What type of husband/wife is most likely to cheat?

A new unscientific survey from AshleyMadison.com – a dating site for married people – describes what type of husband and wife are most likely to cheat.

From The Huffington Post:

“…he’s likely in his 40s, been married for over 10 years and has two children over 10 years old.”

“Of the 11,453 fathers surveyed (all of whom have accounts on the website), the largest percentage of would-be cheaters work in the IT/Engineering field, a career that’s moved up on the list since placing fifth in 2010’s survey.…”

“What about cheating wives? In May, the site polled 2,865 of their married female members and found that the typical cheating married woman was in her 30s, married for five years or less and had a daughter under three years old. She is also likely to be a teacher, a stay-at-home mom or work in the medical industry, according to a representative from Ashleymadison.com”

What do think of their character sketches? It’s interesting that the man is more likely to be married longer and the woman a shorter time. It sounds like he gets bored and maybe she wasn’t committed to begin with. I wonder what having a daughter has to do with it? What impact do you think the profession has on their likelihood to cheat?

80 comments Add your comment

El Mongol

June 15th, 2012
2:25 am

In my experience men cheat for sex and women cheat for romance. The man most likely to cheat is one that is flattered that a woman is attracted and gives in, but he usually does not want to end his marriage. The woman most likely to cheat is someone looking for an unrealistic romantic relationship based on some idealized view of life. When women cheat they are usually done with their marriage.

Busy Mom

June 15th, 2012
7:08 am

The dishonest kind.

shaggy

June 15th, 2012
7:14 am

Those character sketches are a load of BS.
I think it amounts to what kind of experiences either man or woman has had before they strapped on the old ball and chain.
That is not an absolute rule, as there are those that have only had sexual or emotional experience with their spouse and end their lives that way. MJG and her jusband are probably cut from that mold, and that is great for them, just not the majority of us “horney as youths” souls. Then, there are the players that should really never consider marriage, as they aren’t suited for it, and never will be.
I sowed some major wild oats, until I met the one. She really is everything to me, and I try to be everything for her. She knows my past; she has one too, so what? We know exactly what the other likes, dislikes, and when we need space to be individuals. Then, we can come together as a whole….as a whole, we are undefeatable, and we know it. Yes, the sex is wild and sometimes downright nutty, as we both absolutely love to laugh, and laugh hard we do…practically every day at something on this mixed up, warped planet.

Truthfully, a beautifu, voluptous, reeking of sexuality and naked, strange woman can offer the whole package to me, and I would turn it down, because I have already had that many times over. It is still nice to look at, because there is nothing more beautiful on this planet, than a beautiful woman, but I have what I want…maybe what I was searching for all along.

A

June 15th, 2012
7:29 am

Nice topic with Father’s Day in 2 days!

Voice of Reason

June 15th, 2012
7:46 am

Oh thank God, I still have 6 years of blissful marriage until I fit into this unscientific and completely subjective survey.

Also, if you are already lying and cheating on your spouse why wouldn’t you lie about the information you put on your AshleyMadison profile?

I call BS….

Me

June 15th, 2012
8:08 am

I wonder if it’s considered “cheating” when couples willingly participate in a swinging lifestyle where both husband and wife have casual sex with others… And, before you start responding with a bunch of negative responses just keep in mind that whatever we do doesn’t affect you at all. :)

d

June 15th, 2012
8:34 am

Usually 2 types….1) Those who think they can get away with it, and 2) Those who find themselves in a tempting situation that they just can’t resist. Fortunately, there is a lot the other spouse can do to make sure #2 never happens. And I don’t mean by controlling your spouse…but rather by doing all the things that make your spouse realize that they have the best (in you), and would be idiots to cheat (thus the situations never get that tempting).

And by the way…nagging, complaining, neglecting, and criticizing are NOT the way to insulate the relationship…..:( Finding out what is important (time together, small tokens, sex, praise, etc) seems to work well.

Techmom

June 15th, 2012
8:41 am

Too many topics on cheating spouses and what makes a cheating spouse lately…

@Me I don’t think it’s cheating b/c cheating involves some kind of lie or deception and if you are openly telling each other you are doing this, then I guess it’s fine for you two. I do not know however how a marriage can last long term when you’re willing to spend the intimate times with someone, anyone, other than your spouse. I just think at some point, one of you will get hurt.

☺☻Have A Smile!

June 15th, 2012
8:44 am

“It sounds like he gets bored and maybe she wasn’t committed to begin with. ”

This completely ignores the REAL likelihood, like the gentleman (or wife) is not being kept content & satisfied by their spouse.

How many women reduce the frequency of sex, use it as a tool for control (or lack of for “punishment”), or are far too prudish when it comes to sexually satisfying their spouse? And before anyone screams, I am talking about sex within reasonable expectations.

When one can’t find it at home, one tends to go shopping elsewhere…

Cheating may be breaking your vows, but remember ladies, you took a vow to love & cherish. Intentionally withholding sex, affection, etc. from your husband is not honoring your vows & is terrible.

Voice of Reason

June 15th, 2012
8:58 am

Speaking of vows, and totally of topic, but how many of you had “to love, honor, and obey” in your wedding vows?

I didn’t and we made sure we didn’t, but I am just curious as to what time that stopped. Completely curious is all.

Voice of Reason

June 15th, 2012
8:58 am

Aquagirl

June 15th, 2012
9:13 am

or are far too prudish when it comes to sexually satisfying their spouse? And before anyone screams, I am talking about sex within reasonable expectations.

“Reasonable expectations” are in the mind of the beholder. And if you marry a beholder who does not share what you consider reasonable expectations, please don’t use that as an excuse to cheat. Some people just don’t dig doing X, Y, or Z. Marrying them with the expectation they will step up their game is not realistic.

Name (required)

June 15th, 2012
9:19 am

clyde

June 15th, 2012
9:25 am

The live ones are more inclined to cheat.

catlady

June 15th, 2012
9:31 am

Who cheats? The ones who are unhappy. They think it will make them happy. Maybe it does, for a while, but there are still these unresolved issues (and perhaps, guilt) that continue to make them less satisfied. I don’t think too many married people cheat with impunity.

Augusta

June 15th, 2012
9:33 am

I think people cheat because they get bored. Routine can become very boring…..we all had a great time in our 20’s, settled down in our 30’s, had kids, bought the house, go to work, etc…..people get stuck in a routine. I can’t stand routine…..I am very spontaneous. I’ve mentioned this before, but sometimes when the kids are with the grands, Hubby will come home from work Friday night, and I’ll have our bags packed, and in the car, ready to roll…….yes I let him relax for a few, but then we just go……just get in the car and drive…….no destination in mind….just the two of us spending quality time together.

And, As Shaggy said, we need our individual time to come together as a whole. We need to be ourselves. We throw so much of ourselves into a relationship, that sometimes we get lost. Know what I mean? So I like to shake things up a bit here and there.

Augusta

June 15th, 2012
9:34 am

My husband says I was born with a spoon, cuz it’s my job to stir things up….LOL

catlady

June 15th, 2012
9:35 am

Voice of Reason: 1973 We didn’t. We didn’t get proclaimed “man and wife” either.

homeschooler

June 15th, 2012
9:36 am

ditto everything El Mongol said.
@ Voice..that was not in my wedding vows. I got married in 1997 at a Presbyterian Church. My friends who were married in Baptist churches either had it included or left out but it was part of the standard for those churches.

I also think opportunity plays a big part. A lot of cops, politicians and men who travel for work have much more opportunity b/c women are often throwing themselves at them or they are unlikely to get caught. It’s easy to say “I would never cheat” if you don’t have anyone offering you sex.

Regular poster remaining anonymous

June 15th, 2012
10:02 am

I have an intimate male married friend that I have been very close to for about 8 years, and he cheats for some of the reasons already posted by Have A Smile amd Augusta. No individual time, always has to account for every second, nagging, nastiness in general, withholding sex and even affection are all factors. He will never leave his wife and son, though. Not saying any of it is right, just that it is.

  

June 15th, 2012
10:09 am

“Reasonable expectations” are in the mind of the beholder.

Yes but in general terms they are considered what would be acceptable by the average person. There are always exceptions.

please don’t use that as an excuse to cheat.

Please stop making excuses for those who simply aren’t willing to keep their man happy when they can easily make the decision to do so.

While no one may necessarily pursue an “excuse” for sex outside of marriage, it is not reasonable to expect one to live in a sexless marriage.

Hmmmmmmmm

June 15th, 2012
10:17 am

Amazing….. IMHO, there is NEVER any reason to cheat… I mean hey, if you don’t want to be married then get unmarried… It’s simply amazing how many people make excuses for men and women to be low life scum bags…. Only in America!

General Public

June 15th, 2012
10:25 am

“Only in America!”

Hardly.

Aquagirl

June 15th, 2012
10:32 am

Please stop making excuses for those who simply aren’t willing to keep their man happy when they can easily make the decision to do so.

So you consider angry wives out of line if they’re not having sex—why is it a woman’s job to keep her husband happy, but the reverse isn’t true?

JOD

June 15th, 2012
10:33 am

@homeschooler – Cops call them ‘badge bunnies’, and they do exist. Enough cops have been in the news for inappropriate acts on the job to show that some at least give in to ‘temptation.’

@Hmmm… – I agree. At the end of the day, you are who you are, and if you don’t want to be married, don’t be.

Hmmmmmmmm

June 15th, 2012
10:37 am

@JOD It really is that simple…..

@General Public Yeah, your right…. Honor and integrity is very hard to find, anywhere in the world… Kinda Pathetic…

married IT guy over 40

June 15th, 2012
10:44 am

seeking married stay-at-home mom in her 30s for romance & more

Augusta

June 15th, 2012
10:52 am

I hear alot about men cheating because their woman isn’t making them happy sexually. Guess what, that road goes both ways. It is rare, but I have had several friends who don’t get enough sex from their man……

FCM on my cell

June 15th, 2012
11:11 am

@Techmom…too many? I have not seen this topic in awhile. I admit it is not a fav of mineb/c there is really not any new insight to be gained. It is not even a new phenom. many biblical references to adultry.

In the end people cheat because they choose to. It, like so much in life is about personal integrity, responsibility and the choices we make.

A reader

June 15th, 2012
11:39 am

Consider the source of this “poll”. I think it is more valid to say that the men who have an account on AshleyMadison are more likely to say they have been married a long time and are in IT and the woman are more likely to say they have not been married a long time and are stay at home moms. Whether that is the truth, well if they are on AshleyMadison then they are already a proven liar!

Many people who cheat have low self esteem and are looking for an ego boost. An affair is a fantasy and all the sneaking around and lying is part of the fun. They rarely think about the consequences until they are caught.

Augusta

June 15th, 2012
12:28 pm

Then they say “I’m sorry”……BS!!! You were sorry you got caught!!! If you were really sorry for your actions, you would have thought about how your actions have consequences. And those consequences will affect your entire family!

Every time I see someone famous caught cheating, they think a simple “I’m sorry” makes it all better. It doesn’t!

jarvis

June 15th, 2012
12:34 pm

@Techmom, I think the last cheating spouse topic was all of the way back on Valentine’s Day.

I don’t think cheating has as much to do with age as it does with ashleymadison.com’s targeted demographic.

Anthony

June 15th, 2012
1:01 pm

I’m an educator. Women in the profession cheat A LOT. Co-workers are usually the one’s their dong it with. Been approached quite often. It’s wrong and it gets real messy;

lisa

June 15th, 2012
1:01 pm

Augusta, I’m one that’s on the other side. May happen every 4-6 months at most yet I’ve never ran around on him. I love him very much and I know he’s struggling with a very personal issue but at times I do wonder how long I can keep going like this. Sometimes it’s not the one whose holding outs choice….age just seems to become an issue for a lot of guys.

Roger Clemens

June 15th, 2012
1:02 pm

I cheated on my wife with a 1-hit wonder country singer. She forgave me and took me back and even “helped” me out in a little legal jam I am currently trying to skate on. Good thing she stuck by me, that girl I had the affair with don’t look so hot these days.

pj

June 15th, 2012
1:22 pm

It has happened three times in my circle in the last couple of years. Two of them are brothers and their dad was a “cad” to their mom, so I think that can have something to do with it. Both these guys gave no consideration to what it would do to their wives or children; one of them begged to get his wife back after he found out the financial repercussions. Before that he had happily told her “I’m in love and you’ll find someone to love too.” (She did – after the divorce). All of our friends lost respect for both of them because of how they handled it – lying/cheating/leaving easily found evidence – a total package of disrespect, rather than getting divorced first. On the topic of parental influences, a female friend of mine was the daughter of “the other woman” that her biological father never left his married family for. She tended to have wavier boundaries than a lot of people.

lisa

June 15th, 2012
1:26 pm

I work with a guy who’s brother is a prominent Doctor. He has had fling going on for about 18 years and now that his kids are grown, he’s finally leaving his wife. I think he’s a low life scum for what he’s done but he did manage to hide it all this time.

SHATTERED

June 15th, 2012
1:32 pm

A selfish, arrogant husband that only cares about his own satisfaction and pleasure. Thats the kind of man that cheated on me. He was blinded by the fact that women flock to him because he is tall and handsome. He let it go to his head and that was all that mattered. He wanted to be with anyone that wanted him.
Now I’m a bitter wife who missed out on love from her husband for 13 years…and NOW he says hes ready for me! I DONT THINK SO!!

Nikki

June 15th, 2012
1:36 pm

I hate how these conversations almost always boil down to blaming the wife and what she should have been doing to keep her husband happy. If husbands would do more to please their wives outside of the bedroom, husbands would get more of what they wanted inside the bedroom!

Instead, many husbands expect their wives to cook, clean, raise the kids almost single-handedly, work full-time and manage all the details for keeping the family organized and functioning, while they sit back and wait to be serviced in every way. Many wives are worn out and full of resentment. If you want different results, try supplying proper motivation. Happy wife, happy life!

Augusta

June 15th, 2012
2:10 pm

@Nikki You hit the nail on the head. I was going to say that exact same thing. Thank you!!

Peter

June 15th, 2012
2:22 pm

Self centered… self serving type of folks….not able to keep a commitment…..never imagine the pain it causes others..

Unless they have played it all out in their head after they have gotten caught…….and it is OK with them.

Then we go back to the first statement……

Stacey

June 15th, 2012
2:37 pm

I love how the women get the blame on here from some of these post. It is hard to judge unless you have walked thru someone’s shoe who has been cheated on. I was married for 17 years to the same man. Sex was never an issue. It was actually great in my book. After sex I wanted the intimacy and togetherness with the now ex. He didnt seem to want that. I worked two jobs to put him thru school and took care of the house. Yes we fought over money. He wanted to spend it and I wanted to save it. Then he met his now wife at work. He spent time going back and forth. Til finally he filed for divorce and did nothing. I pushed very hard to be divorced.

To This day he still tries to maintain control and uses our kids as the way to try maintain control. He is so miserable now and its really sad. I have never been more happier in my life than I am right now. I have discovered how unhappy I was during the marriage. After the anger, I realized that the breakdown in communication of the marriage was 50% my fault and 50% his fault. The affair is all his to own. I will never take blame for that. He made a choice and he could have chosen not to.

No matter who cheats the consequences in the end are always the hardest to overcome. It causes alot of pain, hurt, and distruction no matter who cheats. When the cheating spouse thinks it wont hurt anyone. No it hurts the entire family, extended family, and friends.

My advice dont cheat its not worth it and divorce is very hard to recover from.

JATL

June 15th, 2012
3:06 pm

@hmmmm -if it were that easy, fewer people would cheat! When you start factoring in kids, finances and all the other mess, divorce really isn’t just a simple little visit to the courthouse. I’m not happy, but I’m not cheating -however, I can’t 100% say for certain that I wouldn’t at this point. I am deeply dissatisfied! If divorce really were so easy, then I would have done it a long time ago.

@Nikki -You are SO right! My husband doesn’t make me happy and hasn’t for a long time. He knows it and seemingly doesn’t care enough to truly do some things to change it, although at this point I don’t think I could ever get my feelings back for him. I think a lot of people just get worn down through the years until they finally break, and this includes many women who have been expected to do it all -and then some.

pj

June 15th, 2012
3:08 pm

anonymous poster: some of the behaviors your friend uses as an excuse for cheating are probably related to the fact that his wife suspects and might even be 99% sure that he IS cheating.

FCM on my cell

June 15th, 2012
3:49 pm

All the “reasons” being given are just excuses to justify the choice the cheating parties made. justify totheselves or others

markie mark

June 15th, 2012
4:09 pm

wow…I feel like the guy in the commercial when everyone is complaining about the banks and he loves his….I have been married 23 years…some days great, some days hell, but I knew I would never find anyone better. We still LIKE each other, and thats a great basis. We got married when I was 28 and she was 40. My first, her second.

I dont really understand some of the posts on here from people roughly my age (52). We werent raised in the Neanderthal 50’s….I was raised in the late 60’s, early 70’s, when women were demanding respect. How do you women end up putting up with jerks that dont share the load? I dont understand that mental approach or willingness to put up with it long….. My best friend has been married longer than me, and we both agree….it aint luck, its longterm dedication and work. And if one partner isnt into that….well, folks, we only get one life. Use it or lose it.

  

June 15th, 2012
4:21 pm

If husbands would do more to please their wives outside of the bedroom, husbands would get more of what they wanted inside the bedroom!

Nope. That blanket statement does not cover many typical situations where the husband tries the “right” way several times before becoming frustrated, upset, and desparate.

There seems to be some kind of sickening double standard where (some, thankfully not all) appear to have this idea that one can neglect (& “punish”) a loving spouse for some inate bullsh|t insecurity and yet expect them to just “suck it up.”

I’m not saying cheating is ever right. But like Chris Rock said, I understand.

  

June 15th, 2012
4:24 pm

anonymous poster: some of the behaviors your friend uses as an excuse for cheating are probably related to the fact that his wife suspects and might even be 99% sure that he IS cheating.

Who’s friend? What are you talking about?

That’s circular logic and it doesn’t work.

☺☻Have A Smile!

June 15th, 2012
4:31 pm

I love how the women get the blame on here from some of these post.

Well, not exactly, Stacey. Just in some cases, certain women deserve it.

I think the theme was to bring up the subject as there are a lot of hen-pecked men out there. Please remember that in our society, more and more men are treated as unneeded sources of income or sperm donors, and not like human being with needs & feelings.

On the other hand, absolutely a man has a responsibility to keep his woman/girlfriend/wife etc. happy and fullfilled. Lord knows, ideally the effort is returned and everybody’s happy.

Sorry to hear about your situation. He sounds like quite a douche. :(

On the other hand, I got accused of cheating when I didn’t and had enough finally. It works both ways I guess.

missnadine

June 15th, 2012
5:27 pm

Honestly, I think every person, male or female ,would cheat at least once if it were guaranteed that they wouldn’t get caught.