The nicest state in the U.S.?
Despite the muscular middle fingers you may have seen in Atlanta traffic this morning, that title belongs to Georgia. Actually, we share it with Minnesota, which, last I checked, had to cheat to win their last World Series.
Like most surveys, this one is flawed. Unlike many, it is entertaining.
Unless you live in Alabama, the alleged “ugliest people” state in our otherwise beautiful union.
Since I don’t want to surrender Georgia’s “nicest state” ranking to those cheating Minnesotans, I won’t tell you the truth about Alabama (there is no “most honest state” award), but let’s just say there’s a lot of kids there that have to wear soup bones around their necks to get the family dog to play with them.
Here’s some more highlights of the survey: (Note: I will only make fun of states I have actually visited or otherwise don’t like.)
Weirdest accent: That state Boston is in that I never learned to spell. If you had to go to football games in zero degree weather you would talk funny too.
Worst food: Alaska (but I’ve never been there so they get a pass. Also, roasted moose sounds kinda good.). Mississippi, however, looks to be a strong 2nd place, and I understand that. The only time I ate something good in Mississippi was when I ordered takeout in Slidell and headed east on I-10.
Favorite state: California. I like California despite its people, politics, earthquakes and terrible movies. The climate, like a cheating 1991 Minnesota Twins squad, is hard to beat.
Least favorite: Texas. I’m starting to smell a liberal think tank behind this survey. Texas is pretty cool, in my opinion. It’s really big but looks odd, sorta like the people in Alabama.
Craziest: California. If you bother to read newspapers, even the wacky online versions, you have to agree with this one. Strangely, the weed legal states of Colorado and Washington don’t rank. I smell something funny.
Hottest residents: California, with a few votes for Florida. Hollywood, despite its ability to churn out garbage, does hire some lookers, so this may be justified. Not so sure about Florida. My retinas still burn every time I recall the “Roll Tide” Speedo I witnessed in ‘97.
Ugliest residents: Alabama, which we’ve already gone over. The South is curiously well represented, with strong showings by Mississippi, Arkansas, West Virginia, Kentucky and Arkansas. Almost no one voted for Georgia, of course.
Most beautiful scenery: Colorado somehow beat Hawaii. This survey may be rigged, except for the Alabama parts.
Worst scenery: Kansas. I’ve never visited, but my co-worker has and he’s says the Oklahoma panhandle is uglier.
Drunkest state: Louisiana. Only a drunk would argue this one.
Most arrogant state: Not Georgia, despite this column. The most arrogant state is New York, followed by California. Not sure if people in those states are being arrogant or, like most Georgians, they just have plenty of nice things to say about themselves.
Rudest: New York. I bet Kent Hrbek is living there now.
Smartest: The Boston state again. Looks like I should learn to spell that one.
Dumbest: Mississippi, followed closely by Alabama. Once again, almost no one voted for Georgia, which is smart.
Which state should be kicked out of the U.S.? An amazing 21 percent of survey responses said Texas has to go. This survey must have been handed out at the Democratic National Convention. If not for Texas, at least five other states would have to start building an electrified anti-immigration wall. Alabama and Mississippi get quite a few votes here too. I’d hate to see them go, personally, because then the rest of the country might start picking on us and we’re too nice to fight back.