Diamond swallowing thief’s bowel movements monitored

diamond-questAll things must pass, sang George Harrison.

Canadian police are saying pretty much the same thing after jailing a diamond thief who swallowed a 1.7-karat gem worth $20,000.

“We are monitoring his bowel movements, if you will,” Windsor police Sgt. Brett Corey told CBS News. “Our forensic identification people are the lucky ones who have to go through the waste to obtain the diamond …”

That makes my job, and probably yours,  seem kinda cushy.

The thief, Richard Mackenzie Matthews, visited a jeweler May 10 and attempted to use sleight of hand to replace the real gem with a fake. The eagle-eyed jeweler had a gut feeling something was amiss, however, and called police, who were soon hot on the crook’s entrails.

After his arrest, Matthews was given laxatives to move the investigation along, but now he’s allowed to eat whatever he wants, reports the Associated Press.

X-rays on Matthews’ innards have revealed two cubic zirconiums (aka fake diamonds) stuck in the man’s intestines but because a diamond is translucent, it isn’t visible.

Once the 52-year-old leaves his toilet-less cell, he will be charged with felony theft, police said.

14 comments Add your comment

Burdell

May 17th, 2012
11:55 am

That whole story stinks.

Anderson

May 17th, 2012
11:58 am

A diamond in the rough.

Snowman

May 17th, 2012
11:59 am

Sh-tty job…

Jason W

May 17th, 2012
12:06 pm

I wonder if they have to add a 4th “C” to this diamond when they go to sell it; color, cut, clarity, and crap

Stevie

May 17th, 2012
12:07 pm

Likely will need to be reclassified now as a ‘conflict diamond’

FalconFan

May 17th, 2012
12:12 pm

Based on the rest of this story this gem of a thief has a business model that includes a slight of hand movement, ingestion of merchandise, and he must have regularly sifted through his own poop if he has other items ‘processing’ at the same time. Funny thing is he trained himself to complete this magical act to some level of success but he sucks at telling CZ from the real thing.

John

May 17th, 2012
12:17 pm

Gives a whole new meaning to setting the diamond. And I guess this diamond will be known as the POOP diamond as opposed to the HOPE diamond

No drugs here

May 17th, 2012
12:18 pm

Everyone’s comments are funnier than the story! Bravo!!

TeachAManToFish

May 17th, 2012
12:23 pm

Maybe he should just eat a chunk of coal and let time and pressure create a diamond.

MzPeachtreeCitay

May 17th, 2012
1:10 pm

I see how he could confuse a diamond and a CZ… I thought my husband was a diamond-in-the-rough, but discovered he was a CZ. Make that a Slee-Z. Mr. Sleazy CZ is now my ex-husband and that is no sh*t.

Silly Rabbit

May 17th, 2012
1:22 pm

Too funny, his toiletless cell…makes sense.

Don Westin

May 18th, 2012
9:29 am

MzPeachtreeCity, your comment is hilarious and made the story worth reading. some jewelry just ain’t worth having. Let me take you to dinner and show you how men are supposed to act. I need a good woman with a great sense of humor.

Zahmirie

May 18th, 2012
12:29 pm

He obviously heeded his mama’s advice to “always eat your karats”.

The Snark

May 22nd, 2012
10:54 am

This headline will go down in journalism history alongside “Headless Corpse Found In Topless Bar.”