Do you comment on your exes’ FB photos of the kids? What about the ex-in-laws?

I was scrolling through Facebook a few weeks back and noticed the ex-in-law of a divorced couple commenting on the former daughter-in-law’s page. It was photos of the kids but she is remarried. They’re obviously still the kids’ grandparents, and I guess they stayed on good terms but it was just odd to see the former husbands’ parents commenting on her page.

Another odd situation I’ve noticed lately is when you’ve stayed on FB with both parents even after they’ve gotten divorced and watching one the parents take a romantic trip with someone else. I stayed on FB with this one person so I could communicate easily about the kids coming over to play but I wasn’t thrilled to see him enjoy a romantic trip with some lady.

What do you think? Is it weird to see ex-in-laws commenting on FB photos? Do you guys see that? Do you unfriend at least one of the people when a couple gets divorced or do you stay on with both? Have you had the same experience of seeing the man or woman taking a romantic trip with someone else?

28 comments Add your comment

RashmiKumari

July 18th, 2013
3:33 am

AMITAB BHACHAN

RashmiKumari

July 18th, 2013
3:36 am

I am your big fan

christina novi nada nada

July 18th, 2013
4:07 am

Enter your comments here

FCM

July 18th, 2013
4:28 am

I suppose it depends on your relationship with his/her family. I still speak verbally to his family. They are not fb friends though.

The kids have fb friended us both so we can see stuff sometimes from the other. We do both comment on the kids pages.

Not sure why it was odd for you t see a divorced man out without a lady. Did you mean uncomfortable for you?

becky

July 18th, 2013
5:37 am

I have stepdaughters, my husband doesn’t do fb. I do not comment on their pages anymore because the one comment I made on one of their pages “you dad said what a beautiful daughter” she commented under it (daughters name) REALLY ?? So she closed her fb acct. The stepdaughter has opened a new acct and we are not friends, I did not ask nor did I ask the other daughter, she ask me.. The strange thing the mom is the one that left my husband and her children for another man. My husband reared the youngest from 14 – high school graduation. The other 2 lived with him until – none ever lived with their mom.

JG

July 18th, 2013
6:42 am

My ex does not have FB – his wife does – she has friended all the kids – I have blocked her and she cannot see anything about me nor I her. Prefer it this way.

seriously?

July 18th, 2013
6:49 am

what the hell does staying ‘on facebook’ with someone mean?

carpetbagger

July 18th, 2013
7:27 am

#FirstWorldProblems

FCM

July 18th, 2013
7:34 am

@ JG the thing I see are on the kids pages that they repost. I have mine supposedly set up so that their “friends” cannot see my stuff.

catlady

July 18th, 2013
7:59 am

Don’t do FB but think it is better for ex family to get along, especially with kids in common. That is the adult thing to do; sometimes however you are dealing with literally crazy folks.

Techmom

July 18th, 2013
8:03 am

I’m still friends with several couple who have divorced. A falling out in their relationship doesn’t necessarily mean we can’t be friends. There are a couple though where I have hidden one or both due to either the divorce process or post-divorce actions. More because they were airing their dirty laundry on FB rather than b/c I was “uncomfortable” with him/her moving on.

A

July 18th, 2013
8:45 am

Reason #965 why I’m not on FB. And Theresa, why would you be bothered by knowing about a friend enjoying a romantic trip with a lady? He’s not your ex-husband, so why should it matter to you?

Stop the Madness

July 18th, 2013
8:58 am

Believe it or not, there are such things as amicable divorces. My wife and my ex have gone to public events together. They are Facebook friends, as am I and my ex, though none of us are heavy users. I was a pallbearer at my ex-mother-in-law’s funeral. Why? Because she was a good woman who thought a lot of me during and after my marriage to her daughter.

We divorced when my daughter was 7, and we remained on good terms, and both did whatever was in our daughter’s best interest. When I remarried, my new wife accepted and understood that she was not going to be my daughter’s mother, she already had one.

When I was divorced and single, I met one woman who simply couldn’t comprehend how I could possibly be on good terms with my ex-spouse. I just don’t understand such an immature and narrow mentality.

Is my case the norm? Probably not. But it certainly happens.

And I agree with A. Why spend so much energy worrying and opining about other peoples’ business.

Scooby

July 18th, 2013
9:27 am

Why would you care who someone goes on a trip with unless it impacts your life in some way?

BlondeHoney

July 18th, 2013
9:38 am

I am very close still to my ex’s parents as they were more parents to me than my own, and they always tell me how I will always be their daughter. In fact, I stayed with them recently when visiting my son in FL so yes, we are also FB friends. My ex is also not on FB but his wife is and she has also friended both my sons. Occasionally she comments on things they post but that is all I see of her. My boys are not close to her and recently, when she told my son that his new baby could call her “Abuela Marisol” my son replied, “no he won’t; he already has a grandmother”

catlady

July 18th, 2013
9:39 am

I guess my take on all of this is we need to get our collective noses out of the FB and into the real world, interacting with real,people about real, important, currently-happening stuff, instead of posting or reviewing self-serving commentary.

Something great happens? Call your friends and tell them! Or send,them a letter! Or a message via text or email.

If you want to capture your life (which you are NOT living while “sharing” it, get a journal.

jmb

July 18th, 2013
9:47 am

My ex is not on FB but his mother and sister are and they are both on mine. His mother was/is a great woman and was in my life for 20 years so I think of her as a second mother. His sister and I do not comment on each other but I did wish her a happy birthday recently and our children are close. My ex still hasn’t married nor does he date and it’s been 13 years since the split. He’s very much a cold person who hates people so more than likely he will never meet anyone as much as I wish he would. I don’t see any problem with spouses that remain in contact for the children and even friends when possible. They were a part of our life and that can never change. My current husband isn’t on FB but he is social with his ex when we see her out in public and it doesn’t bother me at all.

HB

July 18th, 2013
11:05 am

I don’t see anything odd about grandparents remaining on friendly terms with their former son- or daughter-in-law. How great for the kids to see that they are all still a connected family rather than allowing divorce to be a wall keeping one side from having anything to do with the other. My parents’ divorce was pretty amicable, and if we had FB back in the day, I can definitely imagine my grandmother and aunt on my dad’s side commenting on photos my mom posted, and her on photos of my cousins posted by their moms. In fact, that aunt, a former aunt (my uncle’s ex), and my mom are all FB friends now, 35 years post-divorce enjoying seeing pics of each other’s grandchildren.

catlady

July 18th, 2013
11:56 am

As my former sister in law said about her relationship with me, “I didn’t divorce you!” Why make your life poorer by cutting people out? She has always been a friend to me, a great aunt to my kids, and a terrific great-aunt to my grandchildren.

FCM

July 18th, 2013
12:23 pm

@ BlondeHoney, my ex told the kids his wife was their Mom now. They said UH NO, we have a Mom thanks. Then he told them to call her parents Grandma and Grandpa and they said UH NO we have those too. He said but I want you to call them something “special”. So they went and asked each of them what they wanted to be called. All said, whatever you feel like, so they call each one by their first name. Everyone but the ex is ok with it.

Denise

July 18th, 2013
12:46 pm

My mother said that, more than not having her marriage to my father, losing HIS family – which became hers – hurt the most after the divorce. Now, she and her husband are invited to trips that my daddy’s sister organizes. My father and mother get along better now that they are divorced. I love it. No one is on FB but I cannot see why they would have issues being “friends” with each other there when they are in real life. As far as the “step” parents…I think everyone has to develop the right relationship for them. Fortunately I was an adult when both of mine remarried so there was no “she’s your mother”/”he’s your father”. That would have been met with lots of “oh hell no”. I dearly love both of my “bonus parents” but they are NOT my parents.

jmb

July 18th, 2013
12:58 pm

Denise, my husband loves my kids and my grandkids like their his own. He’s raised the girls since they were 5 & 7 but he has never tried to get them to call him dad. He does like for them to at least say Happy Father’s Day etc but he knows his place in their life and he’s good with that. Parents that push new parents on their kids as anything other than steps are making huge mistakes with their children and the kids never forget it.

Denise

July 18th, 2013
1:22 pm

jmb – your kids are very lucky to have a loving “bonus” father and grandfather. I gift both of my “bonus” parents on Mothers’ and Fathers’ Day. They are not my biologicals but they are parents to their own children and we have found our “fit”. It was easier because I was in my 30s when they came along so I can see how it can be a challenge for some younger people.

jarvis

July 18th, 2013
3:29 pm

@catlady, I interact with real people and I’m active on social media. Why do you think it has to be one or the other?

jarvis

July 18th, 2013
3:30 pm

Also, you spend more time on this and the School blog than most people do on social media in a given day.

missnadine

July 18th, 2013
4:00 pm

I didn’t have kids with my ex, and we divorced in 1990, I am not connected with him on FB. A couple of things happened last year that made me look him up, and it was really weird to see the difference in 20 years!!

My parents divorced when I was 15, and they have always maintained a good relationship. We even took a cruise together as a family in 2000. Both remarried.

DB

July 18th, 2013
8:18 pm

Many adults get along just fine after a divorce. I always felt especially bad for the grandparents in divorce situations, especially if they are acrimonious, because it seems like the grandparents often get the shaft when it comes to relationships with their grandchildren after a divorce. If FB helps them stay in touch with their grandchildren, then as far as I’m concerned, that’s one of the better uses of FB!

My mother sometimes complains that she finds it difficult to connect with my kids. Well, yeah, Mom, it IS difficult to connect with 22-24 year olds! I suggested that maybe she might want to call them occasionally, but she demurred, saying she didn’t know a good time to call and didn’t want to “bother them”. Then I suggested texting (my communication path with my kids), and she turned her nose up at that, saying that “if they wanted to talk to her, they would call.” I had to gently point outt that young people seldom used a phone for actually talking,. but if she wanted more phone calls, she was going to have to make a few, herself. No dice. *sigh*. Then I suggested Facebook — pointing out that their other grandmother has a FB account and is able to keep up with their lives that way. My mother turned her nose up at that, too, unsurprisingly, since she is the sort that checks her email every couple of weeks or so. Her complaint is that “no one ever sends her email”, to which I replied, “because they know you don’t read it!” It’s a conundrum. I don’t want to be the one that nags my kids to maintain a relationship with their grandmother, but on the other hand, I wish my mother would at least make an effort to meet them halfway.