Joke of the Year pokes fun at eye ailment
The British are good at many things: making beer, the idolatry of royalty, parliamentary put-downs and humor.
David Mitchell and Robert Webb, stars of UK comedy hit Peep Show.
For an island nation roughly the size of Michigan, they’ve cranked out a lot of history and laughs. [See Peep Show, not Benny Hill]
So, when our allies proclaim a one-liner as Joke of the Year, the world best pay attention.
The winning witticism? “Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes.”
I’ll give you a moment to recover from that knee-slapper.
…
Ready for some more?
Comedian Tim Vine, creator of the aforementioned quip, also scored big in 2010 with this gem: “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”
What jokes did Vine beat out in this year’s Loaded Laftas comedy awards?
The Week recaps the competition:
- Jimmy Carr: “I know a couple who get on like a house on fire. They both feel trapped and are slowly suffocating to death.”
- Sarah Millican: “My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.”
- Matt Kirshen: “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.”
- Paul Daniels: “I said to a fella ‘Is there a B&Q in Henley?’ He said ‘No, there’s an H, an E, an N an L and a Y’.”
I have no idea what a B&Q is, but I am sure that is hilarious.
I’ll take a stab at dethroning Mr. Vine with my own Joke of the Year.
- Did you hear about all the award-winning public art in Atlanta? The people driving out of the Edgewood Kroger parking lot haven’t either.
- What’s on Atlanta’s longest-running ‘Wanted Poster’? The eye glasses of the dude hiring strippers at the Clermont.
- Any time my wife sees a group of people laughing she thinks I’ve dropped my W-2.
Please write your own in the comment section below, but keep ‘em clean and not about politics or they will be deleted.
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140 comments Add your comment
Mariner71
February 9th, 2012
9:52 pm
Did you hear about the streaker in church? They caught him by the organ.
American Mother
February 10th, 2012
7:40 am
I got Mad once, but nobody could tell the difference.
The unknown comic
February 10th, 2012
8:06 am
Guy goes to the Dr and the Dr says I have bad news. You are only going to live until tomorrow morning. Guy rushes home and tells his wife the bad news and suggests they stay up all night making love. Wife says ‘easy for you to say, you dont have to get up in the morning and I do”
The unknown comic
February 10th, 2012
8:11 am
Mr. Micrsoft, Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven and when he gets there he gets assigned a modest house to live out eternity. One day he is strolling down the golden streets and sees a huge mansion – 10 times larger than his. He is offended and asks St Peter who lives there. St Peter said it is the Captain of the Titanic.
Bill is beside himself. “this guy ran his ship into an iceberg and killed over a thousand people, how can he get a house like that?”
St Peter said thats right but he only crashed ONCE.
The unknown comic
February 10th, 2012
8:14 am
Guy goes to a Dr with an orange manhood. The Dr is puzzled. He said son how could this turn orange ? The guy said ” I don’t know. All I do is eat cheetos and watch porn”
Radio GaGa
February 10th, 2012
8:25 am
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices the very handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: “I have a question to ask you, but I don’t want to offend you”.
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that, number 1, you have to be single and number 2, you must be Catholic.”
The ! cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!
“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a passionate kiss. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun, why are you crying?”
“Forgive me for I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”
Tom
February 10th, 2012
12:14 pm
I don’t have a drinking problem, ‘cept when I can’t get a drink.
Denman
February 10th, 2012
2:27 pm
Womens’s Rights!
Denman
February 10th, 2012
2:28 pm
Now get back in the damn kitchen!!
Are you kidding
February 10th, 2012
2:55 pm
Once upon a time, long, long time ago, a woman was quiet….and that happened a ONCE, and a LONG LONG time ago!!