Adoptive mothers have own form of depression: Post-Adoption Depression Syndrome

After a long journey to adopt, some mothers are surprised that they feel depressed when they finally get the child home. A new study suggests that tens of thousands of adoptive mothers may be suffering from a depression similar to postpartum depression.

From The Washington Post:

“A March study of 300 mothers by Purdue University researchers found that post-adoption depression syndrome, or PAD, afflicts between 18 and 26 percent of adoptive mothers in the first year after an infant or child is placed with them. With approximately 120,000 children being adopted annually in the United States, the Purdue report suggests that tens of thousands of adoptive mothers may be suffering from depression.”

“When an adoptive parent struggles in adjusting to the new role of parenthood, she or he may hear ‘But this was your life goal! You got what you wanted!’ ” says Karen J. Foli, an assistant professor at Purdue’s School of Nursing and a co-author of the study along with Purdue’s Susan South and Eunjung Lim.

“Foli, who also co-authored the book “The Post-Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforeseen Challenges of Adoption,” says that adoptive parents’ unrealistic expectations, often sky-high after a long period of waiting to become a parent, can clash with the day-to-day demands of child care.”

“In fact, says Lisa Catapano, an assistant professor of psychiatry at George Washington University Medical Center, all new parents, biological or adoptive, contend with the same challenges that contribute to depression: “Sleep deprivation, a change in your relationship with your partner, a greater need for help from others, the stress of caring for a new baby, the change in your identity” and, for biological mothers, “hormonal shifts.” While adoptive parents “may not have the hormonal changes,” the other stressors are there, says Catapano, who treats both adoptive and biological mothers for depression….”

“Adoptive parents often have this sense that they are going to be a ‘super parent,’ ” says Anne Pearce, director of adoption services with Baltimore’s Board of Child Care, a private adoption agency. “But sometimes people are surprised or disappointed by some aspects of parenting: the exhaustion, or missing being in the workplace after looking forward for so long to being with a baby. I tell my clients, ‘Whatever you are surprised by is no surprise.’ ”

(Be sure to read the full story on The Washington Post site. It has lots of anecdotal examples from mom who suffered post-adoption depression.)

I can absolutely see how even without a hormone shift, adoptive mothers could feel depressed – maybe even more so. Motherhood is such a huge adjustment and sometimes with adoption you spend all this time waiting but then don’t get much notice before bringing a baby/child home.

I think especially with older babies and toddlers, it can be pretty overwhelming to jump into that stage. While newborns are scary at least they sleep a lot. Toddlers are running and you better be ready to go.

I had postpartum depression with my first, and I didn’t put it all together. How could I be sad? We had tried for a year to get pregnant with our first. She was beautiful and healthy but she never seemed to sleep. And every time she nursed it hurt unbelievably, which turned out to be infections in my breasts. The lactation consultant was the one who spotted it – not the OB and not the pediatrician. She said every time I talk to you, you are crying. You should feel better every day out and if you’re not we’ve got a problem. Just having it named helped, and I think that would be true for adoptive mothers too.

Did you adopt? Did you have post-adoption depression? Did you recognize it? How did you handle it?

57 comments Add your comment

Kellie

January 8th, 2013
7:39 am

My daughter relinquished her daughter in March 2010. She is still suffering from depression from the loss of her daughter. She is still grieving deeply. How many studies have been done for first mothers and the effects of adoption. I am very tired if hearing how adoption has helped and hurt adoptive parents.

Voice of Reason

January 8th, 2013
8:06 am

So let me get this straight. You work really hard and put all your efforts into getting what you want and when you finally get it, you can suffer from depression?

So does that mean that when someone retires they get depressed?

I have absolutely no sympathy for people who get what they want and then complain about it.

Learn to cope people….seriously, and don’t blame all your problems on a, “condition.”

We all suffer from the, “Human Condition,” those that have the ability to adapt are more apt to survive.

jarvis

January 8th, 2013
8:13 am

Kellie, you’re tired of hearing how adoption has helped adoptive parents? I’m sorry to hear about what your daughter is dealing with, but the adoptive parents are not to blame.

Jeff

January 8th, 2013
8:19 am

We’ve developed a society where it seems the majority of the time we first search for ways to not be at fault instead of first searching for ways to dust ourselves off, realize we are human like everyone else, and get ourselves back in the game of having the best life possible.

A reader

January 8th, 2013
8:29 am

Postpartum depression has an underlying biological cause. Downplaying that as “hormonal shifts”, as this article does, is insulting to those who have suffered it.

Mayhem

January 8th, 2013
8:43 am

Crock O’crap!!!

I had 3 kids. No depression here.

PS both my brother and I were adopted. Our mother NEVER suffered from this nonsense.

Techmom

January 8th, 2013
9:09 am

Having a baby can be a huge let down if all you’ve done is build it up to be this magazinesqe, beautiful activity. And we have decided as a society that if you are not happy, well then, by God, you must be depressed and need pills. I am not saying I don’t believe in clinical depression but what I am saying is that as a society, we pretty much believe you have to be happy ALL THE TIME or something is wrong with you. If don’t experience the lows (which suck, I’m not saying I enjoy them), how can you really experience happiness? Do you know the good times when you’re experiencing them?

motherjanegoose

January 8th, 2013
9:10 am

@ VOR…I am not retired, so I have no experience in that but I do know folks who are ALL excited about retiring and then they are miserable, as they have NOTHING to do and have lost their identity/purpose when they lost their work place environment. I applaud those who take a 6 month rest and then hop back into things, whether volunteering or mentoring others. Some even work part time. They seem to find a balance.

I do think the sheer exhaustion of being a parent, is not something anyone can prepare you for.

I cannot think of one person, I know right now, who has adopted a child and so I have no ideas about adoptive mothers and depression.

Those who know someone well, that suffers from depression, will realize how serious it can be. I would NEVER say depression is a crock of crap. I have seen otherwise. This is why so many people are afraid to tell anyone about their suffering or even get help. They fear others will find them to be weak or a failure. I just read an interesting book OUTSIDE THE LINES and would recommend it. It is story about a family breakdown with medication and mental disorders. I had no idea about the topic but found the book to be quite good.

@ Suzy Q…what was that all about? I absolutely missed your point.

@ Jeff…I am all about “searching for ways to dust ourselves off, realize we are human like everyone else, and get ourselves back in the game of having the best life possible.” Often, people can do this. Sometimes, they need help.

DB

January 8th, 2013
9:20 am

@Mayhem – By your logic, just because you don’t get cancer doesn’t mean that no one else does, either. Sheesh. The study said about 1 out of 5 encountered this problem. You didn’t. Good for you.

@Voice of Reason: Many, many new retirees suffer from what is labeled depression. It comes from a major life change (that they often didn’t have control over, especially in this economy) and suddenly having a life without its accustomed purpose. It means that you suddenly have a different relationship with your spouse and friends because you are often surprised that they already have a different life with friends and family and you don’t because you have been working.

I will admit that I think they need to come up with another name for it other than “depression”, which is getting overused quite a bit, in my book. There’s chronic depression because of organic chemical imbalances and there’s the “depression”, which is a person who is unhappy with life’s curve balls.It’s as if being unhappy or confused by life’s twists is somehow a medical condition, and often, it’s just a matter of learning how to manage.

jarvis

January 8th, 2013
10:01 am

@MJG, Suzy Q got reported. I don’t think she’ll be able to respond to you.

Denise

January 8th, 2013
10:04 am

@DB – I really appreciate your last paragraph. Depression is real and should not be minimized. It requires a lot of work to manage and deal with on a daily basis. It may ebb and flow – may be more intense at times than at others – but it is there all the time for some of us and we need medical intervention to deal. The thing is, medical intervention is available and should be used so that a person can live a full life, a good life. I know I live a very, very good life regardless of my medical condition thanks to a few pills and doctor’s visits. :-) You would never tell a cancer patient to forego chemo so don’t think there is anything wrong with taking medication for another medical condition.

I also agree that the word “depression” is being watered down. Depression is not about being unhappy that things are not as “good” as you think it should be. Hell, life can ALWAYS be better. When you get what you want, you start wanting something else. And that is okay! But you have to, first, admit that it is just that you are unhappy with the situation you are in, not that you have a medical condition. Or maybe that you just need something to get you over a hump. Go to therapy. Talk to a doctor. Do something! Get through it. (Not “get over it”. That’s minimizing what someone is going through and that’s wrong.) Live a full and good lfe.

Atlanta Mom

January 8th, 2013
10:15 am

Having had three, there’s nothing fun about a newborn. Let’s not kid ourselves.
Society has also deemed motherhood as a “part time” job. I remember so cleary a commercial 30 years ago (at the beginning of home computers), a TV ad in which we see a very pregnant woman. The voice over was, Joanie (or whoever) was going to be out for six weeks on maternity leave. And then another voice said, oh no, she would have her computer at home. Because children are just something we tend to in our spare time.

Pharm-A-See

January 8th, 2013
10:20 am

Sorry – depression is a CHOICE and a made up condition. Not a medical condition. There is a difference between depression and chemical imbalance.

It’s a “Pharmaceutical Condition”. Not happy? Life got ya down? Can’t work, can’t function? Didn’t expect this? Oh Boo Hoo…..Here take a pill, it will make you happy instantly.

xxx

January 8th, 2013
10:20 am

This sounds the same as realizing you signed up for more than you bargained for.

Techmom

January 8th, 2013
10:28 am

@DB – couldn’t agree more; chronic depression is a medical condition but there is this other “situational depression” which is what I think we’re talking about with adoptive moms, people who lose jobs, those going through a divorce or loss of a loved one, or some other major life change.

Depression is real.....

January 8th, 2013
10:47 am

@Pharm-A-See: Since you probably posted to get a rise out of someone I’ll bite!

I’ve suffered (and yes SUFFERED) from chronic depression as well as post partum depression for years. It’s not just pop a pill and be happy. The pills actually suck and have to be changed from time to time because they peter out. I’ve worked with therapists. I’ve checked myself into a mental institution so they can give me the theraputic doses of meds and monitor me for adverse reactions. 40mg of Prozac and 10mg of Valium just so i could sit still for an hour. Thanks to the doctors and my loving family and friends, I’m now a productive member of society. I have a full time job, a husband, two beautiful children, and a home. We’re not rich (especially since my insurance and therapy are very expensive!) but the bills somehow get paid. I’m not ashamed to admit I need help. I’m not perfect and I’m not the best at everything I do. All I know is that with those “happy pills” i can now get out of bed and get dressed without wishing I was dead. I can look a pile of paperwork on my desk at my job and not have a panic attack. I can sit still and watch a movie without little thoughts nagging at me. I can hug my kids, my husband, and all of the people that have stood by me because I’m alive! It’s because of those doctors and pills that I am here today!

Bob

January 8th, 2013
10:49 am

What a load of S**t!

Jessica

January 8th, 2013
10:53 am

I don’t know if it should actually be called depression, but I have friends who have experienced this. Adoption can take a lot of time and resources — much more than having a baby the usual way. After years of stress and the emotional roller coaster of trying to adopt, it took a while to relax and just enjoy being parents.

One of my friends had a more difficult time adjusting because she and her husband adopted an older child (I think she was nine years old). They love their new daughter, but the first year was a difficult adjustment for everyone.

motherjanegoose

January 8th, 2013
11:11 am

Coping skills are different for each person. People tell me, all the time, “How can you just fly ( alone) to a brand new place and rent a car and drive out of a busy airport.” I started with teeny steps and now am really fine doing so. I can also talk to 1000 people and was a wreck in my first college speech class with 20 students.

Becoming a parent: nothing can prepare you. I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way. I taught children for five years and even had some spend the night with us. Being responsible for 20 Kindergarteners is NOT the same as having my own.

We recently saw the movie PARENTAL GUIDANCE and I am wondering if this will be us in 5-10 years. I know I will have to bite my tongue if I plan to have a good relationship with the spouses of my children. I just hope I get to enjoy my own grandchildren someday!

MomsRule

January 8th, 2013
11:14 am

Pharm-A-See, true depression is neither a choice nor a made up condition. You are ignorant.

The word “depression” is being thrown at everything under the sun these days. Some people need to simply suck it up and deal with lifes ups and downs. Others really do need medical intervention.

catlady

January 8th, 2013
11:27 am

There are all kinds of letdowns that you can have after you achieve a goal. After a minished the “sorting” class in grad school, I suffere PTL. (post Tucker letdown). It seemed like I was missing something.

Same thing when I finished, defended, and turned in my dissertation. I could not shake the feeling that there was something I should be doing…I had been doing it for so long.

I think it happens in lots of ways when you are goal oriented. You finsh and you think….what is next? You have been going on the adrenaline for so long.

catlady

January 8th, 2013
11:28 am

Obviously I haven’t gotten over it, because I cannot seem to type about it! Sorry about all the typos.

MomsRule

January 8th, 2013
11:53 am

@Depression is real,

How old you were you when you were diagnosed?

motherjanegoose

January 8th, 2013
11:55 am

@catlday…I absolutely agree! I think you are right about goal oriented people! Each January, I get a little mopey. Even thought I have work to do, it is not nearly as fun and interesting as all the fall things and then so many options at Christmas. I often find teachers feel the same way and some groups hire me to bring staff development to share some new ideas. This helps me too, as I get to travel and meet new people.

MomsRule

January 8th, 2013
11:56 am

wow…. of course, I meant, “How old were you when you were diagnosed?”

Denise

January 8th, 2013
12:01 pm

@Depression is real – I’m so glad you are doing better! I’m so happy that you chose to get help so you can live a full life with your family. I wish there were more people like you! :-)

Pandora

January 8th, 2013
12:22 pm

They may suffer from some sort of depression, but I would not compare it to Post partum depression. With Post Partum Depression it’s a chemical imbalance. When you adopt children you do not carry them inside your body.

At any rate I didn’t realize that women that adopt get depressed after the adoption. Strange. There is still not a comparison between the two.

Pandora

January 8th, 2013
12:27 pm

That’s like saying a Man knows exactly what child labor pains feels like. It’s like saying he knows what it’s like to be in so much pain that you didn’t care if you died..at least that way you would be out of pain. Like saying a Man knows what it’s like to push a 8lb 5oz baby out of a tiny hole. This article is crazy!

Misty

January 8th, 2013
12:43 pm

I think a lot of what happens is a HUGE letdown after the main event takes place- not necessarily depression. I believe there can be a chemical imbalance that should be looked at.

missnadine

January 8th, 2013
12:44 pm

Agree with the other posters who feel that folks just find anything at all to whine about. I said it yesterday, but geez, some of you women are just so weak. Sorry, but it’s true. You will also raise weak children, ones who will never be able to think for themselves, and who will continue to rely on meds in order to cope.

PHR

January 8th, 2013
1:07 pm

I am an adoptive mom and I believe it is possible to have post adoption depression. The whole adoption process is an emotional roller coaster and very stressful. Once your child is brought home it is a very strange and wonderful feeling mixed with the realization that the adoption is complete. I was happy to have my son with me, but I was reeling from all of the craziness that happened before we brought him home. It is a huge buildup and then a sharp descent into the actual day to day activities.

Chaos

January 8th, 2013
1:10 pm

I didn’t fall into a gigantic pit of deep depression after I adopted my dog so I call BS on this theory.

Depression is real.....

January 8th, 2013
2:07 pm

@momsrule – I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 24. Everyone chalked it up as “teen angst” and “rebellion” including myself.
My mom still has a hard time believing I need medication. She means well but is always suggesting a new diet (maybe it’s gluten!), more exercise (I workout 3 times a week for 45 minutes), or start a new project (redecorate, start a new hobby, etc…) She’s mostly worried and wants to “fix” it.

I also have a lot of men tell me to “buck up”! Um, it just doesn’t work that way. I would love to just “pick my self up by my bootstraps and get on with life”. I can’t. Two of the most perfect words to describe depression. “I Can’t.” It’s not a matter of willing it away or distracting myself from it. It is part of how I am made. I can learn to live a full life with it but I’ll never be without it. There is no cure, no graduating from therapy, no going off my meds. I’ve accepted that I will live with this disease for my entire life. The point is I want to live.

@Denise – thank you for your kind words.

As for the topic at hand, I could definately see any sort of major life change causing “depression”. I do agree the word is thrown around a lot. Stress is stress and being a new mom, no matter what the means, is difficult! New moms always need extra help and support.

Depression is real.....

January 8th, 2013
2:17 pm

@missnadine – it takes a lot of courage to call women weak on an anonymous forum. How very brave of you!

If you break you ankle are you going to NOT get help! It’ll heal eventually.
If you have an infected cut should you see a doctor. Nah! Slap a band-aid on it and get back to work!
If you feel like you are sad all of the time, can’t sit still for more than 5 minutes, quit sleeping for two weeks, and really, really wish that a car would run you over on the way into work just to make life stop why WOULDN”T you seek a doctor’s help?

Mayhem

January 8th, 2013
2:35 pm

Interestingly enough, those with depression claim it is a real medical condition, but those who are NOT depressed say it isn’t.

I still believe it’s a choice. You choose your mood every morning when you get out of bed. I choose to be happy. Tthere is nothing so horrible in my life that I would want to stand in front of a moving vehicle. And if there were, I know that tomorrow’s another day……

Try saying “I CAN” instead of “I can’t”. Maybe all the “I can’ts” have you believing you really can’t, as you have talked yourself into it, and choose NOT to deal with life.

motherjanegoose

January 8th, 2013
2:52 pm

@Mayhem…are you serious? People who truly suffer from depression ( not me) have such mental anguish that they simply cannot pick themselves up and choose their mood each day.

Mayhem

January 8th, 2013
3:13 pm

@MJG – I don’t buy it!!! Mental anguish is something you bring on yourself. It’s called drama, and some live for it. My neighbor could be considered “depressed” as she creates a lot of drama for herself and it’s all “Woe is me”, etc. She claims she can’t function, claims she is depressed, so instead of shoving off the drama, she climbs into a 12 pack of beer every day. Yea, I’d be depressed too, after all that alcohol….

I still don’t buy it, and there is NOTHING you can say that will change my mind. even my own father, who has a PhD in psychology, denies depression as a “clinical” illness.

It’s not a disease you are born with. It’s not a disease PERIOD. It’s all boo hoo, my life sucks..Ok then do something to change it!!! you have the power. But you CHOOSE to be miserable and sad and woe is me….again its a choice.

AmyH

January 8th, 2013
3:16 pm

Wow, tough crowd. To those of you who posted with comments such as “deal with it” and “learn to cope”, SHAME ON YOU!!! Those comments seem heartless to me, and my guess is that you have never adopted a child. My (ex) husband and I adopted an infant girl from Russia, and that was after years of infertility treatments, including several rounds of IVF and miscarriages. We were stressed going into the process, as I believe most adoptive parents are. Add to that the paperwork, expense, and travel (4 trips to Russia), and we were stressed before we even brought our daughter home. I certainly suffered from post-adoption depression. Whether the term “depression” is appropriate or not is beside the point, really. The article points out – rightly so – that there IS a let down after you bring your child home, yet no one really talks about this. In my opinion, that is the problem. There is little to no support for the adoptive parents after the child is yours. Kellie, I am sorry for your daughter’s pain, and cannot imagine how she must feel after giving up her child. Voice of Reason, get a heart. Your coldness is appalling. And missnadine, you missed the boat on this one, too. I suffered from post-adoption depression, yet I am NOT what anyone would call weak. You can’t will depression away by being strong – it doesn’t work that way.

Post Adoptive Depression Syndrome

January 8th, 2013
3:24 pm

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Guess not the peeps from Russia, HEYA, !! BOOM.

Mayhem

January 8th, 2013
3:33 pm

@AmyH – why did you go to Russia? Why not a US adoption?

And what you described is called stress, not depression. Based on the amount of money you spent trying to adopt overseas would stress the crap out of me too. Then you come home with this baby, (from another country), you have no clue how to raise it (just like the rest of us), and you feel let down…..well, maybe it wasn’t in the cards for you to have children. After IVF treatments, miscarriages, and numerous trips to Russia….

And as far as Kellie’s daughter – she probably gave that baby a better life than she could have provided. As an adoptee I am TRULY thankful for my bio parent to have made that decision. She gave me LIFE. I was chosen.

MomsRule

January 8th, 2013
3:42 pm

Thank you Depression is real. My 13 year old son was diagnosed at age 11 so I completely understand your Moms desire to just “fix it”. It is gut wrenching to watch someone you love struggle with this illness.

I feel blessed that my son finally came to me and told me he wanted to kill himself and his plan to do so… Not blessed that he felt this way but blessed that he shared these horrible feelings with me so that we could start helping him before he actually hurt himself.

I had no clue about the internal struggle he was facing as he spent all day everyday “pretending” to be happy.

Logically, he knows he has nothing to feel sad about. He has a good life, good friends, etc. He could not wrap his 10 year old brain around these terrible feelings. He is a smart kid and he was convinced if he just thought about it long and hard enough that he could figure it out and he could fix it. (After all, that’s what he’d been taught, see below).

I am so pleased to read that you are getting the help you need and that you have a loving supportive family and friends.

Mayhem, it is obvious you have no experience dealing with an individual that is fighting true clinical depression.

My husband and I are the epitome of “suck it up and deal with it,” “shake it off”, “work harder,” etc. My son was (is being) raised in a home where the general attitude about everything is “no excuses” and a positive attitude is everything.

Unfortuantely, a positive attitude will not keep a 10 year old boy fighting manic depression and sleeping with knives under his pillow from slitting his own wrists anymore than a positive attitude would have cured my sister in laws breast cancer.

Depression is real.....

January 8th, 2013
3:43 pm

@Mayhem – You don’t have to buy it because I’m not selling anything. So your father has a PHd in psychology not psychiatry, right? What year did he graduate? We are no longer in the age of Freudian anlysis. I’m not sick because my mother potty trained me wrong. I don’t drown myself in alcohol. I eat healthy and I exercise. I recently took up knitting.
BTW, “there’s nothing so wrong in your life that you would want to stand in front of a moving car.” Guess what! That means you’re healthy. Why does my unmedicated mind think “I’d be better off dead.”?????? I don’t understand why people will take care of their bodies and even their souls but suggest mental illness and whoa! Not me! I’m not THAT way.

Voice of Reason

January 8th, 2013
3:43 pm

@AmyH

I am not belittling the people who struggle with chronic depression because of an actual chemical imbalance, I feel for them, they have a hard time doing the things I take for granted every single day.

It’s you people crying because all the sudden you have everything you ever wanted and worked so hard for only to then moan and complain and then blame it on some condition you suddenly have. That’s BS and it is an insult to people who actually do have a chronic chemical imbalance.

Also, I think you are confusing coldness with a harsh dosage of reality that some of you desperately need sometimes.

CC

January 8th, 2013
3:44 pm

I think it is a coping problem not depression…..we are quick to label everyone with a condition these days. I had postpartum. I did not need medication before my child was born and I only stayed on it long enough to get myself back to normal. Our lives change from day to day and we need to learn to cope!

Depression is real.....

January 8th, 2013
3:49 pm

@momsrule -I’m sorry to hear about your son but so glad that you are there to help him! My parents have been so supportive. I’m so very blessed to have them.

Denise

January 8th, 2013
3:59 pm

@MomsRule – your son is fortunate to have a parent that believed him and supports him. When I was diagnosed at age 22 (bipolar disorder), I was in college and my parents didn’t have to witness it. My friends did and were very supportive. My father’s side of the family was in denial and always told me that nothing was wrong with me and that I didn’t need my pills. My mother’s side of the family suffers from mental illnesses (some untreated or not adequately treated) so they understood better. Unfortunately I don’t like them! LOL! It has been a long road to get to the point where I have balance in my life, where I react like “normal” people. I still get sad but I don’t want to hide under my bed and never come out anymore. Well, I do when I have migraines but that’s another subject. :-) I know it is tough for a parent to see her child suffer through something so painful so good luck to you and your husband!

And Mayhem – you don’t have to believe that depression exists. I know I don’t need your validation. Just thank God (if you believe) that you don’t have to face it…and pray that you never do.

Jaynie

January 8th, 2013
5:13 pm

Enter your comments here

Jaynie

January 8th, 2013
5:22 pm

I am amazed at the comments from folks who do not think depression is real. I KNOW it’s real because I have a daughter who has it. For years, dealing with her and her problems was a roller coaster ride not only for her, but for me and our entire family. Now that she is on meds, she enjoys life so much more, she is much easier to deal with and she copes so much better with day to day stresses. There are plenty of folks who need medical and psycological help in dealing with mental illnesses. Such awful, negative comments make other folks not seek the help they often desparately need. We don’t use leeches to treat physical diseases any longer. We need to come out of the dark ages in dealing with mental diseases as well. There will always be those who whine and complain about every little thing that happens in their lives, just like there will always be those who are constantly complaining about their fragile physical health. But mental illness is real and we all need to acknowledge that and make sure we support our family, friends and neighbors who suffer from mental illness.

MomsRule

January 8th, 2013
5:42 pm

Denise and Depression is real,

Thank you for sharing your stories. I appreciate your experience. Success stories like yours help me stay strong in my conviction that my son will be ok. We will work through this and he will live a happy, full and productive life.

missnadine

January 8th, 2013
5:54 pm

@Depression is real… I know there are cases where there is a real medical condition, but come on, this society just wants to treat everything with meds. Your case seems very severe, and is not what I meant in my comments. The fact that the US has the highest rate per capita of people who take antidepressants in the world, and by a huge margin, that tells me that there a lot of people who just choose to use drugs instead of coping. The fact that you were almost immobilized by your condition puts you in a totally different category.

People, especially women, seem to be getting weaker, IMO. I deal with the public in my business, and part of what I do is obtain detailed information from people in order to help them in their careers. I have found that about 75% of my female clients have much lower opinions of themselves than men, even if they are at the same “level” such as education, job title, income. Many of these women are also on meds, and seem completely overwhelmed by things that do not warrant that level of grief or indecision. Men hire me to find something better, with more $$ and greater prospects. The 75% of women call me because they can no longer COPE in their jobs due to stress, relationships, workload, etc.

There are a lot of women who create drama and stress for themselves, which is completely different than your scenario. There is such a rush for a big fix these days, and we are medicating ourselves way beyond what is good for us. I know parents whose children, all of them, are on meds for various reasons: ADD, hyperactivity, etc, etc. These kids will not learn how to handle things for themselves, and their parents are not doing them any favors. I also know a lot of moms who continue to pay the bills for their adult children (mid to late 20s and beyond), including rent, cell phones, cars, and insurance. This puts a big strain on the spouses’ relationships.

Sorry for the long-winded response and I am sorry if I offended you. I am certainly not hiding my identity, and if we met, I would tell you the exact same opinions. I am not going to include my name in a blog as I really don’t want to get angry emails from people with whom I disagree. That said – no one hear gives their real name, so why single me out?