Archive for May, 2011

Delta bans drunk flirt for life

A Georgia man who tried to impress a young Georgia lady aboard a Delta flight after quaffing multiple mixed drinks has been banned from the Atlanta-based airline for life.

Repeated testing indicates five of these do not make anyone sexy.

Five of these can make the "friendly skies" too friendly, according to recent reports.

“I’m a dumb[bleep],” says Bryan Sisco, 40, from Winston in south Douglas County, in The Commercial Appeal.

The Memphis newspaper recounts the following tale:

Sisco drank beer before heading to the Dallas airport for an evening flight to Atlanta. Once there, Delta flight 2060 was delayed for a couple of hours, so he got hopped up on five double whiskey and Cokes.

When he boarded the plane last Thursday, Sisco, who said he’s in the process of getting a divorce, sat in the wrong seat and began flirting with Danielle Valimont, 23, from Griffin.

In her blog, Valimont said Sisco asked “Have you ever wondered if someone could get something on the plane they weren’t supposed to?”

Then he fired up a “silver metal torch-like …

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TV chef outs father-in-law’s secret family

Gordon and Tana Ramsay.

Gordon and Tana Ramsay.

How do you fire your father-in-law and stay married?

Scottish chef Gordon Ramsay, famous for his televised temper and foul mouth, did it by hiring a private eye to find out if his wife’s dad has as many mistresses as Ramsay has shepherd’s pie recipes.

The Daily Mail, like most tabloids across the pond, has been all over the story.

It seems Ramsay, the host of multiple reality TV shows, including “Kitchen Nightmares,” had a falling out with his father-in-law and business partner, Chris Hutcheson, and hired a private eye to figure out how the 62-year-old was spending company time and money.

The F-bombs must have been flying when Ramsay learned Hutcheson had maintained a separate family with another woman, Frances Collins, since 1976.

The information became public this week when a gag order was lifted to show Hutcheson’s “misappropriation of corporate funds.”

The chef waited almost two years to tell his wife, Tana, 36, that she has a 31-year-old …

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Georgians among ‘least stressed’ in U.S.

Laid back Georgians are among the least stressed people in the U.S., according to a new Gallup poll.

Roswell residents employ hammocks, lovely views and loving pets to keep stress levels low.

Roswell residents employ hammocks, lovely views and loving pets to keep stress levels low.

Leading the chillaxed pack is Hawaii, the home of sun, surfing and, believe it or not, President Barack Obama. The last state to join the union has been the least stressed for three years running.

Georgia is the 7th least stressed state, probably because of the bucolic lifestyle enjoyed in most of the state (see photo evidence at right). The Peach State is the only Southern state to be in the “least stressed” category.

Tennessee, just a few ultra-relaxing miles of interstate north of Atlanta, is apparently on edge, probably because of all the orange clothing.

Rural Midwest-ish states seemed to be most carefree — the Dakotas, Wyoming and Iowa all finished ahead of Georgia.

Surprisingly, the District of Columbia, the home of the endless political bickering, finished ahead of Georgia …

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Stodgy Brits try to block Girls Gone Wild filming

Nobility yes, “nubility” no.

Research concludes paid girlfriends love cheap caps and T-shirts.

Girls Gone Wild researchers conclude paid girlfriends love cheap caps and T-shirts.

That’s the word out of unjolly old England, which is trying to block the filming of Girls Gone Wild events on the once-important island.

According to an article in The Telegraph, the stodgy fellows who run the area of Newcastle, a town that parties so hard they named a famous beer after it, are asking the “Home Office” (not a tax deduction, but the U.K.’s version of the Department of Homeland Security) to ban the filming of nubile wenches nationwide.

They’ve clearly got their crumpets in a wad. Here’s the text from a motion they’ve concocted:

“This House is deeply concerned that U.S. pornography production company Mantra Films Inc. is filming Girls Gone Wild in the U.K., which approaches young women, many of them intoxicated, in public places, and encourages them to expose their breasts, simulate sex acts and have sex on camera in exchange for Girls Gone Wild …

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Police catch man eating friend’s liver

I don’t know anyone with a job that chooses to eat liver.

Where liver is supposed to come from.

Where liver is supposed to come from.

But in Russia, some dude likes it so much he ate the liver of his friend.

A Reuters article says Moscow police tracked the man to his kitchen after discovering a trail of severed body parts including a head.

“When the police came to arrest the suspect, he was eating a human liver with potatoes,” a police spokeswoman for the Moscow’s western district said by telephone in the article.

The rest of the human liver was found in a refrigerator.

The suspect “admitted his crime and that he had eaten part of his acquaintance’s liver,” the prosecutor general’s main investigative unit said in a statement.

There was no mention of grilled onions.

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Parents name child ‘Like’ after Facebook button

Your child’s name shouldn’t make people laugh or cry.

A postal worker told me she named her daughters Lexus and Kia, which tells you who her favorite is right away.

facebook-like-button

And when I was in Romania, a mom tried to doom her child by naming him bin Laden. She chose the name because she kept hearing it repeatedly on CNN and figured he must be important. An English-speaking nurse refused to sign the birth certificate until the name was changed to something I can’t pronounce.

More recently, a family in Israel decided to name their child “Like” after the Facebook button.

As a Guardian reporter writes, at least they didn’t name her “Poke.”

The family is chock full of unusual appellations. Lior and Vardit Adler already have daughters named Dvash (Hebrew for honey) and Pie (as in apple).

But for the new little girl they wanted something “modern and innovative” like Like.

I’d have preferred “Gertrude.” Eighteen years from now, maybe the daughter will too and have it legally changed.

The …

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Despite millions of Internet links, still no cure for cancer

The best thing I can say about conspiracy theorists is that they have good imaginations.

Cancer: It's more complicated than this.

Cancer: It's more complicated than this.

They also have short memories.

I say this because, if you pay attention, you will see the same conspiracy theories popping up over-and-over again.

A recent one is that scientists have cured cancer but big pharmaceutical companies are withholding its release because they can’t make money off it. University of Alberta scientists published a paper on the cheap drug in 2007 and were optimistic it could advance cancer treatment.

Then, conspiracy theorists got ahold of the story and the treatment became a full-blown cure that the media refused to report. That same story is once again being trotted out on Facebook by those who believe 9/11 was an inside job and fluoride in water is turning Americans into zombies.

There’s links about the alleged cancer cure everywhere. (Here, here, here.)

Unfortunately, cutting and pasting an Internet link does not make a …

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Report: Blood test predicts life expectancy

How much would you pay to learn how many years you have left to live?

The Independent, a British newspaper, reports scientists will soon be shilling a blood test that can estimate exactly when you should load up on your significant other’s life insurance.

A scene from Lego University.

University of Lego fraternity party.

Life Length says the $700 test only provides a general idea about a person’s general health. It can’t predict a fatal keg stand or planking incident.

The test allegedly examines the length of “telomeres,” which are “repetitive sequences of DNA” at the end of chromosomes that deteriorate as the body ages.

Some scientists say the test is hokum, that it can provide only a “hint” of life expectancy.

Al Jazeera has a video featuring Colin Blakemore, professor of Neurobiology at Oxford University, who said the test looked at “biological age,” rather than chronological age.

Blakemore said the test looks at telomeres  in white blood cells, not in actual body tissue.

“I’m not convinced of its …

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Internet fad ‘planking’ claims first victim

Idiocy takes many forms. Unfortunately, some of them are fatal.

"Stupid is as stupid does." - Forest Gump

"Stupid is as stupid does." – Forrest Gump

Take “planking,” for instance. The alleged Facebook-fueled fad, which involves having a picture taken of a daredevil lying rigidly prostrate and in an unusual location, has been blamed for the death of a young Australian man.

ABC News is reporting the death of Acton Beale, 20, who died after plummeting from a high-rise balcony.

Police say he was trying to “plank” on the balcony railing and lost his balance.

“[It] really just shows that these fads that people are coming up with really can have tragic consequences if they are not careful,” a police spokesman in Brisbane said.

Whatever happened to surfing? If you’re going to risk your life, at least do it on a beautiful beach with bikini-clad women nearby.

Police are not thrilled with the silliness, and I can understand why. Last week, Queensland Police charged a 20-year-old after he was spotted planking on a police car …

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U.S. official: Porn found in bin Laden compound

**Pretends to be watching CNN**

**Pretends to be watching CNN**

The U.S. military found a large cache of pornography in the hideout of Osama bin Laden, Reuters is reporting.

An unnamed U.S. official said the porn is an extensive collection of “modern, electronically recorded video.”

I’m not sure what they mean by “electronically recorded,” since I don’t know of a way to record video with some form of electronics. I think they mean the video was stored digitally.

It is not known if bin Laden himself watched the videos, or how the videos were obtained. The compound in Pakistan had no Internet connection, but did include TVs and video playback devices.

Three officials said it is “not uncommon” for Islamic militants to have porn collections.

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