
Off with his head! (AP Photo)
A weather-predicting rodent faces the death penalty after seriously botching what seems to be his only job.
Fox 19, a TV station in Cincinnati, has the story.
Prosecutor Michael Gmoser alleges in an indictment that “on or about Feb. 2, 2013 … Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that Spring would come early.”
“I woke up this morning and the wind was blowing, the snow was flying, the temperatures were falling, and I said ‘Punxsutawney, you let us down,’” said Gmoser in the Fox 19 article.
The indictment accuses the misguided rat of “misrepresentation of early spring,” an unclassified felony “against the peace and dignity of the State of Ohio.”
Gmoser seeks to extradite the mutant squirrel from his home in Gobbler’s Knob, located near Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.
Court watchers polled by this reporter believe Pennsylvania officials will deny extradition requests to preserve Phil’s life and the tourism industry in the otherwise nondescript villa.
An attorney for Punxsutawney Phil could not be reached for comment because he’s likely in Hawaii with his client enjoying awesome weather.
Lilburn groundhog Gen. Beauregard Lee, who correctly predicted winter would hang around, is perhaps cackling gleefully at his prognosticating foe’s misfortune.
But some humans think the call for Phil’s furry and somewhat cute head is unwarranted.
Veteran AJC reporter Mike Morris, who through some sort of career mishap has covered more Groundhog’s Day stories than Bill Murray, said, “I’m sure that the Ohio district attorney has his tongue planted firmly in cheek, or at least I hope so, because if Punxy Phil can be prosecuted for missing a forecast, can human forecasters be far behind?”
59 comments Add your comment
Dr. R
March 22nd, 2013
9:59 am
I saw this on The Onion, which is probably where it originated. No one is going to kill the little beast you bleeding heart whackjobs. Lighten up already. Everything doesn’t have to be a BFD.
Julia
March 22nd, 2013
9:59 am
Does anybody takes the weather predictions of this groundhog seriously? He/She is just a cute animal.
Bobby
March 22nd, 2013
10:01 am
I think it’s hilarious. Obviously satire for those of the crella ilk in life.
H
March 22nd, 2013
10:19 am
That “attorney” should have an indictment thrown on him for cruelty to animals. This is just stupid!
mrs. tibetha
March 22nd, 2013
10:22 am
This is sick and sad. I hope the people responsible for this face justice.
Yet another example of america devolving.
pb
March 22nd, 2013
10:27 am
Just a joke… Please let it be just that. And has no tie-in with” Evil “G.W. Bush,” Devil” Cheney, or “no Clue” Obama, as some call them, or sequestration problems. Keep politics out of it.
rob
March 22nd, 2013
10:49 am
he is as good as road kill now!
Yves
March 22nd, 2013
11:04 am
That’s ok. He’ll die and the day will start over…
Robin P
March 22nd, 2013
11:10 am
Did this poor Critter sign a legal contract professing he/she would accurately predict future weather. Is he/she really aware as to why these old, ugly, strange looking Humans are all gathered around his/her place of residence every year?. Then he/she is required their appeal rights with legal representation.
J
March 22nd, 2013
11:12 am
Oh wow, please tell me you understand that this is a joke…