Do you roll out the idea of divorce slowly or pull it off like a Band-Aid?

I was divorced right after OUR child was born. I got the house (we both paid the mortgage), only because he didn’t want it, and was shacking up with his new girlfriend in her apartment. 6 months later, I get a phone call, he wants out, and we need to sell the house ASAP. So me and the 6 month old baby, pack it all up, hire movers, and find a cute condo downtown. He didn’t sell the house, but moved in with his girlfriend. 6 months after that, I get another phone call, he needs to sell the house ASAP as it’s going into foreclosure. Great timing, as I was getting ready to close on my own home……I was on the warranty deed, he couldnt’ sell without me.

As time went on, less and less child support was received, until he decided he shouldn’t have to pay, as he now had 2 other children to support. OUR baby is now 22 years old, hasn’t seen her father in 15 years, and I have owned 2 homes. She has been to three years of college, I paid for that. I have paid for EVERYTHING for that kid, on my own.

I’m very proud of her and I. We struggled, but we persevered, and we are here, and healthy, happy and both of us work full time jobs.

I had no intentions of going into this marriage knowning I would be divorced with a baby in less than 5 years. But he had a wandering eye, and is now the father of 5 daughters, with four different women, all of whom are now single parents. He has no contact with any of his children, nor does he support thenm.

Talk about scum!!!!

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To everyone talking about reconcilliation/working it out. I AGREE with you. If the marriage is at all salvagable that is 100% the route to take. 100% that part is about feelings and actions, not business.

When I was contemplating my divorce my pastor said “You think you have it hard now, wait until you are EVERYTHING to those kids.” He wasn’t kidding.

Being a single parent is hard. Being a good single parent means putting yourself pretty close to last most of the time. It mean hiding tears when you get half the Christmases or Thanksgivings. It means finding a plan when the kid is too sick for school and you have a meeting with a client and the other parent is in a different state! It can mean heartbreak as the child sees their friends PARENTS actively partcipating while they only have one parent there. It means great things too. My children and I have bonds (and I have seen Catlady say this too) because we have survived some tough crap. It means I am the first one they want to tell something too, and often their Dad is last to know.

However, the blog discussed what you do when you are dropping the D-bomb. The lawyer is right you don’t say anything until you are ready to go through with it.

IF reconcilliation is a possiblity you say something like “I am concerned with where we are and I think we need to work it out.”

For the record Mr. FCM and I did go to counselling. We did try to work it out. Then one day, he told me that he had been considering divorce for about a year, left his keys on the counter and walked out. It was not the first time he just left the house (often to get drunk with his friends) and left me with small children. Having no idea when/if he would be back. It was the first time he left his keys and announced divorce. I changed the locks the next morning. He called late in the afternoon and said he was not ready to come back yet but he *might* be soon to be ready to come get him. I told him no, he chose to leave and being gone was probably good. I filed on Monday morning. WE BOTH had gotten to where divorce looked like the option. He wrote the woman (he is now married to her) the day I filed (it did it from “our” email account).

As Divorcee said nobody goes in thinking let’s get a divorce in 5 (7, whatever) years

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