Would you want sex advice from your Grandma?

An 87-year-old grandmother sent her granddaughter a practical letter two years ago telling her specific do’s and don’t about sex and how to find her soulmate.

I adore this grandmother’s honesty with her granddaughter, and it’s useful information.

Here are some of the tips she gave her granddaughter via The Nerve.com, where the full letter is published:

“4. Always make sure the man’s penis is CLEAN. Make sure he washes it with soap and water before coming to bed.

5. Many men are PIGS. They want sex every day! You are not obligated to say “yes” to please him if you do not feel up to it. You never do anything unless you want to. To pacify the pig, give him manual stimulation!

7. Some men are pre-mature ejaculators; that is very frustrating and bad for the female. He needs help to learn to control himself until the female is ready.

16. Hope you find the happiness you deserve. There should be love, respect, admiration, trust, and a mental and physical connection. If you find “true love,” you will live happily every after. That is true.”

(I left out the really graphic ones and some really practical ones about signs of a bad guy. This is a link to the full letter.)

While that is certainly an uncomfortable conversation, wouldn’t that information have been helpful. I applaud this grandmother’s honesty and her commitment to communicate with her granddaughter. A letter is a great way to do it without having to be face-to-face.

I hope to be that honest with my daughters when the time comes.

So what do you think? Would you want or give that kind of specific information to your daughter or granddaughter? What advice do you think is important to share (keep it as clean as possible)? What would tell a son or grandson?

33 comments Add your comment

Sid Vicious

April 24th, 2012
1:04 pm

I just got done remarking how this publication is a magnet for idiots and then I see this blog entry…….Thank your for reinforcing my statements.

Isn’t there anything on TV that can keep you away form this?

melissa

April 24th, 2012
1:17 pm

I read the entire letter and her grandmother has some good points. #13…you are not a homeless person that needs a meal…although Girls is a scripted show, they can use this advice.

Beth

April 24th, 2012
1:30 pm

Grandma says no anal sex.

FAIL!

jarvis

April 24th, 2012
1:31 pm

Unsolicited advice of any kind sucks.

K's Mom

April 24th, 2012
1:31 pm

If I had daughters, I would watch with them the Friday Night Lights episodes when the coach’s daughter contemplates having sex the first time and her dad talks to her similarly to the way my dad talked to me about boys. I would also watch the episode where she does have sex and her conversation with her mom.

Being that I have sons, I think the conversation will be different. My husband laughs at me because I say I want my boys to only date girls who have a silver pattern and who wear pearls and cardgans (because I am that way and I was very respectful of my body through my dating years). I know that will likely not always be the case. I hope to instill in my sons that they need to treat a woman respectfully and kindly no matter where the relationship goes. We will make sure they have access to and know how to use protection. I will also try to instill in them that the woman they marry will likely carry their children and that they need to be respectful, but also try to make sure that woman has expected respect from other dating partners and that she respects herself. I think one night stands and casual sex are so normal these days and although I do not expect my sons to marry virgins, it would be nice to think that the women who become my daughters-in-law have been discerning in their relationships and respectful of their bodies.

jarvis

April 24th, 2012
1:38 pm

K’s Mom…you have no say in what your boys find attractive in a mate…sorry.

K's Mom

April 24th, 2012
1:48 pm

I understand that, completely, but I do believe that my husband and I can instill values in our sons to where they want to be with someone who has self respect and therefore has made wise dating decisions. My parents and my husband’s parents did it successfully. The cardigan/pearls example is a joke and I thought I adequately conveyed that…

jarvis

April 24th, 2012
1:59 pm

Fair point.

My experience has been that boys date two types of women: those just like their mothers, and thos that are the exact opposite of their mothers.

Beth

April 24th, 2012
2:18 pm

Or other dudes, they could also date other dudes. Don’t forget that option.

Prison boy Boggs

April 24th, 2012
2:50 pm

@ Beth

That only happens in prison. Right now, I’ve my eye on the new guy Andy.

Jessica

April 24th, 2012
3:17 pm

My grandmother has been married for over 60 years, and the advice she gave me has been more helpful than any of the sex tips in those trashy magazines. It was mortifying at the time, listening to my grandmother talk about THAT, but I am grateful for it now. If you want advice on how to have a fulfilling and lasting marriage, the best source of advice is someone who has achieved that.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

April 24th, 2012
3:19 pm

Jessica — what’s interesting is in this case one of the articles said the grandmother didn’t have a good marriage — she knew the man she married wasn’t her soulmate so she got to similar conclusions but from the other side.

As a man...

April 24th, 2012
3:21 pm

…I can only say that grandma is right as rain in that ALL men are PIGS. And, she is right on about #4, too.

Now whether a “girl” wants to hear this from her “grandma” I cannot comment; my only analysis is that her “suugestions” are quite accurate, and I really, really love the “get on top” suggestion…

Back when I was in high school...

April 24th, 2012
3:26 pm

…my mom, now married for over 65 years, went to a bridal shower for one of my high school teachers where female students of the teacher and their moms were both invited. One of the ‘activities” at the shower was that all of the married women would go around the room and give suggestions for happy, long-lasting marriage. My mom gave the following advice – “Always be a lady in the parlor, but a hussy in the bedroom…

DB

April 24th, 2012
3:55 pm

My grandmother’s advice: “Never say no.” Easy for her to say — she was only married 12 years before my grandfather died! She never remarried, and to the day she died, she always talked about him as if he was going to walk through the door any minute. Married twelve years, a widow for 51 years . . .

DB

April 24th, 2012
4:19 pm

@K’s Mom: I hope that my kids take a good look at the family of a person before they make any long-term decisions. No matter how much society says, “Oh, divorce is so much better for the kids than to have their parents fighting all the time,” I think that there is something to the fact that the biggest teacher of how relationships work are a kid’s parents, and if their home life is a wreck, they think that’s normal. When she started college, my daughter was aghast at how many of her friends had really sketchy homelives. One had divorced parents that her friend wouldn’t allow to be together alone, because the mom had stabbed the father one time in a fit of rage. Another’s parents had been divorced and remarried so many times, he could not remember which # the current husband was. Another was hoping to see his mom over fall break, “but only if she was out of rehab by then”, his father was remarried and had another family, and he didn’t feel welcome there. . . .

And people wonder why some kids are so screwed up? They grow up thinking dysfunctional families are the norm, and have no idea what to aspire to, other than some sanitized, idealized version of “Leave It To Beaver”, and then get disappointed and disillusioned when that doesn’t happen, either.

JATL

April 24th, 2012
4:53 pm

Hmmm, my grandmother told me when I got married (because I guess she honestly thought I was a 30 year old virgin) that I *knew* what he was going to want, and that he was going to want it all the time, so I might as well get used to it! It was kind of funny and kind of sad too to think that was her view of sex.

This same grandmother cornered me in the kitchen when I was about 17 and asked me (while my mom was cooking dinner) what lesbians “did to each other” and how one gave a bl** j*b (not typing it out because I’m afraid it won’t post if I do). She also asked me what a c**t -yes -THE “c” word -was! It was all pretty horrifying and she just came out with all of the questions one right after the other -like she had found some sex oracle or something. Yet, she still seemed to think I was a virgin years later ;-)

I like this granny’s advice for the most part. A few of them are antiquated, but she’s right about a lot of them!

iggy

April 24th, 2012
5:59 pm

Seems Granny was full of hatred towards herself and her spouse. In the letter she is filling her grand-daughters head with negativity and pre-sumptions.

Hopefully grandaughter will see thru this line of BS and her grannys sexual frustrations. I kinda feel sorry for the old prude.

K's Mom

April 24th, 2012
6:20 pm

@DB…you are absolutely right about the family situation. I will add that to my talking points for my boys!

catlady

April 25th, 2012
6:54 am

Only advice like this my grandma gave me: Don’t climb over that chain link fence. If you fall, no man will ever want you!

I did not understand this till I was in my 20s.

Now my mother, when she remarried in her 70s after my dad died, was confused. Her groom (who was impotent) wanted to talk about sex “too much.” I tried to talk to my 20 something daughter about what her grandma had said, and she put her hands over her ears and yelled, “No, no, no, no!”

shaggy

April 25th, 2012
7:03 am

JATL,

Well, just how did you describe a BJ, and did granny try out her new found knowledge? LOL.

☺☻Have A Smile!

April 25th, 2012
8:39 am

Grandma says no anal sex.

FAIL!

+1

Hello, exactly!

As A REAL Man...

April 25th, 2012
8:42 am

..I can only say that this:

…I can only say that grandma is right as rain in that ALL men are PIGS. And, she is right on about #4, too.

is GARBAGE. Lots of men are not “pigs”. There are lots of women who are “sows” as well, I can assure you. However your anti-mas bias is showing.

Self-hate, much?

☺☻Have A Smile!

April 25th, 2012
8:43 am

Seems Granny was full of hatred towards herself and her spouse. In the letter she is filling her grand-daughters head with negativity and pre-sumptions.

This is an excellent point. Lots of bad advice in “grandma’s letter.”

JATL

April 25th, 2012
9:05 am

@shaggy -I don’t think I can actually post what I told Granny, but I did give her a very complete and detailed description! I remember her looking aghast and then saying that she didn’t know why anyone would want that in their mouth. Given my grandfather’s heart issues by that time, I don’t think she was going to try it!

Interestingly enough, the lesbian sex description really seemed to interest her! Maybe if she had been born in another place at another time, she wouldn’t be my granny!

Hey, As A REAL Man...

April 25th, 2012
10:01 am

…you are just in denial, though you are correct that many women are “sows” – no self hate on my part, just admitting a reality of being a man…we are ALL pigs given the chance, even though we may not mean to be such creatures…

atlmom

April 25th, 2012
10:28 am

re: looking at a person’s family as to whether or not you’d want to date/marry them…

YEARS ago, my sister would say: oh, you should NEVER marry anyone whose parents were divorced. It means they think divorce is okay.
Speed up a couple of years, where our parents got divorced. *OOPS*. So now she looked at *herself* as damaged goods.
I think one should meet someone’s family and make a decisions based on facts, not on blanket statements. You never know. There are plenty of people I know who would never think of divorce – because their parents divorced and they wouldn’t ever dream of doing that. It’s an example. One can determine oneself whether it is a good or a bad one.

These are great, though. We think of ‘old people’ as some ‘other’ kind of people, typically forgetting how they were young once too – and still have the same heart and soul and have an awful lot of information about life to convey to us. We all think we know it all and can muddle through, but listening to others who have been there is a wonderful thing.

DB

April 25th, 2012
10:56 am

@atlmom: There are always exceptions, true. Is it a deal-killer? No — but it is possibly a warning sign that should be paid attention to. Given a choice between my son/daughter dating a person whose mom is in and out of rehab and whose father is on his third wife, or a person who has grown up in a stable, nurturing family environment, I’d bet on the odds being in my favor that there would be fewer relationship angst issues with the second one (not that *I* have any choice in the matter at this point!) Much less messier at the wedding, too, to not have to separate warring ex’s and figure out where to seat the news spouses/gf/bf, etc. :-)

Jessica

April 25th, 2012
12:20 pm

@Theresa — That’s sort of sad. I guess that’s why this letter is so much more snarky than the advice I was given. My Gram’s words of wisdom were both positive and practical, though a bit old-fashioned (and, you know, embarrassing).

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April 25th, 2012
4:15 pm

…you are just in denial, though you are correct that many women are “sows” – no self hate on my part, just admitting a reality of being a man…we are ALL pigs given the chance, even though we may not mean to be such creatures…

Have no idea what you’re talking about, douchebag.

No we are NOT all “pigs” if given the chance.

That defies logic. Probability says that “we” will be given a chance. Hence, it is logical to conclude that all men in a relationship would be cheaters/abusers/etc if “we all are pigs given the chance”, which is clearly not the case.

Also you’re implying something other than free will, which is clearly not the case either.

I had the chance to be “a pig” and didn’t. Which is why the latina hottie with me now chose me over other guys…because I’m not a “pig”, as is the case for many other fine gentlemen.

You got served a cup of FAIL. Drink it up.

Thank you.....

April 25th, 2012
7:38 pm

…Dr. Sheldon Cooper…don’t worry, you iwll prove me correct in the very near future with your Latina hottie skank…

If You Continue...

April 26th, 2012
12:35 pm

If you continue to refer to her as a “skank”, I’ll gladly give you a visit in person & make you sorry for doing so.

Some of us don’t have to hide behind a keyboard.

Put up or shut up.

You won’t.