout a park.
“They kill, in a sense, the ground – you’d think a machine had come through,” says city of Dallas employee Kevin Acosta.
In Houston, an estimated 15,000 hogs live in one park.
How can such a heavily-armed populace allow so much destruction by free bacon? Because there’s some silly little law on the books that says you can’t fire a gun in the city limits of most cities, even if you are trying to defend humanity from brazen animal attacks.
Houston refused to allow archers, even those with years of D&D and/or LARP experience, from hunting in the park and donating the meat to the homeless.
Let me be the first to state publicly that when the Zombie Revolution (or Robot Revolution, whichever comes first) happens, humanity will unshackle itself from this and other oppressive limitations.
Instead of allowing a quick, tasty and effective “Shootout at the BBQ Corral” authorities are using taxpayer funds to pay trappers to set traps and capture the delicious beasts alive. How much is this costing? No telling. The Guardian dropped the ball on that one.
Dallas has created a “task force,” which I am sure has the pigs worried. If I had a dollar for every time a task force failed to do anything other than make people on the task force feel important, I’d have enough to pay taxes for another pig trapper.
Meanwhile, scientists say there’s up to 3.4 million of the animals rooting up stuff right now in Texas. About 750,000 wild pigs are “harvested” each year. As a former farm hand tasked with removing the masculinity of various types of domesticated beasts, I can tell you that’s not going to cut it. Experts say the pig population is growing 16 percent each year, roughly doubling every 5 years.
Too bad Everest Institute doesn’t offer a “Pig Trapping Certificate of Completion.”