‘Breading Cats’ horror grips America

If underwater dog photos have taught us anything, it’s that pet photography fads are very fluid.

"We are not amused." - Unnamed Cat (Image from breadingcats.com)

Unlike the joyous images of submerged, ball-chasing canines, however, the latest trend visits an unspeakable horror upon our feline friends.

Yes, I’m talking about “Breading Cats” a strange new custom wherein bored apartment dwellers (who must not have cable or other forms of valid entertainment) are forcing the head of a pet through a slice of wheat before snapping a quick cellphone pic and posting it to the Internets.

Disregard, for the moment, that people all over the world are starving and that a slice of stale marbled rye, if proper U.S. postage is attached, might be of sufficient rigidity to make it to an impoverished village and provide much needed nourishment.

Many will find this torment of nature’s most arrogant domesticated creature appropriate. These self-described “dog people” are probably, even now, scouring the back alleys of America for discarded kittens and/or loaves of Wonder Bread.

Do not help them. Keep all cats indoors and on a leash; flush any unused bread products (including biscuits, never know what these sickos will think of next) right down the toilet. [Those with low flow toilets may need to consult Roto-Rooter]

As esteemed law enforcement agent Barney Fife once said, we must nip this fad where it hurts most … right in the bud.