Can husbands from the South get away with calling other women sweetheart?
There is an advice column on Slate.com known as “Dear Prudence” where people can obviously write in for advice. Well, a newly married woman has written in wanting to know if it’s OK that her Southern-born husband frequently calls other women sweetheart or sweetie – whether it be friends, co-workers or waitresses.
The wife if bothered by the use of this term of endearment used on other women, especially because he hasn’t even come up with a different pet name for her.
The man claims that term is ingrained in him and he just can’t break the habit.
I do think that it is very hard to stop saying things that are part of your culture’s vernacular. I say a heck of a lot of sweeties and babies myself. I also say a lot of “might coulds” and “might woulds.” When I help at the elementary school, every child is sweetie, honey or baby.
When my brother was in the ICU at Emory several years ago, all the nurses used the same Southern honey and sweetie. We wondered what Yankee nurses would say to patients.
I would be bothered if in a workplace a man called me sweetie or honey. That’s very “9 to 5” Dabney Coleman-style.
Teaching at the university I do see colloquialisms in the students’ writing. If I see some odd phrasing that I think it a regional term, I always make a point to ask the student about it and make sure they know they are using it.
So what do you think Dear Prudence advised the wife about her husband using the term sweetie for other women? What would you advise the wife? Does your husband call other women sweetie or sweetheart? Does it bother you? Does anyone call you that at work?
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59 comments Add your comment
@really
February 28th, 2013
8:48 am
REALLY:
The “southern” title and theme to this column is just twg showing that she is well versed in the relevant issues of raising children in ATL.
This blog is crap.
Ann
February 28th, 2013
8:50 am
As a woman who grew up in the South, I have seen a number of instances where these terms have been used outside of workplaces. It is rarely used in a degrading manner. Oftentimes, it is a cashier, clerk or nurse, that is just trying to be pleasant in their conversation. If you can’t understand the context and intent of it, you are misreading the situation.
FCM
February 28th, 2013
8:52 am
Mon petit chou, all this fuss over this, really? There are certainly much worse things that can be done, and if she doesn’t watch it…her sweet diddlykins is going to find her a shrew.
My father used to say “I don’t care what you call me, as long as you don’t call me late for dinner.”
Becky
February 28th, 2013
9:17 am
I call the owner (oops, former) of the company that I work for, the short, bald, Jewish guy at the end of the hallway..He doesn’t have a problem with it.. Like Mayhem said, people have no sense of humor…
Life is way to short to be serious all of the time..
Georgia
February 28th, 2013
10:23 am
Look, in the south, certain words and phrases are coded for the locals with irony. Like, “bless your heart” in the south means, “Go F Yourself”. Everyone knows that. Thus, a man calling every single woman he sees “sweetheart” is actually using the C word, and everyone knows that too. It’s just like women who use their hands when they talk and then tell you that they’re Italian. They’re not. They’re sweethearts.
REALLY
February 28th, 2013
10:40 am
It’s been my experience that we write and talk about what we are indeed going thru in our own lives. Now not only has TWG shown she is paranoid about her children having lives that might not involve her guess hubby is calling some pretty young thing “sweetie”.
Guess calling a female sweetheart is worse than the the tilted kilt or hooters with the guy – bet that would just kill her.
GardenDiva
February 28th, 2013
12:02 pm
@Georgia – as a native Georgian, I say that you are completely wrong in your comment at 10:23.
“Bless his/her heart” is more a way of saying “feel sorry for this person, he/she just doesn’t know any better or can’t help it”. And as Bikerchick said “It is not meant to be demeaning, it is meant to show some caring about the other person and put them at ease. It’s also just a habit at times (because our mother’s did it) and if it bothers you, please understand that it’s just a southern thing and shouldn’t be taken personally (like ma’am, sugar, darlin’, etc.).” It is NOT effectively calling someone a C**t!
I will agree that women can use these forms of address with less repercussion than men. But, generally, you can discern whether the person using the term is being condescending or a lecher. If a person used these forms of speech before you married them, you don’t really have any right to expect them to change a lifetime of habit.
@ HB – Agreed – “it does feel demeaning in the workplace if men are calling other men by their names but addressing women with cutesy nicknames”. It’s probably not a good idea to talk to a subordinate at work like this.
In my opinion, it is a matter of personal style. My husband doesn’t call anyone by these names just because he doesn’t. I, on the other hand, do use them regularly.
iRun
February 28th, 2013
3:11 pm
Mais yeah, Denise!
My older brother is big on “bay” with is wife. I will sometimes call my son “cher”. More often he gets “couyon” or “canaille”, because he’s an 11 year old boy.
It doesn’t bother me as much when women use these references with other women. It only bothers me when men use them with women they’re not already intimate with (any kind of intimacy – familial or romantic) or when women use them on men they’re not intimate with. I know mostly nothing is meant by it, but I’m just not comfortable with it.
As for the expressions “Bless her/his heart” – that is not something we say in south Louisiana. So, it may be southern, the south is not a monolith.
motherjanegoose
March 1st, 2013
10:52 am
@ Georgia…I am not Italian and yet I used my hands to talk. Brain research tells us that whenever you cross your mid line….i.e. point and gesture with your hands….you have enhanced brain development.
“Cross-lateral movements are those in which arms and legs cross over from one side of the body to the other. The left side of the brain controls the right side of the body, and the right side of the brain controls the left side. Both sides are forced to communicate when arms and legs cross over. This “unsticks” the brain and energizes learning.”
Some folks are smarter then others.