Archive for March, 2011

Do we need more laws? We must; the Georgia Legislature keeps making more of them. Today marks the 152nd time that august body has convened to invent new taxes.

I will always remember the day the bill requiring all Georgia restaurants to serve sweet tea died a pitiful death. It was 2003 and I thought Rep. John Noel (D-Atlanta) looked like presidential material.

Sorry SweetWater, this is the State Drink of Georgia.

Some would say making it illegal to not serve sweet tea is stupid. But they were probably raised on “pop” or “soda” instead of “Coke,” which can be used for any soft drink.

Contrary to what you may have read on the Internet, Georgia hasn’t passed any stupid laws. One common rumor promulgated online is that it is against the law to keep your donkey in a bathtub.

That’s not true, say researchers at the Georgia Archives, who struggled mightily last January to find such a thing.

It is, however, according to my non-lawyerly reading of Georgia Code 16-12-100, potentially …

Continue reading Research indicates Georgia has no ’stupid’ laws »

The snake may have tricked Eve, but a modern woman got the upper hand recently after a serpent bit her bosom.

Woman, snake battle to the death.

The London Daily Mail reports Israeli model Orit Fox, alleged to have the largest fake breasts available in that ancient land, was “licking the face” of a large boa constrictor during a photoshoot when the snake attached itself to a very sensitive area of her body. [Witness the battle on YouTube]

Fox, after freaking out, was rushed to a hospital where she received a tetanus shot.

The snake died from silicone poisoning, according to multiple reports. Spanish language television Telecinco reported the snake died several days after the incident.

“‘Beauty” 1 – Beast 0.

Note: Some allege the snake did not die, but I’ve yet to find any media source issue a correction.

Continue reading Snake dies after biting model’s artificial breast »

The South, according to the folks at Gallup, is the home of bad health and gloomy thoughts of the future.

The good news? Georgia is the happiest of this unhappy lot.

Gallup’s “Well-Being Index,” which may be a hodge-podge of nonsense, is allegedly “a new national measure of well-being that provides leaders with the information they need to create solutions for making Americans healthier.”

To create a state score, Gallup polls people and asks them how happy they are with their job, physical health, emotional health and other things.

Hawaii comes out on top, which makes sense. A lot of people who live in that tropical paradise are rich.

West Virginia comes in last, which makes sense too. West Virginia is one of the poorest states in America.

Why is Georgia ranked higher than surrounding states? I surmise it is because Georgia has the highest median household income of any Southern state. Or, we are the most delusional.

Money can’t buy happiness, they say, but it seems to buy …

Continue reading Georgians less miserable than other Southerners »

Bad news for the sleep deprived: It’s time to “spring forward.”

We have Ben Franklin, seen here posing as a lightning rod atop the Franklin County (Penn.) Courthouse, to thank for Daylight Saving Time (and lightning rods).

Most of us will simply set the clock ahead one hour before going to sleep Saturday. Those who want to be chronologically correct 24/7 need to move the hour hand on their wristwatch ahead one hour at 2 a.m. Sunday.

If it seems we’re springing ahead sooner than usual, you’re stuck in the past. Congress, in 2005, amended the Uniform Time Act of 1966 to move Daylight Saving Time to the second Sunday of March beginning in 2007. Previously, most of America sprung forward the first week of April.

We’ll “fall back” to Standard Time the first Sunday of November.

Here’s some interesting tidbits about time:

* Ben Franklin, at age 78, came up with the idea of Daylight Saving Time in 1784, perhaps to save the money he was burning for lamp oil in his Paris home.

* …

Continue reading ‘Spring forward’ before Saturday snooze »

Against medical advice, Sandra Bullock attempts to kiss a dog.

A majority of canine owners who can’t trick a human into sharing a bed with them literally lie down with dogs, according to a new study.

This behavior not only violates Scripture, but is unhealthy, according to smart people at the the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, who’ve got time for this kinda thing when not overreacting to other perceived threats.

Women are more likely than men to sleep with dogs, which I could have told them for free.

The study busts out several maladies that can affect those foolish enough to share a bed with an animal, including the fantastically titled “zoonoses,” which is any infectious disease transmitted from animal to man. (e.g. lycanthropy)

Specific afflictions include:

• The Plague. Students of history may recall it wiped out half of Europe before we had the CDC around to figure it out.
• Chagas Disease. Never heard of it. I also could not think of anything funny to say about …

Continue reading CDC: Sick people sleep with dogs »

Nerds love making fun of those still clinging to their AOL e-mail accounts, which were considered cool when people still said “World Wide Web.”

Internet archeologists were unable to decipher this hieroglyphic.

Now, a company that claims to be able to “personalize” the Internet for you is getting in on the action, slamming everyone but Gmail users.

According to the presumed-nerds at Hunch.com, a person’s choice of e-mail service says a lot about them. There are several flaws to their theory (such as most people have multiple e-mail accounts), but the results are entertaining.

The article is infested with nuggets of non-wisdom, such as never use an AOL e-mail on a resume. Not sure about that, I got this gig using my geotard@CompuServ.com account.

Here’s Hunch’s other findings.

• AOL users are most likely to be overweight women ages 35-64 who have a high school diploma and are spiritual, but not religious. They tend to be politically middle of the road, in a relationship of 10+ …

Continue reading Study: Gmail users coolest, AOL and Yahoo users fattest »

A 48-year-old cereal icon, Cap’n Horatio Magellan Crunch, today denied reports he would be forced into retirement.

Childhood obesity ahoy!

“I’m hearing the rumors. I would never retire. I love being a captain too much!” the sugar-infused sailor said Thursday via a newly-created Twitter account.

He repeats his delicious message of hope on a new website.

Earlier reports indicated Quaker, the maker of the bowled confection, would be forced to make the Cap’n walk the plank in an effort to make their products healthier.

Last year, PepsiCo, owner of Quaker, said it would reduce added sugar per serving by 25 percent in its products over the next 10 years.

A single serving of Original Cap’n Crunch has 12 grams of the sugar, which nutritionists say is almost half of the recommended daily intake. Other cereal makers have stated they will not advertise cereal to children that contains more than 10 grams of sugar per serving.

Tony the Tiger could not be reached for …

Continue reading Cap’n Crunch refuses to walk retirement plank »

Seven people living in a 900-square-feet home is a formula for disaster that even IKEA can’t help solve.

Kittens in the small home were forced to share tight sleeping quarters.

Toss in 110 cats and it definitely smells like trouble. In fact, the stench was so bad neighbors called police to the Santa Ana, Calif., home, according to TV station KTLA.

Authorities called to the scene seized the animals — 20 of which had to be euthanized — along with two children.

Animal services officers wore HAZMAT suits and use respirators while collecting the animals. Feces and urine covered the walls and furniture.

Courtney Lynn Howe-Perez, 22, and Sharon Lynn Howe, 64, were allegedly running a nonprofit pet rescue from the home, called Cat Connection Rescue Network Inc., even though proper paperwork had not been filed, according to the article.

Continue reading 110 cats, 7 humans in non-IKEA furnished home »

• A postal worker walking on Cheshire Bridge Road told an Atlanta police officer two men took his mail truck keys and refused to give them back unless he paid them $20. The police officer found the men, who smelled “strongly of alcohol” and were “slurring their speech.” The cop asked the drunks to return the keys, but they denied having them until threatened with jail time. The keys were hidden behind a Dumpster.
  

  "Neither snow nor rain nor theft of keys stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds."

• Dalton police say someone using an ID and bank card stolen from a “drunk man” withdrew $850 from the victim’s bank and used the cash to drive to Hamilton County, Tennessee. There, police say, he met a woman using his newfound alias and stole her car, which was found in Florida. While there, the man got a “Grim Reaper” tattoo with stolen cash, police said.
• Atlanta police arrested a woman who asked an Edgewood Avenue motorist …

Continue reading Police (Off)Beat | Key thieves locked up »

Here’s a story that will make you want to tidy your home: Relatives cleaning up after a deceased hoarder in St. Louis found the mummified body of the hoarder’s mother wrapped in plastic and a curtain.

Looks like it's time for some "spring cleaning."

Police say Gladys Jean Bergmeier, 75, died Feb. 7.  A relative digging through the pack rat’s home found the body, presumably that of the “long-unseen” Gladys Stansbury.

No one in the neighborhood could recall seeing Stansbury in the last 20 years. An orange juice bottle found wrapped up in the plastic with Stansbury’s body had an expiration date of 2003, but forensic specialists think the garbage may have wormed its way into the plastic years after the woman’s death.

“It appears (Bergmeier) couldn’t let go (of her mother),” a neighbor said. “This woman always had excuses as to where (Stansbury) might be. As time went on, people just stopped asking.”

A neighbor told authorities she thought something had happened to Bergmeier when …

Continue reading Hoarder’s home contains mother’s mummified body »