Would your encourage your college graduate to move away to find a job?

On of our regulars MotherJaneGoose sent me a good question and one many parents with college graduates will face: In today’s terrible economy and job market, would you encourage your young adult to take a job far from home? MotherJane writes:

“I am just back from an out of town trip and overheard a recent graduate, on the airplane, telling her seat mate that she is coming back from North Carolina with a 1st grade teaching position that starts August 27.  She was from Michigan and was both excited and nervous. She sat right behind me and her enthusiasm increased her volume. She proceeded to say that no one was hiring in her area and that she had posted her credentials online.  She got a call, flew to North Carolina and was offered 5 different positions from which to choose. They even took her out to look at apartments and told her she would rarely use her heat. ( which seemed amazing to her  being from Michigan).  I was intrigued and when the plane landed, I spoke with her and congratulated her.  I also encourage her that new things are fun and wished her the absolute best.  She was very sweet.”

“I then proceeded to my meeting and while there, met the daughter of a person I was working with.  She is also looking for a teaching job.  I recanted the story and the Mom told me that her daughter wanted to stay close to home.  It made me think of whether parents would encourage their children to see the world as an open book or whether they would try to get them to stay near home and wait for a closer opportunity. ”

“My husband and I moved FAR away from our families immediately after marrying.  While I would love to have my own two within driving distance…I want them to choose their own jobs and live where they want to live.  My son jokes that there are Pharmacy rotations in Hawaii.  We have visited as a family and it is beautiful.  I am not sure I would want him to live there but then that would be his choice and not mine.  My two are both an hour away at college but we typically see them maybe once a month, sometimes less. My daughter tells me that she wants to move to Boston but she has never driven in nor shoveled snow.  I love Boston but am a fair weather friend!”


How would you, as a parent, handle this?  Do you encourage your children to apply locally first or toss everything to the wind and let them go wherever they please? What might be a deal breaker, as far as a job opportunity, or is it simply none of your business?

70 comments Add your comment

Hmmmmm

August 23rd, 2012
6:41 am

I think encouraging your children to expolore the world and reach out for opportunities is a good thing. I know it will be hard for me when my children want to move away, but IMHO it makes a strong independent person and is a good thing.

General Public

August 23rd, 2012
6:58 am

“How would you, as a parent, handle this?”

There is nothing to handle. At that point the son/duaghter is 21, 22 years old and an adult. It is his/her decision to make.

And hopefully motherjanegoose recounted the story and didn’t recant it. That word doesn’t mean what she apparently thinks it means.

Mary

August 23rd, 2012
7:01 am

Your job as parent is done! Let the child go whereever the jobs are especially in this current economic environment. Any other kind of request by the parent to the child is pure selfishness.

malleesmom

August 23rd, 2012
7:21 am

My husband and I have not lived in our hometown since getting married. We moved away for college and then jobs. Eighteen years later, we moved from the south to the midwest. My girls will most likely finish their education here. By that time, I sincerely hope we are headed back south. My girls want to go to school in the south and have no intention of staying in the midwest throughout adulthood. They’ve seen where their dad and I grew up; hate it. Our moves were job related. It’s tough with little family support but one learns to choose friends wisely and become more self-sufficient.

shaggy

August 23rd, 2012
7:26 am

See, this is an example of generational difference. In my day, I didn’t need to be encouraged to leave the nest, I wanted to see just how fast those wings would go, and where they could take me. Wanderlust and adventure was a common thread among all of my friends and still is. I am grateful for that.

The economy wasn’t great then either, but we didn’t really care…we just had to experience life on our own, no boundaries that WE didn’t set, and we had the confidence to do it.

Guess what, I have absolutely no regrets either, and am SOOOOOOOOO happy that I wasn’t the man (yes man, not boy) living with his parents, experiencing a mundane and boring existence.

catlady

August 23rd, 2012
7:43 am

With the youngest, it was so hard on me when she decided to move waayy out to Galveston to look for work. She did not have a job lined up, but her college roommate was there and they shared an apartment. The roommate was in med school. My daughter found a restaurant job (naturally, for someone with, at that time, degrees in math and astrophysics, right?) and lived there 6 months before coming back to ATL and going to grad school. I worried a great deal about her but it was important for her. Now, I would urge any of my kids toi go where a great job awaited them! ( I guess I have grown up a little).

Augusta

August 23rd, 2012
7:47 am

I’m not going to try and win over you haters. I’m not the Jackass Whisperer.

Ya’ll are extremely jealous that I’m doing it right, and I’m not up to my eyeballs in debt.

Good Riddance!!!

Kat

August 23rd, 2012
7:56 am

I’m with General Public. Too much hand-holding is what keeps your kids living WITH you. A parent’s job is to raise children to be productive members of society. When they are “helicoptered” and kept on a leash, they don’t learn what they need to, they don’t try and fail – they only hear that something is too hard. When mom is there to dry their tears and tend to each problem, then they stay with their parents, so the parent (usually mom) will always feel loved.

Let them loose! Let them do things on their own! They need to learn to pass or fail on their own.

motherjanegoose

August 23rd, 2012
7:57 am

@ general…thanks…I was wrong and you are right. I asked TWG to look over it and should have asked you! It also should be ” encouraged”

Perhaps folks who live in areas where people move around a lot are more open to their children moving. Smaller town folks, in my experience, are not as comfortable with it. I have met parents here who do not even want their children to move away to college.

@ mallessmon…this is also true for us “Our moves were job related. It’s tough with little family support but one learns to choose friends wisely and become more self-sufficient.”

Voice of Reason

August 23rd, 2012
8:02 am

My wife and I decided to live in the same area where we grew up after college. That was our choice and it has been a good decision for us.

If my kids came to me and said they had a good job offer in another state far away and they were moving, yes I would be sad to see them go but at some point you have to cut the cord and let them make their own decisions, even if you don’t agree with them.

motherjanegoose

August 23rd, 2012
8:02 am

Augusta…here’s something you are not right about….it is y’all and not ya’ll.

Y’all – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Y’allY’all is a contraction of the words “you” and “all”. It is used as a plural second- person pronoun.

I am not a hater and I am not up to my eyeballs in debt.

BlondeHoney

August 23rd, 2012
8:16 am

Agree with everyone saying got to let ‘em be free to stretch their wings and fly away; my youngest Navy boy chose to be based in Seattle because he wanted something different than what he grew up with in Florida. My oldest, however, chose to stay in Florida while Mom moved away to Ga to stretch her wings :)

shaggy

August 23rd, 2012
8:24 am

Augusta,

Don’t go away mad. This is just a blog, and has nothing to do with life or choices.
It is merely entertainment, and that only. Anyone here that is plotting their life by a blog, has some very deep seated problems.

You answered the question with your very last sentence in the article...

August 23rd, 2012
8:25 am

…”it [is] simply none of your business”…so, push ‘em out and let ‘em make their own choices, and support them in their decisions…

BusyMom

August 23rd, 2012
8:36 am

@MJG…spelling y’all wrong is a total pet peeve…it’s a contraction so I don’t get why people get it wrong. I’m impressed when a transplant gets it right :)

lakerat

August 23rd, 2012
8:37 am

All I know is that when I graduated from college many, many years ago, the economy was the worst in history (at that time) for college graduates. I went from NC to FL, to MS, to LA, to TX looking for a job – I got one in Miami, FL (my home was GA though I went to college and grad school in NC). So, I moved. My spouse, who is from KY, moved to Atlanta for a first job.

Fast forward 30+ years – when my oldest graduated from college in 2008 he went to med school in a Caribbean country; he graduated this year. The younger son graduated from college in 2010, a year which had taken the distinction of being the worst job market in history for college grads from the year when I graduated from college. Fortunately, he found work in GA, though he went to college in SC.

Today, the oldest is doing his Medical Residency in northern OH, following his dream in Emergency Medicine; the younger son now works for an international company, that, so far this year, has sent him to India, Houston, nowhere IL, Slovakia, and currently, Boston. But, his home is Atlanta.

Things just work out…

Techmom

August 23rd, 2012
9:04 am

I think part of it has to do with personality and whether you are independent and determined to make it on your own. My dad was still in the military when I graduated high school so while I stayed in the same town for a little while, but as soon as my parents move to Texas (no way did I want to go there!), I moved to Atlanta.

My son on the other hand has only ever lived in that small town in South Ga and here. Where is he thinking about going to school? Back in that small town where we started. Personally, I’m ok with that. I feel like it’s far enough away (3+ hours) BUT we still have friends and family down there just in case he does need a support system. But even he’s made comments about not wanting to live too far away.

I think it’s hard on parents when kids move away but I love the possibilities that exist and I hope my son takes the time to explore the world and experience different places before settling down (hopefully within driving distance!!)

Techmom

August 23rd, 2012
9:08 am

@lakerat – Med school in the Caribbean… that sounds incredible. What was the reasoning? Is Med school cheaper?

lakerat

August 23rd, 2012
9:14 am

Nope, not at all – that was his backup plan when neither he, nor any of his close pre-med buddies at UGA, got accepted to US med schools. All his buds waited a year and re-applied to US schools and all got in then; he did not want to wait so he went “south”, did well, made great scores on his licensing exams (which determines into what Residency you can apply), and the rest is history…

Becky

August 23rd, 2012
9:29 am

Like VOR said, I would be a little bit sad, but would love for them to go where they wanted and to do what they need to do to make a good living.. This from the girl that was born in GA and has been here all of my 50 years..:) I had a chance while in high school to move to England, but passed due to my Mother having cancer..We were told by Drs. that she had 6-8 months to live and she lived for 10 years after finding this out..

@Augusta..I don’t think that any one parent is perfect, so as I said yeterday, if it works for y’all, keep doing that, just stop with the bashing of others that do it their way.. We all do what we have to do for our kids and some make lots of mistakes, but hopefully we learn from them..

As shaggy said, don’t go away mad, it’s just a blog..At some point all of us on here have gotten ticked off about something someone “fussed” at us about..I don’t claim to be a know it all and I learn a lot from others on here.. Like MJG, catlady, BlondeHoney and shaggy..Not only do I learn things, shaggy makes me laugh every day, as does Jesses Girl when she’s with us..DB is straight forward with post and I like that..VOR is relativity new and I enjoy his post..We’ve lost a few good people (JJ, Julia, nurseandmother) over the time of this blog, so if you leave, it was nice having you with us..

MatthewH

August 23rd, 2012
9:30 am

Our job as parents is to give our children both roots and wings. Fly away little bird. Fly, be free!

I once worked with a woman who said she wanted her then teenage daughter to move in next door when the child grew up. I thought she was kidding, but when I realized she wasn’t, I remember thinking, “I hope she’s setting money aside for therapy”

Roberta

August 23rd, 2012
9:30 am

@Augusta: Sounds like you may be a little thin-skinned. Here’s an important rule for life: It’s not all about you. To develop a thick skin, you must first remember that you are not the center of the universe. Yes, sorry to say, you are not the fixed point around which the universe turns. Thin-skinned = Control Freak = Makes the most noise. If I may suggest, don’t let others get to you. Refuse to get overly responsive to the negative feelings and provocations of others.

To the topic at hand, where a young adult chooses to pursue a career is simply none of their parents’ business. Give advice, but that’s where it ends.

Allie

August 23rd, 2012
9:39 am

My parents always encouraged us to travel if we could. I think it was really no big surprise when I announced I was emigrating to the US from my home in Europe. Now we have weekly skype chats and twice yearly visits from them. Plus I travel home as much as possible. They never stopped me from following my dreams and though they may have suspected it was’t the best decision for me, never said so.

If my kids want to travel the world and settle in a different county, I will embrace their decision and encourage their dreams.

Me

August 23rd, 2012
9:47 am

We have encouraged this with our older two and will do so once more. And, by encourage, I mean to state that we supported their decision. Provided they no longer live with us and are responsible and self sufficient then it matters not to me the town in which they reside.

Becky

August 23rd, 2012
9:57 am

Like VOR said, I would be a little bit sad, but would love for them to go wherever a good job (school) took them..This from the person that has never lived anywhere but GA my entire 50 years..I had a chance while in high school to move to England, but turned it down because my Mother had cancer…We were told that she had 6-8 months to live, 10 years later she passed away..

@Augusta, chill out..I don’t think anyone is saying that you are doing the parent thing wrong..And, I sure don’t think that anyone on here is jealous of you..We all do what it takes to keep our families with a home, food and basic needs, so if you quitting your high paying job made things good for y’all, great..So folks just aren’t able to do that, BUT that doesn’t make them bad parents..

As shaggy said, don’t go away mad..I love this blog and have learned a lot of things from the regulars..I enjoy reading what MJG, catlady, homeschooler and others have to say..shaggy makes me laugh every day, as does Jesses Girl (when shes on here)..VOR is sort of new on where, but I love his post..We’ve lost a lot of good people (JJ, Julia, nurse and mother), so if you don’t like it that everyone bows down to you, we enjoyed having you on here..See ya later..

Becky

August 23rd, 2012
10:00 am

Oops, sorry for the double post…Maybe Teresa can delete one..:)

PS

August 23rd, 2012
10:06 am

My parents were the ones who moved far away – from NC to down here in GA. That may not seem far, but the majority of my mother’s family all lives within an hour of each other (even to this day). Although they would have preferred that I’d have stayed closer to home to go to college, they let me make my own decision to move four hours away. I wound up staying up here after getting my degree.

For my kids, I’ve always said that I would be behind them no matter what, so long as they can support themselves in a legal and moral way. If that means going to college, great! If that means moving to Europe, great! I will miss them, but they need to be the ones to make decisions about their lives. I’ve still got a good 13 years of them at home, though. ;)

Karma

August 23rd, 2012
10:09 am

“Would your” , Wow!

RJ

August 23rd, 2012
10:17 am

My oldest wants to move to LA next summer. She’ll only be 19. She has connections in the music industry and wants a shot at working with them. Frankly, I’m not all that excited. She claims she will still go to school somewhere, but I’m just not sold. She is so young. However, I don’t want to hold her back. I raised a pretty independent child and she won’t be alone. It’s hard to imagine. But in the end, we raise our kids to be responsible, independent adults. We want them to be able to take care of themselves. That’s what I’ll have to keep telling myself if she does decide to move.

motherjanegoose

August 23rd, 2012
10:17 am

@ Karma…I did not catch that in the title but I checked what I e-mailed to TWG and it said:
Would you encourage your student to stay close to home or go for an adventure and take a job that involves moving away from family?

We ALL make mistakes. I do not write blogs ( good thing) for a living but do write songs and rhymes for children! Thanks for keeping us on our toes.

non committal mind reader

August 23rd, 2012
10:19 am

What general public and Mary said:

There is nothing to handle. At that point the son/duaghter is 21, 22 years old and an adult. It is his/her decision to make.

I won’t go so far as to say it is none of your business, I would simply say that it is out of your control. If there are plenty of local jobs, then sure I would recommend starting there. But they might want to go to someplace else to live/work/play. I would encourage my college graduate to go to where the jobs are. Guilt trips are for selfish parents.

Denise

August 23rd, 2012
10:24 am

I left home for college and have been gone for the majority of 21 years (had to go home for 6 months when I didn’t have a job after I graduated). My brother has mentioned that it was time for me to come home now. I guess he is saying that I’ve done all my galavanting and it’s time to sit my happy tail down somewhere…at home! LOL! I don’t think my parents LIKED the idea of me leaving and I KNOW my brother (younger) didn’t but I still went. I NEEDED to leave.

I encourage young people to leave home for college if possible just to see something different and to meet different people. Before I came here for college I had never met anyone from New York! I never knew people that didn’t say hello to everyone they passed. LOL! I never rode a BUS or a train everywhere I needed to go. Much less walked to the grocery store and back carrying bags. Talk about culture shocks left and right. Even if they go home to live, they would have seen new things and bring back new ideas and thoughts to their home (hopefully positive) to make an impact.

usually lurking

August 23rd, 2012
10:28 am

Interesting. It would not even occur to me to discourage a child of mine from going wherever they wanted to go for work. But, I don’t understand the parents who need to skype or text with their college students everyday either.

jarvis

August 23rd, 2012
10:33 am

You have to let you adult children guide themselves. If they want to move away, support that. My two greatest regrets in life are not serving in the military and not moving away from Atlanta for a while.

My wife on the other hand is not nearly as adventurous as I. She has never wanted to live anywhere else; not even when she was young. That’s OK too. Not wrong….just different.

I think it is up to each young person, and their parents should lend unbiased guidance if asked, but otherwise they should just support their kid.

jarvis

August 23rd, 2012
10:34 am

P.S. What’d I miss? Other than Augusta apparently quitting the blog because people are jealous of her asset to debt ratio.

misawa

August 23rd, 2012
10:38 am

As mine are 4 years and 18 mos, I’ve got a while on this one. That said, I wouldn’t encourage or discourage based on the current economy – it might be part of the criteria, but it’s not the deal-breaker. I would encourage a stable company over a small start up. I would likely discourage a job in certain cities unless the risks (crime, weather, traffic) were understood. In the end, just let them make the decision and let them reap the rewards and/or suffer the consequences. Sometimes suffering is a good thing.

motherjanegoose

August 23rd, 2012
11:01 am

@ jarvis….I have lived in 6 different states. My husband served in the military, when we were first married. That was an eye opener for me. We met some of the nicest people and those who are quite used to moving and settling in again. We went to Texas because he was stationed there. We experienced Texas hospitality immediately and it was a sad day when we moved here. We love it here now and have experienced southern hospitality. I even know how to spell y’all thank you very much! I can’t say enough about Georgia people except: Northern by birth Southern by choice.

Check out yesterday’s blog for the answer to your question.

DB

August 23rd, 2012
11:27 am

@Jarvis: Augusta is pouting because she got called out for being a bit supercilious and chose to take it as an attack on her life and parenting skills. C’est la vie.

My husband went to college at 16 and except for a month when he lived at home recovering from a severe surgery when he was 22, he has never lived closer than 350 miles to his hometown since. Not that he wasn’t close to his parents, but what he does needed to be on a larger life stage. My son is 600 miles away enjoying the first steps in his adult after-college life in an amazing job. Do I miss him? Omg, yes. Would I want him to stay in Atanta instead of this job? NO WAY! And now, with the daughter looking at internships for next year (required to complete her degree), she’s looking all over the country. What a great opportunity to live elsewhere and experience life that’s different from what she’s been used to! If travel broadens the mind, then actually living somewhere else and learning the differences — and similarities — among people that you haven’t grown up with is life-changing. I’ve lived up and down the East Coast, from New York to Miami. Right now, I’m in the Midwest for a year while my husband is a visiting professor. It’s . . . different! Living in a small town after growing up and never living in a town of less than 3 million takes a little adjusting! Ironically, my daughter was a bit discombobulated by our temporary move — as she said, “YOU aren’t supposed to move. You’re supposed to stay right here and be the center of the universe while *I* go out all over the world!” Haha!

Judge Smails

August 23rd, 2012
11:29 am

@ Shaggy at 8:24 – It’s “deep SEEDED” not seated.

Just want to pick nits with the rest of the gang here today.

Tiger Ochocinco Cougar Mellencamp Johnson

August 23rd, 2012
11:34 am

My kid can stay or go…..but we’ve already let him know that once he walks for HS graduation that we’re putting the for sale sign in the yard and starting the next chapter of our lives somewhere else.

Denise

August 23rd, 2012
11:43 am

@DB – I love “larger life stage”. That resonated with me. I think that is what I needed to grow into the ME I am today. Thank you for that term.

Me

August 23rd, 2012
11:45 am

Whoa! — I had no idea I missed all of that yesterday!! Stupid job kept me from the blog! I’m quite certain I will never qualify for father-of-the-year but, just because I make different decisions than other parents makes neither parent incorrect. What has worked, and works, for us may not be correct for anyone else. Yes, wehave always tried to lead, guide, and direct our children in the manner best possible. This is true in eating, learning, exercise, and life lessons be it choice of college or choice of career – We have only tried to help; the same as everyone else on this blog. It is not my place to tell anyone that their manner is wrong.

DB

August 23rd, 2012
11:46 am

@Judge Smails: Actually, Shaggy was right, it IS “deep-seated”. I knew you wouldn’t take my word for it, so check this out: http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/deep.html

@Tiger: It’s funny, but I always thought it would be nice to have a home that the kids could come home to, and eventually perhaps bring grandchildren, etc. I was all about “stability” with our kids, having little of it growing up (not my parents, they were VERY stable in their marriage, but jobs, etc. dictated that I went to five elementary schools in 7 years and lived in 7 different homes — it was tough for a basically shy kid.) I swore that when I had kids that I wouldn’t do that. Which resulted in a swing of the pendulum perhaps too far in the other direction: They have never lived in any other house that they can remember (moved when eldest just turned 1), and they went to the same private school from K-12. Uber-stable! Now our kids are moving on, but I have no desire to give up the house they grew up in. It’s going to require some thought.

On the other hand, I had a friend whose husband was in college and received a post office “change of address” postcard from his parents telling him that they had moved — he had no idea they were planning to move. Just . . . daaaaammmmn!

catmom

August 23rd, 2012
12:01 pm

@MJG:

Wow…what does it tell you that TWG, the supposedly professional journalist, doesn’t know the difference between recanted and recounted? Go UGA!

Hannah

August 23rd, 2012
12:16 pm

Lakerat-Either you’re my uncle or someone has led the same life as you!

motherjanegoose

August 23rd, 2012
12:23 pm

@ Evil…TWG will pretty much take inspiration from anyone who actually sends her something.
Perhaps you could send something too! I am waiting anxiously to see what it is:). If shaggy sends her something, she may well use it.

Lots of folks rant about her topics but it looks, to me, like very few are sending anything that may be more interesting. I know this is her job but often we will come across something that others here would like to discuss. LEARN NEW STUFF!

@catmom….my two were and are at UGA. I am good with it. Son is just about to finish his Doctorate at Mercer. He had to pass SEVERAL standardized tests to be where he is. They are not tied to UGA. I know nothing about journalism…I am an early childhood teacher and that word is kind of big for me…haha!

Kat

August 23rd, 2012
12:26 pm

“Would your encourage your college graduate to move away to find a job?” Since this is still in the title then I will change my answer to yes, I should send my kid away to any school other than the UGA School of Journalism.

I don’t have a problem with people making errors in blog discussions, but when a journalist who earns money (I assume) from writing a blog and also teaches, then I expect a certain degree of accuracy.

mystery poster

August 23rd, 2012
12:30 pm

I wish I had stayed closer to home. My brother is having to deal with all the family issues back home. My mom’s significant other just had a stroke, and my 90 year old grandfather is having trouble taking care of himself and his wife. My mom just can’t do it all and it shouldn’t be falling squarely on my brother who chose to stay.

Now that my kids are grown, I am feeling more and more guilt about ripping up their roots and moving them south and hoping that they do not do the same when they have kids (taking my future grandchildren 1000 miles away).

sigh… melancholy week for me.

mystery poster

August 23rd, 2012
12:31 pm

I guess I didn’t answer the question…
I wouldn’t encourage my kids to go, but I wouldn’t discourage them, either. Ultimately, it is their life and their decision.

catmom

August 23rd, 2012
12:49 pm

@MJG:

I don’t think I’d go around admitting that “recounted” and “recanted” were big words. Just saying…

And I don’t think anyone here cares about the kinds of degrees you and your kids have. My point is that TWG, as a journalist, should know the difference. I see TWG’s sloppy writing on this blog all the time. She’s a journalist, and she should take the time to proof her work and to proof copy that people submit to her for blog postings.