Going to Heaven May 21? Atheists offer to take care of your pets

As you are doubtless aware, the Second Coming is scheduled for May 21.

Needless to say, it’s time to get your worldly affairs in order, and this includes finding a longterm pet sitter.

Heaven will look nothing like Piedmont Park, atheists say.

Heaven will look nothing like Piedmont Park, atheists say.

The neighbor or brother-in-law won’t be able to help this time. They may be going to heaven too.

Fortunately, there’s a company to turn to in these End Times of need.

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA will provide a loving home to pets whose masters have gone to their great reward. Rescue services are available in 26 states, and, since the company is staffed by atheists, chances are they won’t be going to that heavenly place they don’t believe exists.

The company was founded in 2009 by Bart Centre, which sounds like a San Francisco sports venue but is actually the name of a Godless person.

Since cash may soon be worthless, the $135 fee for 10 years of Rapture pet insurance seems reasonable. Additional pets cost $20, so if you’re hoarding critters like an animal shelter you may want to tap into the 401(k) early.

Centre, a retired executive for a national retailer who lives in New Hampshire, said the idea is to make money, not poke fun at Christians.

So far, he’s got 250 clients and 44 contract employees, which doesn’t sound that profitable.

Most clients hail from the Bible Belt, which holds up the moral fabric in the Southern United States. Georgia, the glistening buckle of the aforementioned region, has 16 clients and two post-Rapture pet wranglers.

Southern saints can only purchase coverage for traditional pets.Those with horses, camels, llamas and donkeys will want to quickly move to New Hampshire, Vermont, Idaho or Montana to take advantage of Eternal’s expanded services.

Payment for an iguana had to be rejected because “I couldn’t get anyone to adopt it,” said Centre.

The folks that will tend to Christians’ four-legged friends are Centre’s chosen ones. They love animals and don’t love Jesus.

“These are people not likely to be Raptured under any circumstances,” Bart said in The Washington Post. “Not that we think anybody is going anywhere anyway, which we make perfectly clear on our website.”

Business isn’t exactly booming, but he does get a lot of phone calls from atheists looking for work and angry Christians who say Jesus would never make the devout leave their pets behind.

“God didn’t take care of the animals during the flood,” says Centre, who does not believe in God or Biblical floods.

The author of the heathen classic “The Atheist Camel Chronicles,” said his first tome sold well enough to warrant a sequel. “The Atheist Camel Rants Again!” will hit virtual book shelves in June, if the world lasts that long.

152 comments Add your comment

Frisky Nachos

May 10th, 2011
5:20 pm

Crumpy frisky.

aldga

May 10th, 2011
5:29 pm

So how will the refunds be handled on May 22nd?

Heaven Bound

May 10th, 2011
5:34 pm

Centre, you have time to accept Jesus as YOUR Saviour!! (P.S. Don’t look for the “Second Coming” on May 21, 2011… because NO ONE knows when it will be NOT even Jesus… ONLY God knows… this is FROM the Bible!!!

redeemed

May 10th, 2011
5:37 pm

Oh to have the faith of an Atheist.

John

May 10th, 2011
5:49 pm

Dumb religious mental cases. They should all be locked up in a mental hospital.

Troglodyke

May 10th, 2011
5:52 pm

Why shouldn’t someone capitalize on the fears of believers? They are low-hanging fruit.

Princess

May 10th, 2011
5:53 pm

Oh honey, no refunds. If they are dumb enough to pay the fee they lost that money. Anyway, they’d probably just give it to a creep like the Bishop.

Uhm

May 10th, 2011
6:01 pm

The Bible doesn’t give a date for the rapture… so this doesn’t make sense….

Thomas

May 10th, 2011
6:29 pm

God didn’t take care of animals in the flood? you must have missed that part about him taking 2 of every animal on the ark , oh that’s right but you don’t read the bible in the first place, besides that god was the one that CREATED all the animals . I feel sorry for you atheist while I don’t believe in the may 21st thing because no one knows the hour or the day that the world will end you are still mistaken in believing that every thing is just coincidence .

pawzy

May 10th, 2011
6:29 pm

how do you know that my pet won’t be raptured with me?

TheAntiMe

May 10th, 2011
6:35 pm

Hey, if I can’t bring my bulldog Rumple Minze to heaven with me then I’m just not going to go. Besides, I thought that all dogs go to heaven?

scrooge

May 10th, 2011
6:59 pm

dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!

SaveMe

May 10th, 2011
7:00 pm

I don’t see the difference between what this company is doing and what churches (of all religions) do, they all profit from peoples fear.

I believe in all this nonsense as much as I believe a homeless guy that tells me that “God” speaks to him (isn’t that what Moses also said, lol).

This is hilarious! You just made my day.

Progressive Humanist

May 10th, 2011
7:05 pm

I was thinking of starting an insurance company (called Progressive Humanist, of course) that insured people against being skewered by unicorns and bitten in the knees by leprechauns, but this rapture scheme has millions more potential suckers, err… customers. Great business opportunity!

Bible Beater

May 10th, 2011
7:18 pm

The Bible doesn’t tell you anything other than re-used stories from other cultures when people still thought the world was flat and the Sun revolved around the Earth.

Religious nuts “interpret”the Bible and “speak” for God. How can you take religion seriously?

Noah sailed to the Antartctic to save two penguins? Sure.

Progressive Humanist

May 10th, 2011
7:22 pm

Bible Beater:

I think he used a helicopter to pick up the two kangaroos from Australia.

mark

May 10th, 2011
7:26 pm

How do i get an application? I will even water your plants.

lamonte

May 10th, 2011
7:26 pm

A growing body of social science research reveals that atheists, and non-religious people in general, are far from the unsavory beings many assume them to be. On basic questions of morality and human decency — issues such as governmental use of torture, the death penalty, punitive hitting of children, racism, sexism, homophobia, anti-Semitism, environmental degradation or human rights — the irreligious tend to be more ethical than their religious peers, particularly compared with those who describe themselves as very religious.

mezzamorphis

May 10th, 2011
7:51 pm

Well, here’s my thought…not that I can judge who will go to heaven and who won’t, but if you think logically about it….an athiest has to believe in God so he can say he doesn’t believe He’s there!
And as for someone taking care of my dogs, i’ll just take them with me after all they have been raised in a ‘Christian’ home so i’m sure they’ll go :)

lamonte

May 10th, 2011
8:02 pm

Consider that at the societal level, murder rates are far lower in secularized nations such as Japan or Sweden than they are in the much more religious United States, which also has a much greater portion of its population in prison. Even within this country, those states with the highest levels of church attendance, such as Louisiana and Mississippi, have significantly higher murder rates than far less religious states such as Vermont and Oregon.

[...] Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog) [...]

JesusFreak

May 10th, 2011
8:04 pm

@Thomas, you are so very right. In fact, the Bible warns us to not be predicting the day and hour of our Savior’s return, He says no one will know. That is what differentiates us from those who do not follow God’s Word. Jesus died for all of us, including the atheists. It is their choice to reject God. They say there is no God? In the event that they are wrong, they have so much more to lose than us. What will we have lost? We lived a life free of chains and self-centeredness, serving our communities in the name of Jesus, and worked as though unto God and not men (Col. 3:23), trustworthy and humble. Nothing lost if we die and that’s the end of it. Atheists, on the other hand, serve themselves and have morals that shift according to their particular situations, in other words they serve the god of moral relativism. I do believe that we are not here on this earth by accident and for no reason whatsoever. We will all find out because we will all die. Nothing random about creation and our purpose in life. So blessed to have found the Truth, the Way and the Life.

T.Rex

May 10th, 2011
8:17 pm

How Noah got a pair of Apatosaurus’ on that ark is pure genius.

M

May 10th, 2011
8:38 pm

If only the Christians ACTUALLY served their communities as Jesus (if he ever existed) would have.

shrimp po' boy

May 10th, 2011
8:47 pm

“if you think logically about it….an athiest has to believe in God so he can say he doesn’t believe He’s there!” -mezzamorphis @ 19:51

That’s not logical at all! Maybe you are confusing us atheists with satanists; they are the ones who logically have to believe in “God” because they believe in “Satan”. “God” and “Satan” are characters occupying opposite sides of the same coin. For atheists, there simply is no coin.

M

May 10th, 2011
8:50 pm

Haha…yes. I don’t believe in unicorns.

OMG I SECRETLY BELIEVE IN UNICORNS BECAUSE I SAY I DON’T BELIEVE THEY’RE THERE!

lamonte

May 10th, 2011
8:53 pm

sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell

Atlanta Man

May 10th, 2011
8:55 pm

@ Thomas – God did not take care of the animals in the flood! As you said, he asked for TWO of each! I bet there were more than two of each in the woods or at peoples homes. So, all but one family was happy!

vince

May 10th, 2011
8:55 pm

Here’s what I don’t get:

I don’t make fun of atheists because of their beliefs. I don’t try to change their minds.
I don’t believe what Hindus, Buddhists or Muslims believe either….but I respect their right to believe what they want.

Why do atheists seem so determined to make fun of the beliefs of others? That’s the part I don’t get. Why not just respect someone else’s beliefs and let them think what they want?

M

May 10th, 2011
8:58 pm

Vince, you can believe anything you want. Promise.

We just reserve the right to get pissed when you try to legislate your beliefs. Like in gay marriage. Or demanding that school textbooks contain intelligent design. Or even that idiot in Congress who claimed (on the record) that global warming had to be a hoax because God promised Noah he’d never flood the world again.

That level of idiocy has to be opposed wherever it pops up so that our society as a whole becomes a better one.

Curious

May 10th, 2011
8:59 pm

Um… Why would pets be raptured with you? Last I checked animals don’t have souls so they won’t be allowed into heaven…… Sit and think about that for a minute.

vince

May 10th, 2011
9:04 pm

M

I do not try to legislate my beliefs on anyone. Our Constitution provides for a separation of church (or even non-church) and state. I honor and respect that.

It is just the disrespectful billboards (they don’t address any legislation), the comments from readers above and the push to portray Christians as idiots. I don’t get it.

Why not show similar disrespect toward Hindus, Jews, Muslims…etc. In a way, I guess atheists do since Jews, Muslims and Christians worship one God.

Ever heard of the anti-defamation league?

vince

May 10th, 2011
9:06 pm

The disrespectful attack on people because of their beliefs is really odd when you think about it. The fact that it is treated as sport or a joke is even more unsettling.

shrimp po' boy

May 10th, 2011
9:18 pm

Vince, please stop pretending. You may not push your belief system on others, and that is highly commendable; but you know that a lot of Christians do (especially in the South). They are the ones who elicit a reaction from us from time to time. As for billboards, I can think of quite a few in the metro area over the years that taunt and attempt to marginalise non-believers. My friends and I have even dubbed GA 316 “Proselytization Parkway”.

And for the record, I find Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Sikhs, Wiccans, Zoroastrians, and any other believers in gods or goddesses equally amusing.

M

May 10th, 2011
9:19 pm

For every one “disrespectful” thing you could find towards Christians, I bet I could find 10 that came FROM Christians.

Frankly, I’m all for education. Education is what will ultimately trump superstitious belief. I don’t doubt that you would find the beliefs of other cultures and religions to be idiotic because they’re not the beliefs you grew up with. I mean, look at Scientology. That stuff is just INSANE.

It all looks crazy when you look at it from the outside.

vince

May 10th, 2011
9:27 pm

@shrimp

But do you but up billboards making fun of the beliefs of those other groups?

It is simply a question of respect and one in which atheists seem to delight at making fun of the beliefs of others. It’s odd….at best.

Billboards? I can think of a few on 316 that state things like “Jesus…Coming Soon” or “Pray….God Listens” These billboards do put forth the beliefs of their owners, but they do not make fun of non-believers. That is the difference.

You do not know my beliefs, but you better believe I won’t make fun of yours. I do, however, take exception to your lack of respect for others.

I could say WWJD (What would Jesus Do?) but instead will ask, What would Gandhi do? What would MLK do? What would anyone with tolerance for others do? Would they make fun of others because of their beliefs?

vince

May 10th, 2011
9:33 pm

M

I went back and counted on this blog. Of the 36 comments. about half were just comments…either unintelligible or were offered with no disrespect toward anyone. I counted 14 that were disrespectful toward Christians and three that might be considered somewhat disrespectful toward atheists.

Gee.

M

May 10th, 2011
9:37 pm

Well, this blog IS the definitive source for religious discourse.

I’ll call my gay brother and ask him whether Christians are generally disrespectful or respectful towards him.

vince

May 10th, 2011
9:38 pm

@ Shrimp

And for the record… I would find attacks on Jews, Christians, Atheists, African Americans, homosexuals, Latinos, etc, etc…..equally disrespectful and disturbing.

M

May 10th, 2011
9:42 pm

I’m sorry, Vince…but Christians have been the oppressors for hundreds (if not thousands) of years. This is no time for them to develop a thin skin.

Seeyouinheaven

May 10th, 2011
9:45 pm

If I am a Christian, my dog must be a Christian, so she is going with me.

vince

May 10th, 2011
9:46 pm

No thin skin here. You do not even know my beliefs.

It is just a question of respect.

If you want to be an atheist, then please, go be an atheist.

If you want to be Wiccan, then please, go be Wiccan.

I just don’t get making fun of people because of their beliefs.

A couple of years ago a good friend took me to his Hindu temple. Everything about the temple, his practices, his thoughts….everything…went counter to what I believed. BUT…I did not make fun of him or his religion because he it holds an important place in his life. I respect his decision to believe what he wants to believe.

Why not just let others believe what they want and not make fun of them?

Seeyouinheaven

May 10th, 2011
9:48 pm

Vince: Well said

Progressive Humanist

May 10th, 2011
9:56 pm

Vince,

Do you find it odd or funny that Scientologists believe that trillions of years ago (a time period that did not exist) aliens impregnated volcanoes on Earth with the souls of other aliens and that those souls now reside in human beings? I think that’s hilarious!

We make fun of stupid beliefs that people have, whether those beliefs entail rectal probes inserted by aliens or martyrs getting 72 virgins to have sex with in paradise if they blow themselves up along with women and children.

vince

May 10th, 2011
10:04 pm

@ Progressive Humanist

I am aware of what the Scientologists believe and while it might seem odd to me and I might not buy any of it I will not make fun of them for their beliefs.

Let me use the Jehovah’s Witnesses as an example. According to them, I will end up going to hell when I die because I am not one of them. I disagree with them, I may have a discussion with t hem in my front yard….heck, I might even turn off the TV and turnoff the lights when Isee them coming up my drive…BUT again, what I will not do is make fun of them.

Making fun of other people for whatever reason hardly seems “progressive” or “humanist” to me.

Why not just leave them alone?

M

May 10th, 2011
10:07 pm

Vince, YOU might not be trying to legislate crazy beliefs, but people most definitely are.

vince

May 10th, 2011
10:09 pm

M

Am I making any sense here, at all?

I honestly just don’t agree with making fun of another person’s beliefs, nationality, race, sexuality, etc.

It’s just wrong.

Maybe it is my moral compass.

TheAntiMe

May 10th, 2011
10:11 pm

Um… Why would pets be raptured with you? Last I checked animals don’t have souls so they won’t be allowed into heaven…… Sit and think about that for a minute.

And I guess that’s a fact because you know everything? It seems that you and God have that omniscient thing in common. How convenient. Why does anyone need God, Curious, when we’ve got you to tell us how things are?

M

May 10th, 2011
10:13 pm

Vince, I’m not talking about YOU.

But I, however, reserve the right to make fun of idiotic beliefs like “gay marriage will ruin society. God says gays shouldn’t marry.” This belief is nonsensical and silly. And it’s not a live-and-let-live kind of thing. This belief hurts people. It tells people that they are inferior and that they do not deserve the rights that others enjoy.

This is why I make fun of it and oppose it on every level, even in blogs…because hopefully, people will educate themselves and see how stupid it really is.

Proud atheist

May 10th, 2011
10:38 pm

I’m constantly amazed when people who have survived a terrible tragedy (i.e. the tornadoes last week where 300 people were killed) say things like, “God was watching over me. It wasn’t my time”? Really???? So do you think the imaginary man in the sky looked down to earth and thought, I’ll let these people live, but the other 300….it’s their time to die. That kind of mindset is so incredibly unbelievable to me. Or the people who still continue to financially support someone like “Bishop” Eddie Long. Is it appropriated for a “minister” to send teenaged boys pictures of himself in tight spandex outfits? If he were really innocent, would he really be paying off these boys to keep them quiet??? Come on people, it’s 2011. Think for yourselves. Too many people never question what they’ve been told all their lives. We evolved. Get over it!

vince

May 10th, 2011
10:42 pm

@ M

But don’t you see…you are making value judgments against other people based on YOUR beliefs, YOUR culture, YOUR upbringing, YOUR education

This kind of thinking, and the subsequent making fun of others who don’t think like you is hurtful. It tells people (that) they are inferior and (that) they do not deserve the rights others enjoy….and its’ just not a very good thing to do.

M

May 10th, 2011
10:45 pm

How exactly am I denying others’ rights by saying that gays should be allowed to get married? Am I infringing on your right to be a bigot?

M

May 10th, 2011
10:45 pm

I will respect anyone’s respectable beliefs. “Gays can’t marry because God says they’re icky” is NOT a respectable belief. It is childish and hurtful.

Rodney

May 10th, 2011
10:46 pm

If God has the power to prevent evil, but does not, does that inherently make God evil? I am not an atheist. I am a logical person. And the God that all these churches teach about do not seem logical at all if you really thing about it.

Rodney

May 10th, 2011
10:46 pm

Why do church people inhibit my rights to buy alcohol on Sunday? Are they afraid that their church peers will get drunk on the holy day? I’m confused.

vince

May 10th, 2011
10:46 pm

@ Proud Atheist…

So what if those people believe that? It doesn’t cause you any harm for them to believe that. Why make fun of them or put yourself on some high horse simply because you don’t agree with them.

A far greater sin, or misdeed…if you will,,,,lies in making fun of others.

M

May 10th, 2011
10:49 pm

At some point we had to make fun of people for being afraid of fire or else nobody would’ve come out of the cave.

Rodney

May 10th, 2011
10:52 pm

Hey vince, I respect other people’s beliefs and a lot of my coworkers are religious and go to church and I respect that. As long as people are not hurting other people or animals they can do whatever they want for all I care. But I do feel like I’m a nonreligious person living in a religious world. I tried church when I was younger and my kids actually go to church preschool/daycare. It is not us versus them. We are all people sharing this planet.

vince

May 10th, 2011
10:53 pm

@m

You are calling people stupid for not having the same beliefs as you. Doesn’t that strike you as hypocritical? So some people don’t believe in gay marriage…so what? So some people don’t believe in anything spiritual…so what? I disagree with both political parties…It does not serve me to make fun of people who call themselves Democrats or Republicans.

How did you find a horse so high that you could look down on everyone else who doesn’t think and believe just like you?

vince

May 10th, 2011
10:53 pm

@Rodney..

I respect that. It’s just the making fun of other people’s beliefs that strike me as backward thinking.

Rodney

May 10th, 2011
10:54 pm

You know how awkward it is to be involved in a group prayer when you don’t pray? I just lower my head and stair at the ground out of respect for others in the prayer. I do not say Amen because then I would just be faking it.

M

May 10th, 2011
10:55 pm

Some people don’t believe in gay marriage AND THEREFORE THEY DENY THEM THAT RIGHT, WHICH IS WRONG. If you can’t understand that, I can’t do anything for you.

I’m against any belief that denies someone basic human rights.

Rodney

May 10th, 2011
11:01 pm

I think you are taking M’s jokes too seriously. The one about coming out of the cave kind of makes a little sense if you think about how the Catholic Church persecuted Galileo because he said that the Earth revolves around the sun.

I personally think it is all about control and money and the easiest way to control people and get their money is to say that if you don’t give money to me, pray with me, and do what I tell you, this almighty being that I represent is going to send you into an eternity of burning hell.

M

May 10th, 2011
11:01 pm

And finally, you’re a moron if you think that putting all the animals on a boat was possible. I’m sleepy and tired of pulling punches. Goodnight.

armadillo

May 10th, 2011
11:37 pm

This is so funny. I don’t think the Bible includes animals in heaven if I remember correctly. I like this guy. He has a nice sense of humor.

lamonte

May 10th, 2011
11:37 pm

Agnosticism is the only honest choice.The existence/non-existence of any deity can’t be proven/ disproven. Amen.

LW

May 10th, 2011
11:59 pm

@Troglodyke RE: Why shouldn’t someone capitalize on the fears of believers? They are low-hanging fruit.

SOMEONE ALREADY DOES! IT’S CALLED: THE CHURCH!
To each it’s own… I think it’s a BRILLIANT idea!

HENRY

May 11th, 2011
12:04 am

I LOVE IT……..SEND ME SOME MONEY, I’LL TAKE CARE OF THE PETS

Pandora

May 11th, 2011
12:14 am

Well if the world do end on May 21st..which I SERIOUSLY DOUBT the fools that don’t believe in God will be roasting in hell! :) They will not be watching anybodys’ pet!

Ginnyren

May 11th, 2011
12:17 am

My Ex was a dog will they take him?

S

May 11th, 2011
12:24 am

This human believes in Mother Nature, Mother Earth if you will, she can give and take away instantly. Without her we would not exist. She is awesome, you can see, feel, touch her, she is ever present.. She sees all, cares for all, even fruitcakes that believe in an odd Gods ravings. How nice of these non believers to want to take in these faith based fruitcakes critters, Mother Earth will thank you. She might rain on the fruitcakes though, just to show them who’s boss.

not religious

May 11th, 2011
12:47 am

Hey, did anyone read about that guy that got the face transplant the other day. His face was burned off by an electrical power line while he was voluntarily working on the church. I guess “God” took his eyes off of him.

@Vince
because I actually had to think to believe what I believe in. I grew up in a christian family. Most Christians (or any other religion) don’t realize that they are only Christian because that’s the way they were brought up. Hence why you rarely see people converting from the religion they were brought up as. Of course there are exceptions, but this makes most people, in my eyes, seem retarded.

itpdude

May 11th, 2011
1:23 am

What the crap? Sounds like another atheist money-scam.

Like Jim Jones or any of the other preachers we see on tv.

M

May 11th, 2011
2:02 am

I don’t believe, that Atheists believe, that they don’t believe. Trust me, let the Earth tremble 1 minute, and you will see the light.

M

May 11th, 2011
2:09 am

Atheists are not real, they are all fakes. Break down thier name…..A t > h ei s< t s,,,,,, "HE IS".. is in the Center of that name. They do believe in GOD!

lotsofspareparts

May 11th, 2011
2:38 am

God didn’t take care of animals in the flood? you must have missed that part about him taking 2 of every animal on the ark , oh that’s right but you don’t read the bible in the first place, besides that god was the one that CREATED all the animals . I feel sorry for you atheist while I don’t believe in the may 21st thing because no one knows the hour or the day that the world will end you are still mistaken in believing that every thing is just coincidence .

God didn’t take the animals you dork, Noah did. I know that and I am an atheist!!

lois

May 11th, 2011
2:45 am

sorry but you all have been misinformed,we do not know when christ return will be and only those who have acepted him as their saviour will be going with him so atheist don’t be so greedy and want everyones pets,were not leaving on the 21 st of may or if we are we don’t know about it,thought you atheist didn’t belive this why are you so intersted then?

lois

May 11th, 2011
2:55 am

Enter your comments here

TheAntiMe

May 11th, 2011
4:54 am

You know, I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone this but it turns out that the May 21 rapture people were right, sort of. I fairly recently traveled through time and visited the year 2022. It seems that on May 21, 2011 thousands of folks did actually vanish from the Earth with no apparent explanation. As you can imagine, this created quite a buzz and was a very hot topic of debate as to where these people actually went and how.

That was, until March of 2016 when a probe that had been launched by NASA to study the outer regions of our solar system picked up some very strange radio signals coming from the planet Uranus. Upon closer inspection, the probe discovered what appeared to be a large city of at least 250,000 humans who were actually living on Uranus. Everyone seemed to be deliriously happy and were, generally, just having a blast.

When the scientists at NASA were able to make contact with these humans, it was revealed that they were indeed the same people who had disappeared on May 21, 2011 and had been picked up in a spaceship that was piloted by Darth Vader, Beetlejuice, and all four Teletubbies. Also on the spaceship were Tupac Shakur, Kurt Cobain, and Elvis. As you can imagine, life on Uranus these days is certainly not lacking in entertainment.

So, as it turns out, any of you folks who are planning on disappearing from our humble planet on May 21 will actually be doing the right thing by enlisting a service to provide for your pets. I suppose for you folks, this relocation to Uranus will be a good news/bad news type of deal. The bad news, of course, is that your destination will not be quite as high up as you were hoping for. The good news, however, is that you will be much happier living on Uranus with Darth, Elvis, the Teletubbies, and the rest of the crew. At least when I returned from there in 2022 you folks still were having fun. Just watch out for Beetlejuice. He’s a funny dude but his bug breath is a little overpowering at times.

Bon voyage, future space cadets and don’t forget to write.

rob

May 11th, 2011
5:53 am

Thomas.. Noahs Ark? are you kidding me? you believe in that fairy tale? come on…..

Gae

May 11th, 2011
6:08 am

Atheist is just a word. Every man finds God within himself because he KNOWS that there is a Creator and man did not make the earth and trees and wood and wind and water and animals AND man. He in fact still CANNOT make them. It does not have to be the Christian God – He just happens to be the most logical and believable, despite His mysteriousness. When so-called religious people no longer want to cope they start believing in the “end of the world”. I don’t know what the people who are alive now have done to be so deserving, that the world should end now to suit them. My mother is 95 and is NOT suicidal. I at my comparatively “tender age” am more likely to develop suicidal tendencies. Imagine what the world was like even 70 years ago and try to find good reason to remain hopeful.

DanDeacon

May 11th, 2011
6:16 am

Apparently these atheists are watching too much Ocra on tv during the day who has defied Jesus publicly. Do not be misled by people like her or those that defy Jesus. Every person and aethists, that ignore the facts of the Bible as verified by true theologions and exceptionally educated people, should fall on their knees immediately and ask Jesus for forgiveness of their sins and to come into their life. The Bible clearly states and has verified that Jesus said, I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.” (John 14: 6,7).

Every atheists can become saved and be given eternal life in heaven. You have a choice to have eternity in heaven or hell. I beg you to pray with me now:

Dear God in heaven, I come to you in the name of Jesus. I acknowledge to You that I am a sinner, and I am sorry for my sins and the life that I have lived; I need your forgiveness.

I believe that your only begotten Son Jesus Christ shed His precious blood on the cross at Calvary and died for my sins, and I am now willing to turn from my sin.

You said in Your Holy Word, Romans 10:9 that if we confess the Lord our God and believe in our hearts that God raised Jesus from the dead, we shall be saved.

Right now I confess Jesus as the Lord of my soul. With my heart, I believe that God raised Jesus from the dead. This very moment I accept Jesus Christ as my own personal Savior and according to His Word, right now I am saved.

Thank you Jesus for your unlimited grace which has saved me from my sins. I thank you Jesus that your grace never leads to license, but rather it always leads to repentance. Therefore Lord Jesus transform my life so that I may bring glory and honor to you alone and not to myself.

Thank you Jesus for dying for me and giving me eternal life.
Amen.

It’s our choice to make….eternal life in heaven or eternal life in hell. I ask you make the same choice I’ve made and millions of others have made – eternal life in heaven by believing in the Lord Jesus Christ. Let the facts of the Bible help guide you to your decision. I pray for you today and hope you’ll make the choice to trust in Jesus.

Becky

May 11th, 2011
6:22 am

To those who think that atheists are ignorant of religion: the Pew Research Center found that atheists score highest on a test of religious knowledge. http://pewforum.org/Other-Beliefs-and-Practices/U-S-Religious-Knowledge-Survey.aspx

Just sayin’….. :)

TheAntiMe

May 11th, 2011
6:25 am

Jesus is just alright by me, but Judas Priest kicks some serious azz! And wow folks, this is a blog that deals with humor. Take a chill pill and don’t get your proverbial panties in a wad.

Rosa

May 11th, 2011
7:48 am

This whole thing is not Christian at all. Jesus said that no one would know the day. Read a Bible and you will find out that a whole lot of this end-times stuff is made up in peoples’ minds. The Scriptures are very clear that it is not clear when this day will occur.

Shaking My Head

May 11th, 2011
8:04 am

I find this whole situation to be very sad. I am a Christian, and I love Jesus, but I also know that no man knows the day or the hour that Jesus will return – only the Father knows (Mark 13:32). The thing is, MOST Christians have actually read at least enough of the Bible to know that fact. This group of people clearly has NOT, and yet people associate all of Christianity with this specific group of people. Christians are not a bunch of nut jobs; at least, not all of us. I believe that the Bible is the infallible Word of God. Any other doctrine is false…including this May 21st idea.

Chode McBlob

May 11th, 2011
8:20 am

Since there’s no such thing as God and Jesus isn’t coming and their visions of doom won’t happen. They will all be claiming their pets back on May 22nd.

Chode McBlob

May 11th, 2011
8:22 am

Sure are a lot of bible thumpers commenting here! Athiests won’t go to heaven or hell because they don’t exist either.

really.

May 11th, 2011
8:22 am

God and Jesus are imaginary friends for adults.

TheAntiMe

May 11th, 2011
8:22 am

Come on people, get a clue. We’ve come to this blog to watch Comedy Central only to find that it has been preempted by The 700 Club. Isn’t there something on TV that you folks should be watching. I don’t know, like maybe Benny Hinn?

That’s OK, I’ll get us back on track here:

Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, and Jim Bakker all go into this bar and ask the bartender…
lol – Oh, never mind. I’ll probably just go to Hades for telling that joke anyway. :P

FrootLoops

May 11th, 2011
8:41 am

I believe in God and that he impregnated Mary who gave birth to Jesus who lived on this Earth and died for the sins of this world (that includes even the atheists). I don’t argue Religion…mostly because there are people who WILL NEVER believe in Jesus. It says so in the Bible.

Where did the date come from? Who came up with it? How did they calculate it? Humor me please. :)

For each of you atheists reading this, take a moment today and read all of Revelations today. I’m not asking you to all of a suddent believe or convert. But read…it’s also in audio. Come back and comment. Tell us all what you think.

As far as the article and the pets, too darn funny. Some of you so-called Christians may need to re-read Revelations as well. :)

kim

May 11th, 2011
9:26 am

I’m a Seventh Day Adventist Christian. I do not believe people will vanish in thin air. The Bible doesn’t teach that. It also doesn’t teach a lot of the popular beliefs Christians have. People have to think for themselves and not just believe everything they’ve been told or taught!
The funny thing about this Rapture insurance for pets is my co-worker has had this idea for a while and we’ve joked about it. I told him he should do this himself because he’d make a killing.
Now he is tripping out that someone already had this idea. :)
I think it’s a hilarious idea and unfortunately, many people will fall for it.

Ryan

May 11th, 2011
9:39 am

It is about time some good moral people started profiting from religion.

JB

May 11th, 2011
9:41 am

@ Thomas
God didn’t take 2 of each animal on the arch, that was Noah.
And you call yourself Christian? LOL

TheAntiMe

May 11th, 2011
9:51 am

For each of you atheists reading this, take a moment today and read all of Revelations today. I’m not asking you to all of a suddent believe or convert. But read…it’s also in audio. Come back and comment. Tell us all what you think.

Although I don’t classify myself as an atheist – I’m open-minded and consider all possibilities – I do like the very dramatic premise of The Revelation. Probably not surprising since I am a big fan of the performing arts. Speaking of the performing arts, I have some adult films to watch now, the first one starring Aurora Snow who is a very talented actress, to be sure. Perhaps I’ll get around to Revelation today but I have a feeling that these films will be revealing enough for my tastes. :D

M

May 11th, 2011
10:13 am

Hmm…someone else has been posting using my handle. Oh well.

This “M” is an atheist.

And as for Revelation…well, I’ve had crazy feverish dreams, too.

FrootLoops

May 11th, 2011
10:27 am

I think it was Joyce Meyers (I could be wrong) who said, it is better to believe and be wrong than to not believe believe and be wrong. :)

good day people

Get Real

May 11th, 2011
10:27 am

Oh the clever things crooks come up with to steal money from unsuspecting idiots. The loonies shelling out the cash must be the same group that was convinced that the world was coming to an end when the year 2000 rolled in. No one knows the day or hour.

M

May 11th, 2011
10:33 am

Get Real,

Of course nobody knows. That’s why this guy says your payment is good for 10 years. :)

TheAntiMe

May 11th, 2011
10:47 am

I think it was Joyce Meyers (I could be wrong) who said, it is better to believe and be wrong than to not believe believe and be wrong.

Well, I reckon. lol – After all, it’s sort of like playing God Monopoly so that you can get that “Get out of Hell free” card. Bonus!!!

M

May 11th, 2011
10:48 am

And there are plenty of us who can’t believe in something that we know is untrue. If someone told you today that you had to believe in Santa Claus in order to receive eternal life…you couldn’t do it, no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself that you could. You’d never believe it.

sky2fall

May 11th, 2011
11:00 am

Atheists may not have sense of faith, but they do have a sense of humor!

Adam

May 11th, 2011
11:51 am

I was born and raised a christian, but then I started thinking for myself as I got older, I highly recommend thinking for yourself to all religious people, it really helps you to live a better and loving life. Religion is not loving, it is judging and excluding of others… I love and accept all people now regardless of what you believe in… I really feel sorry for religious people, they need help… Hundreds of years now the human race will look back on religion as a mental illness… Everyone, atheists and agnostics lets work together to lift the veil from the religious peoples eyes… They are going through a very rough time mentally and they need our help. I dislike how non-religious people make fun of religious people, making fun of people who are mentally ill is not loving. Let’s work together to help each other.

Love,

Adam.

Malachi

May 11th, 2011
12:17 pm

As a Christian I find this rapture business insulting. Where does these foolish Fundementalists find justification for this in the Bible? There is no mention of a Rapture……at all. Jesus is very clear that we will die and then go to heaven and at a certain point Heaven and Earth will more or less join and Jesus will be King. So nothing like this…

M

May 11th, 2011
12:27 pm

Jesus was also very clear that “this generation will not pass” until the second coming had occurred. That was, oh, about two thousand years ago.

GOD

May 11th, 2011
1:03 pm

YOU’VE GOT IT WRONG.

I WANT THE DOGS AND CATS.

PEOPLE SUCK AND ARE NOT ALLOWED IN HEAVEN.

Joe Mama

May 11th, 2011
1:08 pm

FrootLoops — “For each of you atheists reading this, take a moment today and read all of Revelations today. I’m not asking you to all of a suddent believe or convert. But read…it’s also in audio. Come back and comment. Tell us all what you think.”

I read it years ago; I think it reads like a fever dream.

?

May 11th, 2011
2:29 pm

JOE MAMA …PLAGERIST

Joe Mama

May 11th, 2011
2:36 pm

? — “JOE MAMA …PLAGERIST”

Visualize using your key, Champ. And the word you’re looking for is “plagiarist,” but it doesn’t apply to me.

Joe Mama

May 11th, 2011
2:42 pm

Shift key, even

saved

May 11th, 2011
3:09 pm

CLASSIC statement – “God didn’t take care of the animals in the flood” says Centre who DOESN’T BELIEVE IN GOD OR BIBLICAL FLOODS.

?

May 11th, 2011
3:25 pm

SURE IT DOES……DOUCHE NOZZLE

Joe Mama

May 11th, 2011
3:31 pm

“SURE IT DOES……DOUCHE NOZZLE”

Is today a school holiday? Or are the kids already back at home this afternoon?

/

May 11th, 2011
3:31 pm

and your screen name is lame. so eighties

Joe Mama

May 11th, 2011
3:35 pm

Ah. I see. It’s the Sony PS3 refugees. Can’t play games online, so they troll IBBs, looking for people to snipe at.

I’m not really concerned with your criticism, slash-guy. But go ahead and slag if it makes you feel better.

/

May 11th, 2011
3:41 pm

oh yes you are concerned, thats why you keep replying …..dork

Joe Mama

May 11th, 2011
4:32 pm

Ony replied to *you* once, kid. This post makes twice.

Back to class, ignoramus.

donkey200

May 11th, 2011
5:29 pm

Atheists Rule! Go, go, go! Pets are generally nicer than people anyway and if christians and other organized religious believers were supposedly made after God’s image, hmm, what does that have to say???

Anonymous

May 11th, 2011
8:58 pm

Hey, it’s a great money maker, I’ll give them that. I’m quite sure he’s not coming back on the 21st just to prove all them wrong.

Whoever is paying the money out to them are probably not true Christians, and are concerned more about there pets than their eternal future. http://www.needhim.org

Chuck

May 11th, 2011
10:24 pm

To the people fussing about “read your Bible — there were 2 of every animal”: read your Bible – specifically in the Genesis 7:2 range.

ragman

May 11th, 2011
10:55 pm

If I can’t take my dogs with me I don’t want to go.

/

May 12th, 2011
8:43 am

OH JOE, you are too easy.

Mr. Waltrip

May 12th, 2011
10:27 am

Well we all know that times will be tough here on earth when we all go to heaven. Your pets will be food. I’ll see you in glory.

kim

May 12th, 2011
11:51 am

To the people who say there were 2 of every animal- read it again. There were NOT 2 of every kind of animal.
There were 2 of every unclean animal and 7 of every clean animal so the people would have food to eat. If they’d eaten one of the unclean animals, there would have been none left for reproducing their own kind.
The people were allowed to eat the clean animals after the flood.

kim

May 12th, 2011
11:55 am

Adam, there is a difference in ‘religious people’ and ‘Christians’.
I agree that religion is judgemental and religious people tend to try to force their own beliefs, but I am a Christian. I believe in letting people live the way they want to even if I do not agree with what they do. I have some very close friends who are homosexuals and religious people give me a hard time for even talking to them. I don’t do what they do, but they are still my friends and I love them.
Everyone doesn’t have to agree with me for me to love them or be their friend. I think people want others to agree with their beliefs so they can feel justified in their beliefs because they are not 100 % confident in what they believe. SO if they have only people around them who agree with them, they some how feel like they are right.

Don Lloyd

May 12th, 2011
2:12 pm

Believers did not choose God. He chose his people in Christ,before he made the world. Athiests are not going to Heaven God left all fools out of his plan of redemption!

JC

May 12th, 2011
5:05 pm

It’s so funny how some will take the Bible’s myths as the word of God, but won’t place any faith in cold, hard science. I wouldn’t mind if all of the Bible thumpers got their Rapture. Then maybe the rest of us could actually get down to business sorting out this mess of a world we’re in, unencumbered by the gullibles.

rick foxx

May 12th, 2011
6:22 pm

9 more daze,i think it’s funny.if i want streets of gold i’ll just go up the street to disney world…

cs

May 13th, 2011
2:35 am

It seems as if another group has entered the billboard wars in Camping’s/Family Radio’s back yard of Oakland, CA. They are disputing Camping’s claims with a compelling message of “Jesus is already here.” Here’s the billboard photo:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/62779138@N08/57080636

Eli

May 13th, 2011
3:00 pm

How can the pets go to Heaven, if they do not have souls? I’ll be happy to offer my discounted pet-sitting services. Pay me $100 before May 21st and I will ensure your cat, dog, fish, horse, cow, or whatever will be taken care of in the event of the Rapture occurring that day.

Eli

May 13th, 2011
3:05 pm

Noah would have to have had 30,000 arks of the size noted in the Bible to carry just two of every animal. And it is the book of Revelation, not the plural Revelations. And this is coming from another Atheist who knows the bible better than most Christians.

Adam R.

May 14th, 2011
8:03 am

People who believe a dead man got up and walked around–and who ritually cannibalize his flesh–are calling Harold Camping crazy. Potkettle.

Clyde

May 14th, 2011
8:23 am

They just could not wait till Dec 21, 2012? That is the more popular date & sure to produce more profit. i really want some of what these people are smoking! no, really, it’s gotta be good!

Micae

May 14th, 2011
7:35 pm

I have a question that I really surprised I’ve yet to see anyone ask…here AND on other ’sites’…

What happens if you have a puppy or very young animal (whatever animal these suckers pay to have ‘looked-after’)…what happens if the animal lives for longer than ten years? Are these ‘Ever-After Looker-Afters’ going to just ‘drop-kick’ their ‘charges’ onto the side of the road or somethin’?

Also, while I’m here…Wuz up with these fools that pay for this ’service’ and call themselves Christians – God is said to destroy the World after ‘The Judgement’ and to throw the ‘Evil Non-Believers’ into a lake of fire…? Ya sure got me!

carman

May 15th, 2011
5:30 pm

there is no god, jesus is a myth, human beings are stupid and they suck

Rightous M

May 15th, 2011
9:05 pm

As for Vince, sorry Bro, but Mr. M has more intelligence and wisdom, and the care of mankind versus your superstitious, Christian ignorance, selfish, believer’s mentality? I will however, love, take care of, and not abuse my pet Chihuahua of 8 years (got from a stripper friend!) give him a proper burial, and say a prayer when he dies. We were all made equal in Gods World, what makes Vince and other believers the rule makers and continue to live in the past? Take care Mr. M and hope to meet you and many of your type in heaven one day!

oot999

May 15th, 2011
10:42 pm

God just had to go and end the world the day after finals….

carla roqs

May 16th, 2011
9:06 am

Tim

May 16th, 2011
9:29 am

OK, what did the lions and tigers and bears eat on the ark? 40 days with no meat? Hmmm…

Rollo

May 16th, 2011
11:12 am

Let’s not forget about the dinosaurs Noah crammed on the ark. Cleaning up after those suckers must have been hell, just to have God let them go extinct like that. I’ll never understand why God is such a meanie, especially to someone as devoted as Noah! Go figure.

Lisa

May 16th, 2011
11:19 am

Right on, Pawzy!!! Didn’t that movie say, “All Dogs Go To Heaven”? LOL!

Judy

May 16th, 2011
8:34 pm

1.) This is ridicules! LOL 2.) Nobody knows the date of the rapture. 3.) I don’t believe our animals won’t be left behind. 4). Read your Bible closely………their were 3 of each animal taken on the ark! I know, it surprised me, too!

Bettie Frizzell

May 16th, 2011
11:48 pm

Does this mean the other members of Seal Team 6 will get a shot at Osama?

T

May 17th, 2011
2:01 am

Thomas – God took care of the animals in the flood???? That’s interesting b/c I would thnk that the animals that drowned “in” the flood would disagree with that conclusion. In fact, I’m quite sure of it. If you recall, Noah only took two of each. Those left behind must have drowned with all those evil, sinning humans the God of Love was so hell bent on killing. If one thought it through,,, there really isn’t any other conclusion to come to. Don’t you agree?

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Victoria

May 20th, 2011
8:35 pm

I see a lot of comments here about God just letting people take their animals with them. Now don’t misunderstand, I am taking full credit if I’m wrong on this because I hold somewhat less than a position of biblical scholar, but I’ve been told but a devout Christian that the bible says NOBODY goes to Heaven with you…. you don’t live with your family and you don’t lavish on a cloud eating grapes with your significant other like the Greek gods. You simply go to Heaven where everything is apparently so stupendous that it exceeds any earthly pleasure we have ever experienced. And we can’t imagine that as pleasurable if we can’t have the people/things that make us happy here, but we’ll understand as soon as we are there how great everything is. And furthermore, we forget our time on earth so we won’t miss anyone/thing anyway.

Is this in the bible somewhere? And if not, does it say somewhere in the bible that you can take your pets? Just curious if these are visible, readable statements or at least interpretations of statements, or is this just picking and choosing what we believe to hold Christianity as desirable to each individual?

Uncle Joe

May 21st, 2011
2:54 am

I already sacrificed my pets on a stone altar to God. He said that made him happy, so he put off the rupture a few more days.

connie

May 21st, 2011
8:54 am

This doesn’t make sence. When the rapture hits the pets and animals will be raptured as well.

Animals are saints. They are pure of heart and soul. Same with children.

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Davinia Easterwood

May 22nd, 2011
4:53 pm

I know your pets won’t be raptured with you because only those who have accepted Jesus Christ as their saviour will be raptured. And pets can’t do that. So there.

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