Imagine this: Fan plans to clone John Lennon

Mean Mr. Mustard, aka Dr. Michael Zuk (Image from JohnLennonTooth.com)

Mean Mr. Mustard, aka Dr. Michael Zuk (Image from JohnLennonTooth.com)

Holy molar!

It’s news sure to upset fans of The Beatles and human decency, but a dentist wants to sequence the DNA of  deceased rocker John Lennon and eventually clone him.

According to a press release, Canadian “tooth collector” Dr. Michael Zuk purchased Lennon’s rotten molar at auction for $32,000. Since Canada banned human cloning before it was proven possible, DNA is now being extracted at Penn State University, where all kind of terrible things happen.

“I am nervous and excited at the possibility that we will be able to fully sequence John Lennon’s DNA, very soon I hope. With researchers working on ways to clone mammoths, the same technology certainly could make human cloning a reality,” said Zuk. “… To potentially say I had a small part in bringing back one of rock’s greatest stars would be mind-blowing.”

Clearly this man must be stopped before someone gets the idea to clone Justin Bieber.

Zuk, in other reports, has said, “Many Beatles fans remember where they were when they heard John Lennon was shot. I hope they also live to hear the day he was given another chance.”

Despite my boyish wish of creating a personal copy of the version of Cindy Crawford that appeared in a calendar that stayed on my wall for seven years, I now believe the cloning of people should be banned unless the person to be cloned, say Ted Williams, personally requests it. [Note: The preceding sentence is the longest I have ever written.]

Also, as anyone who has seen “Arrested Development” knows, corralling a criminal with a twin is tough. Imagine the headaches an army of George Bluth clones would have given police.

If the news has not yet been disturbing enough, there’s more at JohnLennonTooth.com, where Zuk poses with the rotten molar. A closeup of the tooth makes me doubt the musical legend was as good with a toothbrush as he was with a guitar.

Rock-n-Roll clones don’t come cheap. Zuk is actively seeking donations, but believes Lennon’s DNA is “easily worth over 25 million dollars or more to the right company.”

Collecting and preserving the parts of dead people runs in the family.

The dentist’s sister, Kirsten Zuk, included a tiny piece of the tooth in a clay sculpture she made of the rock star that looks nothing like him.

“This is like a time-capsule. It will contain his DNA,” she said in The Edmonton Sun.

A Canada.com article claims Lennon, in the 1960s, gave the tooth to his housekeeper Dot Jarlett. Lennon, according to Jarlett’s son, had this weird reverse Tooth Fairy idea where a kid might appreciate receiving the rotten molar of a stranger.

The tooth traversed the Atlantic about 42 years ago when the daughter made the mistake of marrying a Canadian. If my math is correct, that’s the same year (1971) that the parts of Lennon that were not the tooth moved to New York City, and about a year after The Beatles fell to pieces.

The tooth returned to England upon being purchased by collector Alan McGee, former boss of Creation Records.

Maybe that should have been Recreation Records?

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15 comments Add your comment

Clay

August 22nd, 2013
10:50 am

Should be timed to coincide with the re-release of “Double Fantasy?”

Floppy

August 22nd, 2013
11:35 am

Any old Hendrix teeth out there?

JOSH

August 22nd, 2013
11:45 am

Imagine! Love you, daddy

USC-69

August 22nd, 2013
12:37 pm

Must not be aware of the Canadian patent laws. Hope he spends himself into bankruptcy, followed by prison.

USC-69

August 22nd, 2013
12:38 pm

Should make Yoko Ono even richer.

centrist

August 22nd, 2013
12:45 pm

Great stuff, Mr. Mathis! Wicked sense of humor which is very refreshing in this thick-headed PC world we are in.

Why Bother?

August 22nd, 2013
1:08 pm

Save your donation money – we have one already. You can’t make a better double than Julian. That’s a resemblance that even I could see on Maury!

David

August 22nd, 2013
1:26 pm

Despite the disturbing efforts of Dr. Zuk, this is one of the better written articles I’ve read in a really long time. Bravo.

Jlamar

August 22nd, 2013
1:31 pm

And oh yeah . . . . the Beatles didn’t fall to pieces. They made plenty of music after the group broke up.

Jlamar

August 22nd, 2013
1:56 pm

I don’t know what happened to my first comment. What a piece of crap (your writing if one wants to call it that. Do you know anything about what you are writing about? Can’t you write a sentence without making a joke. This is a serious subject and not something to be joking about or making fun of . . . . this will be possible in the near future. And what do you mean by “where all kind of terrible things happen”? I don’t know what the comment about “Arrested Development” means but I’m sure it was meant to be an insult. And, because he had a rotten tooth you think he was not good with a toothbrush? You also insulted Michael Zuk’s sister and her sculpture. Are you stupid or just dishonest like most people these days that are ignorant about reality but know everything about what’s on television?

David, what do you find so disturbing? And this is one of the better articles you have read in a long time? Oh well, maybe you people are so bored with life that you just want to go ahead and die instead of realizing that soon people won’t have to. Life is precious!

Thanks, I appreciate learning that this is happening.
Jlamar

Sid

August 22nd, 2013
1:58 pm

ok, how ironic would it be if John Lennon had his 2nd coming 1st?

George Mathis

August 22nd, 2013
2:25 pm

Jlamar — This is a humor blog. There will be jokes. Get over it.

centrist

August 22nd, 2013
5:53 pm

Glad you replied to Jlamar, Mr. Mathis. He apparently is a very serious guy! Needs to lighten it up a little……if he can.

Zeppy

August 23rd, 2013
10:29 am

Any John Bonham teeth out there I’d really dig going to a Zeppelin concert.

Zeppy

August 23rd, 2013
10:32 am

Will John’s clone have a British or Canadian accent aye…?