Would your encourage your college graduate to move away to find a job?
On of our regulars MotherJaneGoose sent me a good question and one many parents with college graduates will face: In today’s terrible economy and job market, would you encourage your young adult to take a job far from home? MotherJane writes:
“I am just back from an out of town trip and overheard a recent graduate, on the airplane, telling her seat mate that she is coming back from North Carolina with a 1st grade teaching position that starts August 27. She was from Michigan and was both excited and nervous. She sat right behind me and her enthusiasm increased her volume. She proceeded to say that no one was hiring in her area and that she had posted her credentials online. She got a call, flew to North Carolina and was offered 5 different positions from which to choose. They even took her out to look at apartments and told her she would rarely use her heat. ( which seemed amazing to her being from Michigan). I was intrigued and when the plane landed, I spoke with her and congratulated her. I also encourage her that new things are fun and wished her the absolute best. She was very sweet.”
“I then proceeded to my meeting and while there, met the daughter of a person I was working with. She is also looking for a teaching job. I recanted the story and the Mom told me that her daughter wanted to stay close to home. It made me think of whether parents would encourage their children to see the world as an open book or whether they would try to get them to stay near home and wait for a closer opportunity. ”
“My husband and I moved FAR away from our families immediately after marrying. While I would love to have my own two within driving distance…I want them to choose their own jobs and live where they want to live. My son jokes that there are Pharmacy rotations in Hawaii. We have visited as a family and it is beautiful. I am not sure I would want him to live there but then that would be his choice and not mine. My two are both an hour away at college but we typically see them maybe once a month, sometimes less. My daughter tells me that she wants to move to Boston but she has never driven in nor shoveled snow. I love Boston but am a fair weather friend!”
How would you, as a parent, handle this? Do you encourage your children to apply locally first or toss everything to the wind and let them go wherever they please? What might be a deal breaker, as far as a job opportunity, or is it simply none of your business?
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70 comments Add your comment
shaggy
August 23rd, 2012
1:01 pm
Evil Jesus,
Fred © ? Is that you hoser-poser?
Judge,
Judge not, lest ye also be judge…or something like that.
DB will spank your Smalls butt.
FCM
August 23rd, 2012
1:05 pm
My brother moved to San Deigo for 3 years. Now he is so far south in FL he can wave at Cuba. Neither he nor his wife are close to their parents in a physical sense.
Both remain in contact with all of the family (including siblings) via facebook, cell phones, txt, etc. They even make time to talk to just my kids (the only neices on either side thus far).
I would not let the milage between me and their home be an issue in doing what is right for them. If jobs are scarce in MI and better in NC, then she should go for it.
My parents left MI back in 1968. All their family at that time was still in MI. I still know my cousins (now in MI, WA, and TX).
motherjanegoose
August 23rd, 2012
1:11 pm
@catmom…for Kindergarteners…they are. LOL. When I was working on my Masters, I had to take an English class mostly filled with HS teachers. I was SO lost. About the only thing I needed to know in my Kinder class was capitalization and punctuation. We never conjugated ( sp?) sentences and I was WAY out of practice. That was 22 years ago. I could never do it now. I am not too proud to admit what I do not know. But I will be happy to also share things I do know. Since you addressed me, I thought I was included in your comment. Guess I missed something.
FYI…some of the Olypmic Gold Medalists are from UGA….they must be doing something right!
Jamee Tenzer
August 23rd, 2012
1:23 pm
What a great post! My parents and in-laws have been the best role models for me. Whatever we (my husband and I) decide to do, they support us. They are there to brainstorm, give advice when it is requested and when all is said and done, they support our choices. As a mom, I would love to have my kids near to me, but they need to take care of themselves and their families and do what is best for them. If they are happy it makes me happy too. Jamee Tenzer, http://www.shesarealmother.com
FCM
August 23rd, 2012
1:25 pm
@Shaggy….why do I hear Arlo Gutherie playing as I read your post today?
Stacey
August 23rd, 2012
1:45 pm
I haven’t spent longer than two consecutive weeks in my hometown since I graduated from high school and I left with my mother’s blessing and encouragement. I grew up in a small town in Mississippi that had nothing to offer then and even less 25 years later (IMO). Although both my parents are deceased, I still have sibling and other relatives there and get “homesick” to visit every couple of months. After a about a day and half, I’m climbing the walls to come back to GA. Funny thing is, I am a homebody and don’t do anything here that I couldn’t do there (other than have a job). I guess it’s just knowing that I could do something here if I chose to.
I have several years before having to face that with my son but when the time comes I think I would encourage him to go where he can find the best opportunities. I honestly think my husband will have a much harder time letting go because he is more of a “mother hen” than I am. He hasn’t “lived at home” since he graduated high school (he went to college out of state) but we live less than an hour from his mom and see her nearly every weekend. He had a job opportunity 7-8 years ago that would have meant us moving to Maryland but he turned it down because it was too far away. He still wonders sometimes if he made the right decision. At the time his mother encouraged him to take the job and move away but she admitted afterwards that she was glad he turned it down.
Tiffany
August 23rd, 2012
2:19 pm
I understand that as a parent of course you want your kids to do well and make their own decisions- and that includes where their future job and home will be. On the other hand- when it comes time for them to settle down with children of their own, I would hope very much that they will live near me. I would be very happy to get to be a part of my grandkids lives and if they live 1000 miles away it might be tough. When I was growing up I did not live near grandparents or extended family, and I feel like I missed out on a lot. I am just saying that there is nothing wrong with a kid who wishes to take a job near their family because that could end up being the place where they will settle down for good one day. My older kids are nearing this age of spreading their wings and I would love to have them stay close to home but I know the decision is theirs to make. Also- UGA is a great school! It is one of the hardest schools to get into these days. GO DAWGS!
homeschooler
August 23rd, 2012
2:52 pm
I was going to say something very close to what Tiffany said. I will encourage my kids to go and do whatever they chose and whatever is best for them. However, I hope that once they settle, they can move to be near my husband and me or we can move to be near them. I grew up in Georgia with both sets of grandparents in Hawaii. Thankfully my parents worked for the airlines so we were able to spend about two weeks a year with them. Still, I never had the relationship with my grandparents that my kids have with theirs. My in-laws live right next door. We chose to live on family property and it has been the greatest thing ever for us. My mother lived about 30 minutes away from us until 3 yrs ago when she went to care for my grandmother in Hawaii. It is very difficult to not have her here. Difficult for me, my kids and mostly for her. She misses the grandkids so much. They were a big part of her life. She’ll be back eventually and we all look forward to it but it has definitely increased my belief that families should try to remain close whenever possible.
My hope is that if one, or both of my kids end up raising families far from home I will be retired and financially secure enough at that time to visit. A lot! My other plan is to own a beach house so they will want to come and visit us. :-)
For college and as young adults I would encourage them to go wherever their jobs and hearts take them. It will kill me inside but I will gladly do it with a smile on my face.
My friend and I talk about this all the time. She has a strong belief that families are supposed to move away from one another and that it is not healthy to stay close. I have to remind her that she hated her parents and her siblings and I happen to love mine. Some of us choose to stay close because we want to. I sure hope my kids feel the same way but I believe part of that is encouraging them to go and explore when the opportunities arise.
DB
August 23rd, 2012
3:14 pm
@Homeschooler: You have the same idea I had — if for some reason we don’t end up staying in our current home, I would love to have a house on the lake or beach that has “added incentive” for visiting!
jmb
August 23rd, 2012
4:05 pm
My soon to be 21 year old daughter joined the army this year and we have just got her set up in NC for her future. She’s the homebody one and drives down for every weekend they get off. I miss her very much but I also believe that’s it brought her even closer to us as a family. My other daughter, well..let’s just say I’ll be lucky if she ever leaves home after having the baby in the next week or so. I have mixed emotions with having one away, one at home and one in the same town but it had definately been an adventure for her and changed her life for the better. In the meantime, we’ll be making a lot of trips to NC for sure.
Denise
August 23rd, 2012
4:10 pm
@Stacey – My mom is trying to get me to move close to her in a small town in Mississippi (Waveland/Bay St. Louis on the coast) and I told her I’d kill myself with only the casinos, Kmart, and Wal-Mart to entertain myself with. I’m a lame and love to be at home here but I have the option to get into all kinds of things here that I would never see there. A museum? Heck no. Wind down Wednesday? Negative. A restaurant that isn’t in a different state? Yeah but how far do I have to drive to find one that requires me to wear something better than a swim suit cover up. *Shudder* I wish I could live closer to HER but I’d much rather she live near ME! LOL
yes
August 23rd, 2012
4:20 pm
If opportunity awaits, yes. Why is this a question? Their decision to make…
Angie
August 23rd, 2012
4:48 pm
I think it’s important to move away from your hometown – you learn to be an adult that way. I moved about 4 hours from home to go to college and my roommate was from the same town where our college was. Every little issue sent her running home to mom and dad. While I had my parents’ support via phone, I still had to learn how to take my car in for maintenance, take care of myself when sick, etc. That four years made me grow up and I’m beyond thankful that my parents encouraged me to go away for school. I live closer now by choice so I can help out easier now that they are getting older. BUT, I learned how to be an adult and handle issues on my own. I’m not sure that would have happened had I stayed in my parents’ hometown and in my comfort zone.
shaggy
August 23rd, 2012
5:49 pm
“YOU CAN GET ANYTHING YOU WANT…
AT ALICE’S RESTAURANT”
Pass me a beer FCM…uurp!
emz
August 23rd, 2012
5:49 pm
They’re adults and making their own money so should choose where they want to live. Seeing more of the world is a good thing. They may choose to move closer to home after they’ve seen the world –or not.
Uh, shaggy...
August 23rd, 2012
8:10 pm
…except Alice…
Bisnono
August 23rd, 2012
8:27 pm
I think parents need to encourage their children to do what is best for their future. If that means leaving, then they need to support that. If you raised your kids right, they’ll always make plans. To come and visit you.
FCM on my cell
August 23rd, 2012
9:49 pm
Shaggy…it’s not event Thanksgiving yet! Have you heard the 23 min version from the 90s? It will never beat the original but darn funny.
And ur righ u cam get anything u eant…’ceptin Alice…at Alices Restaurant
Observer
August 23rd, 2012
10:41 pm
Am only a phone call away from 2 grown kids, grandchildren, in-laws who live 300 miles away. Talk to them more than the person who sits in the office next to me at work. Yes, I would and absolutely do encourage my kids to seek out opportunities wherever. Have one left at home about to be 21. Go, see, and experience life. Our jobs as parents is not to inhibit and keep them close for selfish reasons. Teaching independence, values, skills and preparing them to fly alone is the job we accepted. Let them experience life with our best behind them.
catlady
August 24th, 2012
3:14 pm
Judge Smalls, No, YOU got it wrong. It is “deep-seated”. Better use that fine-toothed comb more carefully.