Should we rethink spend-the-night parties?

A friend shared an interesting article about whether or not you should let your kids spend the night at friends’ houses or even family members’ houses for that matter.

The article is featured on a Mormon lifestyle website (LDS Living), but I don’t think people should disregard the information because it comes from a religious publication. I think it should be viewed as a conservative parent publication.

Here is what the mom argues. From LDS Living.com:

“For us, the sleepover issue actually began at a stake conference fireside in late 1995. Our stake president at the time, Larry Lawrence, counseled our stake to beware of sleepovers and slumber parties. He explained that many children have drunk their first beer, sworn for the first time or lost their virtue “on a night when they did not have to look their parents in the eye when the night was over.” He advised us to take comfort in knowing our families were safe under the same roof at the end of each night.”

“His own children (he had six) were allowed to go to sleepovers but he would pick them up around 10:00 P.M. or so instead of having them spend the night. Many times his children would be disappointed because they could not stay. They would be angry or in tears when he picked them up. Yet each child, as an adult, thanked him and his wife for that rule. As they grew older and found out what had gone on with those friends at those sleepovers, they realized and appreciated their parents’ wisdom.”

I am summarizing her main heading points:

“One weekend nine years ago, Annie* from Vallejo, California had close relatives come to stay with her family. In the middle of the night, while she was sleeping upstairs, her daughter was molested by a visiting cousin. The girl was too shocked and too scared to call out and didn’t relate the incident to her mother until several years later. The family was devastated that someone they loved and trusted would do such a horrible thing. Incidents like this occur every day. The typical child molester does not “look” like one; most are at least marginally adept at concealing their crimes. Studies report that over eighty percent of children are abused by someone the family knows and trusts. In fact, in a September 14, 2007 _New York Times_ article, “Disturbing Facts about Sexual Abuse,” author Steve D. Levitt reported that only eight percent of abusers are strangers.”

  • Standards vary from home to home  – whether it’s video games, bedtimes or dress code standards vary.
  • Parents can do odd things that may not qualify as threatening but are still not OK.
  • Kids gets crazy and dumb when they get together.
  • And kids/teens may experiment when together and their parents won’t be seeing them for 18 hours.

The author goes on to say that they are fine with their kids going over to play and stay until maybe 10 but just not sleeping there. (It kind of makes you wonder though what would change between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m.?)

My first two never really want to spend the night out so it hasn’t been an issue, but now my 6-year-old wants to spend the night with friends terribly! She wants to host and go to their houses too.

So far she has only had one little buddy spend the night – her teacher’s daughter. We just love her teacher and her little girl. They are lovely people. Lilina had a late play date at her teacher’s house while I took the big kids to see the second Hobbit movie but didn’t end up spending the night. They had a very early vet appointment the next morning.  She seemed pretty happy spending all afternoon and evening with her friend. (God bless the poor teacher. She must have been sick of my kid having her all day and then taking her home.)

Michael has been gone pretty much since mid-October so it’s just been us girls (oh and Walsh but he has no interest in even talking to 6-year-olds.) She would love to have a bigger sleep over with all her little buddies.

I am OK hosting because I know I am safe but it is scarier to send them to someone else’s house even if you feel like they are nice people.

Rose came how last week from school where they have been having health and human development classes. She told me they talked about sexual assault and gave statistics that really made an impression on her.

So what do you think: Is this very conservative parenting and finding the worst-case scenarios in the media or are these real threats that aren’t worth taking a chance on? Is there peace just knowing your kids are sleeping under your own roof?

50 comments Add your comment

aprilmae

February 13th, 2014
6:52 am

What an overreaction! Slumber parties are fun for kids. The same rules apply for parents as for any other party – know who your child is with and how they’ll be supervised. I haven’t seen much slumber party interest past age 10 or 11, but it may be different elsewhere.

In short – lighten up.

FCM

February 13th, 2014
8:02 am

‘It kind of makes you wonder though what would change between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m.?” What usually happens is the hosting parent(s) go to bed and until the kids somehow wake them…liquor cabinets, opening of doors (letting others in or out), etc can and often will happen. Yes, even at a young age. We have 8th graders smoking at the bus stop, another who hosted a party with booze while his parents were out (my child did not attend), and my child knows that a few of the kids are smoking pot (again she is not with them).

As aprilmae said, you only let your kids go to houses know well and will be supervised. You ask questions about the parties they are invited too. Insist on a phone call from the hosting parent or actual invite. My children come home with notebook paper invites and know that I am not entertaining the idea.

The last spend the night my 2 were at was the last snowstorm I very much trust the parents who had them too. They are good people I have known since I moved in. I know they, like me, ask lots of questions before their daughters can spend the night or go to a party. We keep each other informed (which is how I learned about the smoker at the bus stop).

We have also had parties. I keep a good eye on the kids and the house alarm tells me if a door opens.

Both children have been at parties where a child is picked up at 10 or where I have gotten them at 10. It is no big deal. We have done it for various reasons, including Sunday morning church attendance.

Kat

February 13th, 2014
8:29 am

If I felt the need to pick my kid up at 10 pm from a sleep-over, I wouldn’t have let them go at all. I don’t know what time of day most teen pregnancies occur, and have no interest in knowing, but it seems that if a kid is going to do the “wrong” thing, they’ll find a time. The parents who give their kids alcohol at THEIR house (because they will be “supervised”) are the ones who find out their kids are drinking elsewhere because it was no big deal.

My kids have only had sleep-overs at their aunt’s house and grandparents’ house.

Some of my kids’ friends are awful DURING the day, so what would change?

Macy

February 13th, 2014
8:35 am

No. Keep your kids locked up at home, so you will be their only influence. Don’t let them watch tv, or play video games, as they are dangerous. Especially TV. You don’t want to expose your kids to homosexuality, single parent homes, discussions on drugs, etc.

Don’t let them ride the school bus, there are older children there who might influence your child with a bad word. Certainly don’t send them to school, but home school them instead. Give up everything you enjoy, and keep the little ones tucked under your breast.

After all, we really don’t want them to grow up and form their own opinions, and make their own decisions, and learn how to survive on their own. Nope, can’t have that.

No friends, no tv, no video games, no social skills..yea, sleepovers are awful and should be banned. I don’t know why the government hasn’t banned sleepovers yet.

Macy

February 13th, 2014
8:36 am

Oh and god forbid you let them go outside……there are pedophiles on every corner, waiting for YOUR kid…

And certainly don’t let them go out and play in the snow…they might touch dog poop….

April

February 13th, 2014
8:40 am

You should get to know the parents of your children’s friends, talk to your children about what to do if they are uncomfortable, and let go a little. Kids need to gain independence a little at a time. We can not expect them to become successful, functioning adults if they never have a chance to practice age appropriate independence and coping skills.

Kids who are going to break rules themselves will find a way. It can happen at home or at a friend’s house at midnight or at 2 in the afternoon with parents in the next room.

motherjanegoose

February 13th, 2014
9:08 am

My kids both slept over at other friend’s houses and we had sleep overs here . More with my daughter than with my son. Do girls lean more to sleep overs? We never did mixed groups, not something I find too smart. That is just me.

I do think you have to know the parents and get a vibe for them. When our son was little, he met a boy on the bus who wanted him to come home with him after school. He lived on the other side of our neighborhood. We did not know the family. My husband told our son that he would have to meet the parents first. Our son was not happy. They both went to the house and when the Dad opened the door for a chat, my husband did not feel comfortable with our son going for a visit. They both came home and we talked about it. Our son learned a lesson that day and agreed that he did not want to go.

As families, we have different values and we choose to pass these values to our kids. I may not like your values and you may not like mine…that is o.k. I would not have left my children with their paternal grandparents and my husband agreed: cursing, drinking and smoking all day long. Not something we appreciate. He grew up with it…he knew.

Someone I know has a daughter who lived on campus her first year of college. She could not find anyone she was happy rooming with and finally moved back home to finish college. She worksand still lives at home at 24. A lovely young lady who is fun to be with. The Mom told me, ” Dorm living is not what it is cracked up to be.” TRUE that it is not always fun but I think you do learn a lot about living with others and navigating your way! I know I did and my two kids too!

WitchyWoman

February 13th, 2014
9:09 am

You don’t have to be paranoid about it, but it is food for thought. There have been several stories of molestation that happened at sleepover in the news over the past few years. Many of the children were frightened to tell right away because it was friend’s parent or family member.

You would be amazed at what some adults will do with kids in the house. For instance many parents walk around the house in the nude and will think nothing of it if your kid is their too. Now, they may not mean any harm, but how uncomfortable would a small child feel seeing someones mom or dad naked? Of course you will have the its my house response, but REALLY it is inappropriate. You also have the couple that argues all the time or are heavy drinkers when at home. You just don’t know. Sleepovers aren’t as popular as they use to be for this very reason. We have so many irresponsible parents that most people just aren’t willing to have to deal with it.

Honestly I am quite sure that children can still have full and meaningful lives without ever going to a sleepover. What about the kids who were never invited to one or just never really wanted to go to one? Not going to one won’t scar them for life, just like hopefully going to one won’t either. It is a parental choice.

Real Life

February 13th, 2014
9:34 am

I enjoyed sleepovers when I was young but lost interest in them around 7th grade. Not nearly as much fun as we had outgrown many of the things that made them so entertaining for us.
My eldest niece has let her daughter go to sleepovers and to have a few as well. She knows the other parents well and they know her. She only allows girl-only sleepovers and will not entertain the thought of a mixed one. The girls involved are currently 9 and 10 but my niece makes sure that she sleeps in a central location in the house and insists on that when her daughter stays with friends. (She asks her daughter where did the friend’s mother sleep?)
My niece is a cautious widow, but also understands the importance of forming friendships with others. And sleepovers seem to be part of that for my great niece.
There is caution and there is paranoia. Parents need to exercise the one without crossing over into the other. Raising children taught to be paranoid rather than cautious will hinder their development and prevent them from becoming the confident adults we will need for leadership in the future.

motherjanegoose

February 13th, 2014
9:36 am

I also have an acquaintance who allowed her son and his friends to come over and drink underage. They had snacks and beer in their basement and her idea was, ” If they drink here, I know they are not out driving and getting into trouble.” That did not work out, as her son had an underage DUI.

Atlanta Mom

February 13th, 2014
9:55 am

I’m with Macy, lock them up and never let them see the light of day.
If you don’t let them go to sleepovers, I guess you don’t let them go to summer camps. And then they need to attend the local university, because they’ve never been away from home and they’re too scared to go, because that’s what they learned at home. OR, they are so sick and tired of home that they go away are completely wild.
I’ve always believed in having my children introduced to new things while they live at home and can be guided through some confusing aspects of life, rather than just send them off at 18 having never encountered differing ideas.

April Mae

February 13th, 2014
10:13 am

I’m surprised to see co-ed sleepovers mentioned. I’ve never heard of them for children’s birthdays.

My niece lives with her Dad. She had a few birthday slumber parties, and I would stay over as well to be an adult female in the house in case any of the girls needed me.

mom2alex&max

February 13th, 2014
10:53 am

Co-ed sleepovers would be out of the question for me, but my sons have hosted and attended sleepovers in MANY an occasion. No big deal to me.

The again, I make it a point to get to know the people my kids spend time with.

Techmom

February 13th, 2014
11:11 am

Our son didn’t have too many sleepovers till high school and then for the past couple of years, it’s been a constant that we’d have his friends over or he’d be at their houses. He did get in trouble in 9th grade when staying at a friend’s house when a much larger group got together and roamed the neighborhood. This is a big neighborhood where a good portion of his school mates lived. A street sign was vandalized (private neighborhood) so they all had to write an apology letter and pay for the sign to be replaced. He was not allowed to go there for 3 months after that incident and no sleepovers here or elsewhere occurred during that time. It was unfortunate but I do see it as a lesson learned (don’t go with the crowd b/c even if you didn’t touch the sign, you were implicated by being there!) It’s definitely a risk to get a group of kids together… their inhibitions usually fade pretty quickly.

He mostly stayed with or had the same handful of kids at our house so we knew the parents. Although most of the parents don’t tolerate shenanigans, I also know that most would be in bed by 9 or 10 which is why more often than not, the kids were at our house. We ended up setting up our unfinished basement with a tv and ping-pong table and put a fire pit out back since they really just wanted somewhere to hang out that didn’t cost money. They’re all off at college now but the same crowd was at our house several times over Christmas break. We talk to them, about their successes and failures and b/c we’re not their parents, they usually end up telling us more than most parents want to know. We try to give good advice, chastise when necessary and let them know we love them all but expect them to be good people and make wise decisions more often than not.

motherjanegoose

February 13th, 2014
11:15 am

BAD Mom award. My daughter and her friends slept in the basement and I slept upstairs. This was on purpose, as they could make as much noise as they wanted and I did not hear them. My rule was that they had to stay inside. She had sleepovers all through HS. Typically a party on Halloween, Christmas and her summer birthday that ended in a sleepover. We never had any trouble but her friends were not trouble makers.

LizBeth

February 13th, 2014
11:25 am

Ah, sleepovers! The place where kids get to act out their parents worst nightmares!

3schoolkids

February 13th, 2014
12:21 pm

Parents need to use caution and common sense. When my girls were younger our rule was no sleepover unless we knew the parents (this was after a bad birthday party experience). We said no often, including a birthday sleepover where we picked up our daughter around 9pm. She thanked us after hearing from other girls that after she left they played games she would not have wanted to play and the mom let them out after 10 for a walk around the neighborhood without her. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a parent or parents who are bad influences, it is the “nothing will happen” mentality that can lead to unforeseen trouble.

We have hosted sleepovers and I always appreciated them as a parent because they let me get to know the children (and often the children helped me get to know the child’s home life, and I would better know whether to let my child spend the night there).

Beware of sleepovers at the high school level, there are many oblivious parents that simply shut the basement door and don’t open it again until the next afternoon. Those “all night gaming parties” popular with boys sometimes turn into co-ed parties with alcohol and drugs.

Guns are also a concern as well. Will the parents be honest with you about having a gun or guns in the house and will they be honest with you about the way those guns are secured?

If you choose no sleepovers it won’t be the end of your child’s social life, my youngest has a developmental psychologist due to some developmental delay and her advice to me was that pre-teens and teens will not get “best quality” socialization from relationships with peers but others who are less judgmental and more willing to engage because they like your child for who he/she is. Not to say they shouldn’t get the opportunity to socialize with peers, but supervision is better than none.

Lastly, beware of random roommate selection for college and if your college student has a conflict with a roommate make sure they take care of it quickly and go to the dorm building manager, not just the RA. My oldest had an experience I will not go into, but I will say the freshman requirement to live in on campus housing is not always a good thing. She has enjoyed apartment living with friends she knows and trusts.

Sk8ing Momma

February 13th, 2014
12:37 pm

Do what you feel is right for YOUR family. Each family has it standards and rules. There is no right or wrong answer. Feel confident in your decision and stick with it! What others think or do does not matter.

Techmom

February 13th, 2014
12:43 pm

@3schoolkids – my son is a freshman and got assigned random roommates (every freshman he knew going to the same school was a girl!). The only saving grace is that he is in a suite with 4 people (2 rooms/shared bath). Within 2 days, my son and a boy in the other room realized they were much better suited to each other and the other 2 were as well. The other 2 are party-goers, up-all-night, don’t-work kids. My son and his roommate (while they do go out occasionally and I’m sure stay up late) both have jobs and go to class and respect each other. They are actually already planning on being roommates when they move off campus next year. Thankfully they didn’t have a big fight to switch roommates since they were staying in the same suite.

motherjanegoose

February 13th, 2014
12:49 pm

@ 3…I was a “shut the door mom” and never had any trouble with either of mine ,nor their friends, while they were here. I was friends with most of the parents though too. Each of those young ladies are about to finish college and, to my knowledge, none of them have gotten into any trouble. We were very verbal about how to choose and trust friends along the way. We also discussed kids who made bad choices and what happened.

I do agree that random college room mates could present a problem. My daughter knew her freshman room mate but did not know she was a slob and very insecure. She switched room mates the next year and lived with those girls ( who were friends with a HS friend of hers) for two years. Now, she is rooming with 2 girls who she met during her first year. It has taught her lots of things.

These current room mates all get along the best and they would be considered random as they are both from different areas of Atlanta. Really nice girls too! They say they will be friends for life!

catlady

February 13th, 2014
1:11 pm

I was very conservative about giving or allowing my kids to attend sleepovers. In fact, I can count the number of times they were allowed to on one hand, each, with fingers left over, and then it was with VERY carefully selected families (two families for my older daughter, one for my son, and two for the younger daugher). They had to accept it, because I was the person in charge. As adults, with families, they can make whatever choices they wish.

catlady

February 13th, 2014
1:18 pm

However, you can be too cautious. I know a woman, a little older than I am, who never spent the night away from her parents until her wedding night! Talk about a shock!

catlady

February 13th, 2014
1:23 pm

When my son was six, he was “in love” with a sweet little girl. One day he told me he wanted to have a “lumber party” with her. He didn’t have a speech problem, but I corrected him, and told him we would not be having “A” over for a slumber party! He looked confused, and then restated–he wanted to invite her over for a lumber party where they could take some of the scrap wood and build a playhouse! Sheepish mom!

missnadine

February 13th, 2014
2:05 pm

I was fine with sleepovers but that was 15 or so years ago. Thes days I would still allow it but I would want to know about weapons in the house, making sure they were under lock and key.

Amanda's Mom

February 13th, 2014
2:43 pm

You think you know your child and the child or children coming over to sleep. However, anything goes when the parents go to bed. I later found out they surfed the net looking for porn. I was shocked and embarrassed that my child was taking part in this. She knows better. I lost the trust of the other mom and my daughter won’t be hosting any more parties.

DB

February 13th, 2014
4:22 pm

So – all the people on here who are adamant against sleepovers: How do you feel about Girl Scout or Boy Scout campouts? Or summer camp?

My daughter enjoyed sleepovers — but then again, it was with a group of friends that she knew basically from kindergarten on, and families that I knew. I never thought twice about it — most of the parents were stricter than I was (and I thought I was fairly strict!) One, for example, had lights out at 9 pm. Another didn’t permit TV after 8 pm. Both of my kids were pretty much “rules” people, though — my daughter called me from a friend’s house when she was 9 and asked if she could see a PG movie (she knew that she wasn’t allowed to see anything other than G at home) — when she told me the movie, I told her it was ok ‘as a special treat’ – it had a few bad words in it, to get it out of the “G” category. I felt it was more important to encourage the openness than drive them into sneakiness. My son’s friends really weren’t into sleepovers.

Caution is good. At some point, caution becomes overprotectiveness — and I guess that line is pretty flexible, depending on your child and their friends.

And co-ed sleepovers? Oh, hell no!

motherjanegoose

February 13th, 2014
5:06 pm

@ Amanda’s Mom…we did not have laptops, tablets or iPhones when my daughter was having her sleep overs, so that was not something for me to worry about. We had 2 computers but they were not in the basement.

My daughter started going to sleep over camp when she was 7 and son was 8. Both of them have fond memories of the friends they made and experiences they enjoyed. A fun time in their lives.

Is this considered ok?

February 13th, 2014
5:10 pm

High school team sleepover. Fine with that. Older driving girls take freshmen girls out of the house around 2:30am for a game: drop them off in the most “ghetto” area (girls’ description) they can think of, and the younger girls have to find another older driving girl to pick them up.

RJ

February 13th, 2014
5:44 pm

As someone that grew up not being allowed to go to sleepovers, hang out with friends at the mall, or talk on the phone past 9, I made sure I got to know all of the my kids friend’s parents so they could attend sleepovers. It’s something I missed out on but I didn’t want them to experience the same. My oldest told me we were pretty strict because she had a curfew and wasn’t allowed to go to house parties. Oh well, some of what my parents did I agreed with lol!

DB

February 13th, 2014
9:18 pm

@Is this considered ok?: Well, no, of course not. Around here, most of the girls wouldn’t even be able to DRIVE after midnight unless they were 18 or older — and probably not too many of them were 18 when basketball started. If they were in my house, nobody would be going ANYWHERE after 10 pm! If I was the parent of one of the freshman girls, I would be LIVID.

LizBeth

February 13th, 2014
9:35 pm

The fun and games at every sleepover I attended, and my children, started after the chaperons went to bed in another room or cabin or tent. It didn’t matter if it was at someone’s house or at church or the Scouts. But if the adults stayed in the area, nothing to worry about ever happened.

Is this considered ok?

February 13th, 2014
9:51 pm

Thanks for the outside perspective; my gut said WHAT?!? but I can tend to be on the more conservative/safety side. (Lacrosse is a spring sport, so there are a handful of girls who can drive late.) Thankfully we are a year out from being with this particular group/team. The freshman parents are possibly even more excited than their girls to be in the group, so doubt anyone will say anything! Will definitely be finding out who the asleep-at-the-wheel “host” was for future reference.

LizBeth

February 13th, 2014
10:58 pm

@Is this considered ok? What you are describing is hazing. It is never okay. While this particular event might not happen again, if there is a culture of hazing on the this team, there will be a risk of girls hurt both emotionally and physically. It should be reported to the school administrators.

James

February 14th, 2014
6:05 am

Nothing good happens after midnight…and after 10 PM for children.

Real Life

February 14th, 2014
9:44 am

@Amanda’s Mom: I am sorry you were shocked but it is obvious your daughter did not know better or she would not have done this at a sleepover at your house. A good friend (an old student of mine) is having a sleepover for her daughter tonight. Her spouse is off visiting college friends and she will collect all internet-abled devices from the girls who are 10 and 11. A DVD player and select movies are on tap. All other movies are removed and put away. Simply planning that works.

A

February 14th, 2014
10:22 am

Isn’t is obvious that @Is this considered OK? is joking? Really? And not a big fan of sleepovers, but that’s because I’m not a fan of groups of kids. Love my own but don’t really care for other kids.

LizBeth

February 14th, 2014
10:53 am

A–I don’t think “is the considered ok?” is joking. For several years I allowed my child to attend an afterschool program where “jokes” were played on the kids. One of the adults in charge encouraged it, as a “fun” way to build community. What it did was build a bullying mentality within the group. When I said something, I was ostracized by other parents, so I stopped. And then there was the sleepover. My own child was hospitalized after injuries sustained after the adults went to bed, after being hazed. We’re all afraid to say something, to not make it harder for our kids, but the truth is, parents need to stick up for their kids and others’, and not just think “oh, kids will kids.” That’s the way to create a lifetime nightmare for all of the kids involved.

Kat

February 14th, 2014
12:21 pm

I went to a week-long church camp, and realized after the first day that our house’s supervisor was a either a lesbian, a pedophile, or something else. She insisted we undress in front of each other, and if any child wanted to do so in the bathroom, she’d climb to the top bunk and stare down at them. It was quite unnerving, especially for a church camp. We were in middle school at the time.

Marsh

February 14th, 2014
12:52 pm

Kat – you should educate yourself. Actually, no. I just pity you. I refuse to believe your don’t, on some level, know the difference between “lesbian” and “pedophile.” Shame on you.

You have to use your judgment on these things, like sleepovers. All this over-sheltering of children will come back to bite you.

DougB

February 14th, 2014
12:55 pm

“Studies report that over eighty percent of children are abused by someone the family knows and trusts.”

Uhh, should this be “Studies report that over eighty percent of *abused *children are abused by someone the family knows and trusts.”?

I’m pretty sure our society is not that messed up.

MamaS

February 14th, 2014
1:35 pm

I hosted sleepovers for my daughters through middle school. Our parties were always well-attended because I was a single mom. Many parents would let their daughters go to a home with a female parent but would not let their daughter attend if there was a father or older brother present. I always did a New Year’s Eve sleepover for friends who wanted to go out and didn’t want to have to pay for a sitter. My girls were popular and I knew where they were.

LizBeth

February 14th, 2014
1:46 pm

Actually, it is that messed up. It’s called cycles of abuse, and it happens in any type of organization. People who are abused as kids either become abused again as adults or become abusers, if they do not learn how to recognize abuse and make a change for the better, If an organization allows bullying, bullies, and those who don’t have strong emotional boundaries and are easily abused, will be the people who stay in that organization, continuing the abuse. The best solution for someone who recognizes that there is an abusive culture in an organization is to leave and seek a more supportive environment where they can grow their self-confidence. Notice that Jay Bookman’s current column (”With Christie weakened, the stories start to flow) is about the New Jersey government and the abuse of power inside it. Or look at what happened at Pennsylvania State. It takes not only courage to stand up and break cycles of abuse but recognition by our society of what abuse is.

The Truth

February 14th, 2014
2:05 pm

And for those of you who’ve turned bullying into a crime nearing the level of rape and murder – teach precious snowflake to stand up for themselves and to teach that bully a lesson instead of sitting back and being the victim.

Kat

February 14th, 2014
7:04 pm

@Marsh: I do “know the difference” between the two. I just don’t know which one it was for this woman. I could tell she liked young girls, and I could tell by other behavior that she like women. So, she could have been one or both, right? An older man who has sex with a younger man is gay, and may also like the “immaturity” involved. Did I have all the knowledge then as a middle-schooler (in the early 80s) subjected to such things – no, I did not. She had a “girlfriend” and liked “young girls.” So, which would your tiny little brain like to think the split went? 50/50? 40/60? 60/40?

But, I bet at 100% that you are an idiot!

Is this considered ok?

February 15th, 2014
8:24 pm

@LizBeth, thanks much for your insight. I will definitely keep an eye out regarding the team culture. @A, why would you think I was joking? These days, truth is stranger than fiction.

Someone that hurts inside

February 16th, 2014
11:31 pm

A good friend of mine killed herself several years ago. It turns out she was molested by her friends father during a sleepover. She had several issues including alcohol abuse since that sleep over.
When I have kids my kids will not have sleepovers until they are in HS and can truly understand the ramifications of their actions if they choose to drink or do other risky behavior with their friends and they are old enough to protect themselves from sexual abuse

A

February 17th, 2014
1:11 pm

@Is this considered ok? I thought you were joking because what you described sounds more like college fraternity hazing than a sleepover involving underage girls. Who drops people off in a “ghetto” part of town and makes them find their ride to get back? I’d be livid if I heard of that going on with my child.

FCM

February 17th, 2014
1:20 pm

@ Someone who hurts….I am sorry for the pain of your friend. I am sorry for your loss. You have every right to put rules in place that make sense to you and those future children. May you find peace, I am going to pray that for you.

MJG I hope to send you a note later today. Some good news to share. :)

DB

February 17th, 2014
10:17 pm

@someone that hurts inside: Since you aren’t there yet, I would like to gently comment that it’s pretty much folly to assume that high school students understand consequences. They might, intellectually, understand that risky behaviors carry consequences, but the impulse control just isn’t there for most of ‘em. In fact, the sleepovers in our area died out by high school age.

KJ

February 17th, 2014
10:25 pm

“The article is featured on a Mormon lifestyle website (LDS Living), but I don’t think people should disregard the information because it comes from a religious publication”

See, this is where you went wrong. Live and learn.