Trayvon Martin: What should black parents advise their kids? What are the lessons for all parents?
As federal investigators are sorting out what exactly happened to Trayvon Martin, the young African-American boy shot and killed while walking through a neighborhood, I am wondering what parents are telling their kids? I am wondering what conclusions they are drawing about the participants and what advise they are offering to their teens and kids?
I have read several interesting perspectives on the story that I wanted to share with you and get your reaction. Our own Gracie Bond Staples talked with African-American parents about the rearing African-American boys in particular.
From the AJC’s story:
“…According to a 2010 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention study, homicide was the leading cause of death for black males age 12-19.”
“In the weeks since young Trayvon Martin was gunned down in a gated community in Sanford, Fla., those truths have weighed heavily on black parents.”
“(Marlyn) Tillman, a community activist and empty nester, lives in a middle-class, predominately white Snellville neighborhood.”
“Ruben Brown, 48, lives with his wife and 14-year-old son in Atlanta and, while not the suburbs, it is hardly the ‘hood. But like Tillman, he knows their middle-class status in no way equals safety when it comes to his son.”
“Although worries about the safety of adolescents are not the province of just black families or parents of boys, Tillman, Brown and other parents say raising black boys is perhaps the most stressful aspects of parenting because they know they’re dealing with a society that is fearful and hostile toward them, simply because of the color of their skin.”
“At 14, Brown said his son is at that critical age when he’s always worried about his safety because of profiling.”
“ ‘I don’t want to scare him or have him paint people with a broad brush, but, historically, we black males have been stigmatized as the purveyors of crime and wherever we are, we’re suspect,” Brown said.”
“Black parents who don’t make that fact clear, he and others said, do it at their and their male children’s own peril.”
“ ‘Any African-American parent not having that conversation is being irresponsible,’ Brown said. ‘I see this whole thing as an opportunity for us to speak frankly, openly and honestly about race relations.’ ”
“Morehouse College associate professor Bryant Marks agreed, saying parents need to be vigilant in raising their boys, make them aware of how they are perceived in this country and give them the skills they need to survive.”
“ ‘Have the conversation about the police, tell them what to do when they are on foot or in a car,’ he said. ‘That conversation needs to happen. It acknowledges the bias out there, but let them know that they can succeed in spite of all of that.’ “
“Regardless of a family’s class or education, the challenge of bringing young black males safely to adulthood must be tremendous, said Richard Cohen, president of the Southern Poverty Law Center.”
“ ‘On the one hand, should they tell children to run when they are faced with suspicious and possibly dangerous circumstances such as a car following them, or should they stand still for fear that their running will be interpreted as some sort of evidence of guilt,” he said. “It’s a horrible, horrible Catch 22 for any parent or child on the street.’ ”
Which leads me to the ABC News report about how Martin was on the phone with his girlfriend when he thought he was being followed. She told him to run. But he told her he would not run. I wondered if that was from something his parents had told him about the Civil Rights era? I wondered if it was a pride thing or was he told never to run so he didn’t look guilty?
“He said this man was watching him, so he put his hoodie on. He said he lost the man,” Martin’s friend said. “I asked Trayvon to run, and he said he was going to walk fast. I told him to run, but he said he was not going to run.”
Eventually, he would run, said the girl, thinking that he’d managed to escape. But suddenly the strange man was back, cornering Martin.
“Trayvon said, ‘What are you following me for,’ and the man said, ‘What are you doing here.’ Next thing I hear is somebody pushing, and somebody pushed Trayvon because the head set just fell. I called him again, and he didn’t answer the phone.”
The final story I found particularly compelling is from The Washington Post. It talks about how the Trayvon Martin case reminds people of the 1960s when civil rights workers would vanish in Southern towns. Here is an excerpt:
“It feels like the not-so-long-ago ’60s, back when getting federal authorities to move quickly was often difficult. But this is a different era, however tragically similar the outcome.”
“The Trayvon Martin story has multiple layers: a black victim, a Hispanic man who did the shooting in Sanford, Fla. In Washington, the head of the Justice Department’s civil rights division, Thomas E. Perez, is Hispanic. The attorney general of the United States, Eric H. Holder Jr., is a black man. The man who occupies the Oval Office, Barack Obama, is an African American. “
“And yet, even that arc of progress — while admired — hasn’t softened emotions and feelings.”
“ ‘It reminds you of Emmett Till,” said Bernadette Pruitt, an associate professor of history at Sam Houston State University in Huntsville, Tex., who has written about Southern racial history and can’t stop thinking of Trayvon Martin and his family. ‘This so-called post-racialism is a figment of our imagination. Race, unfortunately, is still the barometer by which everyone is measured.’ ”
So I am wondering if parents are feeling this echo from the past and explaining it in that framework? I am also wondering if they are using it as a teachable moment about history?
If you are an African-American parents what are you telling your boys (or girls)? What lessons should all parents be sharing with their kids from this?
Tell us what you think about the site
Customer Care »
Vacation stops, manage subscriptions and more
AJC Services
Sections
Other Editions
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
203 comments Add your comment
JoeDon
March 23rd, 2012
11:07 am
Augusta, how do you know about The Black Hand’s penis? Is there something that you’re not telling us?
Brown Eyed Girl!
March 23rd, 2012
11:08 am
Let’s see, a machete welding child vs skittles and an ice tea! Oh yeah, I can see how you can compare the two!
crabapplejoe
March 23rd, 2012
11:16 am
Meanwhile, over in Sarasota, a black kid is on trial for the execution murder of two British tourists who stumbled into the wrong neighborhood…….he made them pull down their pants and just shot them point blank for no reason……where is the outrage…..where are the bus trips and protests? I see the “great unifier” is even weighing in on this one saying “if I had a son he would look like Trevon”………perhaps he will call this a teachable moment and have some beers in the Rose Garden…….geeeeezzzz
The Black Hand
March 23rd, 2012
11:17 am
This is crazy everyone is giving me flack about my car! Can we get back at the subject at hand please.
This is my last post, time to concentrate on work!!! So squash all the chatter!!!
blackbird13
March 23rd, 2012
11:18 am
One of the great things about social media is that it makes harder for incompetent and corrupt police departments to cover up their dirt. The previous police commissioner in Sanford had to resign because a cop’s son was caught on video committing a cowardly assault and no arrest was made–until the video got out.
LawDawg
March 23rd, 2012
11:24 am
This death is an absolute tragedy. It is absolutely insane that some guy from a neighborhood watch can chase a kid down, corner him, shoot him, and not be arrested. In Georgia, he would almost certainly be arrested and then have an opportunity to present a stand your ground defense at a pre-trial hearing.
The fact that Zimmerman was not arrested at all and the police just took his word for what happened is absurd.
LawDawg
March 23rd, 2012
11:27 am
Cracker Jack : You don’t understand analogies, do you? That example is like saying everyone got mad at Casey Anthony for killing her baby, but no one got mad when Melinda Gates gave a bunch of money to charity, therefore boo white people. It simply is not analogous
Cracker Jack
March 23rd, 2012
11:27 am
I also failed to mention that Dawntrae was bi-polar with severe mental disorders. Still, what makes Trayvon more news worthy and the poster “child” for young black men. Trayvon was not a child, he was 17.
Al Sharpton’s mother died yesterday. Guess the publicity of a dead black man trumped his own mother and grieving family.
PS: When people give you specific information about the car they drive ( McMansion, bank account, etc) on an anonymous board, most often it is an outright LIE!
Mike645
March 23rd, 2012
11:27 am
@MsE
That’s holds true for every parent of every race. And I’m sure everyones backyard could use a little cleaning. If you walk around dressed like a traffic cop someone will eventuallly ask you for directions.
LawDawg
March 23rd, 2012
11:33 am
While this is a terrible situation, this sentiment:
“Why is there more discussion about why the kid was wearing a hoodie or why he put the hood up or what time of night it was… When did a hoodie become threatening? ”
is asinine. The reason that people feel threatened by young black males with hoods up at night is because most muggings are perpetrated by young black males with hoods up at night. That is certainly not to say that all (or even a significant percentage) of young black males are muggers, but most muggers in Atlanta are young black males. I have friends of all races, but I certainly profile strangers.
Profiling gets a bad wrap, but if I am at an ATM, I am not worried about a woman or a guy in a suit (of any color). The person I am going to get nervous about is the guy with his hood up.
AJC blogs never disappoints
March 23rd, 2012
11:34 am
, …being a forum for closet racist to hide behind their keyboards.
Anyone who says this was not racial profiling does not even deserve the time to have a serious conversation with. This country has and will continue to have a race problem until their is an honest discussion about white privilege the socio-economic divides, and access to education and capital for all persons.
It is evident that many of these out-dated ideas are still prevalent by the offerings the GOP have for president. Do not kid yourselves, this whole debate about birth control access is in response to white women not having enough babies to prevent the “browning of America” so policies are being attempted to be put in place to slow down the imminent day when white people will have to walk around in fear because they are no longer in the majority.
Cracker Jack
March 23rd, 2012
11:35 am
On a final note, LawDawg is most likely not a lawyer. Why do people feel the need to come on blog and create fantasy lives for themselves?
Justice for Dawntrae Wilson. Peace out …
Well I am afriad...
March 23rd, 2012
11:35 am
…of white men in white hoods.
LawDawg
March 23rd, 2012
11:35 am
Cracker Jack: Good job doubling down on nonsense.
Steve1
March 23rd, 2012
11:42 am
Pretty simple here: Stop causing our funerals or start attending some of your own.
Talking time is done. Be well!
TrishaDishaWarEagle
March 23rd, 2012
11:50 am
@K’S MOM
remind me why I should give a damn how you feel
The Coz
March 23rd, 2012
11:50 am
What do you mean black “parents”? The “baby daddy” is long gone so it is the mom raising the kid.
crabapplejoe
March 23rd, 2012
11:51 am
@AJC Blogs: “White Privelege”…….the shooter was hispanic. And tell me again why are white folks going to have to “walk around in fear” when they are not the majority? Heck we’re only about 15% of the world’s population so we are the true minority anyway…..we just make most of the contributions to discovery, science, medicine, etc. to move the human population forward…..so we seem bigger and more omnipresent
crabapplejoe
March 23rd, 2012
11:52 am
@Steve1: Most of your funerals are caused by other black males………think about it….
Ditto
March 23rd, 2012
11:52 am
“Do not kid yourselves, this whole debate about birth control access is in response to white women not having enough babies to prevent the “browning of America” so policies are being attempted to be put in place to slow down the imminent day when white people will have to walk around in fear because they are no longer in the majority.”
JUSTICE FOR TRAYVON!
Steve1
March 23rd, 2012
11:54 am
@crabapplejoe: Thought about it. My position remains.
Ditto
March 23rd, 2012
11:55 am
“Trayvon turned 17 two weeks before he was killed! The picture that has been displayed of him was what he looks like now. He was a very young looking boy. I can relate to that because no one has ever been able to tell how old I am. Most folk are usually 10 plus years off.”
BLACK DON’T CRACK – unless you do crack!
Brown Eyed Girl!
March 23rd, 2012
11:57 am
crabapplejoe, the key words in your blog is “ON TRIAL”. That is the problem with this case. Nothing has been done. This man was not arrested. He’s at home!
Ditto
March 23rd, 2012
11:59 am
“Al Sharpton’s mother died yesterday. Guess the publicity of a dead black man trumped his own mother and grieving family.”
WE MOURN FOR LIFE!
Brown Eyed Girl!
March 23rd, 2012
12:01 pm
Ditto, not quite sure how to take that!
Ditto
March 23rd, 2012
12:05 pm
“President Barack Obama weighed in on the case Friday, calling the shooting death a “tragedy” and saying “every aspect” of the case should be investigated.
Obama was asked about the case following a White House Rose Garden ceremony. The president says he feels sorry for the parents of the suburban Orlando teen and says “every parent in America” should understand why it is “absolutely imperative” that the case is investigated.”
PRESIDENT OBAMA SPEAKS TO HIS PEOPLE! Whites can go to H…………
BloodRedeemed
March 23rd, 2012
12:23 pm
This sad situation has reminded us that this old sinful world is but temporary. We must assure our salvation through Christ the Redeemer. For the here & now, We ALL need to embrace the only true peace & happiness to be offered….via the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Confess thine sins, ask repentence via the acceptance of Jesus as Savior. Learn & live by His Holy Word. Embrace the precious love of He whom died for the sins of all mankind!
RJ
March 23rd, 2012
1:12 pm
@homeschooler, first, I am like MOST blacks! I grew up in a community where two parent families resided. I now live in a neighborhood that is the same. You keep making assumptions about the black community. Furthermore, I doubt that where you work is the ghetto. For the record I teach in a very poor school in APS, but it still ain’t the ghetto! Your experiences with these kids don’t represent the majority of black America. The black community as a whole is not “down”. My neighbor owns a dental practice, another is an author, another a record prodcuer, teacher, truck driver, etc. We are NOT down. I have never been “down”. The kids I teach come from generational poverty. It’s a tough cycle to break. But it’s not my story, nor is it the story of many people I know.
Cosby Show and Fresh Prince all you got? Thoses shows are 15 to 20 years old! Lol! We all buy into some of the stereotypes. But you can’t lump us together. You cringe at dreads but I cringe at grungy looking white boys. I know white people commit more crime.
I am thankful that we have Rev. Al Sharpton. He stands up for the rights of minorities. I find a lot of people in denial about racism. “Oh if blacks would stop pulling the race card.” Well, when it ends, it’ll stop being pulled. Until then I am glad that Al Sharpton is fighting. Now Jesse Jackson, ummm, I don’t know anyone that cares for him.
Soccer Milf
March 23rd, 2012
1:26 pm
I thought Obama was going to stop all the racial stuff? It seems like every month there is a new one like the beer summit. Obama comment on any black on white crimes lately.
No one knows the facts other than these two had a fight and one got shot. Again Obama speaks out on a black victim while whites are victimized ad naseaum….how many people of white skin have been attacked due to race?
Soccer Milf
March 23rd, 2012
1:27 pm
Anyone thankful for Al Sharpton needs to have their heads examined. he is a racial profiteer. Here is a guy who made a REALLY inflamatory jewish comment and he gets a pass but he wil not let anyone else get a pass for a comment in line with him.
Soccer Milf
March 23rd, 2012
1:28 pm
Its obvious Obama is sure this is a racial issue.
Stacey
March 23rd, 2012
1:32 pm
I started typing a comment earlier but was so upset about some of the garbage I’ve read here today that I erased it. RJ (both posts) and M1chelle pretty much summed up my comment. I was born in 1970 and my mother hoped she would never have to have the “Living while black” conversation with me but it became necessary soon after I started school. I hoped that surely I would need to have it with my son (born in 2001) but I have. This story has made me have to reitterate some lessons and that make me very sad. I just about accepted that my grandkids will have the talk with their kids also.
Soccer Milf
March 23rd, 2012
1:34 pm
The lessons from this is if you are a teenager if you want to act hard you put yourself out there to be hurt. Thats not a white or black thing….thats just we live in a world where people are guarded due to issues around us. If you want to “front” then you put yourself out there to be hurt.
Jay
March 23rd, 2012
1:40 pm
@Jacket22 – it’s not evertime a black person is shot it’s national news…you are making assumtions about Treyvon and you didn’t read all of the information, nor did you listen to the tapes. If you would have listened to the tapes you would know that Zimmerman was told by 911 to stand down…do not chase or follow the young man and that police were on the way. He didn’t listen! Treyvon’s cell phone records showed he was on the phone w/a female friend…that friend did say that he wasn’t going to run just walk fast to get back to the apartment. For your information he was not somewhere he wasn’t to suppose to be. the fact that you said that clearly indicated you are racist. Treyvon didn’t disrespect anyone (and you wrote that garbage like you were there). I am going based on the facts of the case. The friend says zimmerman asked what are you doing around here..and before Treyvon could answer zimmerman pushes him…this is when she lost contact w/treyvon. Now Jacket22 let me follow you walk up behind you, stalk you, and ask you what u doing around here…and see if you won’t be scared out of your wits too. it’s people like you who are the spawn of the devil! the true problem of this case and why it should be national news is this:
1. Zimmerman stalked/followed this CHILD (not a thug as you indicated you fool)
2.Zimmerman did not listen to the 911 (POLICE DEPARTMENT ORDERS!!) to not follow the child
3.Zimmerman ASSUMED he was older
4.Zimmerman attacked the CHILD
5.Zimmerman threw him to ground, face down sat on his back and shoots him in his chest, (not his leg so he couldn’t run, or hand –point blank range!!
6.Zimmerman is not the police, not a part of the neighborhood watch (he appointed himself)
7.After the police arrives, they don’t take Zimmerman in for questions, alcohol testing nothing
8.The news reported they just bagged up Treyvon’s body, don’t look for his parents right away
9.When they do find his mother…instead of taking to the coroner’s office to identify him, they just showed her a picture of his bloodied body
10. Stanton PD withheld too much info from Treyvon’s case because they all know Zimmerman crazy ass was guilty and they tried to cover it up.
If it wasn’t for this national coverage this whole cover up would have never been UNcovered…Now I’ll bet other stories are going to come out because of this…How about all of this happens to you…let’s see how much you will like it then huh…..I and by the way…it’s not about race had this child been white, asian, latino, etc…I would be still upset as I am till now…….
Soccer Milf
March 23rd, 2012
1:41 pm
People are hostile towards blacks cause the color of their skin!!!! Come on you have got to be kidding me! Its not a skin thing its a culture thing.
When you have movies, music and mind sets that anyone who steps up will get dealt with do you honestly thing other sub cultures are going to not be guarded?
Soccer Milf
March 23rd, 2012
1:47 pm
Cutty….great comments, but I do think that blacks in general have a lack of self accountability. To easily do we hear claims of racism on the newswires. Instead of these constant cries of racism why not focus on some of the real issues with black communities like where is the dad mentioned in this article?
Proper parentling will solve is the ounce of prevention that would cure a lot of blacks (and whites) ailes.
crabapplejoe
March 23rd, 2012
2:08 pm
Let’s get something straight here…..Treymon was not a “little boy” or “child”……the pictures the media is showing are from when he was like 12. He was a 6′3 seventeen year old athlete. Zimmerman is like 5′4. Treymon was on top of Zimmerman and beating him when he was shot…..self-defense.
March 23rd, 2012
2:27 pm
Enter your comments here
March 23rd, 2012
2:32 pm
The “Al Sharpton Plan”:
1. Find any relatively hot topic involving someone black
2. Get my face on TV and talk about “justice”, “fairness”, “racial sensitivity” and other words used to illicit an emotion-based response from people not particularly bright
3. PROFIT :D
4. Go back to giving a damn about real justice until #1 reappears. For fun, make any kind of comment against other races without fear of repercussion
Augusta
March 23rd, 2012
2:52 pm
Unless you were there, you cannot state facts. Your facts are provided by the media, who manipulate the public.
There are only two people who know what truly happened. Unfortunately, one of them is dead.
Denise
March 23rd, 2012
3:07 pm
Soccer MILF – Trayvon was visiting his father. This was his father’s neighborhood.
homeschooler
March 23rd, 2012
3:13 pm
That is true, Augusta but I did hear the 911 call from Zimmerman and from the eyewitness who saw Trayvon on top of Zimmerman. You can get a pretty clear picture of what happened. Like I said, over zealous community watch guy with a gun vs. ready to fight teen. Bad combination. Terrible tragedy. The family and the protesters are going to make Trayvon look as innocent as possible (ie.. the picture of him when he was like 13) which is really unnecessary because, well, it seems he was innocent. The media loves this stuff because they go right along with perpetuating racism.
RJ..fine, maybe I spend too much time on Six Flags Drive. Still your account of the black community is not reflected by statistics. higher percentages of blacks are in prison. Higher percentages of blacks are single parents. Higher percentages of black children are abused and neglected. I guess you think the white people just make up all these statistics. If so, I guess we are done discussing this because I was giving you more credit than that.
Free Shrugs
March 23rd, 2012
3:14 pm
@Soccer Milf
did you really just say that the lesson to be learned from this is that since Trayvon was a teenager living in a hard world with bad issues, he should’ve been more careful walking around a neighborhood at night? that seems to say that he was shot because he was a teenager “putting himself out there to be hurt”…blaming the victim much?! sheesh.
BlondeHoney
March 23rd, 2012
4:08 pm
Trapped in the filter. Sigh
DB
March 23rd, 2012
4:30 pm
@JonDon: The actual quote was “People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along?”, by Rodney King.
Jay Black
March 23rd, 2012
4:58 pm
All these crimes you guys are mentioning that black people should have outrage for HAVE SUSPECTS IN CUSTODY!! That’s why the outrage is so prolific in this case. An armed man shot an innocent BOY dead because he was profiled and prejudged, and he is STILL walking around free even in light of the new evidence that directly contradicts the suspect’s story. AND the police botched the case and won’t fully acknowledge that.
Jay Black
March 23rd, 2012
5:04 pm
@crabapple- WRONG! He had just turned 17, he is a child in the eyes of the law. Witnesses put him FACE DOWN on the ground with Zimmerman on top of him. How is it self defense when Zimmerman is the only one with a gun and he’s the aggressor? If that’s the case, half the people in prison could claim self defense.
Mrs. Hawkins
March 23rd, 2012
5:07 pm
I came on this website and this blog, thinking that I was going to read about heartfelt comments to Trayvon’s family..but as I began to scroll down I was utterly disgusted by some of the things that grown women and men are saying. The comments that were stated by RJ, Jay, and Brown eyed Girl, are the only ones that had sincere concern and emotion and stated facts. The rest of the comments on here are just opinions, no true fact behind any of the bull. What is so funny to me is people can get on here and speak about statistics and fail to mention the history of this country. I believe it was crabapplejoe that stated that caucasians were responsible for science, medicine, etc..now if you really knew history you would have know that the “moorish people’ who were black or dark skinned Africans who resided in North African, mainly Egypt, invaded Europe bringing with them, astrology,musical arts, science, and very many different subjects, for it was the Africans who civilized Europe..when the catholic church got a hold of it they burned down the black libraries and destroyed most of their books, and claimed it was invented by them..Plato anyone.. Please know your history..but to get back to the story at hand..If you know the history of this country..Blacks have been accused , charged, and sentenced for more crimes than any other race, yes that is true, but did you know that 65% of those black men in jail have been falsely accused..Did you know that whites commit just as many crimes, but the thing is, most whites are never caught, or someone makes a deal..its just not a race issue its a social economic issue..And how do think alot of the rich white people have generational money.. easy by disinfranchasing people..and drug money,,there are so many white people, tied up in crimes is crazy, but they never get caught, or they get a slap on the wrist..Im not trying to make this racial but all the signs are there.. but believe this people brainwashing is real..coverups are real…brainwashing starts in elementary when they try to teach your children their bullcrap that we are supposed to accept as education,,,brainwashing is so real in the black community, that we hate our own and we kill our own, becasuse we have been brainwashed to believe that white is right.. and as parents we need to insteal in our kids that we are the most gifted people on earth…but at the end of the day.. a young man lost his life cause he was young, black male…IF I was him I would have been scared, cause everytime i turn on the news, kids are being kidnapped..he probably thought he would be next.
Jay Black
March 23rd, 2012
5:15 pm
@soccermilf- If you haven’t seen the dad in this case, then you most definitely don’t know any of the story. The father has been all over national TV.
Mrs. Hawkins
March 23rd, 2012
5:20 pm
Thats the prime example of brainwashing,
‘black kids dont have fathers around”, thats what they want you to believe…Trayvon was killed in his DADS neighborhood..clearly soccermilf has not been following the story