Real-life ‘Parent Trap’: Reality star splitting twins between dads

“My Fair Wedding” reality-show host David Tutera announced last week that he and estranged partner Ryan Jurica would split their infant twins when in their custody agreement.

The explanation is that each man is the biological father of only one of the twins. (They are “heteropaternal superfecundation,” or twins who share a mom but have different dads.)

Jurica lives in Connecticut and Tutera lives in California.

Jurica has said this is not the arrangement he hoped for, and he wants the twins to be in each other’s lives.

Many experts, and people on social media, agree that this is a bad idea for twins.

From Shine:

“We regard these children as twins, and I would be opposed to separation,” Nancy Segal, author of “Born Together — Reared Apart” and director of the Twin Studies Center at California State University, Fullerton, told Yahoo Shine. “I would also be opposed to separating half siblings.” Though the damage of splitting them up at such a young age is much different than if they were older, she added, issues are bound to arise later in life. “Usually, there is regret about all the childhood years spent apart,” she said.

“Splitting twins is a death in itself,” identical celebrity sibling Carlos Ramirez, twin of film actor Efren Ramirez, told TMZ this week in response to the fathers’ plan. “Twins grow together emotionally, and to not let them connect like that will be damaging.”

So what do you think? Is it crazy to split up twins? Or it doesn’t even matter since they are babies? Do you think they have a connection yet? Is it a reasonable argument that the dads are actually only biologically related to one twin?

42 comments Add your comment

FCM

September 19th, 2013
3:42 pm

OK I am going to get blasted but here goes:

These two parents entered into the parental relationship just like me and my children’s father. They need to put the children FIRST. That means keeping the children together and doing the same kind of “custodial/visitation” agreement a hetro sexual would.

It should not matter (but probably will) to the courts that the contributing DNA in both siblings does not match identically. The bottom line as they were expecting to raise 2 kids together, they aren’t and you don’t punish the children because of it.

K's Mom

September 19th, 2013
3:56 pm

I am not sure how I feel about this. I see FCMs point, but I am not sure this is the same as a heterosexual couple because of the biology and the surrogacy aspect. It is just a shame no matter what happens.

WitchyWoman

September 19th, 2013
4:14 pm

Yeah, I truly don’t know how to feel about this. Technically it is the same as a woman having children with 2 different men, then losing custody. Each child’s father gets custody of HIS child. This has happens. It also has to do with where they live. Both men live on separate coasts. So do you take one child from his or her biological parent just to possibly be mistreated by the non-biological custodian? Not to say this would happen, but it could. Children are hurt in separations and divorces all the time.

catlady

September 19th, 2013
4:24 pm

This is a tough one. Are they any less twins for having different fathers? (And, not to be indelicate, how did that happen? Were each conceived outside the womb and then implanted?)

It sounds like the children are half siblings, sharing a common mother. Does she have any say, or was this a womb for rent situation? Maybe they should BOTH live with her, and the fathers’ have visitation rights to their child!

Techmom

September 19th, 2013
4:40 pm

“Womb for rent” Hahahaha!

I did read it to mean they had a surrogate mother who was not the egg donor but I could be wrong.I do think it changes things if the mother was involved but I get the feeling they had an egg donor and they both submitted sperm to fertilize an egg which was then implanted in a womb for rent.

Denise

September 19th, 2013
5:14 pm

I have a friend that was born a preemie and a twin. Her brother lived only 2 days but she feels a loss because she did not have the brother she was born with. So no, I don’t think it is easier because they are babies.

I am sad for everyone involved…the parents for separating their relationship, the kids for being separated, and again the parents for having to decide to separate their children and having to figure out how to keep them in each other’s life. It is possible and I think it should be required of them as it will be in the best interest of the children. (Required by whom, I don’t know. Maybe Jesus. LOL)

justmy2cents

September 19th, 2013
5:49 pm

Not sure I actually consider them twins if they have two different sets of DNA. They were just born at the same time. I think it is probably better this happens now when they are infants instead of when they are older and more cognizant of what is happening. It would be interesting to follow up in 10-15 years, if they are not told about the other, to see if they have the same type of twin radar that “typical” twins have.

TEA PARTY MEBER

September 19th, 2013
7:56 pm

So they are a gays?

Allready this go agianst God and shuold not be discused here.

jarvis

September 19th, 2013
8:03 pm

Note to self: Great idea for sitcom, divorced gay dads split up twins….they find each other at boarding school….hilarity ensues.

jarvis

September 19th, 2013
8:06 pm

“Her brother lived only 2 days but she feels a loss because she did not have the brother she was born with.”

Is this person typically stable in other aspects of their life?

MrLiberty

September 19th, 2013
9:40 pm

Nice to see that gay parents are complete pieces of sh*t to their children just like heterosexual couples when it comes to divorce. Try growing a pair and stop treating the kids like property. They are human beings – you know, the thing you keep reminding all of society that you are.

Mickey

September 19th, 2013
10:36 pm

Are you people stupid the children are not twins they each have there own father each of them were inseminated by both men. they are only related because they have the same mother not the same dad’s
Thank You

TEA PARTY MEBER

September 20th, 2013
5:50 am

2 men 2gether? So gross!

hockey goalie

September 20th, 2013
7:28 am

Tea Party Meber (nice spelling by the way),

How old are you?

FCM

September 20th, 2013
7:38 am

@ Mickey if they have the same mother, were born together than yes they are faternal twins. It can even happen if it was not IVF but the woman had $ex with two different men at her fertile time. It is rare but it does happen.

Thank you

Me

September 20th, 2013
7:40 am

Okay – Quite honestly, none of this is worth a tinker’s damn to me but first, they do not technically qualify as twins and, second, whatever decision(s) is/are made, should put the children first. None of the thoughts, opinions, or ideas expressed on this blog will have any bearing on the outcome so why anyone cares what we “think” is unknown other than there had to be some “topic” posted. I much prefer blog topics that truly “might” affect a reader or, at the very least, be a topic to which someone on here can truly relate.
It’s difficult for me to be sarcastic and cynical with topics such as this. Why can’t we discuss sex, or politics, or college football. Oh, it’s a parenting blog? Ok, then how do parents handle discussions of politics and answer questions posed by offspring when the parents have differing polictical views? Are both parents on the same page when it comes to explaining the “birds and bees” to their kids? How do you explain to your children why Daddy is a fan of Auburn while Mommy is a fan of Michigan; or perhaps even better when one parent is a fan of UGA while the other is a Tech fan or Auburn vs. Alabama? Surely we can all relate to topics where “we” actually have some first-hand interest… Okay, enough already… I’m gone.

FCM

September 20th, 2013
7:44 am

@ Mickey: Heteropaternal superfecundation (TWG even mentioned it!). 14% of all fraternal twins have different fathers.

I am trying to find court case where custody was granted to different fathers. It still $ucks for those children.

Young Lady

September 20th, 2013
7:49 am

Catlady- The likely scenario is that because this was in vitro, they both used their sperm to fertilize a set number of eggs. They probably implanted one from each father and they both took.

Surprisingly this can happen naturally in humans! There was a woman not too many years ago that found out her twins were fathered by two different men. Because of the complexity in how multiples happen, I understand that the definition of twins (and other multiples) is simplified to two (or more for other types of multiples) children born of a single pregnancy.

homeschooler

September 20th, 2013
7:51 am

@ Jarvis 8:06…I wondered the same thing.

There is so much wrong with this situation. First of all two men who were obviously NOT committed to eachother enough when they made this enormous decision to enter into this unusual arrangement. Seriously the babies were conceived just over a year ago and now they are splitting up? I’d have given them a little credit had they stayed together for several years after the babies were born but this is like, “oh, we’re so in love and we’re going to have a family any way we can” and then as soon as the kids are born they’re done? Some one should have thought a bit more about commitment before starting this mess. But then, like MrLiberty said, heterosexual couples are just as bad or worse at putting their needs before the needs of their present or future children. So, the issue of being gay has nothing to do with it other than they have this unusual DNA issue.

Okay, so just how committed is each parent to the child who is not his? Does this man want to co-parent the child just as a mom or dad in a heterosexual couple would? It seems to me that if all kids need a mom and a dad but they only have two dads anyway what is the point of having two dads if one is on a different coast? I guess my question is will the absent parent be a part of each child’s life as another “dad” or are these men cutting their losses and now going to consider themselves only having one chlid (when just a few months ago they were celebrating having two.) How screwed up is this?

My point is, If this is going to be a “divorced” family unit I think the kids should stay with whoever can best raise them and visit the other parent just as a heterosexual couple would. However, if the men don’t feel a life long parental commitment to the child who is not his than they should just go their separate ways and make sure the children have regular cross country visits so they can know eachother growing up. I really think this is better because the children will be less confused. Each will have his/her own life and will visit his/her sibling. Seems simpler than having to share holidays, vacations etc.. between two Dads across the country. And I believe that each child should be with his/her bio. dad if possible. The whole thing is just a mess and a perfect example of “it’s all about me”. They should have put more thought into this.
I don’t think siblings being separated is the worst thing ever. (unless they’re older and already bonded). I think traveling across country once a month and trying to form relationships with different dads on different sides of the country is worse. I also think that the child who is away from his bio dad will feel that loss more than being away from his sibling once he gets older. Then he will be questioning “why didn’t he want to keep me?” or “why did Johnny’s dad take us and not my dad?”
As weird as it seems I think splitting them up is best.

ctc

September 20th, 2013
7:57 am

They’re not “twins” other than that the were born at the same time from the same woman’s body. Surrogates are almost never the egg donor, so these have two different fathers, and very likely two different mothers – no way could they be construed as “twins” – just two babies. There shouldn’t really be any “psychic tie” between them, since they will share no DNA or parenting.

Becky

September 20th, 2013
8:09 am

They can be called twins..I have “twin” sisters and when they were born, the Dr. told my Mother that one was a seven month baby and the other was full term..They also have different Daddy’s, same Mother..They just celebrated their 63rd birthday..Their birth certificates state very clearly that they are a multiple birth..

FCM

September 20th, 2013
8:19 am

@K’s mom…I see your point too. However, the same gender couples want marriage and families. They want to be treated like hetrosexual couples under the laws. FINE you get the heartbreak of custody arranged like a hetrosexual couple too.

Real Life

September 20th, 2013
8:35 am

I wonder how much this goes on in divorces/separations between couples that we never hear about. It is not common, but might occur more frequently than we know. The best thing is for these two people to work out a custody solution that works for them and the two infants out of the public eye. Announcing this to the public was a major mistake. No couple, whether traditional or gay, should EVER bring child custody matters up in the media. It is not in the best interest of anyone–parent or child–to have these issues dissected in a public forum.

DebbieDoRight - What this country needs is more unemployed politicians

September 20th, 2013
8:41 am

Sad all around but the children SHOULD come first in all matters.

Even if some people say they’re NOT twins, they’re still related and need to be with each other and grow as siblings.

They shared the same womb, so that too need to be put in consideration — one “twin” may feel the effects of the separation more than the other or the both can feel it at the same time.

Premie twins in ICU sometimes don’t do thrive as well alone in their own incubator as they do when they’re reunited with their twin.

DebbieDoRight - What this country needs is more unemployed politicians

September 20th, 2013
8:43 am

Sorry for all the typos!! Got some fake nails on (for a wedding tomorrow), i think i may have gotten them too long! they’re hindering my typing……..

Scooby

September 20th, 2013
9:47 am

David Tutera’s daughter will have one heck of a wedding someday!

Denise

September 20th, 2013
10:05 am

@Jarvis (8:06) and homeschooler – Yes my friend is stable and successful in her life but she does feel a void in her life that she believes her brother would fill. Are either of you twins? If not, like me, you don’t know what kind of bond twins form or when. I have cousins whose brother died before they were born but they feel a loss because they never got to know their brother. Again, it is not for anyone to judge how or when people form bonds or feel loss or a void.

Denise

September 20th, 2013
10:08 am

@Scooby – LOLLLLLLL True!!! And it will be OVER THE TOP! (But will it be her vision and his RE-vision?) :-)

jarvis

September 20th, 2013
10:28 am

14% of all fraternal twins are from different fathers. Not sure I’m buying that.

Maybe 14% were conceived on different days…I’ve heard of that, but you’re talking about a hell of a lot of women having sex with more than one man during the same ovulation period.

There are about 50,000 sets of fraternal twins born in the U.S. every year. 14% would be 7,000 women every year getting pregnant with more than one man’s baby at the same time. Gross!

Denise

September 20th, 2013
10:33 am

Oh that isssss gross, jarvis. But I guess that is what keeps Maury Povich on the air.

I know a lady with fraternal twins that they believe were conceived on different days because one was considerably smaller than the other. The smaller one was only slightly bigger than a preemie so the doctor thinks they were conceived in different months. I never knew that was possible but I guess it is.

HB

September 20th, 2013
11:46 am

No way do 14% of fraternal twins have different fathers. What’s the source for that stat? I’m betting it’s nowhere near even 1%.

mom2alex&max

September 20th, 2013
1:00 pm

It’s possible for twins to be conceived on different days. During fertility treatments, a woman usually has more than 1 egg. It is possible for a baby to be conceived during the artificial insemination and the other one the next day during regular (lol) insemination. I know of a set of twins where this happened and I think it’s pretty common because they encourage to have a “schedule” for sex.

mom2alex&max

September 20th, 2013
1:04 pm

HB: I just googled it. Turns out it’s kinda hard to tell because not many women would admit to this and in most cases it goes unnoticed. Dr Hutcherson (a Clinical Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology at Columbia) estimates 1 to 2%

HB

September 20th, 2013
2:30 pm

Thanks, mom2alex&max. I googled a bit too. There don’t seem to me many studies on this, but one in 1992 that estimated 2.4% of fraternal twins involved in paternity suits, a group where someone has reason to believe there’s more than on man in the picture, have different fathers. Another study on the NIH site says “It is suggested that among DZ twins born to married white women in the U.S., about one pair in 400 is bipaternal.” That’s 0.2%. Race aside, I would think the frequency of this occurring among married women would be on the low end and women who someone’s already claiming in court had more than on partner would be on the high end, so the real frequency of this happening must be somewhere in between (still higher than I would have guessed). Maybe it is around 1%.

TEA PARTY MEBER

September 20th, 2013
8:07 pm

@ hockey goldie

Im old enuff 2 whupp UR butt!

TEA PARTY MEBER

September 20th, 2013
8:12 pm

And am I the only 1 2 find 2 men 2gether gross? What hapened 2 America?

@ TEA PARTY MEBER

September 21st, 2013
9:33 am

You are obviously a troll attempting to sir up hatred and bigotry pretending to be a Christian Conservative. Now that you have the attention you want, just go away. Anyone that buys into you being a genuine commenter is a bigger fool that you are. Nice try, but epic fail!

1611

September 21st, 2013
12:21 pm

There is NO way any vile s0d0m1te(s) should be allowed to ‘have’ (adopt, raise, etc.) children…irregardless of what any modernist, cultural marxist heathen claim or say.

TEA PARTY MEBER

September 21st, 2013
3:23 pm

TEA PARTY MEBER

September 21st, 2013
10:15 pm

Take one 2 no one!

2 day diet

September 25th, 2013
2:05 am

Real-life ‘Parent Trap’: Reality star splitting twins between dads | Momania: A Blog for Busy Moms
2 day diet http://www.hotweightloss360.biz

2 day diet

September 25th, 2013
3:10 am

Real-life ‘Parent Trap’: Reality star splitting twins between dads | Momania: A Blog for Busy Moms
2 day diet http://zixiutang520.seesaa.net/article/375549040.html