Moms fight via blogs over Miley Cyrus VMA performance

I was just going to ignore the whole Miley Cyrus foam hand, gross dancing VMA debacle, but two days into the spin cycle moms have gone crazy about the performance debating it on blogs and Facebook.

I’m not sure how any mom could weigh in that it was good or appropriate. I guess the best a mom could say is that the performance provoked discussion and showed a daughter what NOT to do.

The outfit and stuffed toys are weird but the tongue and the bending over to Robin Thicke were just gross. (Even Robin Thicke’s mom thought it was nasty.) My 12-year-old was watching before the act but was out of the room when it was on. She has never been a fan of Miley Cyrus, and I think this would make her like her les. She likes when musicians write their own songs, play instruments and have some self-respect.

So if you haven’t seen the performance click this sentence to view. (I can’t use the new embed codes on my blog to embed the video.)

This mom wrote a letter to her daughter on her blog. From the Roadkill Golfish:

“…Miley Cyrus is not edgy or cool or sexy. She’s a desperate girl screaming for attention: Notice me. Tell me I’m pretty. See how hot I am. I know all the guys want me. All the girls want to be me.”

“You probably know girls who will emulate this behavior at the next school dance. Don’t do it with them. You are far too valuable to sell yourself so cheaply. Walk away. Let the boys gawk and know in your heart that they see only a body that can be used for their pleasure and then forgotten….”

“Dear daughter, I am going to fight or die trying to keep you from becoming like the Miley Cyruses of the world.”

HLN has set up two other mom bloggers with opposing views.

This mom wrote a special blog for HLN. She says Miley is just playing the fame game.

From Meredith Sinclair, special to HLN:

“It’s The MTV Video Music Awards.
If you snuggled up with your young’uns on Sunday night to watch the VMAs thinking you were about to enjoy a wholesome music awards show together, you probably haven’t watched MTV since the days when they actually aired music videos and had VJs. You want the old MTV? You’ll need a DeLorean. The VMAs are a place where artists come to push buttons, break rules and be remembered. Madonna impregnated the stage in 1984, naked-ish Britney canoodled with snakes in 2001, and Madge and Brit “made-out” in 2003. You want shock and awe? I got three letters for ya: V. M. A. Got little kids? Pick another show.

“It’s a fame game.
Some are saying Cyrus was trying desperately to show us she’s all grown up; others think she’s gotten disastrous advice from her people. I think she’s playing the game. Fame and notoriety are the most worshipped and coveted commodities of our time. Sad but true. Maintaining one’s fame often requires making jaws drop in order to stay relevant in a sea of stars. The Kardashians have taught us this for years. So even while grimacing through some of her fan-gear-as-sex-toys choreography, I found myself nodding in recognition of a simple case of 15 more minutes for Miley. She’s 20 years old — she knows better. She’s not interested in being your kids’ role model anymore. She wants to stay famous.”

So what do you think: Perfectly OK performance par for the course on MTV? A discussion-worthy dance routine that can help you delineate for a daughter what is not OK? Or not worth our time at all? Has your FB feed been inundated with comments and links to mom bloggers discussing it?

47 comments Add your comment


August 27th, 2013
6:31 pm

Did not watch it and do not plan to. I have read a lot about it. I rarely watch TV awards since what Hollywood is doing, does not have an impact on me. When Britney Spears was first on the radar, years ago, I smelled trouble and mentioned this to my neighbor. Our girls were eight. She thought I was nuts. I thought the same thing about Miley. Kind of sad to me.


August 27th, 2013
7:52 pm

I think the look on Will Smith’s family’s faces just about said it all: “What the . . . ?!?!?!?”

But let’s face it, what made it to the TV screen is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to sexually suggestive stuff that our kids are bombarded with. It was a tasteless dance, from what clips I saw of it, but being tasteless isn’t a crime, last time I looked. It does suggest a certain lack of class and an unfortunate willingness to shock just for the sake of shocking. If that’s the case, then Miss Cyrus succeeded. I have to wonder, however, what her agent and PR person was thinking, to go along with that kind of bizarre routine. At 20, she’s been in the public eye for a long time, and she ought to have had enough sense to say, “Whooaaa, this isn’t me.

Or maybe it is. Or maybe it’s what she wants to be. Who knows? Who cares, really? I can’t think of one thing I’ve ever seen her perform in (my daughter, thank goodness, ignored Hannah Montana), and I can’t see that changing anytime soon.

I’m just waiting to see how many drunk football and baseball fans are going to imitate her while waving around the foam #1 fingers in the stands this year. Either they are going to sell like hotcakes, or no one is going to go near them. :-)


August 27th, 2013
8:17 pm

Some people have too much time on their hands!


August 27th, 2013
8:36 pm

What makes me sad about the whole thing is that there are little girls watching thinking that’s how they have to act to get attention. Look, I’m no prude, but I teach seven year old girls, and I want them to realize that they don’t have to do that to be popular or sexy.


August 27th, 2013
8:52 pm

Long ago Miley began down the road which, based on her VMA performance, is nothing less than Garbage in, Garbage out….


August 28th, 2013
12:26 am

I agree with Catlady…. some people have too much time on their hands.

I did not watch the VMA’s as I do not have cable…. mainly because of all the crap on stations like MTV. But I did watch the performance later. I’m not sure why everyone is so suprised becasuse the VMA performance was EXACTLY like the video for the song…. teddy bears, alot of tongue hanging out, stripper dancing, and general wierdness.

I agree that the video and performance was trashy and I would never let my daughter (age 8) watch it, but I don’t think it’s all that different than Madonna’s masturbation scenes, Brittney writhing around with a giant snake, Lady GaGa’s naked bottom, Nicki Minaj’s stripper lap dance on stage, or Rihanna on a stripper pole singing about S&M. We as a society have chosen to accept these people and their music as how a generation is defined. This is the stuff that “speaks” to young people today. Once upon a time it was Elvis, Dillion, and The Beetles. Now it’s nudity and stripper dancing.

Of course, I was a teen when Madonna was doing it so I thought it was cool, but I now see that our culture in general has been heading toward a porn obsessed culture for years. Add in the “sex tape” celeberties, and a Cheetos commercial where the cartoon tiger says “make it rain” (which is a reference taken directly from rap videos and strip clubs) and you have the pornification of America.

By the way, Katy Perry’s performance at the VMA’s rocked! But she didn’t act like a sleezy wanna be stripper and no one is talking about her.


August 28th, 2013
3:48 am

I didn’t watch the “awards show” in real time, but checked out the clip after the hubbub started. I found it totally disgusting. Unfortunately, I also found it familiar. Two years ago I chaperoned my oldest son’s prom and saw similiar “dancing” between two girls!! We are from a small suburban south metro county with an excellent educational reputation in the Atlanta area. I was totally shocked to see these moves and commented on it to several teachers and parents and they just shrugged it off. So, don’t think this is something that just happens in videos or on TV. I will bet this kind of “dancing” happens now at all proms & homecomings. etc. Take my advice–volunteer and see for yourself.


August 28th, 2013
5:57 am

I saw it online. Didn’t seem that over the top for the VMAs. I was surprised by how bad it was, though. No raunchier than some of Madonna’s shows, but Madonna (and Brittney and GaGa) always sounded good and always had impressive dance moves. Miley’s performance was just gross and out of tune.


August 28th, 2013
6:16 am

A lot of you folks need to get a life. The only thing all of this so called scandalous behavior has done is sell more of Miley’s music. Way to go people. You actually helped her sell more. She probably appreciates your effort. If you don’t like it don’t watch. She just did not start this behavior 15 minutes before the show aired. Please stop with the role model thing. If you allow your kids to follow role models outside the home, then maybe you need to look within yourself and stop blaming others for your chlid’s behavior. Get your own life people.


August 28th, 2013
6:50 am

Gross and totally disgusting! I’ve never liked Miley. And as they say, even bad publicity is good publicity. Keeps her name in the rags….


August 28th, 2013
7:04 am

Sigh. Here’s an idea: get a job. Or better yet, get off the computer and pay attention to the kids you’re FORTUNATE ENOUGH to avoid working so you can stay home to supposedly take care of them. So busy..yeah.


August 28th, 2013
7:36 am

TWG–what was your 12 year old doing watching the VMA’s in the first place? They’re known for being raunchy.


August 28th, 2013
7:38 am

All ladies are women, but not all women are ladies. It is rude for people to expect other people to show some class and resraint and self respect, when the woman is obviously not a lady. Miley doesn’t know what she did was wrong, and you can never explain it to her. That’s why she is what she is.

This is why she is not a role model for girls who want to become a lady. As to the other, there will always be a career as a pole dancer in strip clubs. There is nothing wrong with that, and many women make a good career out of that sort of pandering to men, not to mention lots of money and some fame scrawled over the walls in men’s rooms at truck stops. But she won’t be a lady, and never will be, and will never understand why not.

As long as she is comfortable with not being a lady, then bless her heart.


August 28th, 2013
7:39 am

I only saw brief bits of it (no pun intended). Miley just wanted people to talk about her, and they are definitely doing that. I don’t believe that “any publicity is good publicity,” but then again, I’m not a pop star. She wants to shed her good-girl image, and all she shed was her clothes. If she wants to act like this, she can. I wouldn’t expect any VMAs to be coming her way anytime soon.

As for Robin Thicke (the other 1/3 of this equation), he came out saying how much pot he smokes. Perhaps that’s why this seemed to be a good idea. He doesn’t need Miley. Let’s also remember that he was in the “performance” as well. She is an adult and was doing things that adults would do in private or strippers do at the clubs.


August 28th, 2013
7:45 am

My kids never saw Miley Cyrus as role model. We liked Lily, Jackson, and Ricco on Hannah Montanna. Miley was never the one they liked or wanted to play though. They did/do love her singing. I admit I like some of her music too.

When my oldest was 7 she wrote a letter to Vanessa Hudgens (High School Musical) telling her why she was disappointed she was in a scandal over internet photos. She was very sad that someone she had thought was “cool” would do that. Taught her a great lesson though, she chooses to be herself and not copy/ape any of them.

Perhaps Salena Gomez is the closest. She likes Salena’s wardrobe style. She finds Salena’s to be poised in interview. She does question what Salean was thinking with Biebs though…Eldest daughter has never been a Bieber fan and always felt Salena could do way better.


August 28th, 2013
8:08 am

Right after the performance, my son tweeted appropriately “RIP Hannah Montana”. I’m pretty sure Miley is looking for a new audience and to prove she’s not Hannah anymore. I’m sure she’ll still have plenty of fans. I had to go watch the video on Monday. It was exactly what the VMAs are known for- awkward but worth talking about… no big surprise. The stuffed bears and tongue hanging out where the oddest things to me.

Another friend cracked me up with his post:
“After seeing more nonsense today about Miley than I wanted to, I think it is necessary to point out that many of the moms expressing such outrage and disappointment used to dance pretty much the same way at the clubs when they were younger. I know because I was there and saw you.”


August 28th, 2013
8:09 am

Oh and if you think this was all Miley, you should go watch the Blurred Lines unrated version of the video. The VMAs were a step up for Robin Thicke consider Miley actually had some kind of clothes on while dancing with him.


August 28th, 2013
8:20 am

I have a dream…that the people who watch the VMAs and stupid reality shows will pay attention to whats really happening to our country. This administration is killing our freedoms and American way of life–also known as capitalism. Socialist countries don’t survive (soviet block countries for example), and Obama is trying to circumvent our constitution to turn us into socialists (spread the wealth around).

Instead of turning on the b00b tube to see what Honey boo boo and the kardashians are up to, do some research to see whats happening. Obamacare will cause businesses to cut full time employees to part timers working 29 hours per week…not to mention the insurance caps being lifted that will cause you to pay for hospital stays, surgeries, etc out of your own pocket. Wake up people.


August 28th, 2013
8:24 am

No, my FB feed hasn’t been inundated with this nonsense because I choose not to be on FB. Simple as that. And who cares what the mommy bloggers think. Make up your own mind about this and other issues and discuss with people you want to talk to. My opinion is thank goodness I don’t have a daughter who was a fan. Thankfully, my son doesn’t seem to be a follower of trends and fads, and I hope he stays that way.


August 28th, 2013
8:25 am

What a group of prudes — Seriously, it’s on MTV so, no, I don’t think it was over the top given what it was. I have watched it online following all of the attention and, while I don’t think it would be appropriate for the halftime of the Super Bowl, have no objections to it being shown on that venue and within that genre. Approach it like the Playboy Channels, if you don’t like what is being shown, then don’t watch it, but what takes place on there will continue “forever” and there’s no reason to call any of that “inappropriate” or “gross” — Geez


August 28th, 2013
8:28 am

And I also have to agree to some extent with @joe


August 28th, 2013
8:54 am

This topic has really infuriated me. Why is no one talking about a 36 year old dad grinding a 20 year old. Watch the video, and see how long they both stay in that grinding position. WTH is wrong with us if we don’t recognize how sexist this is. The mom, an ex soap actress, went as far as to say that she was so proud of him, that he looked great but that Mylie was the inappropriate one. I am not saying that Mylie’ behavior wasn’t inappropriate, because obviously it was, but really, I put more focus on the guy that is old enough to be her dad. The double standard here is unbelievable.

It reminded me of the Super Bowl performance with Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake. She was vilified and he was not. I hate that women have just blamed Mylie, as they did with Janet years ago. I swear, I get madder every I read about this, and the reader comments blame her as well.

For the married women with kids, how would you feel if your husband was grinding a kid half his age. If you’ve seen his Blurred Lines video, the unrated one, you can see how he relates to women. Even the rated version is pretty bad.

Lastly, that comment about the Smith family’s reaction is wrong. That picture was taken during Lady Gaga’s performance. I hope some f you I’ll change you stance on this, and at least hold Thicke accountable. This was a planned performance, and he knew what was happening. If you can stand it, watch the MTV video, and notice how many seconds they stay in a grinding position. He’s a class A sleaze who should have known better.


August 28th, 2013
9:20 am

Is Miley the habitual twerker? Bookman’s bloggers are obsessed with the twerk.

Go figure.


August 28th, 2013
9:38 am

sorry about all the typos. I was using the ipad and didn’t realize that there were that many auto corrects which ended up wrong. Would have helped for me to wear my glasses too, so that I could better see the screen!

C from Marietta

August 28th, 2013
9:41 am

@ Missnadine

She is not a sleaze. SHE initated the contact. Love to bash men much?


August 28th, 2013
9:51 am

The fact the silly VMAs are so important to a segment of our society is really telling. I had to research to even find out what the noise was about, Guess I simply hang out with a better class of people. Maybe those up in arms should as well.


August 28th, 2013
9:56 am

C from Marietta, your comment does not make sense. ‘She is not the sleaze” – did you mean to say “he”? Plus, the statement you made about me bashing men is silly. I just think it is grossly unfair for all of this to fall on her. Again, he’s old enough to be the dad here. Have you seen “Blurred Lines”? Do you think that video is appropriate?

The double standard is what gets me. She may have walked up to him and grinded, but he stayed there for quite a few seconds. For his mom, for any mom, to think he was acting appropriately is incredible to me. We are talking about a married father, not some single young guy looking to make a wave and generate buzz in the music industry. If anything, he should be held at a higher standard as he is supposedly a mature adult, and not a 20-year old whose actions have gotten progressively more risqué over the last couple of years.


August 28th, 2013
10:04 am

American TV reached a new low with this “show” should have only been in an Adult Only network.

just me

August 28th, 2013
10:06 am

I think it was pretty much in line with what to expect at the VMA’s. It’s also hard to make anything look extremely sexual when you have a body like Justin Bieber. I will say that MISSNADINE has a very good point about the double standard in this situation, however I’m still blaming Janet. Your boob, your fault.


August 28th, 2013
10:29 am

@Missnadine – you are correct but I think BOTH of them were out of line. Period. It was ridiculous. And Mylie was shaking her but, not twerking. People don’t know what twerking is if they think what she was doing is twerking. And for people to say that Mylie inventing twerking or that twerking is even a NEW thing need to go back to the 90s and the Ying Yang twins “Whistle while you twerk”. Or just go to the stip club. Yes, that is my issue with Mylie and her “twerking”, calling what she did “twerking” when it wasn’t. LOLLLLLLLLLLLL

But in all seriousness, I think she is trying to ditch her “good girl” image at all costs not realizing that she is making herself look bad. Nobody is congratulating her. People are saying negative things about her. She is looking bad. She needs someone in her life to pull her aside and tell her what she is doing wrong and how to grow up gracefully. I don’t think she is a bad person. I think she is misrepresenting herself, just like a lot of young people do when they want attention. I think she can turn this around and I hope she does. Now Robin Thicke…his wife needs to snatch his tail and remind him that he is old and needs to act like he has some sense.


August 28th, 2013
10:31 am

Theresa – my post got eaten and I dont think it was that bad.


August 28th, 2013
10:51 am

This video from youtube gives a good idea of Robin Thicke’s viewpoint. I also am mad that he has stayed silent so as to make sure she gets ALL the blame here.


August 28th, 2013
11:07 am

“Let the boys gawk and know in your heart that they see only a body that can be used for their pleasure and then forgotten”

Nice bit of misandry right there; I’m sure her daughter won’t grow up with any warped views about men, or anything.


August 28th, 2013
11:08 am

They don’t give out report cards for parents, but in my opinion, if you were hoping that Miley Cyrus was going to be a good role model for your kids (as oppoed to, say, YOU) you get an ‘F’.

My advice: pull your heads out of your arses and parent your kid instead of whining when some entertainer didn’t do it to your standards.


August 28th, 2013
11:23 am

@missnadine — I totally agree with you… it is very sexist. And unfortunately, it’s WOMEN perpetuating the sexism. The age difference doesn’t bother me as much because I see both Miley and Robin Thicke as adults. But it does seem like the women get “blamed” for the planned and rehearsed raunchy performances while the it is perfectly okay for the men who participated in the same performance. And that’s regardless of age because Timberlake was the much younger one in Nipple Gate.

Women give men “a pass” when it comes to being sexual and they call other women who do the same thing a whore, slutty, trashy etc. It is frustrating.

Only thing I can think is that alot of women (moms) still think of Miley as a child when she is not. 5-6 years ago, they were watching Hannah Montanna with their kids and are now watching the VMAs with their Tween/Teen and seeing that performance which was admittedly raunchy. Moms are worried that their now teens are looking at this behavior as the natural progression from kid/teen into adult hood. Unfortunately, alot of times it is. I certainly would not have wanted a camera on me in my early 20s. I was a hot mess and have the tattoo to prove it! And there was alot of what we then called “dirty dancing” on the dance floor too. I think the sexuality of it is alot more open now or on display than it was years ago. Kids nowadays put everything they do on youtube and think it’s cool. Having a sex tape is now an acceptable way to gain attention.


August 28th, 2013
12:16 pm

Wow – Amanda Bynes stands a chance to make a comeback.

Real Life

August 28th, 2013
12:29 pm

The VMA show is known for walking on the wild side. Without the risqué performances and behavior this awards show would have been dropped years ago. It is not geared towards those under 16 and even then I would hesitate letting a teen watch it. What Miley Cyrus did should come as no surprise as she spends a great deal of time sharing photos of herself involved in questionable behavior. Even I know this from simply reading papers such as USA Today—not even tabloids, but mainstream dailies.
I would question why any parent would let a 12-year-old watch this show. It simply is not known for featuring people who write their own songs, play instruments and have some self-respect.

hockey goalie

August 28th, 2013
12:33 pm

Miley is all anyone has been talking about for two days, so I had to find it on YouTube and see what all the fuss was about. Having seen it,I gotta say, I don’t get the outrage. Kid pop star grows up and develops the c***dumpster image to declare her “adulthood”. Sad? yes. New? No. If everyone just shrugged, shook their heads and moved on, these kinds of episodes would stop. It’s the same phenomenon with the KKK. How do you stop a Klan rally? Everyone stay home.


August 28th, 2013
12:37 pm

@MissNadine, yeah, Robin Thicke was a little creepy, too — but he wasn’t the one bouncing around with fingers in inappropriate places, tongue hanging out and masturbating to a foam finger. Basically, he was window dressing to the Miley Cyrus Show. It’s not a double-standard, because he wasn’t doing the same things she was.

Oh, well – I’m over this. Onward . . .


August 28th, 2013
12:41 pm


Gene Simmons, formerly the bass player for the iconic glam rock band KISS has resigned.
He is quoted as saying, “I am just too old, and there is no way that my worn out tongue can compete with Miley. We are waiting to hear from her people to see if she is interested in playing bass with the band, breathing fire, dressing like the demon, and stuff like that…should make a a pile of $$.”

Plus, I am back after a year on the side. I am now a Shinto priest, except I am a little taller than my counterparts, actually a lot taller.


August 28th, 2013
1:13 pm

I’m sure Miley just broke her daddy’s achy breaky heart.

He should’ve pulled out of the business YEARS ago.

Pun intended…


August 28th, 2013
1:14 pm

@Beth – thank you for your comments, I completely agree that it is mainly the women who have trashed her. I hope she cleans up the act – while many will say she has no talent, she’s been on TV for what now, almost 10 years? She’s worked pretty hard and like most kid actors/singers, she probably missed a lot of things typical kids do, and I am sure she has received some pretty bad advice from family and managers who were focused on the $$$. She is trying way too hard to be a sexy adult, when in fact she looks desperate and sad, in my opinion. I really do hope she can get past this. There are too many young women who sell their self respect, so it would be nice to see a good ending here.

@Denise – good comments too! I never said she wasn’t blameless, rather, I just didn’t think it was fair for everything to fall on her. It is sexism at its worst :(. Paula will no doubt have him neutered. You are right in that she needs some good people in her life.

@DB – I disagree. He should get partial blame here. When she grinds him in the video, he actually stands there for a pretty long time before he walks away. Middle-aged married dads should not go along with this behavior with a 20-year old. But I guess it is just that much easier to blame the women, right?

I have never said that she was anything but inappropriate. I thought the performance was very hard to watch and that it was very cringe-worthy, but I place blame of both of them where it belongs. I also question why a “grown” man makes a video singing about the length of his penis, much like a middle schooler would do, and why he still needs his mom to defend him on national TV.


August 28th, 2013
2:06 pm

I can tell that none of you on here have been to a night club lately. Or a school dance. Or in a school. Or watched cheer leading practice. Nothing Miley did on the VMA’s is shocking to anyone under 40 or anyone who’s been in social environments in the past 15 to 20 years. I guess you seem to think that this ‘gross stuff’ only exists on TV. Where do you think the ideas for TV come from? This is how teenagers and young adults act. This is how they dance. This is what they like. Not all of course, but you’re kidding yourselves if you think raunchy dance moves are a new thing that can be blames on music videos or artists. Surely you remember things you did before you had kids (psst, you had kids, you had to be a little raunchy to get there didn’t ya?).


August 28th, 2013
3:03 pm

@MANGLER..I agree with you 100%..With that being said, would I want my 11 year old girl to watch this or act like this? H3LL NO..

I watched the video and the only part that I really didn’t like (other than all the bears) was the part of her rubbing the foam finger on her privates.. The suit that she had on during this time covers more than a lot of clothes that I see people wearing..As for Robin’s part, he didn’t stand there that long with her grinding against him..I’ve seen people grinding and that was not what I’ve seen in clubs before..


August 28th, 2013
3:11 pm

It did what it was suppose to do …. have everybody talking about it!!! That’s how we are not …. you gotta do something out there that people will be talking about it for days, weeks, months, and yes YEARS. That’s how you become famous. The Kardashians … sex tape, never heard of them before that … have no talent that I can see ….. Paris Hilton … where did she come from Nicole Richey …. who … but the got fame for a stupid show ….. The Housewives of anywhere …. never heard of some of these peopl and how we all up in them, I’m guess they wished the same …. the list can go on … We as a society make shock famous and those that do it reap the rewards! So Miley … hey if you gotta get to the front by any means necessary …. knock yourself out!

here is a much much better topic for discussion...

August 28th, 2013
4:53 pm

There is sleeze all over TV. I just watched this movie where a teen had a romantic relationship, and later a child, with her high school teacher. It was called “Margie” and it was from 1946 and everybody, in 1946, thought it was just adorable. Go figure.


August 28th, 2013
11:07 pm

I think the most cogent reality is that this young lady is and has always been a very mediocre singer. I used to watch her on Disney channel with my daughter and I cringed whenever she sang. I also remember her bellowing, “It’s the cclliimmbb!!”. Aargh. I wish they would stop booking her. Not sure why they still do..