Connecticut shooting: Hurts too much to even think about
I heard the basic headline Friday morning that there had been a school shooting in Connecticut. I heard it was bad, and I didn’t want to hear any more.
Michael texted me about it that morning. I told him I didn’t want to know details. I turned off the radio. I didn’t watch the TV, and I stopped looking at Facebook. It’s too awful, too terrible and I just don’t want to know the details. It’s just too painful.
I finally read one one account on Sunday morning and I just couldn’t read any more.
I am praying for all the families – including the shooter’s family. I keep tearing up, and I just can’t deal with it.
I didn’t want to tell the kids but I felt like we would rather them hear it from us than kids at school. Michael told Rose and I told Walsh. I just told him the very basics – no details. We didn’t talk to our sweet 5-year-old about it. I have kept her close in my arms all weekend loving her and squeezing her.
If I blog on other topics this week (happier topics), please don’t think it’s because I don’t care. It’s that it hurts too much to think about or focus on or even internalize. You guys are welcome to discuss all the angles but I just can’t.
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76 comments Add your comment
redandblack
December 17th, 2012
3:03 pm
@Me — a quick google search shows that Fully AutoMatic weapons are in fact Legal, but they are heavily regulated and very expensive. In my google search I happened across a Guns@Ammo answer/question forum and there is alot of talk because of the expense of “legally” obtaining a fully automatic weapon, many get a semi-automatic rifle and modify it.
Techmom
December 17th, 2012
3:11 pm
@Chaos, I don’t normally get into religious discussions on this blog b/c I don’t think this is the correct forum but since you brought it up, Tina has it correct- God gave us free will.
I don’t believe we should say we need to put God back in schools because saying that means God chose not to intervene because he wasn’t allowed in school. That is not the God I know…God loves us unconditionally and is with us at all times. He does not want evil to reign in our lives or on this earth but He allows it because He gives man free will….if He takes that away, we are slaves. God couldn’t stop this from happening without taking away human free will. God was there though, I have no doubt.
Me
December 17th, 2012
3:21 pm
@redandblack — Agreed and apologies for mis-stating.
homeschooler
December 17th, 2012
3:33 pm
@ Ann, in my haste and to make things more concise I did say I do not believe in gun control. No, that’s not to say that I don’t believe in any restrictions at all. I believe convicted felons should not have guns. They have lost their rights. I believe that it would be great if mentally ill (dangerous to others) could be restricted from owning guns but I’m not sure how to regulate that. I believe there should be safety courses and I would have no problem with a ban on some kinds of guns but I really don’t think it would make a difference. This kid could have done as much damage with a shot gun and his semi-automatic pistols, none of which anyone is trying to take away. I don’t think there was much less crime or mass shootings when semi-automatics were previously banned. I support the waiting period because I don’t believe anyone should be able to go out an immediately purchase a gun. Too many DV cases that would end up in killings.
But, ultimately I believe that people should not forget that it is an American right to own guns and every little restriction is a step towards violating that right. I am even hesitant about people being licensed to carry because IF we were ever faced with having to defend ourselves against the government (ours some other) that is a sure fire way that they know who has guns. Might sound paranoid and when I was the average publicly schooled adult I thought so too. However, in teaching history (even recent history) to my children while homeschooling it is terrifying to learn how possible it is to become a country ruled by a dictator or taken over by another country and for your rights to be taken away.
DB
December 17th, 2012
5:07 pm
@Chaos: I believe that God was at that school — in the principal and the psychologist who flung themselves at a man with loaded guns to try and save the children in their care, the teachers whose training kicked in and their quick thinking in protecting their children, in the janitor who raced through the school trying to warn everyone, the person with the wit to turn on the intercom and warn everyone, in the teacher who was shot as she selflessly gave her life to protect the young ones, and in the bravery of the policemen who entered the school not knowing if they were going to be taking a bullet from a hidden, desperate sniper.
Evil exists, and the shooter chose evil. Why he made the choices he did will be debated for years, until we as human beings can find an answer that assauges the uncertainties we feel in the face of the unexplainable. Will it be the correct explanation? We’ll never know.
Now is the time
December 17th, 2012
6:05 pm
Sad situation. See the article at Psychology Today: “Mental Health Experts: After Sandy Hook, If Not Now, then When?” Please share with your social network pages, RT, etc. http://bit.ly/T36MRC
Parent
December 17th, 2012
7:26 pm
“@ Are you crazy? Yes, I too would like to know your definition of “assault rifle”. From what I understand the rifle used in this shooting was a semi-automatic.”
The ability to take a 30 or more round clip and change clips easily is one criteria. If Adam Lanza had gone into the school with a shotgun, he probably could have killed 6- 8 people. Semi-automatic pistols are also deadly at short range (as the Va Tech killer proved). Their clips can hold less but still can be changed easily.
Also of concern is a mother who coddles her obviously troubled son and allows him access to deadly weapons. it remains to be seen if he partook of bloody, violent games that may have dulled his emotions to killing. Perhaps we should make a mandatory course in school “Repercussions of Violence” showing the crying, the funerals, the devastation on the living, the grief and guilt of parents of killers.
Parent
December 17th, 2012
7:30 pm
“a quick google search shows that Fully AutoMatic weapons are in fact Legal, but they are heavily regulated and very expensive”
Yes, you can own fully automatic weapons (machine guns), but you have to go through some strict licensing first, including background checks and fingerprinting. Why not do that for any “weapon of mass killing”.
Also, no one has described Adam Lanza as such yet, but he was clearly a terrorist. His actions were clearly designed to instill terrror.
Parent
December 17th, 2012
7:31 pm
“people should not forget that it is an American right to own guns”
It was also once an American right to own other human beings.
chris
December 17th, 2012
8:06 pm
What’s does the slaughter of inocent people mean in America ? More fear, more ammunition and more guns to make us feel safe again.
Diane
December 17th, 2012
9:44 pm
I don’t think it’s disrespectful to have posted the children’s pictures in a mural on Facebook first because the pictures are public & as much as it’s beyond tragic, I like knowing these children will not be faceless to the rest of the world. In time, when I can stand to, I’d like to see the pics of the children & continue to pray for their families. These were simply innocent, adorable children & brave staff members. I’ve had the conversation with my children & have done like most parents, held them close & relayed as much age-appropriate info. as I could mainly to include them in praying for them families & loved ones of those lost in this tragedy. I’ll remember & remind myself how Blessed we are & ask God to comfort their families with as much as they can receive (if any) at this time.
Ann
December 17th, 2012
10:16 pm
I respect citizens’ rights to own a gun to protect themselves, if they so choose. I do have some sincere questions, though, about how that plays out in situations where you are facing a criminal. For a typical suburban household, wouldn’t the gun have to be loaded and handy just at the right time? The types of crimes I read about in my area are often car break-ins at park or restaurants and occasionally a home burglary. Other crimes in the news tend to be amongst gang members or drug dealers.
For families with young kids particularly, if the gun is locked away somewhere, how is it useful if you are surprised by a burglar while sleeping or when you come home? If you are walking in the mall parking lot and are accosted and the gun is in your purse, would you even have an opportunity to get to it?
When a child is killed accidentally by a gun in their own home, those who advocate for gun ownership quickly say that it is not the gun who kills, but the “stupidity” of the parent who did not keep the gun away from the child. I would sincerely like to know how you keep it away from the child, locked up, and still have it handy when you need to defend your family?
For my family, I think one of the best things that you can do is take self-defense training that would provide tips and practice in handling situations using what you have “on hand”, which may only be your body, your voice, keys or typical things you carry as you go about your day to day lives. You can learn how to improvise and make quick use of what is available to you at that moment. Because you may not have time to get to your weapon. The “presence of mind” of the teacher or staff member who turned on the intercom is one example.
Obviously, this assailant’s mother had plenty of training and practice with her weapons, yet they were not useful to her at all when she needed to defend her life. It is naive to think that owning a weapon will keep you and your family safe. While it can be true in some situations, where everything comes together in a “perfect storm” of circumstances, oftentimes it is of little help, as criminals don’t necessarily give you advance notice.
Observer
December 17th, 2012
10:26 pm
One sick, deranged person was responsible for the horrific actions in Newtown, CT. He is to blame. By whatever means he wanted to do harm, it would have occured. Don’t blame the means, blame the person responsible. May God’s comfort, and the rest of the world who are praying, surround the grieving families.
chris
December 17th, 2012
11:30 pm
Research the statistics on gun ownership for the purpose of protection. Many family members and mistaken intruders ( friends ) are shot. Or when the intruder reacts to you having a gun as opposed to you not having a gun.
Tiffany
December 17th, 2012
11:47 pm
I am totally in favor of better laws for gun control. There also has to be a better way for mentally unstable people to get the help they need before they take their rage out on innocent people. I really like what DB said about how God was at the school that day. I completely agree. As others have said, there are just no words to express the sadness and horror of all this. I will pray for the families involved and thank God that my own children are safe and well.
Captain "Mal" Reynolds
December 18th, 2012
8:13 am
I ain’t looking for help from on high. That’s a long wait for a train don’t come.
FCM
December 18th, 2012
9:32 am
@ Chaos…ditto DB’s post @ 5:07 pm. I am tired of people thinking that to prove He is there/He cares God is supposed to act like Superman in a comic. That is He is supposed to step in a deflect the bullet. YET sometimes He does just that…a bullet that misses, a bullet that just grazes, and still nobody is willing to see Him in that?
@ DB, you said it very well. I will add that God was in Aiden, the 6 yo who grabbed his buddies and ran by the shooter. Aiden made sure his friends got out and they all ran to the road for help. God most certainly is in Robbie Parker, (I think he is Mormon, but they have not said), whose face in the blue t-shirt holding up his wife as they walked back from the fire station will be etched on my mind for years, and who has shown at every turn how to be a real father/husband/leader when such horror comes in.
I saw Craig Scott (survivor of Columbine who saw his best friends killed and lost his sister that day) on tv this weekend. He pointed out that when he lay on the ground pretending to be dead, he prayed and prayed. He went through anger and depression in the aftermath. You could even see the pain still etched on his face in the interview this weekend…God is in that man as he continues to live beyond Columbine. Did you see Katie’s interview with Daniel’s family? (Daniel died at Sandy Hook)…his older brother, James, broke my heart, saying Daniel was perfect. I would not be surprised if Craig Scott offered to talk with James…as he can really relate to what the kid is facing.
TWG, I get that it is painful. I get that it hurts. I am proud of you for talking to Walsh and Rose because I know that is hard for you. You want to shelter them, and we give you grief for wrapping them in bubble wrap. I am sure it was against some of your mothering dna to talk to them, but you did. My children saw way more of this coverage than any of the others in their life time.
They wanted to know if this was like 9/11 since the media tried to draw comparisons. I told them that 9/11 was something we had never before imagined, just like pearl harbor had been. That those days changed how we viewed ourselves as a Nation. That, yes, we had seen crazy people shoot up places for no reason, but never before had there been a secure building, and the targets been the youngest of children.
President Obama and Congress need to understand their role in all this too….Nancy Lanza was sure that our country was headed on the wrong path. She is NOT alone in that thinking…however nutty we think it. We need to start finding solutions to the economic issues, the divisions, and we need to stop apologizing for being American! President Obama said when he was sworn in he wanted to start the healing, but so far we have put iodine on gangrene!
The coffee is perked, the rooster is crowing, the alarm is going…..just why don’t we wake up?
FCM
December 18th, 2012
9:45 am
@homeschooler and others….the shooter was 20. That is not a kid. Legally or otherwise. Do not keep calling the shooter a kid (the columbine shooters were kids). This was a man who presumably was registered with Selective Service, would be allowed to vote, and held a drivers license. He was well educated (taking college courses at age 16). He may well be found to be mentally disturbed, socially retarded, possibly on drugs or who knows what…..but he was not a “kid”.
I do fear that if we keep saying things like “this kid” (it was said about that shooter in Auora too) we continue to create a bigger problem. Also, if we keep moving out the age of “kid” when does someone finally become an “adult”?
xyz
December 18th, 2012
9:53 am
So Diane,
You believe taking someones picture without approval )under the age of consent at that) and using it for commerical purposes is perectly acceptable huh?
I take it you also support the paparazzi, the spring break photos of girls on video covers, etc.
You basically condone theft becuase it makes you feel better. Putz.
I bet if your children’s picutres were used without your permission you would be first in line demanding “changes to stop this”.
chris
December 18th, 2012
10:05 am
God, the Mormons and the President won’t take away our given right to BARE arms just because of an accident. Where as in other developed countries guns do not proliferate the society. Under Jamaican ( laugh ) rule there would be no guns because if you have a gun in Jamaica it is presumed you mean to use it against someone and the police are empowered to disarm you at any cost. There’s those who respect the threat of guns and those that let the threat of guns proliferate their society with fear.
Denise
December 18th, 2012
10:21 am
I believe in more gun control but what does that mean? And how does that impact true criminals? I have no idea and have no idea what to ask of our legislators so I just leave that alone. My concern is mental health and mental illness.
A lot of you who know (of) me know that I have bipolar disorder so I have a special interest in mental health awareness and treatment. My concern is that there are children and adults that are not being diagnosed and treated BEFORE a tragedy occurs. Well, usually those involved in the tragedy usually die but it is not until a tragedy occurs that mental health is even discussed. That is unfair to the children and adults who can be helped if diagnosed and unfair to people around them who may be unsafe because they are untreated. Untreated, someone like me can be violent and aggressive and take many unnecessary risks. (Many other things as well but that is not the topic.) Suicide is not just a concern when a person with bipolar disorder is depressed but when he or she is manic as well. Who knows how and when other symptoms will manifest. And that is just bipolar disorder. There are MANY others.
I hope this tragedy does not make everyone paranoid but aware and make everyone pay attention to the children and adults around them so they can get help. I live a very full and successful life. I thank God for my pills, therapist, psychiastrist, and support system that pays attention to me to help me recognize if I’m “off”…and the self-awareness and lack of “pride” that allows me to get help when things are “off”. It has been a LONG and HARD row to hoe but it has been worth it. I tell as many people as I can so that others will not be embarrassed to get help, to encourage others to get help. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SEEKING HELP!!!!! Please get yourself, your friends and family help if you need it. (I’m off my soapbox now)
Parent
December 18th, 2012
6:46 pm
“God, the Mormons and the President won’t take away our given right to BARE arms just because of an accident”
Yes, you can wear sleeveless shirts any time you wish.
chris
December 19th, 2012
7:20 am
” Legislators act ” !
The legislators formed a committee to study guns in America. Who did they defer leadership to ? A veteran, gun owner & hunter elected to the Senate who is concerned that gun owners be treated fairly. What will this ” concerned ” group of law makers end up with after the show ? Better protections for gun owners.
chris
December 19th, 2012
10:25 am
BTW: This morning, private equity firm Cerberus Capital Management announced it would sell its stake in the Freedom Group of companies, the company that owns the manufacturer of the Bushmaster semiautomatic rifle used in the Newtown slaughter of inocent people.
The Cerberus company got into the gun business in 2006 when it bought Bushmaster Firearms Incorporated. A year later it bought rifle-maker Remington Arms Co. for $118 million and $252 million in assumed debt. The Remington company markets one of its firearms for the “modern predator aficionado ” ( to quote Remington ) on it’s website.
Cerberus later bought two more firearms makers, DPMS and Marlin. In a 2009 document to market an initial public offering, the Freedom Group of companies said, “We believe our scale and product breadth are unmatched within the industry, with approximately 1.1 million long guns and 2.0 billion rounds of ammunition sold during the twelve months ended June 30, 2009.”
Since Cerberus started putting the Freedom Group of companies together, there have been mass killings in Blacksburg, Va.; DeKalb, Ill.; Binghamton, N.Y.; Fort Hood, Texas; Tucson, Ariz.; Oak Creek, Wis.; Aurora, Colo.; and, on Friday, Newtown, Conn.
BTW: The CEO of Cerberus lives in Newtown, Connecticut.
Ann
December 19th, 2012
9:32 pm
I like the comments of DB and FCM about how God was present in those children and adults at the school, and in their actions. You are a lot more compassionate than Mike Huckabee who seems to highlight and focus on the absence of God at the school.
Chris
December 23rd, 2012
8:59 am
There can be little doubt about the need for changes in society. Starting with parenting.
But the NRA proposal for armed guards in the schools does not provide enough coverage. Wouldn’t armed guards in the classroom have saved those Newtown Connecticut lives ? Then the legislative changes being proposed would not have to be enacted and freedoms would be preserved. It is known to work in 3rd world countries. After only a few weeks of living amongst armed personnel a calm comes over the scene and the message from enforcement is clear ! ” If you have a gun we will use deadly force against you “. A scense of security and civility prevails. The fear of innocence slaughtered is absent.