Archive for April, 2011

Man drives around drinking with dead friend for 3 days

Sherlock Holmes’ powers of deduction were the stuff of legend.

At the other end of the Bell Curve is Jerry Maestas, 64, who told New Mexico police he did not notice his friend, riding shotgun in his car for three days, was dead.

Jerry Maestas was booked for misdemeanor.

Jerry Maestas "isn't running on all cylinders," said police.

Maestas, a retired prison guard, didn’t seek help until he noticed his silent friend’s back had turned blue, according to this ABC article. That’s when he pulled into a Espanola, N.M., hospital and asked for a wheelchair for his friend, who he thought was sleeping.

Lt. Christian Lopez said more observant folks immediately noticed an overpowering stench, a horde of flies and the decomposing body of Amy Marquez, 33.

Like cheap tequila, I find Maestas’ tale hard to swallow.

Is he nuts?

“He’s not all there, I guess. I have no confirmation that he has a mental illness but this guy isn’t running on all cylinders,” said Lopez.

Maybe it was the booze? Maestas admitted he and Marquez had been drinking …

Continue reading Man drives around drinking with dead friend for 3 days »

27 percent of U.S. Senate press releases labeled ‘taunting’

With all this talk of a government shutdown, you may wonder what your favorite U.S. Senator will do with all the spare time.

Well, if it’s anything like business as usual, he’ll spend much of it “taunting” his colleagues.

"Independent? Like you never ask your wife for money?"

"Independent? Like you never ask your wife for money?"

According to a Harvard professor who may have way too much spare time on his hands, about 27 percent of communications sent out by U.S. senators during 2005-2007 were used to insult another elected official.

Little wonder there’s no budget agreement.

“It’s jarring and surprising,” said Prof. Gary King, who, along with two students, analyzed 64,033 press releases.

A Washington Post reporter asked King to analyze more recent memos. Curiously, only 20 percent of those press releases were considered taunting.

An example: Senate Majority Leader Harry M. Reid (D-Nev.) said, “Republicans have shown they couldn’t care less about those who have the least.”

Yep, business as usual.

Continue reading 27 percent of U.S. Senate press releases labeled ‘taunting’ »

Something fishy going on with anti-bacterial soap

Did your last tilapia fillet taste like Safeguard?

This school of fish never had a chance.

The tested fish accumulated soap chemicals so rapidly they were placed in decorative positions in the laboratory bathroom.

Probably not, but new evidence suggests anti-bacterial soaps are filling the nation’s fish with the cleansing chemical added to everything from deodorant to wet wipes.

An article on RealAge.com says triclocarban, the anti-bacterial part in anti-bacterial products, seems to accumulate in the flesh of fish and can be found “in 60 percent of all rivers and streams in the United States.”

Unlike humans, fish apparently can’t break down the chemical so it accumulates in their bodies.

In a test, “fish quickly accumulated TCC,” a scientist said. “The levels of the TCC in the fish soon after exposure were about 1,000 times higher than the concentration in the water.”

The medical effect to humans is not known, but TCC “has been associated with lower levels of thyroid hormone and testosterone, which could result in …

Continue reading Something fishy going on with anti-bacterial soap »

Police (Off)Beat | Love and lack of money

  • A woman demanded an Atlanta man loan her some money. He refused so she whipped out a Taser and began trying to shock some sense into him. Using ninja moves, he avoided harm and even managed to knock the Taser from her hand. He called police and was arrested for an outstanding warrant. Unlike the Taser, she was not charged.

    Tasers proven ineffective at extracting cash from ninjas.

    Tasers proven ineffective at extracting cash from ninjas.

  • Another young lady smashed the windows out of a man’s vehicle after he refused to pay her rent. The irate woman’s arrival at the Delmar Lane residence was heralded by text messages that read “im bout to [expletive] ur truck up … call police,” “im not going to jail [expletive] not going pay for it im set that [expletive] on fire …” and the equally inaccurately typed “WAT GOES AROUND CUMS AROUND.”
  • Feelings of inadequacy: A man stormed a Roswell Road sex shop, grabbed a $17 “Power Pump Surge” penis enhancer and fled to the nearby Colonial Grand Apartments.
  • A criminal kicked in the door of a …

Continue reading Police (Off)Beat | Love and lack of money »

Candie’s: Bristol Palin worth every penny

The non-profit that paid Bristol Palin $262,000 to combat teen pregnancy said Wednesday the ad campaign featuring the unwed mother had “unprecedented reach.”

They even supplied a chart (below) which seems to indicate Palin is a better hire than a former Playboy Bunny and the unfamous.

The Candie’s Foundation, which paid Palin 45 percent of its expenses in 2009, said it is not a grant-making organization — which is pretty obvious from its tax filing: They only donated $35,000 to anti-teen pregnancy initiatives.

According to a press release, Palin’s ads, interviews and public appearances resulted in “ONE BILLION” media impressions. I have no idea what that means, but ONE BILLION in all caps has to be fantastic. But not everyone trusts media impressions, it seems.

“The expense of Ms. Palin’s campaign has been far more cost-effective than other public service and social marketing campaigns, some of which spend tens of millions of taxpayers’ money each year. The Candie’s Foundation …

Continue reading Candie’s: Bristol Palin worth every penny »

Woman steals everything from in-laws, gambles away $14 million

It’s always a gamble when you let others handle your finances. The risk is exacerbated when you marry someone with a gambling addiction and she knows your senile parents have $500,000 sitting in the bank.

Jennifer Dennison won $13 million, but lost $14 million, but that's not what makes her a loser.

Jennifer Dennison won $13 million and lost $14 million, but that's not what makes her a loser.

According to an article by a St. Petersburg Times reporter,  a Florida woman stole the half-million from her in-laws, who first realized something was wrong when a check to their dentist bounced.

Jennifer Dennison, 42, of Bushnell, Fla., is charged with wiping out the elderly couple’s savings and checking accounts, as well as cashing in and spending their CDs, annuities, life insurance and retirement funds.

According to investigators, Dennison’s husband, Scott, let his wife handle his parents’ finances.

Jennifer was quite the gambler — she won $13 million over a two-year period at a Tampa casino. Unlike Kenny Rogers, she didn’t know when to fold ‘em — she spent $14 million during …

Continue reading Woman steals everything from in-laws, gambles away $14 million »

School kids play with artificial breast on career day

Not every profession needs to be represented at school career day.

Nothing says sexy like a bag full of toxic material.

Nothing says sexy like a bag full of toxic material.

Parents in Henrico, Va., a suburb of Richmond, are upset a plastic surgeon let elementary school students feel a breast implant during his presentation, according to NBC affiliate WWBT.

“Career day sure isn’t what it once was,” said one parent.

You’d think some little boys are saying the same thing, but the kids said the local plastic surgeon attends career day every year and is very informative.

The plastic surgeon did not return the reporter’s phone calls.

Call me crazy, but maybe a dietitian would be a better influence on today’s kids than a man who believes most women need a bigger bra.

Continue reading School kids play with artificial breast on career day »

Non-profit paid Bristol Palin more than it donated to anti-teen pregnancy programs

By now, you’ve probably heard — Bristol Palin, the unwed daughter of former VP candidate Sarah Palin, was paid $262,000 to help raise awareness for teen pregnancy prevention.

Bristol Palin strikes a pose that screams "say not to unmarried sex" while on the "Dancing with the Stars" set.

Bristol Palin strikes a pose that screams "say no to unmarried sex" in a "Dancing with the Stars" promo shot.

I don’t have a problem with the size of her paycheck.

But what has gone largely unreported is the fact The Candie’s Foundation paid Palin seven times more to be a spokesman than it donated to anti-teen pregnancy initiatives.

According to The Candie’s Foundation tax filing, the organization took in about $1.7 million in donations and only gave $35,000 to groups trying to lower teen pregnancy rates.

Forty-six percent of Candie’s total expenses — $573,000 — went to Palin. Only 6 percent went to anti-teen pregnancy programs.

About $165,000 was paid to ABC for TV advertising.

Candie’s was founded by Neil Cole, the CEO of Iconix Brand Group, makers of clothing you’ve heard of — London Fog, OP, Joe …

Continue reading Non-profit paid Bristol Palin more than it donated to anti-teen pregnancy programs »

Not much gets shut down in government ’shutdown’

Bring on the shutdown!

Seriously, you can’t turn on a TV or radio and not hear about the imminent “shutdown” of the federal government.

I’m sick of hearing it.

Republicans were considered the losers of the last government shutdown, in part because House Speaker Newt Gingrich told reporters Clinton made him sit in the back of Air Force One.

Republicans were considered the losers of the last government shutdown, headlines like this did not help.

Why? Because it is all political posturing. Very little will be “shut down.”

Don’t believe me? Fortunately, we have fairly recent history to look to for proof.

Since 1981, there have been five government shutdowns, but only the two in 1995-1996, which pitted President Bill Clinton against House Speaker Newt Gingrich, are remembered by anyone except historians and federal employees who got a few extra, albeit nervous, paid vacation days.

Who was affected in the last shutdown? Largely those on vacation — tourist attractions maintained by the government (like the Smithsonian museums) and some national parks were shuttered. The issuance of passports was delayed. Other paperwork was delayed by the 21 days of less …

Continue reading Not much gets shut down in government ’shutdown’ »

Google Gmail launches new ‘Motion’ feature

Searching for a little April Fools’ Day humor? Check out Google’s annual Gmail hijinks.

This year the web giant’s hoax is “Gmail Motion,” which promises a “new way to communicate.”

By using your computer’s webcam, you can simply make gestures to check and send email. No more using that old-school mouse and keyboard!

As the accompanying video shows, licking your fingers like a stamp indicates you want to send email. Pointing a thumb over your shoulder means “reply.”

The 'Motion' technology will soon be coming to Google Docs, as demonstrated here by Beta testers.

The 'Motion' technology will soon be coming to Google Docs, as demonstrated here by Beta testers.

How does it work? “Gmail Motion uses your computer’s built-in webcam and Google’s patented spatial tracking technology to detect your movements and translate them into meaningful characters and commands. Movements are designed to be simple and intuitive for people of all skill levels.”

Google has been pulling people’s legs since 2000 — previous hoaxes included posting fictitious jobs for a research center on the moon;

Continue reading Google Gmail launches new ‘Motion’ feature »