Hey non-parents, you think we’re oversharing?

Non-mom and former Atlanta resident Blair Koenig created a blog and now a book about the things she says parents are oversharing on Facebook. The book is called “STFU, Parents: The Jaw-Dropping, Self-Indulgent, and Occasionally Rage-Inducing World of Parent Overshare.”

From the AJC story:

“To write the book, Koenig borrowed heavily from her “STFU, Parents” blog, which she started in 2009 after noticing her own Facebook newsfeed becoming cluttered with even the most mundane photos and stories about her friends’ children.”

“The blog, which now attracts more than 1.5 million readers a month, asks readers to submit the most egregious overshares they see on Facebook, which Koenig separates into categories, including “Woe is Mom” (Mothers who complain about being mothers), “Mommyjacking (Mothers who use friends’ unrelated status updates to share news about their children) and, in Koenig’s opinion, the most noxious of the group – Sanctimommies (sanctimonious mothers). One submission has a father – yes, there are Sanctidaddies, too – saying “Only when you are a parent you realize how life is worth more with a child.”

While I’ve seen plenty of parents humblebragging about their kids’ grades or accomplishments, I’ve seen ridiculous amounts of self-indulgent, jaw-dropping posts from non-parents about their coffee, their toes at the beach, how their butts look in their new dresses, and every freakin’ meal they have ever eaten – whether at home or in a restaurant.  Talk about self-indulgent, at least parents are sharing photos of someone other than themselves.

If you want to see real oversharing, head on over to Instagram and Twitter. Entire days are documented by non-parents: here is my subway ride to work, this the store I buy my coffee, this is the line I wait in, this is my elevator, this is the meeting I am stuck in currently, this is the way my desk looks today, this is what I am having for lunch …. Non-parents may not care if their friend’s kid broke an arm, but the thing is many parents don’t care about your bruschetta and cocktail after work.

(Check out the 12 most cliche photos on Instagram according to Mashable.com. Guess what? None of them involve children! But they do involve food porn, coffee and clouds.)

I think we can probably all agree that everyone overshares on social media, but who do you think is more self-indulgent: Parents or non-parents? What posts from either group irritate you the most?

93 comments Add your comment

Mom of 3

April 11th, 2013
11:42 am

Who cares? Facebook is a huge waste of time no matter who you are.
If it makes you feel better, keep telling yourself that there is always someone who brags more or posts more mundane things than you. Unplug and live your life!

Context matters

April 11th, 2013
11:42 am

Got great kids who are respectful, behave, are responsible, well-mannered, then fine, let us know all about them. Tragically that is about 0.5% of kids these days. As well, accomplishments like great grades in a government school mean little to nothing. Likely the homeschooled kids will be supporting most of these folks when they get older and end up on welfare or in prison (as that seems to be the primary path the schools now promote).

jarvis

April 11th, 2013
11:43 am

Well-played.
Parents overshare, but so do nons.

I think what Koenig was really saying was that people were sharing about things she doesn’t care about.

I used to make fun of people that talked about their pets online cause I don’t give a schlitz….you know cause it’s an animal like the bird I can see from my office window right now, but then I thought “All people prolly don’t care about my pop culture and witty banter either”.

I figure it wasn’t put there for me, so why comment on it. Same reason you’ll never read a complaint from me on here about a topic. I just won’t comment if I’m not interested.

jarvis

April 11th, 2013
11:46 am

Homeschooling….hah!

Look at the demographics of the vast majority of homeschooled children….white….middle to upper middle class….two-parent household, and then compare them to their public and private schooled equals.

Basically the same.

konaluna

April 11th, 2013
11:53 am

Because sharing photos of diarrhea-laden diapers is exactly the same thing as a home cooked meal or feet on a beach. THAT is what the blog is about.

Danielle

April 11th, 2013
11:53 am

Sharing a picture of your kid’s poop in a toilet or diaper, or a bloody mess of a mouth after their first tooth is lost is a lot different than sharing a picture of food, coffee, or a desk. I have a kid, and I’d rather see the latter on fb. There are just some things that aren’t appropriate for social media. Poop is one of them.

Sarah A

April 11th, 2013
11:53 am

Its one thing to post your children’s achievements on a regular basis, I know I am guilty of that. But the majority of the oversharing issue comes from the parents who consistantly share photos of their children’s bowel movements (in the toilet, on a chair, outside, in bed, smeared all over furniture, etc), vomit, etc.

Elizabeth

April 11th, 2013
11:54 am

Yes, but most non-parents won’t show photos of their poop or vomit. I am a non-parent and I honestly don’t mind looking at pictures of your kids. I think they are cute. But there is a line on both sides. I don’t want to see anything that comes out of your child or read anything that is completely gross. The same goes for non-parents. I don’t want to see self-portraits of yourself or see where you are every second of the day. But I love looking at your vacation photos, photos of your pet, or if you are doing something interesting. The bottom line is use good judgement before you post something. A good question to ask yourself, “are you or your child going to be embarrassed in the future if you post this?”

Lisa

April 11th, 2013
11:56 am

The difference between sharing and oversharing is obvious on the blog. I’m a parent (who also loves the blog, it’s hilarious), and I post pictures of my kid all the time. But, I would never post a picture of him naked at six years old peeing in the backyard because it was just too precious not to share (free spirits gonna be free spirits, etc etc etc).

littledinobug

April 11th, 2013
11:56 am

You know, there’s a difference between sharing cute pictures of one’s kids, and sharing a toilet full of poop.

There’s a difference between showing pictures of your kid with cake smeared all over his or her face for the first birthday, and poop smeared all over the walls…or food smeared all over the walls at a restaraunt saying “LOL NOT CLEANING ROFL AHHAHAHAH”

Guin

April 11th, 2013
11:57 am

To be fair, not all of her readers are non-parents. Many of us are parents who also believe that pictures of a poopy diaper are unnecessary.

Wanda

April 11th, 2013
11:57 am

Social media is ALL about self-indulgence. Even when I’m not posting about myself, I’m posting things I find interesting so people will think I’m interesting, too. But you have to be a special kind of dense if you don’t see the difference between someone’s banal food pictures and the kinds of overshare Blair’s talking about. At the very least, can we agree to keep pictures of bodily fluids out of our social media?

Wanda

April 11th, 2013
11:57 am

(BTW, I’m a parent. And yes, I post pictures of my child. She’s cute, dammit.)

Penny

April 11th, 2013
11:58 am

What Blair Koenig is actually saying is that, while reading about someone’s morning cup of coffee may be dull and mundane, it’s preferable to hearing about your child’s morning bowel movement.
I can deal with mundane.
And yes, I AM a mother.

Sam

April 11th, 2013
11:59 am

I don’t think the point of STFU Parents is that every child related update or picture is annoying, rather the over sharing on Facebook by some parents is crazy. Kids first day of kindergarten? Cute. Photo of the spot left on the bed after water burst? Too much.

To be fair there are whole blogs dedicated to mocking people who post “duck face” photos, bathroom selfies, food porn, and woe is me type of updates.

Shoni

April 11th, 2013
12:01 pm

The problem with the blogger ’s examples is, parents do all these things. I’ve seen parents posting about their coffee and their feet at the beach and how their butts look in New dresses. Hell, I posted about being able to polish my toenails at almost 8 months pregnant, and my husband posts pictures of any dish he wants to show off. The problem with the rest of the post is that the blogger really has no idea what it’s about. It isn’t just, “oh, I’m going to complain because you posted that your child broke an arm.” It’s more, “ok, your child broke an arm. Do we need to see pictures of the injury all day?” This isn’t a parent vs non-parent issue.

Sylvia

April 11th, 2013
12:01 pm

What Sam and Penny said.

dee

April 11th, 2013
12:02 pm

This is an inaccurate analogy. The things mentioned are all different things that make up a person’s life, normal sharing. A better analogy would be comparing a parent constantly posting photos/statuses about their kid to someone who posts photos of themselves all the time and not much else. I have a couple of friends who pretty much ceased to be individuals with a variety of likes, interests, and passions and have instead become vehicles to only post child-related stuff. I am equally as bored when people constantly post selfies or every single thought that strays into their heads day in and day out and not a whole lot else. I am happy for my friends with kids but I get bored when every update is about kids, I’d welcome a photo of their feet at the beach or what they had for lunch or what book they are reading mixed in once in a while!

Ashley

April 11th, 2013
12:02 pm

Looks like someone needs to look up the definition of “overshare”. Hint: taking pictures of your kids and putting them on the internet isn’t it. Taking pictures of actual poop that has come out of your children and then putting it on the internet? THAT is oversharing. And it is that sort of nonsense that is on STFU. Maybe you should do a little research before writing such a whiny article.

EmRang

April 11th, 2013
12:04 pm

Yay to all the mom’s standing up for the blog. I don’t have kids, I love the blog though. There are some things that just shouldn’t be shared on facebook, moms AND non-parents are both guilty of it. It’s just the difference in overshares, you can just ignore some things but sometimes parents overshare straight up disgusting things..

q

April 11th, 2013
12:09 pm

This enitre argument is false. To many, pics from self important assh**e #1 are no different than pics from self important assh**e #2, regardless of content. In reality this is all about making one feel relevant or important based on how many other mindless idiots read your self indulgent tripe. Remember the t shirt- maybe on day your life will be as cool you prentend it is on FB.

Kate

April 11th, 2013
12:10 pm

I LOVE the blog. Comparing someone who shares their meal on a daily basis is not even remotely in the same category as someone who puts naked photos of their kids on Facebook. No, we don’t need to see your child coming out of your vagina. I don’t care if it’s a newborn, you shouldn’t but their privates online. And why do we want to see your child’s first poop in the potty? The things that get shared are disgusting, and are against FB policy by the way.

ReneeD

April 11th, 2013
12:13 pm

It’s pretty clear from this post that you haven’t read her blog or her book.

I’m a mom, and I love STFU, Parents. She doesn’t call out parents out for simply oversharing. She calls out parents who lost all common sense, civility, and perspective when they had children. People, for example, who think posting pics of their kids covered in vomit and feces is hilarious. Or EVER appropriate.

As she wrote this morning, posting a pic of one’s toes in the sand is a little different than posting a pic of the pile of baby crap little Hayghleighye left in her diaper.

Not too hard for a reasonable person to grasp, in my opinion.

Eileen

April 11th, 2013
12:15 pm

I’m not a parent yet, but I love, love, love pictures of babies/little kids and statuses about the funny things they do and say. My parent friends are totally welcome and encouraged to post pictures of their adorable kids in the sweater Grandma knit or with the stuffed bunny that’s bigger than they are. Blair doesn’t complain about those types of pictures. She complains about pictures of the kid’s vomit, poo, or genitalia exposed whilst pooping. Nor does she complain about a status that says, “My baby said his first word!” She complains about people who comment on a status about, say, a death in the family, with “My baby said his first word!” You can share plenty of stuff about your kid, and your childless and childfree friends will be totally fine with it. But be appropriate.

Angela

April 11th, 2013
12:16 pm

I think a pic of coffee, or toes on a beach or a subway ride is a bit different than a poopy diaper or a placenta popping up on my wall.

Kayla

April 11th, 2013
12:20 pm

Have you actually ever visited the STFUPARENTS page? Just wondering how you can justify things like “poop skating” or family photos in the bloody leftovers of a home birth…I have two kids and I would probably puke as I de-friended anyone that posted that crap.

I would not, however, post a pic of the vomit, so I guess there is that.

Shoni

April 11th, 2013
12:24 pm

I’m sorry, I just really have a problem with the whole tone of the article. The fact that Blair is childless does not make this into a parent vs non-parent fight. She could have 10 kids. It wouldn’t change the fact that there are things parents post (poop pictures, comments about your kids on someone else’s status that has nothing to do with children, downing people who mention they’re tired or busy because “they couldn’t possibly know what tired/busy means. They don’t have kids.”) that are inappropriate.

Penny

April 11th, 2013
12:30 pm

Let’s not forget the “mommyjacking”. Someone posts a comment like “Yay! I just got my PhD!” and one of her FB friends will respond with something like “Little Timmy just got good citizen of the day at his preschool!” or “Yeah, well when you can do that with a kid on your hip you’ll really be doing something!”
Not everything is about your kid. Or mine. Like I said in my previous post, I’m a mother and I love STFU, Parents.
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso … you are way off base here.

Laurie

April 11th, 2013
12:46 pm

So how’s this blog post working out for you Theresa? Not so well, huh.

Jane

April 11th, 2013
12:47 pm

Really? Your jaw drops when someone posts a picture of their dinner? There’s a big difference between boring (food/toes/coffee) and jaw-dropping (a graphic photo of a baby crowning from the vagina of your former classmate.)

jarvis

April 11th, 2013
12:50 pm

Didn’t read the part about the poo pics. Yeah, that stuff is best left off social media and kept for the fettish sites.

Mayhem

April 11th, 2013
12:52 pm

Well, I have an empty nestor friend who posts on Facebook about every 20 minutes. She starts in the morning with pictures from her back yard. Then she posts about the beautiful flowers her husband sent her for no reason. They she posts her lunch, her afternoon, her dinner, what she’s watching on tv, then eventually she said “good night Facebookers”.

Really, I post about once a day. And when my kids do something wonderful, they get a post on FB, like my youngest’s promotion at work.

But other than that, i don’t care what you had for lunch, what your kids’ diaper looks like, etc.

What I do like to see is other people’s pictures from vacations. I know, I know, but I love to see where others have been.

HB

April 11th, 2013
12:53 pm

Yes, parents overshare! I’ll take mundane posts about coffee and commutes over potty training woes and detailed descriptions of your kid’s latest illness anytime. Saying you’re home with a sick child is fine — going into detail about all the child’s symptoms is not.

Tab

April 11th, 2013
12:57 pm

What I find hilarious is that the author of this article is trying to single out non-parents. As if it is only non-parents who think those crazies posting way too much info/pictures about their kids is gross and annoying. Get over yourself, it doesn’t take being a non-parent not to like that literal SH*T, it takes common sense. Also, STFU is just poking fun at the inability of some parents to have common decency, manners, and social etiquette. If this website was about the overshare we see on some teens facebook I bet the author would laughing right along on her horse, mumbling something about HER children would NEVER behave that way because she used the blah blah blah parenting method blah blah blah blah. What an idiot.

Jo

April 11th, 2013
1:01 pm

I’m 32 and childless (although I hope to have kids in a couple of years) and almost all of my friends are parents. I love pictures of Jimmy playing T-Ball or cute video of Emily’s piano recital. Cute photos and bragging in your own status about the kids’ accomplishments? Awesome. Status messages about how you and your hubby got a nice walk alone and almost kept walking when you came home to screaming kids? Totally fine. I’m fortunate that none of my friends are guilty of the type of “mommyjacking” that STFU parents writes about. (I do get the occasional, “You think YOU’RE tired? Wait until you have kids!”)

But none of the things my friends do are oversharing. What IS oversharing, and what gets put on STFU parents, is photos of poop and puke and pee. If I am not your doctor, I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER want to see photos of your child’s bodily functions. EVER. NEVER EVER. I read Facebook while I’m eating breakfast. Wanting to complain about having to clean a gross mess? I guess there are ways to do that if you don’t get too graphic, but if you post photos? You are oversharing. I could post a photo of myself on the beach wearing the new dress that makes my ass look amazing followed by one of the restaurant I ate in that night, and if you don’t like it, that’s your deal. But if you can’t agree that photos of the things that come out of your child’s body should be off-limits, both for your friends’ sake and the child’s privacy, you really need to reconsider your life priorities.

Lisa

April 11th, 2013
1:17 pm

I’d like to echo most of the above and just say that Ms. Walsh Giarrusso has completely missed the point of STFU Parents. Maybe next time before writing a rant, you could actually do some research.

heeds

April 11th, 2013
1:18 pm

How about us parents who think you overshare? Trust me, just because I have kids doesn’t mean I want to open up my FB feed and see pictures of your kid’s rash/poop/vomit. It’s disgusting, unnecessary and shows no respect for either the child or your friends. Give me pictures of toes on the beach or somebody’s dinner anyday.

Besides which, you’ve completely missed the point. Overshare is not the same thing as self-indulgent, yet you use them as though they were equivalent terms. All social media is, pretty much by definition, self-indulgent. But it is possible to share and be self-indulgent without preaching at or grossing out your friends. Pictures of or stories about your kids are not overshare. If they’re part of your life and you’re documenting your life, that’s fine. It’s when that documentation crosses over the line to thinking that your children are so amazingly special that everyone you’ve ever met should be treated to pictures of the various substances that ooze out of them. That’s vile. Or when you think that the act of giving birth has bathed you in some sort of holy light which allows you to look down your nose at people who have not given birth. I’ve given birth; I can pass on to those who haven’t that epidurals are a good thing. I cannot lecture them about the meaning of life and how shallow and superficial their life choices are. That’s just obnoxious.

Shannon

April 11th, 2013
1:27 pm

I’m glad someone mentioned the “mommyjacking.” I am SO tired of moms posting their gripes and complaints about how exhausted they are because they have children, and their assertions that people without children could not possibly understand and have not truly lived yet…I am every bit as busy and I get my value in life from many things…people who don’t have children still have full and meaningful lives, believe it or not. And frankly, when you decided to have children, did you not realize that it would be a 24-hour commitment? I realize that and that’s why I haven’t had them yet…I’m not ready to give that to a child, and I won’t have one until I am prepared to parent without griping about it and assuming I’m suddenly better than childless people because I stopped taking my birth control… I think there is a time and a place to vent, but Facebook is not it. Nor is it a place to try to lord your “mommyhood” over people without children…I promise, they’re not impressed. Keep some of your own identity, mommies. You’ll need it when your kids grow up and get theirs. And no, I don’t enjoy reading all of the details about your children’s many sicknesses that they’ve picked up from daycare…and I only care about what you’re eating for dinner if it looks yummy and you’re sharing the recipe or telling me which restaurant serves it. : ) All of that said, I enjoy seeing my friends’ posts and photos of their families on vacation (these can even include their husbands, parents, etc.!), or even making a goal at a soccer game, when my friends are enjoying being moms! Any mention of potty-training, teething, fevers…share that at Mother’s Morning Out or with your pediatrician.

Shannon

April 11th, 2013
1:29 pm

Wow, heeds. Well said.

irisheyes

April 11th, 2013
1:33 pm

Who the heck posts their child’s poopy diaper on FB???? I’m a mom, and I have a lot of moms as friends on my FB page, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a poopy diaper. Yes, I post pics of my kids playing baseball or doing school activities or my toddler being cute (or not), but I have family who don’t see my kids often, so they like to see the pictures. I do stay away from gross pics. I hate poop, and they’re my kids. Why would anyone else want to see it??

littledinobug

April 11th, 2013
1:33 pm

btw: I’m a parent. Here are a few more examples:

Newborn baby all swaddled and ready to be handed to the mom = GOOD
Crowning picture or baby laying naked on the table, or you sitting on a pile of bloody chux pads with the placenta hanging out… = OVERSHARE

Quick FB Post: “YAY Jonah pooped in the potty for the first time today!” = icky but..it’s ok.
OVERSHARE: Picture of said poop.
MASSIVE OVERSHARE: Continuing to photoblog the poops.

Quick FB Share: No…stomach bug is making it through the house! HELP!
OVERSHARE: Picture of vomit accompanying the status.
MASSIVE OVERSHARE: Repeated pictures of said vomit.

Mommyjacking examples:

PosterA: “I can’t believe I graduated college today! I have my BA and I’m ready for my Masters WOOHOO!”
MommyJacker “Little Raelyneigh said Pooty today I’m so proud!”

Appropriate response: “CONGRATS!!! You have big things ahead!”

see? I’m a parent…I know my limits, why don’t you know yours?

Ilunis

April 11th, 2013
1:37 pm

I notice that the author has not responded to the criticism. Someone is afraid to say, “Oops, I messed up” and remove the foot from their mouth, apparently.

Theresa

April 11th, 2013
1:37 pm

It’s says on the front page of her blog —

You used to be fun.
Now you have a baby.

To find out more about this site you can read more about me here, or read some FAQs here.

And you guys don’t think is a parent – non-parent issue?

Techmom

April 11th, 2013
1:39 pm

I have a simple solution for those who overshare: HIDE! I actually can’t recall any friends posting pics of poop or vomit (maybe complaining about it but no pics) but have had plenty of friends post about arguing with their spouse and sharing the details of their arguments. I find those posts the most disturbing quite frankly.

That being said, I have a private group with 6 of my girlfriends from high school; we definitely over share in that group but that’s the whole reason we have it. Lots of posts begin with “Not appropriate for Gen Pop….” That being said, no one has ever posted a poop picture in that group either.

missnadine

April 11th, 2013
1:41 pm

When I first started on FB, I thouht it was great to accept friend requests from people I didn’t know that well. Many of those ended up being the chronic oversharers and have sence been deleted from my friends list. It is not just parents – it is really anybody who feels the need to constantly tell you the minute details of their day. You really also figure out pretty quickly how many many people are so conceited and post pictures of themselves every day!

Theresa

April 11th, 2013
1:41 pm

also the name of the blog is STFU, Parents —- it doesn’t say STFU, people who have no boundaries or taste — it says STFU, PARENTS!!

James

April 11th, 2013
1:41 pm

I really don’t give two poops about people’s kids, I really wish my neighbors would keep their brats out of my yard and pool.

Just Me Thinking...

April 11th, 2013
1:42 pm

While most of you are trying to tear Theresa apart for “missing the point”, you also missed the point of what she wrote. She actually acknowledges that many of the things on STFU parents is parental nonsense. The point she is making is that this person is specifically calling out parents when there are non-parents who do just at much oversharing. If you haven’t noticed, there are pictures of adults on FB, Instagram and many other social media sites throwing up, pooping in inappropriate places and exposing themselves. This Koenig is actually making money by calling out one group over the other. Would she have made as much money got as much attention showing or writing about the adults who do this stuff? No. Her entire blog is one giant overshare. The only difference is that she uses other peoples kids to do it.

Theresa

April 11th, 2013
1:43 pm

Techmom — I think the poop and placenta shots have to do with the stage of life people are in — This lady is relatively young and the parents on her feed are just having kids so they are in that stage.I don’t have anyone on my feed posting about poop either — I see a lot of school stuff and activities — because most of my friends have school-age kids.

RedandBlackPeachy

April 11th, 2013
1:46 pm

What kind of people do you all has a “friends” on Facebook that post things so disgusting as dirty anything? That isn’t a parent oversharing problem. That is a people who are uncouth problem. And if they had no kids they would find other ways to be uncouth. Ugh….I have never seen, nor have I ever done, anything so childish, disgusting or stupid when it comes to my kids. I also don’t understand why anyone has people as “friends” who don’t share or appreciate your interests and whose interests you don’t share and appreciate. If have “friended” someone and I don’t care for their posts, I delete them or I change the setting for their posts. My feeling is if you want to post it, go for it…but I sure as heck don’ t have to be an audience to it. Overshare complaints? I don’t get it when you don’t have to be a part of what YOU consider as overshare (which is subjective anyway).