Diamond swallowing thief’s bowel movements monitored

All things must pass, sang George Harrison.

Canadian police are saying pretty much the same thing after jailing a diamond thief who swallowed a 1.7-karat gem worth $20,000.

“We are monitoring his bowel movements, if you will,” Windsor police Sgt. Brett Corey told CBS News. “Our forensic identification people are the lucky ones who have to go through the waste to obtain the diamond …”

That makes my job, and probably yours,  seem kinda cushy.

The thief, Richard Mackenzie Matthews, visited a jeweler May 10 and attempted to use sleight of hand to replace the real gem with a fake. The eagle-eyed jeweler had a gut feeling something was amiss, however, and called police, who were soon hot on the crook’s entrails.

After his arrest, Matthews was given laxatives to move the investigation along, but now he’s allowed to eat whatever he wants, reports the Associated Press.

X-rays on Matthews’ innards have revealed two cubic zirconiums (aka fake diamonds) stuck in the man’s intestines but because a diamond is translucent, it isn’t visible.

Once the 52-year-old leaves his toilet-less cell, he will be charged with felony theft, police said.